Never Alone with Nature and an Attitude of Gratitude :)

Not long ago, comedian Tracy Morgan was on the home edition of Jimmy Kimmel.  (You may recall Tracy was nearly killed in a car accident, a few years ago, and still suffers from traumatic brain injury, but is still hilarious). 

He said: 

"This is normal life for black people not to be able to do what they want to do and have money.  White people are just mad because they can't go into Starbucks anymore."

LOLOLOL! 

Jimmy Kimmel then asks him where he is, and Tracy reveals he's in his personal bowling alley in his home.  

Jimmy then asks him if he's a big bowler, if he likes to bowl?

Tracy says ..

"Nah, man.  I just said when I get rich, I'm going to have a bowling alley in my home for no reason, because that's the kind of crazy stuff white people with money do, just because they can" 

LOLOLOL again! 

I laughed myself silly because it's true.  

Well, me personally, I'm not a coffee fan, and couldn't see paying $6 bucks a cup for it anyway.  Plus I've never had the sort of white-privileged life where my biggest worry was not being able to go into Starbucks, to yoga spa, or get my hair and nails done.  

In fact, I haven't had my hair cut professionally since before Mark's stroke in 2017 and before Snuggy got sick, and it's not like I went to a salon every month before then, maybe every three or four months or before a special event.  I cut it myself - not great, but it works :)

In fact, I went to Great Clips for years during the recession.  Hey, it was $7 and they did a great job! 

I have never had my nails done - or maybe I did once literally 30 years ago - not because I don't like to have pretty nails, but because I can't justify spending money on it, plus I type for a living and they'll break/be damaged within a week lol.  

Back when I was a struggling single mom, white privileged people used to said things like this to me:  "Go get a pedicure" or "Go to yoga class"  for stress relief.

Dohkay.  With what money? :)

My older sister was one of the people who said this, having no clue or remembrance what it was like to struggle, and insisted this would be a big stress reliever, so she once paid for a pedicure for all of us at Christmas.

I appreciated the attempt -  but my older sister sometimes cannot fathom why other people do not do things exactly the way she does,  nor why things that work for her don't work for everybody. 

Can I just say I did NOT feel stress relief, with total strangers massaging my feet, with whom I could not communicate with, because we did not speak the same language - but at least I tried, whereas most people don't even try to talk to them?

Neurotic Side Note: I should mention, here, that as physically affectionate as I am - and as much as I like hugs or do the "double-grasp" when I shake hands while greeting people I like (one hand over top, one underneath) - not now, of course, with social distancing - I have a thing about people touching my feet.  

It feels very much like when grown-adult strangers at the mall suddenly wanted to rub my belly when I was pregnant lol.

IMO, these are body parts that aren't up for grabs by total adult strangers or people I don't know well  - not because they're sexual body parts, but just because they're more vulnerable body parts and thus touching them are intimate acts of affection, reserved for people we're familiar with, feel close to, and trust.  

(But speaking of body parts you shouldn't touch without permission, it should go without saying body parts that we do consider sexual should be off limits and not up for grabs without permission,  either, for the same reasons.)

With children, I didn't mind for them to come up and rub my belly and ask questions, because that's just kids, they're curious and fascinated and I'm happy to unravel the big mystery for them and let them know how natural and cool it is :) 

Adults should know better, but no one ever knew it bothered me, because I never said anything when people did.  I mean, I get it and just smiled that it made them happy. However,  I did always appreciate it when people asked first and thanked those people for doing so :)

I mean, culturally, we just don't go around rubbing feet and rubbing bellies. In fact, I can't think of any culture where anyone would walk up to a total stranger and say, in any language "Hey, how ya doing today?" - while rubbing their feet or belly!

I'm sorry, that's just weird, in any culture lol. 

Back to the pedicure,  that's fine if it works for you  - but for me, in in addition to the above, I was mostly uncomfortable because I felt like this was over-privileged nonsense, like some falsely entitled white American girl who expects non-white, non-American-born people to wait on me literally hand and foot, without caring that we can't communicate - most people don't even try to talk to them and wouldn't give them the time of day even if they could. Plus it just felt like a total waste of money that could not be justified, unless you have foot/nail problems.

However - rest assured, I made sure these poor people who could not speak my language, and had to massage and pamper the feet of snotty, falsely entitled white people, all day, were tipped well ;)  

Essentially - all I learned from that is that I don't like to feel "pampered" by other people, as if I "deserve it" more than anyone else, I'm really uncomfortable being "pampered" -  and if I do want a little TLC and pampering after a hard day, etc.?  

Well, nobody knows better than me how to do that, and I guarantee you it does not involve total strangers massaging my feet lol.

I also learned that I hope I never do get addicted these types of things, expecting other people to wait on me hand and foot and make me feel better, especially without treating them like human beings, whether they speak my language or not.

I mean, my husband sometimes pampers me after a rough day, and I allow it, but only because he knows  I do the same for him.

I also think all this "all about you" and "you deserve it" advertising stuff is essentially just marketing for falsely entitled narcissists, of which we have far too many, in this country, running across the full political spectrum lol. 

No - everything really isn't all about you,  no one really earns or deserves being treated as if we're better than anyone else, and it's not all about making ourselves feel better and to hell with everybody else, either lol.

So "as God is my witness," I will never put a bowling alley in my home for no reason, by the way.  If I ever have that kind of money, it'll go to the poor and people that need it, not wasted on frivolous, pointless displays of wealth and then try to say "Oh, look how God blessed me for my piety";). 

God may send blessings, but it's usually not money, I can almost guarantee you that - and if you paid attention to Christ's life and message in the gospel, blessings never came in the form of money either. 

The one thing this pandemic thing should be teaching us is what and who really matter.

And if you're focused on what you can't do and don't have, instead of what you can do and do have - then you just don't get it - and you're in for a very long and rough journey.

Thus, people like me are kind of sailing through this because we're not accustomed to that kind of privilege, and are grateful for what we have rather than throwing fits and tantrums because someone told us we can't do something or we can't afford to do something.

Oh well, par for the course - at least this time it's for good reason, not because society imagines I must not work hard enough or am not good enough because of reasons A, B, or C  :)

Also, I'm lucky to enjoy spending this much time with my husband, plus I'm also the reflective sort, I don't mind my alone time, and I never feel alone with nature all around me. 

Nature's entertainment is often the way God brings blessings, IMO :)

Every day, I'm treated to a bevvy of birds and squirrels on my balcony banister for seeds.  The American Goldfinches just showed up Saturday (early, in fact) - just for a second, too quick to get a  pic.  This is a pic from last year ...

 I also have rose finches, chickadees, cardinals, blue jays, robins, sparrows, blackbirds, starlings, cowbirds - and even Carolina wrens show up early in the morning, singing their happy, pretty little songs to start the day :)





In addition to Gibbley (see prior posts), there are now two other squirrels that come and sometimes they squabble over the food.

There's also one particularly fat dove that sometimes puffs up challenges Gibbley for food a bit, until they've finally learned I'll put enough out there for both to share lol.

And yesterday afternoon, while I was working, I saw a dark shadow pass my big window out of the corner of my eye and then I noted a big striped tail hanging down from the corner eave of the covered part of my balcony, and unmistakable golden eagle-like feet.

A broad-winged hawk was sitting on my roof, but flew away just as I grabbed my camera.

(Not my picture, but just so you know what type of bird I'm referring to.) 

Broad-winged hawks are supposedly my totem, and they usually don't come so close to people or where people are; thus, when your totem approaches you that close, you're supposed to pay attention.

So while I'm trying to figure out what THAT'S about, all I noted was that all the squirrels and birds were gone for a couple of hours afterwards, so the only significance at present seems to have been the hawk took note of all the wildlife on my balcony and chased them all away lol ;)

Back to my point, do I get bored, antsy, even lonely some days?

Of course - and I even have from PTSD depression and anxiety so I'm more prone to it than most people (and can sometimes get plagued with bad memories when it's quiet) - but it tends to pass pretty quickly - because a little bit of gratitude for what you still have goes a long way :) 

Take it from people that have lived with nothing chronically - if you have to live like this a little while longer, trust me, you can do it - and the best way to get through it is to allow the tough moments, but then let them pass like a wave over you, and then back out to sea - appreciating what you have :)

PS - For whatever it's worth, here's what this site says about the appearance of hawks close by - particularly if hawks are your totem ...

Hawks scan their environment from high above the ground, looking for potential threats and sources of food. If you see hawks showing up in your life frequently, it may be a call to see things from a higher perspective and focus on your observation skills.

The hawk symbolizes the ability to use intuition and higher vision in order to complete tasks or make important decisions. Animal guides can deliver important messages to us from beyond, and hawks definitely serve as animals that can heighten our spiritual awareness and help us along our paths. 

Hawks represent the messengers of the spirit world, so seeing them definitely means the universe wants you to learn powerful lessons or expand your knowledge and wisdom. Hawks also encourage you to use laser focus and precision to get things done, and to take the lead in life. So, if you happen to spot hawks often in your life, the universe could be trying to send you these important messages.

As with any other animal totem, hawks will show up when you need guidance from the universe and support from something beyond yourself. 

The hawk represents focus, strength, and poise, and can show you your hidden abilities to lead yourself and others to a more positive outcome. Hawks can also help you to see the bigger picture and avoid getting caught up in the small details, so look to this powerful spirit animal the next time you need perspective on a certain situation.

Hmm, I shall ponder that - gain perspective and focus, continue to balance the big picture with detail, stay alert and resourceful, and ... try not to scare all the other creatures away in the process? ;) lol