Sassy Women: TLC Forever

So it hasn't been the best week for women in general.  

Harvey Weinstein's conviction was overturned on a technicality, despite countless victims, witnesses, and evidence of retaliation for those who fought back.  

Trump had some gains in court with his payoff to two women to stay quiet about affairs. 

And to top it all off, the NYT/Sienna asked men of both parties if they thought Donald Trump respected women - and 54% answered "yes!"  

Despite E. Jean Carroll?  Despite the P-grabbing thing we all heard/saw ourselves on video?  Despite at the very least, cheating on his then pregnant wife, Melania, with Stormy and Karen, then paying the latter to shut up during his election (which I have no doubt is going on with Melania, too, but clearly, she's a golddigger)?

Dohkay.

As for me, in addition to the below posts on my health and an unkindness about that, someone slashed our tire, last night. I dont know who that was meant for, but just saying.

I know for a fact that it's no one in our neighborhood, because we're friends with everyone here, so who knows -  but the mechanic said that definitely a knife was used on the tire.

In fact his exact words were "I don't want to start any trouble, but do you have an enemy? Because this looks like someone took a buck knife to your tire."

Now, most likely, it was just random, kids vandalizing.

Or maybe it's someone retaliating for my husband's road rage, which I've warned him about.  

Or maybe it was someone from a long time ago who wants me to shut up.  

Or maybe it's someone who doesn't know me well, who reads my blog and doesn't like what I have to say politically, or again, doesn't care for  moderately smart, outspoken women.  I mean, this is red-state Kentucky, after all.

It really doesn't matter, because here's the thing  - I'm not shutting up, regardless 😁 In fact, it just makes me want to speak up more!

(There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity I've never figured out 😅)

However, if it IS personal and aimed at me, instead of Mark and his road issues, and you want to slash my tire over political stuff or other stuff I said here that's true?

Then seriously - time for therapy, much?

In fact, I'm going ahead to publish this post full throttle, without having the time to add all of the the pictures and things I want to say yet, because it's timely and important.

So I watched this documentary on Netflix, last night, "TLC Forever," that not only brought back some good memories, but really inspired me about what was once upon a time, a trio, TLC, but now a duo, after the tragic death of the rapping member of the group (and primarily lyricist), Lisa Lopes.

I wish you could know how big of a deal TLC was for young women, back in the day.  I don't think we even realized what their legacy would be, at the time.  

Three tiny, delicate-looking pretty girls, who looked like they could've just walked off The Cosby Show, but dressed in baggy clothes, singing and rapping about sex and AIDS, while wearing condoms on their eyewear and clothes, as well as about men hollering at them from their cars or wanting them to change the way they look for them - and all three taking a lot of sh*t for doing so.

Tionne ("T-Boz"), the alto, Lisa Lopes ("Left Eye"), the rapper, and Rozonda (Chilli), the mezzo Soprano -  T-L-C

I remember when their first song "Ain't To Proud to Beg" (not the Motown version) came out, we girls LOVED it!  The men, I think, were a little scared? 

I'm not sure why men reacted like that, actually.  I mean, Salt N Pepa's "Push It" was way worse and more demanding towards men.

ATPTB is just about wanting sex with the man you love - not casual sex, sex with your man. 

I guess because in 1992, women were still supposed to be pretending we didn't like sex publicly or something, plus they looked so young, and the condom thing, I guess.  They were actually 20 years old, but always looked younger.  Their message was actually about monogamy (but staying protected, you never know what your partner is into, thus the condoms) , but it didn't matter, "proper young ladies" weren't to be singing and rapping about such things!

And the funny thing was, though Lisa contributed to some of the lyrics, the song was primarily written  and mixed by men!

And a good memory moment, attached to that song ...

I remember going to a club with a bunch of people from the restaurant where I worked, while in college, and the DJ calling all the ladies to the floor to play this song, just the ladies singing and dancing, then him telling us to "Pick your man to dance" about midway through, so we did. 

I gotta tell you, I had never asked a man to dance before, and haven't since (except my husband, now that we're married), because we women usually wait to BE asked  - so that felt greeeeeaaaaat!!!

At the time, I was dating my daughter's father, so I playfully did a "come hither" with my fingers and gently tugged on his collar to the dance floor, to which he laughed and obliged - he was a really good dancer, we had a blast!

(I don't think I'd choose him now, I don't mind saying, but that's another story).

As a quick aside, later, I convinced the whole crew to join my gay friends (two of whom were also servers at the restaurant where we worked) at The Bar Complex, because it had the best dance floor in town, still does, with a glass roof, on the third floor.

I'm not sure it's still set up this way, but first floor is pub on the left, drag show on the right; second floor was a casual/fine-dining restaurant (because gay men wanted to go out to a nice place on dates, too, but couldn't openly), and the third floor is the bar and dance floor with the glass ceiling. 

I remember a couple of our straight male friends being really uncomfortable and terrified at first, but realized that gay men realized they were straight and didn't bother them, and are just as selective and have "a type," just as they are, anyway!

(Well, except for one who literally stood against the wall the whole night, refusing to get a drink, go the bathroom, or even move, as if he was in a room full of alligators!)

But it was interesting to see men couldn't handle our world for 5 minutes, even the thought of potentially being groped or grabbed or sexually assaulted by men. 

Lucky for them, this didn't happen because gay men may flirt with straight men, but they don't typically grope or grab them - both because they know how uncomfortable straight men are in that environment AND because they know they'd get the sh*t kicked out of them!

In fact, this is why girls night out often includes a gay men's bar - because we know we're safe!

That has nothing to do with the story, really, other than the fact of how interesting it was to see how uncomfortable and literally scared that straight white men were around a room full of other men who were sexually attracted to men and feared being groped or grabbed or assaulted, just like we do, every day - AND - I was able to unite two friend groups together -  a group of young white male Republican frat boys to join my other set of gay male friends - most of whom worked together anyway - to have a great time together!

The fact that The Bar has been, and always will be, a gay bar, right down in the middle of Main Street in Lexington, just a block from the police station and the courthouse, has always made me laugh.

 Anyway, back to the ladies and the honesty found in their first hit, "Ain't To Proud to Beg." 

I don't really remember any other songs from that album, but that was quite an entrance. 

Over time, they learned and grew, and we learned and grew with them. 

TLC's sophomore album "Crazy Sexy Cool" was even better, now coming into their own personalities, and the song, "Creep" was less bubble-gum candid fun and more relationship complication - and those jazz trumpets at the beginning were a nice touch. 

Another good memory - I stayed home with my daughter for the first six months, and back when MTV still played music, I kept it on most of the day.  

When the song "Creep" came on, I'd dance around with her in sort of an electric-slide fashion, doing the dip down on the beat of the song where they sang "So I CREEP, ye-ah" - which was met with her squeals and giggles of delight, every time!

That song has been covered by alternative bands like the Afghan Wigs, as well as sampled in other songs, to this day. 

Now, just before this, however, Lisa "Left Eye "Lopes burned Andre Rison's house down - whups!

Okay, so that was such a huge deal, at the time.  It got almost as much coverage as OJ.

Now, we already knew that Lisa was a little crazy, but that was WAY cray cray - but then so is Andre - so I also found myself saying "Okay, girl is cray cray, but what the hell did Andre do NOW?  She didn't just up and decide to burn his house down."

Turns out, they had gotten into an argument over his cheating, then he beat her up, you can see the bruise on her lip in her mug shot ...

Can you see the bruise on her lip?

Yep, and I'm sure the police could too, but nothing happened to Andre. 

And she wasn't trying to burn the house down -  she was trying to burn his favorite pair of shoes in the bathtub, in retaliation for busting her lip, when the fire got out of control.

Now, I'm not saying that's okay to do, by any means - no one should.

I'm just saying that she was  5'2", who weighed 100 pounds, he's a 6' tall, 200-lb man. What can she do to make him stop/make him think before he tries that again, call the cops? 

Though both of them are black, who do you think they'll believe - the little girl who sings and raps about sex and AIDs and wears a condom over her left eye?

Or the 5th-round draft pick wide receiver for the Atlanta Falcons?

Regardless, though we may not have made the same choice, it really wasn't unfair to characterize her as some kind of crazy Fatal Attraction bitch, either.

Lisa was charged with first-degree arson, and later went to rehab for drinking - but he was charged nothing, despite the very visible bruise on her lip.

These two not only had mental health issues alone, but when they were toxic together - she was the match to his gasoline, if you will (har har har)

And the worst part is, they stayed together after that for a while!

Andre eventually messed up his own football career with his violence and legal troubles, pulling guns, etc., and it appears his son is following in his same footsteps. Talented football player, can't keep himself out of violent trouble. 

Now - the problem is, if you're in a group act, if one member does something cray cray, they all suffer - so at first, they took a bit hit - they lost sponsors, airplay at first of their new album, all of it.

But then there was a small section of women - and I was not among them, at the time - that were rooting for her, cheering it on, even if she DID mean to burn his house down after being beaten up.

Because this was the same year as OJ - and some people viewed it as women fighting back from abuse.

In fact, I just rewatched the FX series "Pose," and the cast was cheering her on for doing so, like "Get it, girl, cheating on you AND busting your lip?  Burn allllll that shit down to the ground!"

Not helping their reputation at the time, was THIS magazine cover.

I remember thinking "What the .... ? Oh.My.God, girls, what were you thinking?!?

They weren't.  They were set up a bit, too.  And yet it was the biggest-selling Vibe magazine issue of all time!

And at the same time, I don't know why, but when I see this magazine cover now, I laugh?

Despite it all, Crazy Sexy Cool overcame all of that to top the charts and stay on them, even longer than their first album.

Another hit from that album that knocked it out of the park was "Waterfalls"

 

... in large part due to the AI/CGI in the video, and the message - the song is about chasing dreams without thinking of the the consequences, of course, written by Lisa Lopes just out of rehab.  The song is also about safe sex being the only protection from AIDS, which, at the time, was the number one killer of people under 30.

At the time, very few actors or musicians were addressing AIDS head-on - it was pretty much just Elizabeth Taylor, Magic Johnson, and TLC.

Another quick aside, I'm not sure people realize how brave and important it was of Magic Johnson to do come out publicly with the fact that he had contracted HIV, at that time - the fact that he was a straight male athlete, one of the best basketball players to ever play the game - changed the face and reality of AIDS.

I love that Kareem Abdul Jabbar was sitting right there, supporting him, isn't that great? :)

Quick personal story about Magic, because he played for my husband's alma mater, MSU, so he was already my husband's hero before this.

However, at the time he announced his HIV status, he was still playing for the LA Lakers, but opposing teams were threatening not to play.

Most were ignorant, fearful that if he sweat on them, they could get it. 

(You can't from sweat or even saliva).

Others were simply afraid of injury and bleed, which I get somewhat, but then Magic was like 6' 9" and like 250 pounds of pure muscle, so  ... good luck injuring him in any way, or even tripping him to skin a knee, he was super coordinated 😄.

So highly unlikely for him to bleed for any reason, unless you were to like, bite him or scratch him or something, which I hope no one would do during a basketball game?  😣

Sometimes Magic would play Mark and his alumni friends at MSU, pickup games for charity or just at alumni get togethers.

Magic would always ask "Are you guys cool playing with me? Because some people aren't." 

The men were all educated on how it is contracted and thus shook his hand and gave a resounding yes. 😊

Knowing that story now, that he was so responsible about it, and so bravely outspoken, he's become one of my heroes, too 😊

Back to TLC, the next year brought more bad news - despite being chart toppers, they were bankrupt.

This is because, as music industries do with young artists - often black - they were cheated on their contract, and they did not own their own music. They were also charged for every little thing they did, including promotions work.

This pattern started with The Beatles and continued through Prince, who first publicly fought it, well up until Taylor Swift, who famously fought it and actually won.

(This is why Prince advised all new young artists that he came across, whom he felt were talented, to gain control of their masters now, before it's too late - including TLC and later, Pink.)

So here they are, at the top of the music charts and MTVs rotation, but they're flat broke, still working because they owe.

And on top of it all, when they try to leave LA Babyface and Pebble's management of them, LA Babyface sued them with another huge bill!

So what to do but keep trying to dig themselves out of it by working more, and thus the third album "Fanmail" was born, to include one of their most famous hit singles, "No Scrubs."

This song makes me laugh and has another good memory regarding my daughter.

When it came out in 1999, my daughter was in kindergarten and asked me what a scrub was.

While trying to explain it to her, at 4 years old, while walking her to kindergarten, I didn't need to finish - because just then, a car came up and slowed down, with two guys hollering out their window at me.

So I just said "That.  THAT'S s a scrub. They're singing we don't want men like that, right?  Hollering at you from their cars like that, ewwww!"

If that ever happened again, she'd say "Scrub!" 😂

Here are the lyrics, just to be clear ...

A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly
And is also known as a busta
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass

So no, I don't want your number
No, I don't want to give you mine and
No, I don't want to meet you nowhere
No, I don't want none of your time and

No, I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me

Well a scrub checkin' me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
'Cause I'm looking like class, and he's looking like trash
Can't get wit' a deadbeat ass

So no, I don't want your number
No, I don't want to give you mine and
No, I don't want to meet you nowhere
No, I don't want none of your time

No, I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me

If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you
If you live at home with your momma
Oh yes son, (I'm) I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty that you don't show love
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you
Wanna get me with no money
Oh no, I don't want no
No scrub, no scrub (no, no)
No scrub (no, no, no), no scrub (no, no)

No, I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride (oh)
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no scrub (no)
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me

I can't say I've ever gone for a scrub that actually hollered at me from his car, but I did later date and marry a scrub of sorts, not following TLC's advice or my own (NOT Mark, my 2nd and current husband).

And of course, this one, the men also didn't like.  In fact, another group wrote a song called "No Pigeons" in response.

It made excuses, male-postured, and was lame and weak - and no one cared.  No one ever heard from that group again lol

On that same album, addressed that, too - in the song written by T'Boz, "Unpretty," about the sort of man that once he has you, constantly belittles you, especially your appearance, or tells you how you could look even better, and not in a constructive way.

T-Boz/Tionne wrote it because she suffered with sickle-cell disease and often went into pain crisis several times a year.  Part of the treatment for SSC is steroids and fluids, which made her puffy for a bit afterwards, and her boyfriend at the time was less than supportive about her appearance. 

We didn't know it, but those dates that concerts were canceled because of T-Boz's health were NOT in fact due to drugs or alcohol, but it was because she had sickle-cell crises every few months.

She hid it at first, but later because the face of Sickle-Cell Disease and a strong advocate.

Just in the last five years, have we found better treatments and even a potential cure through CRISPR gene-editing (if you want to pay $2 million for it, which even T-Boz cannot).

Then just three years after Fanmail, while taking a break from working on their 4th album, tragedy struck - Lisa Lopes was killed in a car accident in Honduras.

Now, here's the super weird thing about this, and not in a conspiracy way.

Lisa was always going on about out-there spiritual stuff.  In fact, she was on a spiritual retreat.  Lisa was bipolar, with which religious fixations often go hand in hand, so she often said some weird stuff everybody just sighed about.

(In fact, T-Boz said in this documentary that if she were alive today, she might be the female version of Kanye, the sh*t that came out of her mouth sometimes 😂)

But one thing she predicted did come true, whether self-fulfilling prophecy or not, and for proof, watch "The Last Days of Left Eye."

They were filming a documentary of each of the three for their new album, so cameras were following her around at a spiritual retreat in Honduras. 

While a passenger in a car, the driver struck and killed a 10-year-old boy walking alongside the road in the dense jungle foliage.  Lisa held him in her arms while he bled out, on the way to the hospital, and she paid for his funeral and medical expenses, despite the fact that neither the authorities OR the family blamed them (and she was just the passenger).

Now, the weird thing is - she said, on film (you can see it yourself) -  that she felt that she was the one that was supposed to die in the wreck.

She said that there was a dark entity following her, and used the boys' last name being the same as hers as proof (though spelled differently, Lopez and Lopes are pronounced the same way.  One is Spanish, the other is the Portuguese spelling).

She kept his shoes in her room, and said this thing was after her, but considering death was just a transition anyway, she wasn't overly concerned with it.

Okay, all cuckoo, right?  

And I didn't understand the shoe thing until now.

Because she was in Honduras, one of the regions where Santeria is practiced in more rural communities.  Santeria is a mix between Catholicism and voodoo, and some practices involve shoes.

For instance, they believe if you write down a person's name on a piece of paper and stick it in your shoe, that person will be removed from your path.  Nothing bad will happen so them -  they'll just be removed from your path.

(However, apparently it has to be the right shoe, because if you pick the left, it will actually draw the person TO you. 😂)

I'm not sure, but I think now this was the reason for the keeping the boys shoes in her room?

Regardless, we would ordinarily write this off to bipolar religious crazy talk. 

HOWEVER - literally two weeks later, while driving a car, the cameras rolling, her car rolled off an embankment - and Lisa was killed instantly.

Now, she wasn't wearing a seatbelt, letting herself get distracted by the commotion in the car, which you wouldn't think she would do, if she really believed this, so nothing spooky about that. 

The spooky part is that everyone else suffered only minor injuries - only Lisa was killed when the back of her skull was crushed.

Weird, right? 

 I remember the day this happened, it was so shocking, MTV trying to talk to T and Chilli on the phone, but we could hear nothing but sobs. What they did say clearly is that they never wanted to work again without her.

However, there was an album in the works and a contract - and they were given a choice, either finish it or we release a Greatest Hits, our way.

They released an album which was dark and heavy-laden with grief, which sounded sort of like they were zombified, which although it made sense considering they were grieving, didn't sell well. 

Then, after that, T-Boz was diagnosed with a brain tumor - more specifically, an acoustic neuroma.

I never heard about this, actually.  This OR her struggle with sickle-cell because Tionne is the most private of the three.  We heard all about Lisa, as well about Chilli's famous relationship with Usher, but very little about Tionne, who had been going through her own private hell with her health since childhood.

Though not malignant, acoustic neuromas are difficult to remove because they usually sit at a convergence of the nerves that control your facial muscles, hearing, balance, and voice - all four things T-Boz needs for her career.

In fact, a surgeon sat her down and said "Of those things - face, hearing, balance, and voice, which order do you want to protect most?"

Can you imagine having to make that choice?

T-Boz chose hearing, voice, balance, and face, in that order, because of her young daughter - communication with her was the highest priority. 

In the end, T was left with a slight facial paralysis and a 4% hearing loss, which is a better-than-expected outcome.

So they've been through some sh*t, right? 

And only recently have the two remaining members started performing again, but they will never replace Lisa (as if anyone could).

In the end, what started off as a fun girl thing, ended up teaching us all life lessons - most importantly, how to keep going, despite seemingly endless adversity, as well as not to give up, even when everyone else says you can't or are done.

And in the end, they are still the top-selling female group of all time, including influencing artists in their own time such as No Doubt's Gwen Stefani, and a generation later, such as Nikki Minaj and Doja Cat (their rap-singing style is very similar to Lisa Lopes)

Brava, Ladies! And thank you ... 

No, That's Not True About Colon Cancer OR Colonscopies, JH

Some people love to kick you when you're down.  Some of these same people call themselves Christians, too.  I can't say whether they are or they aren't, that's not my place -  but what I can say is, if Christianity meant I had to behave or believe even remotely like this person, I'd rather go to hell, than a heaven filled with a-holes like that. 😂

For example, knowing that historically, this person can't resist a jab at me, especially after I wrote such a raw and honest post as the one below, I wandered over to their blog - and they didn't disappoint.

I would ignore this person, as I usually do, but considering this person is spreading misinformation about colon cancer and colonoscopies, I'll take the bait, but only here, no comments.

He clearly read my below post. and then posted this: 

Gee, wonder where he got that idea?

Note how he's trying to act like he was instead inspired to write about colonoscopies based on someone else's post, instead of me, but you'll note that the screen shot he posted is dated a year ago! 😂

Now, in case you're saying "How do you know that's about you?" 

Because he's famous for taking shots and falsely accusing fellow bloggers who have ever disagreed with him, without using their names, pretending he was inspired elsewhere.  He never leaves his house, so he has nothing to write about but fake news and other bloggers.  

I guess you'd have to have been in his blogosphere, years ago, to know that.   He lost all credibility and commenters long ago, doing that one too many times, to too many people.

And he especially still hates me - though I haven't commented in literally years.

Why? 

For starters, because he thinks I'm a outspoken liberal Jezebel and that there's no such thing as a Democrat Christian.  

He can't debate anyone, because he only knows how to regurgitate points, not defend them, like some sort of bot 😂

Then he'd remove their comments, even if just a simple question, and lie about what people said, even falsely accuse them of crimes - even people on his own political side who just weren't fully aligned with his conspiracies!

So secondly, because I publicly exposed him doing that, as well as the lengths he went to.  Because in fact, he -  and his little sidekick psycho dog that he sicks on people -  went to great lengths to harass, spread false accusations, and impersonate myself and many others online, even meddling in our personal lives, about a decade ago, the details of which, I'll spare you, but which I also exposed publicly.  

In fact, out of the 22 people (I was told by law enforcement) that she  had stalked/harassed/terrorized (on behalf of him or herself, online and real life), I came the closest to prosecuting her for stalking and terroristic threatening,  despite her being in another country.   

(You'd be surprised to learn how hard it is to prosecute in THIS country for it, never mind another one.)

I didn't realize he was the one pulling her strings until much later, I thought he had no idea what she was up to - but I was wrong.

So yep, they hate me, and I'm good with that - as long as they stay in their corner (and this is why my comments are closed, to ensure it, because they've already proven they'll never stop).

As I said, I usually ignore them both, but I'll give the bully his reaction fix, just this once, and only here, simply to correct some misinformation about colonoscopies and colon cancer ... 

Oh, JH, ya silly noodle - nice try and getting under my skin and the scare-tactic attempt, but you should know by now, I'm a Democrat - which means I'm immune to  your far-right-wing, power-of-suggestion fear mongering without evidence.

Thus, once again, all you succeeded in doing is displaying your ignorance.  

Well, in your defense, it is science - and we all know how science, logic, rational thought, and factual information escape you. 

Because FYI, a colonoscopy is given to rule out colon cancer, yes - but also to find non-cancerous problems like polyps or diverticulitis.

Also, it's not true that it's "too late" if you're already symptomatic -  that is only true about pancreatic cancer, NOT colon cancer. 

In fact, if caught in the early stages, colon cancer has a 91% cure rate - it's one of the few cancers that we can actually cure, often even in later stages. 

As for morphine only going so far, well, I wouldn't know, I have no experience with morphine-based drugs - tinkered around with them,  have you?

That would explain much.

Well, thank you for the reassurance that if I was on my deathbed and out of morphine, you'd give me a good swift kick and tell me I deserved it rather than a kind word, wouldn't you, "Christian brother?"

Because, of course, Jesus said to do that in the gospels ... never?!?

Well, unfortunately for you, you're a bit premature - because of course, though cancer is always in the differential for things like this, there are many other non-cancerous, non-life-threatening things this could be that are more likely - so  nope, you can't write me off yet.

I guess you do this sort of thing because you don't have enough to do in your RL, and because you need to believe that what you - and your little called psycho blog dog - did to myself and my daughter, was justified.

Because what if you're wrong, right?  What you two did to innocent people is just too tough on the ego and psyche.

But guess what?

This'll really blow your mind.

I forgive you.

No, really, I do! 😊

I forgive you AND your little psycho blog dog, C, too.

Because you can't help that you're an idiot and among the functionally mentally ill. 

Plus this one sounds more like your excuse for not getting checked with regular colonoscopies than about me.

And a healthy lifestyle?

You mean your eating badly, being overweight, getting no physical exercise, and not getting vaccinated?

Nah, I'm good, thanks.  I may eat badly and smoke, but I'm still thin, I DO exercise, and I am vaccinated.  I do have some work to do in the healthy eating and smoking departments, but at least I'm honest about that, rather than scolding people to do as I say and not as I do 🙂

But you take care, now, carry on - not sure how long that will be with your lifestyle, but don't let me stop you. 

Please, never change, JH -  you're one of the constants in this world that I mentioned, too. 

Because we can consistently count on you to connect dots that don't, out of crazy conspiracy, as well as your paranoia and fear of everyone and everything not exactly like you. 

In fact, your blog is like a measuring stick for people doubting themselves - it makes the rest of us feel like better, saner people, after reading the arrogant, unrepentant ramblings of such a filthy soul, hiding behind a Christian flag as cover.

In fact, we all walk away after reading, going "Well, I may need to work on myself some more, but at least I'm not as bad as  JH!" 

Not to mention, your habit of citing people you've never met and that no one's ever heard of (that may not really exist or be an actual bot) from X as "proof" of your conspiracies is especially good for a giggle.

What a lovely little life you've carved out for yourself - all online, all your commenters now gone, talking to yourself in your comments section with several IDs. 😂 If you thought that no one knew that, think again - we ALL know - it's pretty obvious.

But onward, Christian soldier, marching off to the war that exists only in your head. In fact, I'm sure you'll try to engage me in a blog war, as you have everyone in our blogging circle you once knew that simply disagreed with you, trying to get attention and comments for your blog by playing the false victim, but I won't oblige you. This will be my only reaction, so you'll have to argue with one of your other IDs, because everyone else left. 

Say what you will, but one thing you could never could quite compete with was my sense of humor, could you?

That's because I have lots of practice in my life, dealing with relentless bullies. 

 After several attempts at diplomacy and return to civility, ignoring, and even a "please stop," I then pull out and dust off that old girl with the gift for making bullies look stupid by using humor -  it's my specialty.  😊

But I do sometimes wonder if you, and C, ever ask yourselves now "Was what I did to her and her daughter in real life worth it, over 15 minutes of blog fame?" 

Or even better, "What if my I'm wrong in the accusations I made and the lengths I went to?"

You should know the answer, by now, but I also know that  a personality (disorder) like you, once proven wrong in their false accusations, just rolls on to the next one, trying to prove their beliefs right, all their lives.

Regardless, ya never did get "discovered" and a book deal out of blogging as you hoped, did you?

But blessings on you anyway, as Christ instructed to "Bless those who curse you." 🙂

__________________________

PS - Oh, now he's changed the topic to STDs and women, hahahaha!

Bitching  about women today versus yesteryear - as IF he had any clue what sane women were like, in ANY year.

I guess because I mentioned also being worked up by an OB/GYN for the lower abdominal/pelvic pain??? 

Okay, well, thanks, Doctor Mengele, but there's no need to worry about that, either for me OR yourself, so you can chill with the wild speculation without evidence or any medical knowledge whatsoever. 

 Because despite your need to believe I'm some sort of loose-moraled Jezebel because I'm a Democrat, I've been faithful to the same man for 12 years, both of us tested for everything previously, because we were previously married to unfaithful people, so one thing we can be sure of is that it is NOT an STD.

As for you?  

Not to worry about "STD women, these days."

Because non-desperate, sane women wouldn't touch your crazy, misogynistic arse for a billion dollars.  

In fact, you're a sort of an automatic sex repellent and natural form of birth control.

Sane, smart women actually do an involuntary Kegel clench that even the Jaws of Life could not open, at the sight or sound of your nonsense.

I don't think I've ever personally encountered such a rotten soul, who also claims to be a Christian (but who apparently only knows a max of 4 bible verses, only 1 of them being uttered by Christ himself).  Of course, I know they're out there, we had one as president, but even he wouldn't cross certain lines.

I mean, even my abusive ex-husband wouldn't have crossed THAT moral line to kick me when I have a worrisome health concern going on.

(No, he would've freaked out and made everything about himself and my possibly leaving him, waited until I was better, and then got drunk and done me in himself, like a gentleman 😂)

It doesn't hurt my feelings or anything, it just makes my soul shudder and shakes my faith even further. 

In fact, I'm going to unplug from here for a few days to focus on better people in gratitude, because, ya know ... ew?

Gosh, I hope in the meantime, he doesn't like, set himself afire in the park, throwing pamphlets and rambling about the New World Order like that guy outside the Trump hush-money trial or anything.

Speaking of the New World Order, JH - are Jewish people running the New World Order and persecuting Christians or are they the victims of this New World Order, too?   😂

Make up your mind - because your posts on whether they are the perpetrators or the victims seem to change, based on the latest right-wing talking point you're regurgitating.

Never mind, I withdraw the question - because of course, that would require critical thinking skills.

Back to gratitude and sane people with conscience 😊

Soup, Faith, and Refinding Gratitude

I wrote this out stream of consciousness and will edit later, so bear with any typos, redundancies, or things that need clarity?

It's pretty honest and raw, so skip it, if not your cup of tea, but this is where I'm at.

So it's turned cold again today, and I was hoping for a big walk in the woods with my husband and the Zigster today, but it'll be a minute now until it warms up.

In the meantime, I thought I'd write a spell 🙂

While awaiting the hormone results, I'm still dealing with the stomach/pelvic pain and bloating, and I've got to be honest - it' not relieving and I'm starting to get nervous.

So I'm eating nothing but soup, salad, oatmeal, and Greek yogurt, drinking nothing but water or apple juice, with one diet pop a day to help relieve gas pressure.  I know, that's TMI, but it's reality.  It's getting old, but it's what ya gotta do.

It seems that one day, I feel like moving around and the next day, pretty tired, but the pressure, pain, bloating is always there.  

On a positive note, interestingly, the hot flashes and night sweats have gotten better on their own, but this is still there, so I do see a colonoscopy in my future.  

It's weird, because the hot flashes and night sweats came first, then this about three days later, but maybe it was a coincidence. Regardless, it's annoying.  

And so I started thinking about faith.

I've had to alter my faith over the years.  Truth be told, I became agnostic in my 20s, studied comparative religion is a sort of unofficial minor upon return to college in 2004/5, then returned to Christianity with a different expectation. Apparently, the way you were raised just doesn't wash off, despite your best efforts 😂 but you CAN find your own version, with enough conscious reflection and practice.

Now, I have had a couple of overly coincidental things happen where I was like "That was weird - hmm, is that you?" but those are rare. Some call them God Winks, I believe.  They don't rescue you or really change anything at all, it's just like an odd moment of something happening that feels like God saying "I see you.  This sucks, that was so wrong. Just know I'm here and I saw that, smh. Here's a small cookie?" 

But mostly, no - nothing but silence and crickets.

I will always hold on to the teachings of Christ because I just believe that is the way we are to treat one another and values to have, although so many Christians today think "Christian values" are about reproduction and gender issues, when that literally has nothing to do with it.

Christianity also has nothing to do with demanding to be the dominant faith or demanding our own personal freedoms, whether faith related or not, either.

No, Christianity is about our own soul, how we handle stuff,  to include stewardship of others and our planet - period.

Growing up evangelical - with a bipolar/schizoaffective mother that sometimes literally believed there were demons in everything from secular music to our chimney, even our vacuum cleaner,  I was taught that faith could move mountains and heal anything and spent much of her time demanding pray stuff away in the name "in the name of Jesus."

In fact, I was the first to realize most of this wasn't faith, it was mental illness, and took a gaslighting beating from family and church because of it, I assure you, but I couldn't help it.  I knew there weren't demons in the chimney, or causing the vacuum cleaner not to work.  I couldn't see the demons and stopped believe she could because she some sort of prophetess just by pure logic and science. 

I mean, if there were demons, why would they waste their time causing your vacuum cleaner not to work just to bother you, when they could wreak greater havoc, doing grander stuff?  😂  

And hey, have you checked the hoses to see if there's a blockage?  Wow, look at that, there's so much cat fur I could knit a sweater, and when we remove it, it works just fine!

Also, every mess she gets herself in or ignored issue or consequence of prior choice is "the devil" rather than her own choices, as well as random bad things that happen to us all sometimes are "demonic" or "witchcraft."

Conversely, when things work out the way she wants them to, it'd God, rather than people working their ass off to care for her and clean up messes.

As for my Dad, my father said he believed in God, but was mostly interested in dominating everything and everyone, by force if necessary, and did, often, leaving bruises and scars.

Regardless, both were about forcing or manipulating individual control over their environment rather than changing themselves to cope better with it or acceptance of it. 

What a disappointment it was for me to learn that God clearly doesn't answer prayers about others nor heals, most days.  I so wish that were true, but it's not.  I know Christ says he will, in his name, but I've literally never seen that happen, and to pray that way just sets me up for disappointment.  I mean, I can, of course, if it makes me feel better, but to me, it's not much different than an incantation.

So to me, praying like that, saying A, B, C and D in Jesus' name is not much the thing that Christians fear most, witchcraft - when neither work, and are simply a means of getting things the way you think they should be, the illusion of control.

Now, for a long time, I justified unanswered prayers with free will being involved, and I still think that's much of it.  We were given free will and God isn't going to take that back, just because we pray for it.

People are going to use their free will to do horrible things to each other, sometimes even in Christ's name, and in order to fix that, God would have to take back the right to free will, the power of choice.

We can pray for protection from others, or even illness, but quite honestly, that's also a rare answered prayer. 

Thus, I am left with all we can do is pray for strength to do what we need to do, get done what we need to get done, and to endure it. 

Speaking of free will, that also means us and our poor choices to get ourselves into our own messes.  Choices have consequences. 

I mean, I smoke and have eaten poorly, in this life.  Bad food was cheaper than good food, and better, and I began smoking as a coping skill in a poor moment in my 20s that became an addiction that prayer doesn't seem to make a dent in.  

Because as a virtually supportless single mom, healing from wounds and working two jobs or a job and school, when you can't afford to do things that other white people take for granted every day, your joy is found in small things like playtime with your child, a walk outside in nature, cheap good food, and a good nighttime smoke in the quiet, and a good four hours of sleep, if you're lucky.

But there are consequences for those poorer coping skills of bad food, too much caffeine, and smoking - consequences that God doesn't "deliver" you from -  and it's NOT because he's merciless, leaving you to lie in the bed you made, NOR is it because you didn't pray the right way or hard enough.  

It's because he often just ... doesn't.  

In fact, God doesn't have anything to do with it, especially if we put ourselves in these situations, but even if it's beyond our control.

He certainly didn't spare me from homelessness during the recession for a several months, several transcription companies that I worked for either outsourced to India or went bankrupt, nor did he spare me from the assumptions, unkindness, and cruelty that came my way because of it - assumptions that I must be a drug addict or drunk, mentally ill, or a criminal, though countless people lost their jobs and homes during that time.  

And I was still working, too, now waiting tables part-time (no one was hiring full time), but people weren't leaving tips during that time.  In fact, someone literally wrote on their receipt "Sorry, times are tight, can't tip" with a sad face.  (For those who don't know, servers, at that time, only made $2.35 an hour and are dependent on tips in America.) I'm thinking, "Then don't eat out at a sit-down restaurant, I can't afford to," but whatever.  Even when she returned and did the same thing, I gave the same good service, just because it's the right thing to do. 

Sure, I was emotionally wounded, you might even say crippled or even broken from trauma, after certain family events and an abusive relationship,  but none of those things that people assumed as to why I was homeless were true - I have never used drugs, have a drink on a rare occasion, and have never committed a crime of any sort, even when I could have while that broke.

People like to blame you when bad things happen to you because they don't want to look at themselves or a broken economic system.

Believe me, at the time, no one was harder on me and blaming me for my troubles than me - until I realized this can't all be my fault.

I can take responsibility for poor choices, sure - but I'm also not powerful to control companies going bankrupt or the economy. I wave my magic wand and make people my mom sane, my dysfunctional family see each other or themselves more clearly, or my ex-husband to leave me alone and to be free of the abuse that I had now unchosen.  

So there were certain things that no matter what I did or didn't do, were just that way and I had no control over them. 

So like many, I have had more than my share of suffering, some of which I chose and unchose too late, but most of which I didn't, either born into, targeted while being vulnerable (like while homeless), or were just random -  wrong place at the wrong time.

Regardless, I was ill-prepared to deal with them other than prayer, as I was taught, which yielded absolutely nothing.

I did pray, but prayer did absolutely nothing to stop or change any of it.  I could change myself, how I coped, even assertiveness, but often that just made it worse because when you're that low and begging for work, you better be grateful for whatever comes along, even if they literally spit on you, right?

So what I was left with acceptance - people are going to do what they're going to do, politicians, corporations, and the economy is going to do what it's going to do, and all you can do is cope with/accept it and find joy in the little things and be grateful for the smallest things, even one moment.  

Like someone said "thank you."  Someone smiled at you.  Your "sisters" at the shelter had your back and you had theirs, if you had something and they didn't or vice versa, you trade.

And in that gratitude, one of the things that I also focused on was my health.  I was thin, I got a lot of walking exercise, never got sick - but unfortunately, not enough to make major changes to the unhealthy habits I had like smoking and cheap bad food - which may now be catching up with me. 🥹

Now, most Christians believe that bad things only happening to bad people, when I've found the opposite to be true, leaving myself completely out of that equation.

I have seen the worst representative of humanity rising in the ranks, their selfishness, game-playing, bullying, abuse, and even criminality be applauded in real life, personally and nationally, as if this were a reality TV show and the winner proves "survival of the fittest," when all it REALLY means is, the worst representatives of our species know they can't win based their own actual merit and truth, so they cheat, which has nothing to do with evolution, it has to do with choice.

I also have seen crime go unpunished based on the color of skin, gender, faith, and money, as well as merciless justice resulting in loss of life, based on the same.

I have seen the strong abuse the weak and convince everyone else the weak brought it on themselves or deserved it, making themselves the victim.

I have seen horribly abusive, criminal people get away with things their entire life and die peacefully, without remorse, while their victims die penniless and in pain.

Conversely, I have seen gentle, selfless, Godly people die of cancer and killed in car accidents by drunk drivers who walk away without a scratch. 

I have seen innocent children die in tornadoes, from cancer, or in car accidents, Christian or not.

So if you want to try to tell me bad things only happen to bad people, or people who weren't Christian enough or didn't pray the right way, sell it somewhere else, I'm not buying.

So I turn to the Catholic form of faith, at least on this concept - that suffering is just a part of life, and  Christianity does not shield you from it, only provides comfort.

And even more than that - suffering can sanctify, if you allow it to.  In fact, suffering creates sainthood, in the Catholic faith.

I also turn to Buddhist philosophy on this one - everything suffers at some point and the goal is to end all suffering, not just for ourselves, but all living things.

Well, I'm no saint, but I would say that this part is true -  I AM a much better person due to the unusual amount of suffering in my life, so there's that?  😂

That and $8 bucks will get me a coffee at Starbucks, right? 

But I'm also wounded, have triggers - many have healed, but others remain.

And for better or worse, I'm more assertive than I used to be - I still give much benefit of the doubt, but I put a cap on crap much sooner, I don't give as many chances.

And until now, I have been spared in the health department, at least.

But now, that may be changing - because this stomach/pelvic pain isn't going away.

Now, I CAN pray for it to go away, as is natural when in trouble, I guess - but where to put my expectations?

If I expect it to go away because I prayed the right way or because I think I'm a good person, that is a sure fire wire to be disappointed.

So my best hope is prayer for the strength to endure the worst case scenario, which may or may not even happen.

For the strength to continuing working, continuing caring for my family and those I care about, and to endure whatever I need to do to get this better, both physically and financially, and yes, to continue with this soup and salad diet, as well as work on not smoking!

That's about all I can do, which I will do/get done, regardless of if God helps me out with it or not, because I have to!

I really wish I could believe again as my Mom believes, that God would intervene and change stuff for me, but I can't - life hasn't gone that way for me, and other people are doing these things for her anyway. 

Someone once said I should pray for more mercy as well as strength, which I did - but that went unanswered, too - well, except the past 5 years or so - until now?

So what I'm left with is acceptance - acceptance of what cannot be changed or is too late to change - what I can't control now, anyway, right?

Acceptance, deep breathing relaxation, and focusing on gratitude for what I do have, as well as finding joy in the little things, which I became an expert at years ago - that's all I got.  Will it be enough?

If anyone stumbles across this blog and knows a better way to pray that actually works, feel free. 

Because I'll be honest with you, at this point, I'm left wondering what is the value of being a Christian or believing in anything anyway?

I haven't really found any benefit - other than being a steward for others and the planet is, doing unto others as you would have done unto you is, as they say, is truly it's own reward.  I can feel like I handled things in a way that I'm proud of, according to my values, even if other Christians don't think so.

But one thing I AM good at, that I remembered last night, is finding gratitude, joy, and comfort in my environment.

So I looked up at the pink and purple sky at sunset, the "Gone With the Wind" sky. 

I remembered to focus on the constants for comfort - how people for centuries have looked up at that same sky and cloud pattern in reflection for centuries - never the exact same pattern, but the same overall sky from where I sit, for centuries.

  

The same stars, in the same place and pattern according to our world's seasonal tilt, for centuries.   

The same birds returning every spring, at the same time, like a welcome friend, for centuries.

I'm also grateful for nature itself, the wonders found within it. 

I'm grateful for finding an OB/GYN that is listening to me.

I'm grateful for the new eye doctor, who gave me the best eyeglasses prescription I've ever had.

I'm grateful for a new second contract, with kind people to work with.

I'm grateful that though we haven't been able to afford vacations this year, we have enough to cover what we need, when there were many times before I didn't.

I'm grateful for my wonderful caring husband, as well as others around me checking in.

I'm grateful for my heart and my joy, Ziggy pug.

So I guess as far as comfort, I can find my own - but will it hold when trouble comes?

Because I'm super world weary.

Then again, I've survived much more than I ever would've though I could, that's for sure, and I'm sure I will this too (like I have a choice), so no worries. 

What I can say is I will do my best to keep on, keeping on, despite it, finding the strength and courage to do so though feeling world weary, still counting things in gratitude and finding my joy in the little things 😊

 

Health Update: What the NAMS-Certified Provider Said ... 😊

 

Well, at least she completed training in menopause treatment and is waiting on the exam, which is more than 95% of the other OB/GYN providers in Lexington do (there are literally only 5 out of around 100 OB/GYN providers in Lexington).

So I just saw her today, and here's what she said (paraphrasing), implied, or emphatically agreed with.

1)  I should've been allowed to be seen before the ultrasound, just as I requested, due to the other symptoms I mentioned. 

 

"If a menopausal/post-menopausal woman suspects her hormones might be out of balance herself (not others blaming her hormones), they probably are, but and every woman is different and has different hormonal needs." 

 

Fibroids are the direct result of hormone imbalance -  not the other way around. 

Thus, it's looking at the problem backward to focus on the fibroids as a condition, rather than a symptom of a condition.

 

2)  Labs should have been done before prescribing anything to check my hormone levels - however, no labs were ordered at all -  all treatment decisions were made in 5 minutes after the ultrasound, based on nothing but speculation.  

 

She tried to see where the prior clinician was coming from, and did on some things - like the reason she likely switched to pure progesterone versus norethindrone was because they don't prescribe birth control for hormone imbalance after menopause has been completed -  but she said they should've been explained to me, taken into consideration the side effects. 

Even still, new provider seemed the most horrified that no labs were taken since I first went there years ago, but off-the-cuff treatment decisions were being made.

 

3)  "Inability" to see an ovary at all on an ultrasound is unacceptable, especially in post-menopausal women complaining of pelvic pain.   

It's like "We know it's there, so find it?" Thus, it should have been redone, at their expense. 

 

4) Total "disappearance" of fibroids is rare, they usually just shrink (another reason the ultrasound should've been redone, at their expense). 

 

In her words, "It sounds like they didn't really try to see much of anything."  

 

5)  Hormone fluctuations DO affect bowel motility, constipation or diarrhea, depending on the hormone imbalance (and she cited the aforementioned studies), though the link isn't well understood. 

She also said even without the studies, she knew that just being a woman and treating women, as well as, interestingly, pointed to how women release their bowels during labor, which as it turns out, is not just pressure release, it's hormone influx (I didn't know that one.)

6)  The hormone my old provider prescribed was, in fact,  way too strong, especially without drawing labs to find levels first, and particularly if there was already constipation - because the side effect of it IS constipation.

 

Thus, she thinks this is multifactorial, one thing exacerbating the other - or at least, one condition drew attention to another -  and she's not ready to refer to GI yet.

So in addition to the vitamin B12 that I just restarted (that's already helping), she took labs for hormone levels today and is going order a compound mix based on my specific hormone levels, keeping in mind my sensitivity to estrogen.

Since the "cure" for fibroids is hormones anyway, we're holding on doing another ultrasound, but if this does not do the trick, we'll do another ultrasound.

Whew, it feels good to be heard, and very validating that this wasn't "all in my head."

Ladies?

It's 2024 - and if your OB/GYN isn't up on the latest and tells you stuff from like, 1954 - and most importantly, doesn't take labs to confirm their suspicions -  not thoughtfully considering the consequences of said said treatment to your overall health and hormonal status - then find another one!

With so much reproductive cancer about, and hormone regulation/balance being so important to get right -  as well as losing natural protections from heart disease, cancer, and immunity issues due to loss of hormone output - don't doubt yourself, and find someone who takes menopause more seriously and treats it more carefully.

This particular provider I have now had cancer at 44, a hysterectomy, and was thus thrown into menopause totally unprepared. 

She said everyone addressed the cancer, but not much was available on the menopause symptoms, which seemed to make everything worse. 

Thus, she got the extra training in it herself, and now knows her stuff (and if she didn't, like the vitamin B thing at first, she'll look it up to verify).

Yes, it feels good to be heard and to be validated that something was off in my treatment approach, here, in more ways than one!

Trump and Making Stuff Up ...

 One of the things you CANNOT say about Democrats is that we're making stuff up about him - he's actually saying and doing this stuff - and we just can't believe that people are falling for it.

Yesterday, Trump came at Jimmy Kimmel - again - who is hitting the jokes out of the park on Trump's trial woes - and rambled on with nonsense stuff he just made up about Jimmy via Truth Social, such that Jimmy said he should just start making up stuff about him back, like that the reason he stands weird and has a weird golf pose is he can't help it, his adult diapers are full 😂

I'm often surprised that no one has done this, but I understand why we wouldn't - ethical people don't.

Perhaps someone less ethical than me will spread this rumor?

"Donald Trump has a vestigial tail.  It even wags when he gets excited, like after seeing E. Jean Carroll or a picture of himself!" 

😂😂😂

But we WON'T do that, right?

Because sane people who actually are Christians - or who otherwise have ethical and moral principles - and who aren't 13 years old -  don't spread lies about other people to make themselves look better and panic people into voting for them!

PS - A 2023 Study

*PS added to this PS* 😂

Being that I am no better, and the low pelvic pain is actually worse (plus I had a weird weakness today, almost flu-like, and 2 people said I looked pale/pasty), I was looking around for more studies. 

(I'm seeing a new doctor tomorrow, I'm sure it's nothing, this just isn't going away despite my best efforts.)

So here's one from 2023,  proving estrogen spikes cause changes in the smooth muscle tissue in the bowel - and as we know, I am super sensitive to estrogen.

I knew I had read more than one study for my work!

As I said below, they don't understand this process yet, but it's a proven fact that hormone levels DO influence bowel motility.

Also, as I stated below, I usually have the opposite problem.  The only other time in my life I've been constipated is with fibroid flares,  which are caused by hormone imbalance, specifically estrogen.  And the low pelvic pain feels exactly like fibroids? 

Who knows, maybe there really are two separate issues going on and it's a coincidence, but I do know that low pelvic pain started about two days after my hot flashes and night sweats reappeared, and  the constipation only came about a week later - and what's with the new flu-like feeling?

I did feel like this once before during this fibroid flares, but we passed it off to Sjogren's, which can flare if you stub your toe. 😂

(Okay, not really, but considering Sjogren's syndrome is an autoimmune disorder, any illness or inflammation can set it off, too.)

Good Lord, I've been so healthy my whole life, but you get to a certain age, stuff starts catching up to you, I guess.

I just casually sent that link to my old provider, who said empatically that hormones have nothing to do with bowel issues, like "Oh, by the way, I just found this  ..."  

Hehehe.

____________________________

PS - I forgot to mention in the post below that when I originally called my old OB/GYN, I simply asked if I could go back on the hormones, because whether or not it was fibroids, they helped with all of the other symptoms. 

The moment I mentioned the word "fibroid" among my symptoms, my old office would NOT see me for just a med visit without an ultrasound first.

(In America, with private insurance, an ultrasound is at least $250 out of your pocket, if you haven't met your $1,500 deductible yet, which I haven't.)

So I suspect part of the dismissiveness is what is most profitable for them 😔

Thus, I have added this to the post below.

HOWEVER, to end on a good note, my PCP wrote yesterday,  apparently surprised that no labs were drawn at all, for hormone levels or to rule out other issues.

So she told me after seeing the OB/GYN today, if I wasn't better, to schedule with her next week for lab tests.

Despite the lack of up-to-date care here in Kentucky, I have to say, my PCP is all kinds of awesome.  

Not the best bedside manner in the world, but a good doctor.  (I don't really care about bedside manner, as long as they know their sh*t, right?)

She can be a bit abrupt and it can be jarring, but for some reason, it mostly makes me laugh.  

So for example, she's my husband's doc, too,  and at his last appointment, she happened to look down at my husband's fungal-infected toes from so much farm stuff, which he didn't mention (but I've been bugging him about), and said "Okay, what's going on here?  THAT's nasty, let's do something about THAT." 😂

Or with me, I have a chronically elevated white blood cell count and platelet count with no other symptoms that waxes and wanes, and she talked about referring me to her husband (who is a hematologist), and said:

"Well, I've been following this for a couple of years, now, and though I COULD refer you to my husband, who's a hematologist -  since there's no other symptoms, and you've had this off and on for at least 3 years and aren't dead yet - he'd probably be like "Okay. What am I supposed to do with THAT?" 😂 

"However, I did find several studies that linked chronic, waxing-and-waning elevation in white blood cells and platelets to smoking, so ya know -  STOP IT?!? You're not a teenager anymore! Do you need help?  Lots of support out there." 

😂😂😂

If it were anyone else, I'd think it was rude, but I get her and the way she thinks.  Even with the abruptness, she's never that way about symptoms you present. And she actually does listen to you, even if you think she didn't.  

If she doesn't know, she says that, and she researches before she speaks on it again - and she's always been right!

That prompted me to remember that I also had a B12 deficiency when the hormonal imbalance developed, but I stopped taking vitamin B12 when my labs started coming back normal and was asymptomatic with hormones.

That is unfortunately another consequence of menopause, loss of vitamin B and D.

Lack of Vitamin B most definitely causes bowel issues as the first stage, that has most definitely been proven.  

(Vitamin B deficiency causes mucosal dryness, including skin, as well as anxiety and nerve issues, and even anemia, if left untreated.)

So I started taking vitamin B again yesterday, and you wouldn't believe the different already (vitamin B works very fast, it can correct issues within hours to days)! 😊

I'm about 50% better already.  Not saying that's the only factor here, but definitely a piece of it. 

Again, they should've thought of that, given my history, not me -especially at that price!

Honestly, I really do feel that I've had an estrogen spike causing these issues, and had they just listened to the actual symptoms and followed protocol, I wouldn't have had to wait so long and spent as much money! 

At present, I've spent close to $600 on something that should've cost no more than $100, if they'd just listened to the actual symptoms and done what they were supposed to do