The following pearls of wisdom were given by NYT readers when asked by columnist, Melissa Kirsch.
(Don't worry, most of them won't be turned into a corny meme - you might even find one or two useful/helpful?)
“We are all juggling so many balls. Differentiate between glass balls and rubber balls — and don’t be afraid to drop the rubber balls” - uncited (author shared from the prior year).
"Do something today your tomorrow self will thank you for." — Ava Shaffer, Cincinnati
"The real game doesn’t start until the fourth quarter. I take it to mean that you are never out of time, and it is never too late to make a comeback." — Annelise Medina, Los Angeles
"People who avoid their own feelings will neglect yours." — Jennifer Pagliaroli, Bethlehem, Pa.
"If you have a plant with mealy bugs, spray it with rubbing alcohol." — Joli Holmberg, Minneapolis
"Even one step a day gets you 365 steps farther in a year." — Andie Daniels, Charlottesville, Va.
"It could be great?" — Angela Southern, Pflugerville, Tex.
“Shake the tree,” my mom advised. “You never know what will fall out.” Put another way: It never hurts to ask. I shook the tree this year and some great things came about: a new mentor, a penalty waived for a late submission, a free plate of zeppoles. — Jennifer Suzukawa-Tseng, New York City
"Attend funerals for relatives of people you don’t know really well. It is the kindest thing you can do for an acquaintance." — John Immerwahr, Bryn Mawr, Pa.
"Stop thinking about your problems and make someone else happy. "— Sonja Jewell, Leesburg, Va.
"Don’t just put things back. Put them away." — Tracie McGinnity, Rochester, N.Y.
"If you’re worried about something that really doesn’t matter and you know eventually you’ll say, “Who cares?,” why not just go straight to “Who cares?” — Kimberly Andersen, Old Bridge, N.J.
"Instead of trying harder, try softer." — Martha Bonnie, Phoenix
"Everything is better after you stretch." — Tal Hadani-Pease, Sherman, Conn.
"If you’re going to procrastinate, do something you enjoy." — El’isha Allen, Abu Dhabi, U.A.E.
"It’s never too late to have a good day." — Carolyn Kettler, Kansas City, Mo.
"Go to the doctor!" — Amy Henning, Palatine, Ill.
"The only time you should look in someone else’s bowl is to see if they have enough." — Jess Wehmeier, Indianapolis
"Some seasons you produce fruit, some seasons you prune, and some seasons you let your roots grow deep." — Jonathan Berry, Berea, Ky.
"When someone is interpreting your behavior or actions without a spirit of openness, de-escalate the conflict by saying, “I would appreciate it if you could be more generous with me.” It really works and leads to conversation, not argument. — Kate Fessler, St. Paul
"Use up everything in your freezer." — Tess Hartman, Kennett Square, Pa.
"The world is run by those who show up." — April Conway, Reno, Nev.
"Retire as soon as you can. Time will always be your most valuable asset." — Julie Drew, Akron, Ohio
"Get off Tinder." — Will Boone, New York City
"If you’re unhappy, do something about it. If you are happy, do something about it." — Kelly King, Pittsburgh
"There’s a connection between novelty and joy." — Jacqueline Lovell-Lantz, Sandy, Utah
"Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said by me, now?" — Astrid Moresco, Fort Collins, Colo.
"Don’t look at your medical test reports before the doctor has a chance to explain them to you." — Melanie Mullins, Walden, N.Y.
"Nothing is ever as good as you think it will be or as bad as you fear."— Gail Baron, Charlotte, N.C.
"Does your houseplant make you feel happy? If you’re just keeping it alive out of a sense of obligation, let it go!" — Mary Ann Carter, Kensington, Md.
"Don’t be the one to tell yourself no." — Skye Verhofste, Des Moines
"Sometimes the greatest act of kindness is to pretend you haven’t already heard that story before." — Sarah Schroeder, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.
Some of these will be of no help at all, and some will make you go "Huh, that's true, that's good."
Take the good, leave the rest behind ... which is MY advice for the New Year :)
So if you've lived in Lexington in the 90s, you will likely remember the Turner house on Chinoe, which everyone visited when looking at Christmas lights. It was tacky and overdone even then, but the kids loved it, right?
Well, the Turners sold the house in the early-to-mid 2000s, so it had no Christmas display for a few years, but then rebought it in 2012 , and since 2020, instead of true, traditional Christmas decorations and lights, they did this instead ...
Sigh.
Nothing says Christmas like tacky red, white, and blue ... everything ... PLUS an ugly new Tesla out front, right?
No ... just ... no.
We do not mix Jesus' birthday with frenzied, American over-nationalism, I'm sorry.
BTW, this is not my photo - I won't be visiting the Turner house, thank you!
I have no young children anymore, and if I did, I wouldn't be taking them, because I don't want to indoctrinate them in American fascism disguised as patriotism disguised as Christmas decorations. They're confused enough about this political era as it is.
Sigh again.
If you want to see Christmas lights, go to the Southern Lights at the Horse Park, the Jones' Mt. McKinley and Toronto Road Houses, or the Fire Station on Harrodsburg Road, the Tanbark or Hartland subdivisions, Hays Road, or our favorite - the Ellerslie Lake community across from Jacobson Park, if you're into more tasteful Christmas lights and decor? (Well, mostly.)
Regardless, at some point, all of this Trump worship, American arrogance, and choosing propagandic belief/paranoia over fact must end.
PS UPDATE
_________________
The above photo was taken last year, before the election - this year, they have resorted back to traditional Christmas fare.
... is a true Claddagh from Ireland (since we both found out through DNA testing that we have distant relatives who are both from County Cork, Ireland).
So here's the symbolism of the claddagh.
Heart - Love.
Crown - Loyalty.
Two hands, holding the heart with crown,= friendship/partnership is the base of both the ring and the relationship.
How it's worn traditionally ...
If single - right hand, heart out, crown facing you.
If in a relationship -worn on the right hand, crown out, heart facing you.
If engaged -left hand, heart out, crown facing you.
If married - left hand, crown out, heart facing you.
He got it at Failte, the Irish imports shop downtown, and I love it!!!
So if your presents are wrapped a little wonky, this year, this is why ... 😂
Yeah, there will be no present-wrapping in his presence, because it all becomes toys for Ziggy, especially if there's ribbon. 😂
And then when he's finished chewing all the paper and entangling himself in ribbon, he prances around with it, as if he's really accomplished something. 😂
Not exactly Christmas fare, I know, but I'm growing a bit tired of being quoted "the guidelines" by physicians, at least here in Lexington, regarding recurring/chronic urinary tract infections, without understanding them.
This puts the patient in a situation where they have to rebuttal the doctor with what the guidelines they skimmed actually say, which is never a good position to be in.
Yes, the AUA Guidelines DO say this:
5. Clinicians should obtain urinalysis, urine culture and sensitivity with each symptomatic acute cystitis episode prior to initiating treatment in patients with rUTIs. (Moderate Recommendation; Evidence Level: Grade C)
But then immediately afterwards, they say this ..
6. Clinicians may offer patient-initiated treatment (self-start treatment) to select rUTI patients with acute episodes while awaiting urine cultures. (Moderate Recommendation; Evidence Level: Grade C)
Which means, doctors of Kentucky and others in America - you DO treat the patient with something when they're symptomatic while awaiting culture results - at least first-line therapy to keep them at bay, but usually based on evidential effectiveness of the last culture and sensitivity results - you do NOT just let them sit there for another 5 days getting sicker and sicker!
Also, THIS ???
Antibiotic Prophylaxis
12. Following discussion of the risks, benefits, and alternatives, clinicians may prescribe antibiotic prophylaxis to decrease the risk of future UTIs in women of all ages previously diagnosed with UTIs. (Conditional Recommendation; Evidence Level: Grade B)
Non–Antibiotic Prophylaxis
13. Clinicians may offer cranberry prophylaxis for women with rUTIs. (Conditional Recommendation; Evidence Level: Grade C
And THIS ...???
Estrogen
16. In peri– and post–menopausal women with rUTIs, clinicians should recommend vaginal estrogen therapy to reduce the risk of future UTIs if there is no contraindication to estrogen therapy. (Moderate Recommendation; Evidence Level: Grade B)
I am taking cranberry and D-mannose daily (helpful in some women) and I'm just about to start estrogen (which was suggested by my OB/GYN, not my urologist - but where's my prophylactic antibiotic after at least 4 UTIs a year, hmm?
And then of course there's this, AUA ...
If I have to leave work every time I have a UTI and come in and get a suprapubic cath specimen and wait 5 days for treatment, I will lose my job - not to mention, a kidney infection, and as I age, confusion symptoms.
Also, the only places that do catheter specimens are urologists and the ER - are you really gonna make me go to the ER, when I can't get into my urologist - for a UTI?
Lastly, if you could change "self-start the patient on treatment while awaiting cultures" from moderate recommendation to "strong," that would be super helpful.
We all understand the risk of antibiotic resistant infections, but are we doing all we can to prevent them?
Because many women DO require prophylactic antibiotic treatment, and even estrogen after menopause.
If I have more than 4 a year and am postmenopausal, I should be on prophylactic antibiotics and estrogen - period.
You cannot just not treat symptomatic women with a proven UTI through clean catch specimen and allow them to get sicker and sicker, just to avoid community antibiotic resistance, when they ARE sick.
Well, this one is an interesting sociological case study, isn't it?
I say sociological, rather than psychological, because of public reaction to it - but perhaps the field of social psychology would be the best fit.
For starters, you can't say the usual suspects, can you?
A good-looking kid from wealth and privilege, valedictorian at his prep school, attended Ivy League college for both his undergrade and his master's, and until recently, close with his family and a ton of friends, seemingly happy, "normal" - then shoots and kills someone he considers a symbol of the corporate culture that afforded his family that privilege?
Interestingly, rather than dig up dirt on him, the press is almost sympathetic towards him, speaking of "debilitating" back pain and surgery in 2023 and possible mounting medical bills for a young adult as a potential motive.
So ... is that because of his family's wealth and privilege again, or this time, is it because he's become a sort of folk hero to many Americans who imagine a "nobler" cause of fighting against corporate America, particularly healthcare?
Similarly, is the extra press attention, on both side of politics - as well as the well-publicized nationwide manhunt and "Wanted" poster postings - because he shot a corporate CEO or because people are fascinated with this story?
(Well, he also embarrassed NYPD by shooting Brian Thompson in supposedly the most secure, well monitored areas of NYC, so they definitely wanted their man after that.)
Time will tell.
Regardless, therein may lie Mangione's point.
What seemed like a senseless act of violence that ended in the murder of a CEO that would do little to nothing to change our healthcare system in and of itself, may have ramped up the conversation on the high cost of healthcare versus the profits some healthcare companies are making.
In the end, will this change the way we look at healthcare or will it entrench it?
Working in healthcare myself, I found this especially shocking, right?
So though we don't know yet why that United Healthcare CEO, Brian Thompson, was shot and killed in the Manhattan street, we know this - somebody was trying to send a message -but what IS the message?
As I was writing this post, just a few moments ago, the news came across the wire that there were words written on the bullet casings found at the scene:
"Delay. Deny. Defend" and another news outlet claimed one of them said "Depose."
Hmmmm.
Wait .. what???
If it's true that one really said "depose," then that almost sounds ... political?
I don't know what that means, but I only hope it does NOT mean there will be more shootings.
So until we figure out that out, let's talk about public reaction, and the first thought that ashamedly went through our minds when we first heard this, for a split second, admittedly or not, was "All right, who's medication or surgery didn't get covered?"
Now, that's a sad state of affairs in America, when even for a brief second, we're considering some sort of less dastardly motive for murder, as if it's somehow justified because it's a health-insurance CEO, isn't it?
So then I felt badly for thinking that even for a brief second as a motive - because this is a human being - who didn't deserve to be shot in the back in the street by some coward who ran away, leaving 2 teenage boys fatherless.
But apparently, the lack of sympathy for the man on social media wasn't just a brief fleeting thought for others, some of whom are openly expressing their outrage with health insurance companies and American greed as a result?
Okay, people, I get it - the astronomical cost of healthcare and the fact that this guy made $10 million a year, when so many people can't even afford their medication ...
... but DO understand that insurance companies are often just as frustrated as we are with overpriced pharmaceuticals and they are the only gatekeepers we have to try to mitigate pharmaceutical cost by placing prior authorizations on them to ensure 'right drug, right patient' or placing "steps" of other generics "steps" ahead of them first - (think Ozempic).
In fact, I jokingly said yesterday "Dang, if you want to shoot somebody over high healthcare costs and lack of coverage, shoot the pharma CEOs or the third-party pharmacy-benefit-manager CEOs!"
Of course, I was joking - nobody deserves to be shot over anything!
(Well, unless it's self-defense.)
Look, I understand American frustration with American greed and losing faith in our justice system, especially when it comes to wealthy, powerful people whose actions affect, even ruin, people's lives - but we do NOT shoot people over it in vigilante justice!
There are also many theories as to what kind of message the shooter was trying to send, from possible insider trading, considering it was an investor meeting, or if there was some sort of love triangle or pissing off the wrong person over coverage - but we don't know.
That's what happens when you try to send some sort of message, but shoot somebody in the back and run away rather than face justice yourself, like a coward.
Regardless, let's all try to find our moral center again, because although we are all frustrated with the high cost of healthcare and greed run amuck and the lack of affordable justice - we do NOT go vigilante and shoot people!
I know that everyone loves their own yearly traditions on Thanksgiving - but it's also fun to try something new!
Though I don't have any pictures because we were too busy having fun (although one might be forthcoming from the hosts, though it was difficult to get us all together in one photo), we had a GREAT time at my neighbors' brother and sister-in-law's house on Thanksgiving! 😄
They are originally from Puerto Rico, so we blended together some traditional Puerto Rican fare and Southern-American fare - and it was delicious!
So in addition to turkey and my usual Southern fare, we had the best ensalada de papa (potato salad) I've ever had in my life from our hostess ...
(These aren't pictures of the actual meal we had, just pics I found that matched what was made 😉)
It was so sweet! (But not too sweet, it was perfect!)
Arroz con gandules (rice and peas) from my neighbors, which can be a side dish or standalone ...
And flan (a caramel custard sort of tart), also from my neighbors, which I'd always wanted to try - DELICIOUS!
From what I understand Spanish or Mexican flan usually comes in a pie shape that you cut into big slices, like a pie ...
And Puerto Rican flan can come this way, but it has slightly different ingredients that makes it "lighter" - and it comes more like this, small and delicate ...
... and then you cut small slices from it.
SO good - especially if you're a caramel fan, which of course I am!
So Puerto Rican flan is my new favorite dessert, which is saying something, because I generally don't eat a lot of dessert - but it's the perfect dessert because it's so light!
It was cute, because my neighbor and friend and I decided to try each other's dessert at the same time - her flan and my cranberry-maple (brown-sugar and cinnamon) tart, and we were like"Ready? Go!" and we both went "Mmmmmm ... oh my God" at the same time! 😂
Then we had after-dinner drinks called called "Coquitos" (co-KEET-os - super fun to say, try it), which is like Puerto Rican egg nog - sort of - but coconut based.
Coconut, condensed milk, vanilla, rum, cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon!
Mmmm ... SO good!
I was like "Let's make a barrel of this and roll it out to the pool, this summer!" 😂
Then our hosts' son's college friends came over and I had brought the game "In the Air" Pictionary (which is like regular Pictionary, only you draw in the air with a digital pen and it shows up on your devices), only we didn't take the time to set everyone up and just drew on paper.
No one but us (Mark and me) had ever played Pictionary before (including the young ones), so we had a blast, laughing!
Unfortunately, we had to leave early because my husband gets headaches (and cranky) since his stroke with loud noise, but we a wonderful time!
Good food, good drinks, good company!
Thank you SO much, K and K, for inviting us to your beautiful, warm and inviting home! 😊
She's a celebrity wedding/event planner, master floral designer, restauranteur, wine expert, gardener, and author - like Martha, but better - and kinder, as I recall.
Because, you see, I actually knew Karen, back in the day - I went to Sycamore High School with her, back in suburban Cincinnati, though she probably doesn't remember me (my maiden name is Smith) 😂
(And if she does, it's probably not a good memory, let's put it that way - I was very shy/anxious, had family issues, and was trying navigate myself out of an overly fundamentalist/evangelical Christian upbringing, while still oddly clinging to it, because it's all I knew?).
Anyway, Karen was 2 years older than me, but in my Gleek circle - and mostly what I remember is that she was one hell of an actress - perhaps the best I'd ever seen locally.
In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I think she actually won our state's Speech and Drama competition (Ohio) and ranked pretty high at nationals?
I also remember that she was already a master of style - a bit like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink or Lisa Bonet in The Cosby Show - marching to the beat of a her own different, but incredibly cool, drummer.
She would wear like black and white 40s-style dresses, pointy shoulder pads and all, with red-framed glasses and a small beret, that kind of thing, which was far cry from the pink-and-aqua messes with Guess jeans and floral scrunches that we all wore.
She was popular in our Gleek circle, but neither popular or unpopular with the mainstream, and didn't care (at least not that we could discern). She was also incredibly smart and incredibly witty.
Now, I'm not sure, but I think that she, like most people from Sycamore (except for me and about 10% of our classmates) came from money, but she had no interest in throwing the drunken, beer-bong, frat-style parties, and no interest in being Homecoming or Prom Queen. She was probably considered a bit quirky by the cheerleading/dance team gang, but that quirky creativeness is often what creates a superstar later 😃
So the high school that I came from, Sycamore High School, is kind of regionally famous for churning out National Merit Scholars and extremely successful people - and yes, all the extremely successful ones already came from money.
(So not me, in other words 😂)
We're talking about sons and daughters of C-suite-level people of Proctor&Gamble, GE, Fisher Stereo (at the time), pharma companies like Meridian Bioscience, Thermo Fisher Scientific (which my dad worked for until he ran away) and Medtronic, and state or national bank presidents.
Their children/my classmates later became CEOs, NYC stockbrokers at Bear Stearns and Goldman Sachs.
They became world-renowned doctors who started the original hospitalist program (having an attending internal medicine doctor on hospital staff at all times, rather than patients waiting on visits from your personal physician) from USCF, which is now standard of care at all major hospitals worldwide (he is now at Cleveland Clinic).
There's his brother - who was also one of my former beloved Baskin-Robbins (ice cream parlor) coworkers - who went on to become the mayor of Denver, Colorado.
Aside about the BR coworker who became the former Denver mayor: I still think of him as "Horace," though not his real name.
That is because once, when bored - in the winter, when few are eating ice cream - I took the label-maker and changed everybody's nametags to old people names like "Horace, Eugene, Beulah, and Ethel" instead of their real names. (I changed mine, too - I was Beulah Mae, for the record.)
Nobody noticed until later, when customers started to call us those names, which of course threw me into a fit of giggles 😂😂😂
We also had a huge whip cream fight, one winter night, and we thought we were clever and had cleaned it all up, so that the manager the next day would never know, but the nosy, cranky cakemaker came in early and found a bit of whip cream behind the waffle-cone maker and we got in trouble 😂
Very few Sycamore kids had jobs as teenagers, but we did - and despite the other above 3 coming from wealthy families, their parents insisted on them having jobs and paying for their own cars, etc.
No matter how much money they already came from and how famous or successful they later became, at least these 3 learned the value of working for what you want very early on, and they also once wore the "brown and pink" - the BR colors 😊
Anyway, they also became corporate lawyers who also teach at Cornell.
They became local news anchors, or even WaPo or CNN reporters.
They became CIA and FBI agents.
They became Olympic and professional baseball, soccer, football players and swimmers.
And in our own little Gleek circle, there were spawned Broadway actors, voice actors for commercials for things we hear every day, like for NBC shows including the Olympics or Discovery Channel/TLC/History Channel projects.
There are Broadway voice coaches, who also coach Mariah Carey.
There are opera singers in LA.
There are Emmy winners for writing the theme song for the soap opera, Passions.
In fact, here in Lexington, if I meet another Cincy transplant and I tell them what high school I went to, they say "Ooh la la, you're from that rich, snotty public high school, who think they're better than everybody else and had everything handed to them? "
I say, "Not all of us - I was in "the 10%" - the group that struggled financially and weren't handed opportunity with a full parent-paid ride to college, but I know what you mean. And you'd be surprised. Some of those wealthy people were very down to earth, but yeah, there was THAT set, too, so I know what you mean."
And with all of that legacy comes great expectations, whether your family was rich or poor.
So what I remember most about Karen is this story, which she tells about in one of her book profiles, so I'm not giving away any secrets.
So I believe she had a scholarship to one of the premiere drama schools in the country - I think it was Carnegie-Mellon, if I'm not mistaken - and our drama teacher heavily supported her, including even accompanying her on visits to colleges to make sure she got in.
I believe she may have also scored high enough on college entrance exams to be a National Merit Scholar, so getting into any school itself wasn't a problem - but also getting into the prestigious drama programs and acting scholarships would need an extra push.
Then, in a sudden decision that shocked us all, two weeks before graduation, she ran off to become a magician's assistant on a cruise ship!
I know.
WHAT?!?
That's what we said, at the time.
It broke my drama teacher's heart, saying she'd never back an aspiring actor or actress's career, no matter how good they were, and she never did.
At the time, it was shocking - such a hypersmart, talented girl with a promising career ahead of her to not even graduate high school, in the end?
HOWEVER - looking back at it now - and even somewhat then - I smile about it and get it.
Perhaps the confines and expectations of an affluent, conservative Cincy suburb were absolutely suffocating for someone so bright and creative, and perhaps she felt her whole life was already being planned for her based on their own hopes and dreams, living vicariously through her, despite not being sure what she wanted to be yet, so she had to break free and forge her own path?
I'm just guessing, of course, obviously, because I haven't spoken to her since high school, but that's my only guess, knowing where we came from.
Plus I also was very good friends with the national bank president's son, who was expected to go into finance, but instead became a famous stage actor in San Francisco, much to his dad's dismay, for the same reason - he decided to be himself and happy, and his dad eventually came around, so this is where my guess comes from.
But all's well that ends well - because Karen used that creativity and sense of style to become a famous international celebrity wedding/event/entertaining planner, restauranteur, wine expert and author, originally based in NYC, but now living in France with her new husband :)
For more about Karen's work, you can visit her website HERE.
Or for more about her life after moving to France, you can watch her videos about adjusting to French life HERE at her YouTube channel (Here's a sample).
Just in case you find this a little too pie-in-the-sky dreamy and pretentious, like my husband did?
The "blooper" clip at the very end is more the Karen I remember.
She says something like "We need to find out who's garden this is, this is ridiculous."😂
That's the Karen I knew 😊
You can also find out more at her substack newsletter chronicle of her new French life.
And here's a sample of a few of her books ...
Go Karen, super proud of you for always having the courage to break away and be yourself!
Now, on a personal loosely related side note, just a bit of advice, if you are like me and are in that 10% of people at an affluent, conservative suburban public high school that is NOT rich and/or has embarrassing family problems - tack on it's especially worse if you are a person of color.
Learn from my mistakes.
My advice to you is quit trying to fit in and focus on your education as much as you can, despite your home life or what the "richies" think of you - your education will be your escape out.
Because even if your grades are initially great and you test off the charts, if they ever suddenly fall, trust me - no one in an affluent, mostly white community will ever ask you what happened, what's going on at home, how they can help, or even care UNLESS your family also has money - no one will care but you.
Learn what you can about "upper class" etiquette to use in business, sure - but otherwise, just embrace your other 10% friends like family, stop trying to fit in and be accepted by the upper class, and maybe try therapy if you want to talk to someone about it.
Because it's not gonna happen fully, they won't fully relate your struggles until much later in life (if at all). In fact, you won't ever be fully accepted by them unless you're famous (later), and then suddenly, they'll want to be your best friend 😂.
Learn to care about you, even if they, your teachers, or even your own family doesn't, or marks you up as a mess, just like the rest of your family - do NOT accept what people who don't really know you or care about you predict you will be as truth.
Just focus on your education despite what's going on with your family or the cool kids, because that is your ticket to a better life, and your education is something that no one can ever take away from you.
Most importantly, never forget where you came from or be ashamed of it - remember what's good and leave the rest - what you learned, what and who was good or kind to you - try to focus on any angels at all that might in the room, rather than the sea of a-holes.
And above all, never EVER lose your empathy for others struggling as you once did.
In fact, I remember a conversation we had after our final performance of our play at the wrap party, just after Pretty in Pink had come out. In fact, we went to see it after our final performance, then went to a friend's house for the wrap party.
They were all talking about the class of haves and have nots, with most of my friends saying it was ridiculous because WE weren't that well defined at our affluent high school, but that movie made it seem like it was like an Indian caste system.
So I said ...
"Yeah, but see, you DO see it, at least somewhat, or we wouldn't recognize ourselves as also being an extremely affluent suburban public school, too, comprised of mostly haves versus have nots. And that's easy for you to say, you're not in the 10% looking up."
"And it's actually worse - because where are the people of color in this movie, there aren't any? It's actually 10x worse for them. We just don't talk about it, but I feel very similar to Molly/Andie, even as a white kid."
In fact, the next year, my senior year, I had a very similar conversation with the Vice Principal one day, just like she did.
So the school took no notice of me or cared until I tried to skip school for Senior Skip Day, like everyone else, for the first time in my life doing something I knew was wrong regarding school. My grades and high testing scores had been slipping since freshman year, but no one noticed or cared why.
Then I suddenly got a big lecture from the Vice Principal about how I should be grateful because of my family troubles and that they "allow" me to still go here, despite now living with friends 30 miles away, yada yada yada.
I also got an additional lecture Andie didn't get, a big guilt trip speech, about how people supposedly looked up to me as a Christian "role model" because I won the talent show for singing with an Amy Grant song and because I was chosen to read the morning announcements over the PA, so I needed to set a better example.
At first, I was super ashamed and took on what he was selling, and sank down in my chair like I was the worst human being alive.
But then the more he spoke, the madder I got.
Taking a cue from Molly/Andie, you know what I said?
"Really? You could've fooled me. You've never in my 3 years here so much as even said hello to me, never even spoken to me until now. And as you said, you also know that I've never once been in trouble in my entire school career, and that I don't drink or smoke or do drugs and I've never missed a day or even been late until yesterday."
"And yet here you are anyway, speaking to me as if you know me, talking about my family troubles, based on gossip, including that you know I'm not living at home with my mom anymore and why, and that I'm living with friends 30 miles away, without ever once talking to me or asking what that's like."
"Did that gossip mention how I manage to drive myself 30 miles to school by 7:15 every day, without ever being late or missing a single day, or that I work for 4 hours after school every day? Of course not."
"But please, lecture me more on "allowing" me to go here, living in Milford with friends, and expected Christian leadership from the good-girl, over one halo-slip moment, never once bothering to actually talk to me or ask how you can help with my family troubles - all YOU care about is how I can better represent YOU and Sycamore better?"
"Did you know that despite testing the highest in the school in reading comprehension since kindergarten, I've never even once been invited to see the guidance counselor, either to find out why my grades slipped starting freshman year, OR to come up with a career action plan like the rich kids from perfect families, or that none of us 10 percenters have. "
"I guess you figure we're not worth your time, your bet - regardless of how bright, talented etc., any of us less financially fortunate are."
"So thanks for "allowing" me to still go here, and for the the slap-on-the-wrist chat, without punishment - which is only because I've never been in trouble before in my life before - NOT because you actually care.
"Isn't it funny that though only 1/3 of our class was in school yesterday, not a single one of the rich kids from perfect families are in your office for skipping, just me - what, were you just waiting for me to screw up, knowing my family life?"
"Guilt trip NOT accepted. I don't think you paid enough attention to that song I sang, which you only now tell me brought tears to your eyes"
"I didn't win because I was the best singer- I won because of the song, which is about all of us here at Sycamore, living in this "perfect" community, trying to be perfect and meet expectations and our school's reputation, as if we're not actual people, just little dolls and representations of yourselves."
"Whatever. Goodbye, Mr. K, and good luck. Just know I won't ever do this again - and yet I leave you with that song, since that's all you really know about me anyway.."
Okay, I was a bit angrier and more bitter than Andie was, by that point, back then, which I've gotten over, so granted, I could've said that better - but in another way, I'm proud of myself for mustering the courage, despite being shy, to say that to him because it was also very true, about all of us at Sycamore, rich or poor.
He just sat there, looking as if I punched him. I'm not sure if he was shocked that the usually interpersonally shy me spoke that much or at what I said, maybe both.
Either way, I just left the room, with his mouth still hanging, never hearing another word from him again😂 Food for thought for him, I'm hoping, but likely not.
But the good news is, I did graduate and ended up going to college (University of Kentucky) two years after graduation via student loans, with a 3.77 cumulative GPA, on the dean's list every semester but my first - and despite being a very large university, my professors loved me there and cared about struggles, financial or otherwise, which helped - proof positive that the environment you're in and the people you surround yourself with can make all the difference.
But you don't have that choice as a child - so take what you learned in high school and leave the rest behind - and if in a stifling conservative environment that leaves no room for you not fitting the mold, then use your education to move on to where it IS okay to be different and you.
College life is vastly different and awaits you, and you will find out who you really are in the real world, separate from the local haves and have nots and religious wing nuts - but at the same time, always remain open to who people are from any background - rich or poor, black or white, Christian or not - because people can surprise you, from any background.
I was also strangely reminded of the words that song that I mentioned myself, while writing this post - the one I sang for the talent show win, despite shedding the fundamentalist evangelicalism a long time ago, because out of all the religious songs I sang back then, this one fit me most - and IMO, Karen and others too?
Again, it wasn't so much my singing that won the talent show as it was the off-the-cuff speech I mustered the courage to say just beforehand I sang it, about fear of failure from the expectations placed on us by others - lyrics that everyone, from whatever background, could relate to, especially in a school and community with a great reputation and high expectations.
(Well, that and the soulful, guitar skills of my fellow classmate and Baskin Robbins coworker, John Dale, who accompanied me - thank you John 😊)
Regardless, I think everyone should have a standing ovation just once in your lifetime - because everyone deserves one, at some point in their lives - and it's not always for the reasons that you think 😊
So this song is dedicated to anyone - especially in high school or college - who is struggling with who others expect them to be versus who they actually are ...
All I Ever Have to Be - Amy Grant
When the weight of all my dreams Is resting heavy on my head And the thoughtful words of help and hope Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting Wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am I think I am
Then you gently re-remind me That You've made me from the first And the more I try to be the best The more I get, the worst
And I realize the good in me Is only there because of Who You are, who You are
And all I ever have to be is what You've made me Any more or less would be A step out of Your plan
As you daily recreate me Help me always keep in mind That I only have to do what I can find And all I ever have to be All I have to be All I ever have to be is What You've made me
The last two months of an outgoing president's term are called the "lame duck" period - the assumption that they are now limited in power and will be quieter - but in recent times, it's been anything but.
So when an outgoing president gives a series of executive orders, pushes acts into laws through Congress, or otherwise takes executive action in his final months as president, we call this "lame duck" legislation.
Proponents for lame-duck legislation say it's important because it's a last-stitch effort to thwart the opposition's most "dangerous" legislation incoming legislation (depending on what each party sees as "dangerous.")
Opponents of lame-duck legislation say they've had 4 years to get stuff done and lost public support and thus, shouldn't be doing much of anything in true "lame duck" fashion, and leaving the outgoing president in gives them the opportunity to take desperate measures, seek revenge, or even sabotage the incoming administration.
Now, typically, I am of the latter opinion, an opponent - you lost the election, you lost public opinion - thank you for playing, goodbye.
In fact, in the UK and other European countries, that is what they do - you're out that day, no ifs, ands, or buts - specifically to thwart lame-duck legislation and/or revenge or sabotage.
But we are in different times now - and thwarting "dangerous" incoming actions any way we can is essential, because they're not just perceived politically dangerous - they are truly dangerous to our welfare as a whole.
Now - after having just said that, when Biden gave the order to allow the Ukraine to use missiles to fire at Russia, my first reaction was ... to smile?
What the BLEEP has gotten into me - this is war action?
So then I felt horrible.
Then I told my husband, and he actually laughed, which made me feel a little less horrible.
I think we did so because you can't help but respect and smile at Biden's very obvious FU to Putin, as well as the incoming Putin/Russia-friendly Trump and Friends.
Plus let us not forget, Russia had just announced North Korean troops were entering to fight on the Russian side.
Who doesn't respect an "FU" message to an a-hole from an underdog on the way out with their last breath, right?
EXCEPT - we're talking about missiles and human lives!
So I slapped myself because I hate war and I hate the casualties that will occur.
Also, I had just said last week when Zelensky wanted to start sending missiles into Russia that I don't think it's a good idea to poke the bear.
And in the end, I think it will accomplish very little but piss the bear off, and the incoming presidency will most assuredly not back up this action anyway.
Thus, I have mixed feelings - though I respect the very clear FU message that Biden is sending Putin and Trump on the way out, I also think it's futile, will result in civilian loss of lives, and will not be backed up by the incoming administration and thus, was a bit like shooting fireworks at an oncoming tank.
So in the end, it's desperate actions like these on the way out is why I still think we should do like the UK and several other European countries do, when they elect new leaders - it's immediate: "Thanks very much, but get the F out. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 - just go."
And the reason I still feel that way because I'm not short-sighted - can you imagine what Trump's last lame duck period will be like in 2028?
God only knows what he'll do, on the way out, he might burn down the White House, who knows ...
Now before I begin this post, I said in yesterday's post regarding Pete Hegseth that for reasons I can't explain, it really bothers me when men who have never been cowboys, never set foot on a farm or ranch, can't ride a horse, are not from the West or South, nor are even a country singer, wear a cowboy hat.
I'm not saying I'm an expert myself, by any means, far from it - I barely learned how to saddle a horse properly - but I did ride Saddlebred (English riding, 3-gait) when I was a child/pre-teen and have ridden my husband's thoroughbred several times, over the years - enough experience to be able to tell when actors have little or no horse-riding experience.
So let it be known that at the very least, Taylor Sheridan - who grew up in Texas and learned how to ride on his grandparents' cattle ranch, eventually competed in "cutting" competitions - only casts men that have extensive ranch/farm riding experience (even competition experience), because he knows it will show if you're not an experienced rider (at least to other true riders).
(Of course, he loves to show his riding skills off by putting himself "cutting" in nearly every production he makes, stroking his own ego, too.)
Thus, all the men I'm about to mention check this box, including even Sylvester Stallone (who used to compete in polo, which isn't exactly cowboy, it's English saddle/riding (which some say is harder), but he absolutely can ride, he even rode at a competitive level ...
So there's THAT ... but now that that's out of the way, the writer of all of these shows, Taylor Sheridan, is a heck of screenwriter (though he does leave some loopholes or shark-jumps and is not the best director) and theme-song picker - BUT - he's also a huge egotistical, control-freak, super douche!
He sues his own cast members for their side projects and side business ventures as if he owns them, and he couldn't get along with Kevin Costner, to the point that apparently, the two are no longer even on speaking terms, super bad blood between them.
Who doesn't get along with Kevin Costner?
(Well, his ex-wives might beg to differ, but in the business, he's got a pretty good reputation for being easy to work with and being pretty laid-back, and he's typically pretty good about finding common ground with Republicans, too, enough to agree to narrate a series about the American West for the Fox News Network.)
And Taylor's other show, The Mayor of Kingstown (which I only watched once, super dark, nearly humorless), found many of his big stars leaving after the first season, vowing never to return - so good luck, Billy Bob Thornton and Jon Hamm with Taylor's latest, "Landman."
(As a side note, I found the prequels toYellowstone - 1883 and 1923 - super boring, despite two of my favorite actors being in them, Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren.)
So despite this previously being my husband's favorite show, we haven't watched the new/last season of Yellowstoneyet and likely aren't going to - not only because Taylor moved the streaming rights from from Paramount Plus (CBS's plus app) to Peacock (NBC's plus app), which I'm not signing up for, as there's nothing else there we want to watch - but because we learned they killed off Kevin's lead character in the first show in the first few minutes!
Kevin Costner himself reportedly didn't even know about it until it aired, finding out through friends, because he's supposedly not even on speaking terms with Taylor and the rest of the cast is under a gag-order like NDA.
Kevin Costner carried the show, he was the glue that held the family together, for better or worse - and though we like the Rip and Beth sideline story, they're not enough to carry the show!
Plus, Taylor increasingly started making hints in his shows about leaning politically right, which really turned us off.
He still keeps the anti-racism/anti-racial-profiling storylines in about Native Americans and people of color, as well as pro-women storylines, but other things were becoming increasingly pro-right-wing - and he started giving us hints at Trump support.
Now, Kevin is a famous Democrat, with family ties to the South, which means he's a 2nd amendment supporter - but everything else is left - which leaves us speculating if politics had anything to do with it, because he took a lot of flack from some fans for being a Democrat.
Then Tulsa King star, Sylvester Stallone - who I actually liked as a person better than Arnold Schwarzenegger in that age-old debate - came out of the Trump closet, on Thursday night, at Mar-A-Lago, stating Trump is the "second George Washington" for "defending his country."
What the ...?
Nope, can't do it.
If I can find several fact-based arguments against your belief - on video - that not only is this NOT the case, but that Trumpism is the exact opposite defending democracy, with Trump instead behaving like tyrant king or fascist dictator ...
... then you've proven your belief to be irrational, illogical delusion, rather than based on actual historical fact - and I have zero interest in hearing anything you have to say further on Trump or politics in general because you can't be taken seriously.
We can chat and find common ground on other subjects, but I have zero interest in your opinions about Trump or politics in general, nor will I be giving your business ventures any patronage or platform - sorry.
So we were midway through the second season of Tulsa King, which is admittedly a well-written show, about a mafia made man (Stallone as Dwight Manfredi) who spent 25 years in prison for a murder he regretted (which was actually a mercy killing after someone else in "the family" messed up) - without ratting anyone out - only to find that after his release, his reward for doing so was being sent off to Tulsa to "start business" by the psycho son of the don, who convinced his ailing father to do so, out of jealousy/fear that Dwight would run the family now instead of himself.
He also discovered that his wife and daughter were NOT taken care of by "the family" as promised, while he was in prison - they were left penniless, and his daughter had been sexually assaulted by a member of "the family" as a child. The mafia family claimed not to know or they would've taken care of it themselves, but he doesn't believe them.
So sending him off to Tulsa was was like sending somebody off to Siberia, in mafia language, and thus, Dwight increasingly cuts ties with the NYC mafia and does his own thing, with more heart.
Anyway, despite being an interesting twist on a fish-out-of-water former mafia guy, I don't care how either story ends anymore - I am NOT giving patronage to Trump supporters in any way, shape, or form - sorry.
I will find common ground and work with them, chat with them in my neighborhood etc (as long as we don't discuss politics), but giving them support or patronage?
Nope - sorry.
Also, I wonder what his 3 intelligent, outspoken daughters think about his Trump support?
We may hear about that on the reality show that is "The Family Stallone" - or not - because his 3 daughters are actually the stars.
It also appears that he was a great kid dad, but has no idea how to be a growing/grown daughter dad (other than to protect them from men), or really, how to relate to teen, young adult or grown women in general.
However, not even sure I'll watch that, I'm so disappointed in him!
