We originally reserved a trip to stay in Biltmore Village, taking advantage of the fall-break week from the schools where Mark works, in order to take my mom to see the Biltmore Estate.
However, I canceled the reservations about a month ago due to financial constraints - so glad I did! Whew!
BUT - not "whew" for the residents and local businesses there, I'm SO sorry!
Because Ashville - especially the River District and Biltmore Village - is nearly wiped out 😢
(I put the wrong video about it here originally, this one is drone footage) ...
Not sure about the 2-story cottage, The Well-Bred Cafe, where we always went for breakfast, when visiting. The cafe was here, in the historic-cottage section, on Boston Way ...
Here is Boston Way, pre-Hurricane Helene ...
And all of those historic, turn-of-the-century Bavarian/Craftsman-style cottages (now shops) that looked like this pre-Helene ...
And the famous, unique little Episcopal Church, The Cathedral of All Souls - funded by Biltmore owner, George Vanderbilt, and designed by the same renowned, Gilded-Age architect that designed The Biltmore (as well as the pedestal for the Statue of Liberty and the Metropolitan Museum of Art's 5th Avenue location, as well as several NYC homes) - not gone, but severely damaged ... 😢
I haven't seen anything about The Biltmore Estate itself yet, the entrance of which is 1/4-mile away - hoping it somehow survived?
No updates yet.
Here it is pre-Hurricane Helene ...
Despite being the Smoky/Blue Ridge Mountains, Asheville itself is in a valley in between the mountains, built along the French Broad and Swannanoa Rivers, literally on the flood plain.
So with that much rain, it's going to run off the mountains, straight into that valley - plus river river flooding - it took the lower-lying areas of the city out.
Even 2 hours north at higher elevation in Boone - where we've stayed 3 times and is/was on our retirement list of places to live - flooded, and also had a mudslide (but was not completely wiped out).
Though at higher elevation than Asheville, the laid-back little college town of Boone itself is a small valley in between the mountains ...
SO sad 😢
Also ...
So we got married in Gatlinburg, TN in 2016 - 6 months later, there as a fire destroying half of the area.
We celebrated out 5th-year anniversary in 2021 at The Biltmore/Biltmore Village, and now this.
What say we don't go anywhere or do anything at all for our 10th anniversary? 😂
Just kidding - good thing I don't believe in omens and the marriage is strong, despite it! 😉
Bringing back a little old-school SNL alum for ya - not THE old-school, but still, older-school - Maya Rudolph (LOVE her) as Kamala Harris, Andy Samberg as Doug Emhoff, Dana Carvey as Joe Biden, and non-SNL alum, but equally hilarious, Jim Gaffigan as Tim Walz.
(Also current SNL players Jim Austin Johnson as Trump, Bowen Yang (with blue contacts) as JD Vance, and Andrew Dismukes as ABC anchor and debate moderator, David Muir).
Just ... Gold!
😂😂😂
Maya as Kamala "We share a beautiful life and a beautiful home - and if you try to enter my home, I will shoot you. Viewers from New York and California, please close your ears ... I have a gun. A cool one."
"All right, come on back, New York and California. Let's get crazy-sexy-cool and play some TLC!"
(TLC's "Creep" plays while Maya/Kamala dances - and so did we 😂)
Yes, for Trumpers who didn't watch the full debate and don't watch real news - Kamala Harris revealed during the debate that she does own a gun and is a 2nd amendment rights supporter (she doesn't doesn't believe in allowing the wrong guns in the wrong hands - ya know, like a sane person).
Being in a fall-ish sort of mood, today, after decorating this weekend, I wanted to make a sort of casserole to last for a few days, but I was tired of the usual chicken-broccoli-rice stuff, so instead, I made THIS today ...
It's a southern twist on a pot pie - mushroom pot pie with drop biscuits!
I looked up 3 different recipes for it, but cherry-picked the ingredients I liked, and in the end, I chose cheddar and chive biscuits, with a filling of mushrooms, celery, carrots, peas, and onions, seasoned with a little garlic and thyme (plus the vegetable stock, milk, and flour gravy).
You could probably add chicken, if you like, but a warning - one biscuit is enough, it's super filling!
I highly recommend, perfect for fall weather ... SO good!
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PS - So though this tasted delicious, I used regular button/bella mushrooms, instead of cremini mushrooms, because they were cheaper.
I sauteed then stewed them for a long time, but still, about an hour later, both of us felt slightly nauseous and there was mushroom brash, is the most appropriate way to say it - so I think the mushrooms may have been bad?
Lesson learned - never skimp on mushrooms - always go for the good stuff, the higher quality mushrooms like cremini or shitake for these recipes, and make sure not even one of them looks iffy - it's worth the added cost!
That is NOT because Tyler's reading was at all impressive, but simply because he's Billy Porter - and we LOVE Billy Porter!
Everything Tyler said, we already knew about Billy's relationship with his mother; in fact, their real story was actually incorporated in to an episode of the last season of "Pose."
But before I go there, let me just say that we've been experiencing some heavy rain and wind residual from Hurricane Helene, the past couple of days, so no getting out to do much of anything - and we're watching Tyler Henry's new season on Netflix for lack of anything better to watch on a Saturday afternoon.
Unlike the first season, he didn't read on a bunch of nobodys that no one knew anything about, he's instead reading celebrities again, in a group reading - celebrities and their personal friends.
As a result, much of what was "read" was already known, with a quick Google search or via their social media.
Also, part of Tyler's draw - and what set him apart from other supposed "psychics" who claim they can see/hear/communicate with dead people - like Jon Edwards or Teresa Caputo - was his not ever asking questions and leading the people he was reading for, and instead, asking them to only respond "Yes" or "No" if he was on the right track to certain things without context, until the the reading was fully over - then they could give context.
Now, he's doing the same thing those other "I-See-Dead-People Psychics" do - just throwing stuff at the wall in a group reading to see what sticks. 😏
I'm not saying this isn't a real ability for some people - it's just I can't prove it either way, and these "celebrity" psychics are especially suspect.
So we all want to believe in life after death and that something, anything, is proof of afterlife in order to heal from loss - so something he said even hit me - and I admit, for a half second I wondered, "Is that one for me?"
He threw it out there and nobody in the group said it resonated with them, and for a half-second I thought, "Okay, maybe not for them, but it does stick for me?"
Ridiculous, I know - and I laughed at myself, 5 seconds later. 😂
But it just goes to show you, that's how how much we all want to believe in life after death and that loved ones are watching over us - so much so that we sometimes stretch to make connections and coincidences that aren't really there - and fake psychics know this and take advantage of it, like predators.
So what was it that Tyler said that gave me pause, for a half-second?
So at the very end of this episode, Tyler said"Not sure if this resonates with anybody, but something about your attention being drawn to rainbow, like seeing one in a significant time or in a significant way - this person remembers your words about rainbows."
It didn't resonate with anyone in the room.
Considering this was Billy Porter, that's surprising, because Billy is an out-and-proud gay man and rainbows are very significant to the LGBTQ community, but Tyler was saying like a literal rainbow.
Tyler said to look for one later, not sure if this has happened yet.
So why did this give me pause for a half second?
Okay, so ... just 2 days before my grandmother passed, in February 2008 ... I was driving to Cincinnati from Northern Kentucky for work, just across the Ohio River.
For anyone who's ever made this drive, on I-75, you're sort of driving along in pretty green hills, down a hill, and then you turn the corner.
Then, all of the sudden, between two steep hills, the skyline of Cincinnati suddenly appears across the Ohio River like a pop-up book, whereas you couldn't see any of it before you turned that corner.
It feels like a surprise - it's a very dramatic, cool effect 😃
On that particular day - again, 2 days before my grandmother passed - I saw a rainbow, literally arcing East to West over the skyline of Cincinnati.
It is still THE most magnificent sight that I have ever seen in my life - it was breathtaking!
I doubt anyone got a picture of it, especially from the view I was in, unless they were crossing the river right at that time, that morning.
I'm sure rainbows happen all the time, near the river, but I've never been lucky enough to see one, despite making that drive hundreds of times - especially one that arced over the city, East to West like that, rather than near the river.
So it looked a little bit like this - except it was early morning, and it literally arced over the entire skyline ...
So when I got home that day, I called and told my grandmother about it, and she was so excited, it gave her hope.
And as I understand it, a few days later, her last words before she passed - so my mother told me (for what that's worth) - that her last words were literally "I can see Chrystal's rainbow."
Now, rainbows happen all the time and we don't notice unless we're outside at the right time.
And since then, usually during dark times - but sometimes right after happy times, significant events - for some reason, my attention has been suddenly drawn outside for some reason, and then drawn to rainbow, which I found corny but comforting at the same times.
I will look up and go "Was that you, Granny, drawing my attention there? Nah, that's ridiculous lol."
All of this to say, Tyler's words obviously weren't for me - but my point is, we so want to believe in life after death and that our loved ones watch over us that we often strain to find coincidences where there may not be any?
And yet it's still a comforting thought, isn't it? 😊
I have some mixed feelings about my grandmother, now - family secrets she asked me to keep or protect, despite the toll they took on me.
And yet I still love her dearly, as if she just passed yesterday - and that incident was a great memory of the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, which I told her about and gave us both hope, if nothing else - ended up being her very last words before passing, if nothing else 🥲
In looking for another contract to add to my current contracts, I was almost being scammed onIndeed, which I mentionedin my earlier post today, afew weeks ago.
This has apparently become so rampant at all of these job-posting websites (Indeed, LinkedIn, Glassdoor, ZipRecruiter, SimplyHired, Upwork, Dice, Careerbuilder, etc.) that Indeedactually now has a guide page article entitled: "10 Signs to a Job Posting is a Scam."
For reference, here are their 10 hints (and then I'm going to give you mine):
1) A recruiter contacts you for a job you didn't apply for.
2) You receive a job offer right away.
3) The pay is higher than the going rate.
4) The schedule seems too flexible.
5) The job requirements and description are vague.
6) The company requires payment from you.
7) The job promises you'll get wealthy fast.
8) The communication seems unprofessional, grammatically incorrect or overly formal (as if English is a second language).
9) Contact information for the company is missing or inaccurate.
10) A company requests financial information before hiring.
Okay, yes - but most of us know those already - and there are more ways to tell, since this article was written.
Because scammers also know about this article, too, and they've gotten tricker since it was written.
In fact, I had 3 scamming attempts in one week, about a month ago, one of which I almost fell for (#13 - and I didn't know until I arrived via Microsoft Teams.)
11) They use Gmail or Hotmail - or even Microsoft Outlook - with a misspelled name to contact you (or ask you to reply to), instead of using Indeed's email or chat messaging, or their official company email.
12) They use what looks like a legitimate email from the company, but something is off.
It could be even just one one letter in the person's name or the company, or even the outlook webmail address - i.e. "Janne.Smith@XYZz.onmicrosoft.outlook.com"
13) Instead of using the official Indeed Messenger, they send you a link to chat on WhatsApp or Signal - or even Microsoft Teams or Zoom - just to set up an interview appointment - but via chat, rather than an official Teams or Zoom meeting with audio or video.
This one is tricky - because legitimate companies really do send you a formal invitation to interview via Teams or Zoom; HOWEVER, it should be a formal meeting and should NOT be just written chat - an actual meeting, with audio and video.
(In fact, this is what tipped me off to the job actually being an impersonation job scam - a verified scam - see more in the post directly below this one with an email from Indeed (and the company) verifying it was a scam, after I reported it. 😉)
16) Check the website link they send you, but still be careful - anyone could send a link to any company's website
17) Compare the phone number they give you in the signature line versus the company's phone number via Google - and actually call it, asking verifying there is a job posting.
18) Their communication has grammatical flaws, like verb tense - or conversely, their communication is too formal for American English,
i.e. "Greetings and Good Day, Mrs. Chaplow. Based on your resume, we are overwhelmingly pleased to offer you the position at XYZ at $900 an hour! Kindly set up a preliminary HR meeting through this Microsoft Teams link."
Nope.
Think you're too smart to fall for any of this?
Okay, let's test you - is this one real or fake?
During the same week as the scam I almost fell for, mentioned in the post below, I received this email - here was the email it came from:
And here is the end of the email and the signature line:
If you answered that this is a real?
Indeed, you're wrong (pun intended) - because in fact, it is fake.
I knew right away.
How did I know?
1) I didn't apply for this job.
2) The email address is weird - it contains the company name, but"onmicrosoft.com" is not valid, site-based company email.
3) The job description is vague.
4) The link to the company in the signature line leads to a "Page Cannot be found.".
5) The phone number in the signature line does not match the real one on Google - and when I called the number, I got the auto message that there this isn't a valid number and to check the number and try again, which I did.
6) The language of the email vacillates between overly familiar and overly formal or odd for American English - i.e, "I hope this letter finds you well" as a greeting to someone you've never spoken with/met before - about a job interview.
Now, ESL people often greet acquaintences this way - at least more than we do - and yet still, it's only after they've met you or spoken with you at least once previously - not the first time they see speak with you.
Also, we rarely use the term "CV" instead of "resume," in America, only for certain jobs, particularly doctors - but especially not for administrative assistant jobs.
That is because, as I discovered, though this is a real person, who really did co-own this business at one time, this email is NOT from her - and the company went under months ago!
So after this third scamming attempt in one week, I replied to the email with the above 4 things, then added a #7:
7) There are better scammers out there - try harder!
😂😂😂
Again - if something seems off, it probably is.
Now - here's what legitimate WILL jobs do, post-COVID.
1) Link directly to their website and often ask you to formally apply on their own website, as well as Indeed.
2) They may contact you via Indeed's email, but nowadays, it's usually directly from the company email, i.e. "Jane.Smith@XYZ.com"
3) Although they do sometimes use Indeed Messenger to set up interviews, interview requests are usually done via email using a formal calendar request, with a request for you to respond "yes" or "no" or "reschedule."
Though they sometimes will ask for an interview through Indeed Messenger, they will NEVER ask you to download and use other apps like Signal, Google Chat, WhatsApp - or even Microsoft Teams or Zoom - just to set up the interview via chat messaging, when you arrive!
4) *The interview itself may genuinely be through Microsoft Teams or Zoom, post-COVID - but it should be a formal meeting with audio and video when you arrive - NOT "chat only" - meaning just typing at each other through a chat messenger*
(This happened on the job I almost fell for, when I arrived to the Microsoft Teams invite, which is why I became suspicious - plus they offered me way too much money for what I do, via chat.)
5) They may ask you for proficiency testing to prove expertise.
6) They will never ask you for your SS# or bank information or offer you the job without interview and signed job offer first.
So these are the entry pages to my blog, over the last week.
Netflix.com, USAToday.com, and Simply Hired.com, the past 2 days ...
I rarely get any traffic at all, and as you can see, there's no reason why Netflixor USATodaywould take interest in my boring blog 😂
I have never commented there - in fact, I don't comment anywhere, but at one fellow blogger's site - nor do I advertise for my blog - and I am not on any other social media.
I also do not use SimplyHired.com for job searches.
I'm hoping it's just a new marketing trend - although I did almost fall for a job scam recently, but it was on Indeed, rather than Simply Hired.
After a few red flags, I called the real company that they were impersonating, versus the email/phone number provided in their email's signature line.
The real company said they were just becoming aware of this scam, several applicants had called them over various types of jobs that aren't available, and that they had used real HR names and were even using a Microsoft Teams link with their name to impersonate them.
I even received this email from the legitimate company, through Indeed, after I called them, as well as I reported the fake job to Indeed ....
Indeed Help advised me to change all passwords to Indeed, Microsoft Teams, and Gmail.
I did follow the Teams link prior to calling them, unfortunately, and after chatting with someone pretended to be a legitimate person in HR at this company (no video) to set up an interview time - I became super suspicious.
So I set up an interview time just to not let on, blocked them, Googled the real HR phone number for this company versus what was in their signature line, and then called the actual company who verified it wasn't legitimate, and then reported the job to Indeed.
I was going to write a post on what to look for, soon, regarding job scams, because this is apparently rampant on these job sites now, and they're getting better at it.
However, this situation is most likely just a new marketing trend, this week, for entry pages, so that you follow the link to their site. 😉
But in the unlikely chance that it's not - and it is related to the job scam - the SimplyHired.com one being the outlier and suspect - be careful, out there ... if something seems off, it probably is.
This post evolves into the story about being the first family member to discover (at age 14) that a parent had - and was officially diagnosed with - bipolar disorder, schizoaffective type - since 1973.
However, the parent and the rest of the family were in denial for years; thus, the parent did anything she could either reject or hide her diagnosis (not uncommon) and silence the knowing child, to keep the others from ever knowing.
(That 14-year-old was, of course me - after seeing behaviors that trauma alone did not fully explain, when my sister was off at college and my younger sister was only 4.)
Unfortunately, this issue came up again, a couple of days ago.
Now, you may wonder why I would ever write something like this publicly, especially now.
First of all, it's 2024 - mental illness shouldn't be kept a deep, dark secret anymore - it's brain chemistry, and thus, just as biological and real as any other medical condition.
Pretending it's not there won't make it go away - in fact, it can make things worse for both the person and their family, and most importantly, delays appropriate treatment.
Educating yourself helps better understand it, as well as how the family can deal with some very difficult behaviors, as well as do your best not to enable them or make things worse - it's very much like the family dealing with someone with a substance-abuse disorder.
(In fact, those with bipolar disorder are more susceptible to also having substance-abuse disorder, so that can be double the fun. Luckily, we don't have to deal with that.)
Though we all could do better in dealing with her, some days, and she truly has had other traumas in life that either triggered it or made her condition worse - bipolar disorder, schizoaffective type is NOT anyone's fault.
Thus, we need to step away from blaming her parents, any of her kids, or even her abusive ex-husband for it.
He may have triggered the biological/genetic condition, much like genetic cancers get triggered by environment - but he did not cause her bipolar disorder.
In fact, because she married so young, we don't know which came first, as bipolar disorder often doesn't appear until you're a young adult.
She also has an official diagnosis of Cluster-B personality-disorder issues, as well as there is the potential for possible neurodivergent/neuropsychiatric issues (ASD and/or ADHD) in the differential, all of which overlap with bipolar-schizoaffective, and also tend to be chemically fueled by bipolar disorder.
Thus, while it is still important to emotionally support the person, it is equally important to set boundaries, as well as hold the person accountable for their choices that adversely affect others or themselves, and to not protect them from the consequences of these choices (like going off their meds).
Secondly, as mentioned, I wrote this a few days after an event, because past track record has shown that after a disagreement of this type, with this person, a false story is immediately spread to other family, friends, and others in the community, while I remain silent.
In fact, I may have already observed that process beginning, when I received a phone call from this person later, thinking she had called someone else.
In the past, I remained silent until someone asked - or more accurately, accused me - based on her false story.
At first, it was because I realized that if I spoke up as a teenager, bad things would happen. Later, it was to spare my grandparents embarrassment - often at their request - as well as not put others in the middle, letting them believe whatever they need to believe.
I guess I thought that eventually, people would snap out of denial and the truth would reveal itself.
That's a great philosophy with regular gossip, but it depends on the personality and what's at stake - because look what silence on things like Pizzagate did for Hilary with Trump, eh?
Don't you now wish Hilary had defended herself against at least a couple of these lies that affected the election outcome? Because to many, her silence made her look guiltier.
Likewise, I wish I hadn't remained as silent as I did as a young adult, even at my grandparents' request.
Because doing so worked out very well for this person and the rest of the family, for a long time - but it never ended well for me; thus, I was the one receiving most of the consequences for her behavior.
In fact, on occasion, I will still run across someone in this town who believes her version of events and will scold me for it, and I let them, and the most I'll say is "There are two sides to every story, if you want to hear them," which they usually do not lol.
Then again, people will believe what they want to believe anyway, despite what you say and the truth.
I love this person still and always will, and I know she cannot help much of what she does - and yet I have learned through therapy it's still okay to say "ouch" when appropriate, without fear of her decompensating (though she may temporarily behave like she is, to shut you up lol) - but it does have to been done delicately.
Granted, I did not do this delicately, the other day.
But at 55, after therapy, no more protecting secrets - either for her or my grandmother - while other mouths run rampant, to spare others from painful truths or embarrassment - to my own detriment.
No more silence, I'm sorry.
It doesn't help her, in the end - and it definitely doesn't help me and never has.
Also, by writing this, I hope it helps someone else out there in the same situation - because there are 40 million people suffering with bipolar disorder globally, tack on the families dealing with it.
You also need to know that I have been quadruple-checked for bipolar disorder myself, and I lucked out genetically.
That does NOT mean I'm a saint or remain unscathed - I do have my trauma reactions, for sure - as well as pretty severe anxiety (and previously struggled with depression,).
Though I do pretty well, after therapy, I still sometimes don't handle her perfectly, or in a way I'm proud of, particularly when stressed - but you can also rest assured that her version of events is never honest or what actually happened between us.
Her long-ingrained need to discredit me as the family villain, in order to keep hiding her behavior and disorder, will sometimes still make an appearance.
On to the original post ...
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For those unaware, Marian was my friend and my "Mom," when my mom couldn't be, and she was killed by a drunk driver in May of 2023.
She used to say something like:
"You know what you did wrong, here - again - never ask at least 2 members of your family"The Chrystal Question." 😂
"You know what 'The Chrystal Question' is, right?
It's ...'Why did you do that???'
"A couple of members of your family - and one in mine - don't like to be questioned, even gently - even if you're asking because you're genuinely hoping for a better explanation than how it appears, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt."
"They can't handle it. They might have to deal with truth and feel guilt. So instead of answering, you'll be accused of being "mean," "nasty" or "abusive" or "attacking them," even if we ask gently - because in their minds, they're a victim of mean ole' scary us, for even questioning what they said/did - and they'll employ others to "rescue" them from this distress. Then all heck will break loose lol."
"What were you expecting, an honest answer, when they aren't honest with themselves? That they'll suddenly gain some self-awareness and take some responsibility, just because you asked? Good luck lol. God changes hardened hearts, but we sure can't, I've tried."
"BUT ... ya know, you're especially asking for trouble if you ask that question like you know you do, sometimes - like a lawyer would - even if it involves you and you have every right to ask."
"Jesus said "Be ye wise as a serpent, but gentle as a dove."
You're very diplomatic, but some people make it difficult, and with those same people, a gentle approach doesn't even matter anyway. I know, because I tried. They just want to keep doing what they're doing without question, so it's best not to even question them if you want to get along with them - which is hard for you not to do, you want to understand everything lol."
"So ... knowing that ... if you go ahead and ask that Chrystal question anyway, and you are NOT gentle as a dove, you're really asking for trouble, aren't you?" 😊
"And I know you think it's just you, but it isn't. It's the worst with you, but I also saw it happen to a lesser level with a mutual friend, E, in 2010, which is why I reached out to you - and then to ME, 2 years ago. I won't go into detail, but we actually haven't talked much in the last 2 years since."
"And yes - the sudden, timely flares of exhaustion or medical conditions, some of which we're not sure they really have, all to avoid answering your question and to guilt trip you for even asking."
"Then you feel badly - both for bringing it up and even thinking about the curious timing of the "flare" - but isn't it interesting they say that, but then keep scolding you or trying to argue with you for the next half hour anyway? lol So then you can't help but think "Must not be THAT bad."
"Then the calls to family, mutual friends, pastors, church deacons, under the pretense of "needing prayer," but the "prayer request" also comes with a dishonest story attached lol. It all becomes too much, and ... ya know ... a little nutty."
"You know, even after what I saw happen with you, and then E, it never dawned on me how much like P she was herself, until she did it to ME, and you KNOW I asked gently. Maybe because she's the female version."
"And I just get so frustrated with her bragging -'best in the country this, best in the world that.' She knows better about everything and everyone, her children are more brilliant than everyone else's, how much more cultured she is and her family is. It's just so arrogant, elitist, and not true, whereas you, Chrystal, you're just so ... NOT any of that lol."
"I know she says these pretentious things out of deep-seated insecurity underneath (bipolar grandiosity, I added), but it comes across as very condescending. And if I'm honest, it's been a very one-sided friendship."
"I appreciate her prayers and her counsel, but anything that would require any actual effort on her part? Not gonna happen, not her strong suit and never has been lol."
"Anyway, I'm getting too negative about her, and I know she can't help a lot of it. You know I have NEVER done that before. I'm sorry to put my issues with her onto you. I shouldn't have shared that! We haven't talked about your family in years, but this DNA reveal thing came up and she and I are in more communication than I wanted again, and I guess I'm still mad, so mostly, I just let her go to voicemail and let her just think I'm just THAT busy lol."
"All of this to say, I learned my lesson, and never again asked "Why did you do that?" or ever questioned her again, believe me - and I never will again. Not because I'm scared of her, just because it's pointless and not worth the trouble it causes."
"I also learned the hard way to carefully think through the "I need prayer" stories, especially if I know both people really well. I still love her and pray for her, as I pray for everyone - just not in the way she wants me to. I've seen too much now. She has no idea I have, but I have. And there's no sense in trying to tell her!"
"And Chrystal?"
"I know you believe she's changed due to newer meds and staying on them, and she IS better in many ways - but in other ways, she's still her same base personality, so be very careful - I've been talking to her the whole time."
"She still won't admit to anyone else that she's bipolar/schizoaffective, and I'm not sure if K and R know, they have lived far away for a long time. Do they still blame your Dad's abuse ? Or you, for saying she's bipolar? "
"I don't think they know there were other times before 2011 - do they know about the Jessamine County Courthouse thing in 2001?"
"More importantly, SHE still believes that - even 6 months ago, she was still trying to convince me you were sick, for saying she was, that YOU were gaslighting and projecting your behavior onto HER, and that every time she went to the mental hospital, it was your fault, there was nothing wrong with her, and worse, you were a witch or under demonic influence."
"I have repeatedly reminded her that she drove herself to the hospital, 2 weeks after calling me and acting loopy, saying God had told her she didn't need any medication anymore - which she told me was just an antidepressant and a sleeping pill - acting overly happy, too many 'Praise Gods' and laughing too much and saying just bizarre things (bipolar mania)."
"I had told her that maybe she should have weaned herself off, not rip herself off, because she wasn't acting right, but she just laughed and said she'd never felt better, God healed her."
"But now I know that's not all she had been on, because I found and brought all her meds to the hospital for the psychiatrist to view, and they weren't just antidepressants and a sleeping pill, they were some pretty heavy-duty psychoactive stuff."
"I told her she surprised us both by suddenly inviting you to dinner a week later - 1 week prior to driving herself to the hospital - but when you arrived, you called me, realizing something was very, very wrong. She was vacillating between pacing and being nearly catatonic and barely speaking, suddenly remembering and apologizing for serious stuff she'd done (when the only time she ever apologies for serious stuff she's done is when she's cycled from bipolar mania into bipolar depression."
"So you made her tea and ran her a bath, and tried to get her to take her medication, and called me to ask what else to do - and I know you did, because she called me that night herself and said you did - saying you'd been a great help and comfort to her, and that there had been no arguing, for a change."
"But by the next morning, she'd forgotten she'd invited you or that you were even there. She had absolutely no memory of the night before or talking to me about you being there and how great it was going."
"So of course, she freaked out, when she saw you downstairs and didn't know why you were there. She called me to tell me you "broke in her house" and "might attack her."
"I tried to tell her why you were there, but she didn't remember, so she accused me of "being manipulated" by you and hung up.
Then both she and you told me that she demanded you leave, your being there was why she felt so badly, and since I was working, your new roommate, Patti, came and picked you up."
"I told her no one even knew where she was after that, for a week, she wouldn't answer her phone."
"Then she finally called you a week later - and I'll never forget this - you and I were together, that day, out shopping. She called you from the hospital, thinking you were K."
"You had her on speaker, and asked her where she was. She told us she was in the hospital again and that you oughtta know where she was, because you, K and M brought her there, even though K and M were in Chicago!"
"She was so confused, her thoughts were all over the place. One minute, she was accusing you of bringing her there, the next, she thought you were K, and accused K and M and you of forcing her there, then the next, recognizing both of us, asking us both to pick up her clothes and bible for her and to find her car, she had no idea where it was."
"I told her the whole time she was talking, that day, what she didn't know is, you weren't happy or smug or relieved - there were tears streaming down your face, you were so sad and worried."
"You talked to her so softly, and though you did remind her who she was talking to, when she'd forget, and that no one we knew brought her there, you otherwise just kept telling her you loved her, she was loved, you were so sorry she was feeling badly and that she would feel better soon."
"Then when you got off the phone, you said ...
'This one isn't a manipulation - this one is real, I can tell. It hurts to see her this way. If she would just take her meds."
"Ya know, no matter how estranged we are, how much gaslighting, how much smearing me all over town, how many divide-and-conquer games she's played between me and my family in order to validate herself, no matter how hurt or mad at her I am ...
... when this happens, I'm 5 years old again, watching her act this way, and no one explaining it to me, just scared to death and powerless to help her.
And of course, when no one explains this to you at 5 years old, you think: "Is this my fault? Maybe if I was quieter, like she asks, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe because I didn't put my toys away?"
" And of course, she was happy to blame me since age 14, when I found out. So even if I could help her, I can't get anywhere near her without a witness, when she's like this, because then she blames me for it!"
"I told her we brought those things she asked for and also found her car - which, by the way, was parked in the parking lot in the UK Men's basketball Wildcat Lodge, up on the median - and moved it for her into the hospital's parking garage, and that you called K in Chicago, right after you hung up with her, and they had no idea she was there, either."
"But she wouldn't listen, still tried to blame you, and just 6 months ago, still believed she was hospitalized because you "barged in her house and "abused and gaslighted her," so I just said I had to go and hung up, because she did this nearly ever time I talked to her and I just hang up when she starts that crazy talk, because it's pointless to argue lol."
"I have prayed for a reconciliation between you, but be very, very careful - she still will not admit her mental illness, because doesn't really believe she has one, and most importantly, she will do anything to keep anyone else from knowing, because she's afraid that means your abusive Dad was right about her and that she deserves it, which isn't true."
"So if you even inadvertently cause her to face the truth, watch for the gaslighting - because you always end up caving and believing it's all your fault."
"No, her mental illness is NOT your fault, it's not anyone's fault."
"I love her, and I've known for a long time that she's mentally ill, I just didn't know how much. I initially thought it was PTSD from your Dad, or taking the wrong medication. I didn't know until I saw it up close and personal in 2011."
"But she just told you she's known since 1973?!"
"I feel like she's lied to me this whole time, but I guess it's normal for bipolars to not accept their diagnoses, but sometimes, I feel like she KNOWS she's lying to me about it. I'm so SO sorry I believed her about you, before I met you for myself."
Roger that , Marian - and no worries - you were a blessing to me and still are - and I cannot thank you enough for being in my life:)
Unfortunately, I forgot your advice though.
Oops - BIG oops.
Because I DID ask her "the question" - and not with sugar on top - in full "lawyer" mode with my voice raised -- and it turned out exactly as you said. 🙁
And though you said "heck," because you don't swear - in my case, though we HAVE seen worse - this time, the gates of hell definitely did start to rattle a bit 😂
Love and miss you ... every day ...
Not sure how I feel about God anymore, but I believed in Marian, so I'm gonna play this Christmas song early - not so much because of God, but because it reminds me of "Mother Marian" and is a general comfort to me, in stressful times 🥲
Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) ...
I have traveled many moonless nights Cold and weary with a babe inside And I wonder what I've done Holy father, you have come And chosen me now to carry your son
I am waiting in a silent prayer I am frightened by the load I bear In a world as cold as stone Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now Breath of heaven, hold me together Be forever near me, breath of heaven Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness Pour over me your holiness for you are holy Breath of heaven
Do you wonder as you watch my face If a wiser one should have had my place? But I offer all I am For the mercy of your plan Help me be strong, help me be ... help ... me
Breath of heaven, hold me together Be forever near me, breath of heaven Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness Pour over me your holiness for you are holy
Breath of heaven, hold me together Be forever near me, breath of heaven Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness Pour over me your holiness for you are holy Breath of heaven, breath of heaven Breath of heaven
So our honorary son, Braeden - who graduated from Wittenberg University in Springfield, a couple of years ago - and just moved from there to Virginia - has confirmed that classes were shut down at Wittenberg and moved to online classes due to credible bomb threats.
(Quick update about B: After Witty, he completed his fast-track master's in cybersecurity through Johns Hopkins, while simultaneously working for the DOD from Springfield, and he just moved to Virginia (DC area) to attend George Washington University to get his PhD, at only 25 years old - AND - he got engaged to a girl we absolutely adore - super proud of that boy!)
He is still in close contact with many former professors, staff and friends at Wittenberg, so in addition to the press, all have confirmed the closings and nonsense, going on.
Again, if the problem is overloaded emergency services, local businesses and schools with the immigration influx, not sure how creating public panic with bogus stories, resulting in bomb threats, is going to help, Trump and Vance.
Also, there were many Trump Republicans in Springfield prior to this - not so much anymore - it backfired, at least with local residents, I'm seeing.
So Trump and Vance actually lost voters after the chaos created in Springfield - unnecessary chaos - all to win an election.
Lastly, I'd just like to add this here, to any Trump voters reading ...
We are NOT your enemy - just because Trump says so - nor because we find Trump himself too divisive and dangerous for our country.
Just know that we don't believe that you are our enemy - just that you've been conned.
So we'll just keep shaking our heads and walking away from a fight with you, letting you believe what you want to believe - UNLESS - of course, you make us enemies of each other, out of our need for self-defense from you.
_______________________________
PS
So the Governor of Ohio (Mike Dewine) and the Mayor of Springfield (Rob Rue) - both Republican - have publicly stated the cat-and-dog-eating rumors are not true.
Local and state police have stated it's not true.
The Ohio Department of Wildlife has stated it's not true.
Grocery stores have now also closed due to continued bomb threats.
What is it going to take for Trumpers to stop believing these lies?
Now Trump says he's going to Springfield.
Great, that's exactly what the town needs, now, shutting down the town further for presidential barricades and heightened security for the president, when they're already overloaded.
Republican Mayor of Springfield, Rob Rue has said "Don't come - it would be an extreme strain on resources" - but apparently, Trump is coming anyway.
UPDATE: Our honorary son, Braeden - who graduated from Wittenberg University in Springfield a couple of years ago - confirmed that classes had shut down at Wittenberg due to credible bomb threats. He is in contact with many former professors and friends still there.
JD Vance essentially just admitted "creating" stories about Haitians eating cats.
Meanwhile, the mayor of Springfield says they are receiving bomb threats to the degree that Wittenberg University had to shut down classes today.
Vance:“The American media totally ignored this stuff until Donald Trump and I started talking about cat memes. If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
Bash:“You just said that this is a story that you created.”
Vance: “It comes from firsthand accounts from my constituents. I say that we’re creating a story, meaning we’re creating the American media focusing on it. I didn’t create 20,000 illegal migrants coming into Springfield thanks to Kamala Harris’ policies. Her policies did that. But yes, we created the actual focus that allowed the American media to talk about this story and the suffering caused by Kamala Harris’ policies.”
He said they've been verified, using the geese thing - but once again, as I said below and Dana states, Ohio Department of Wildlife has said that they received 2 calls about the geese and the man in the photo was not in Springfield, did not kill the geese, he removed them after they were hit by a car, and he was not Haitian.
So JD Vance - who is "suffering" right now, other than the Haitian immigrants you're smearing - and now, the Springfield community at large, having to shut down classes due to bomb threats, instigated by false stories YOU created? No one is denying that emergency services might increase and need more state and federal funding with a sudden increase in population, but how do you think "creating" stories that instigate bomb threats are going to help them?
Here is the mayor of Springfield, Rob Rue, on same program, staging there are "No verifiable" reports, also stating that if they're overloaded with anything, right now, it's the amount of threats of violence and bomb threats!
So in other words, Vance took now debunked internet rumors and used them to blame Kamala Harris, who isn't even the president yet, and has no power at the border, to get attention for more white-whining and paranoia, despite not knowing or caring if they were true.
Yep, Vance and Trump are two peas in a pod - they both say whatever socially irresponsible thing works for to win, not caring if it's true or wreaks havoc and is dangerous for the American public at large.
A few years ago, you Republicans were totally on board with helping Haitians after a hurricane, but now that they're in you're neighborhood, you make up stories they're eating cats?
