Friday, August 23, 2019

Untentionally Hilarious 1-Star TripAdvisor Reviews Of the New 7 Wonders of the World

(edited) So, I can't do a better or more hilarious job narrating these than Natalie Compton did, in the WaPo this morning, and yet still, I'll add a few words ;)


Typically, it's my over-privileged, entitled fellow Americans who write these reviews, of course.  

Now, truth be told, I typically scan the reviews myself, just for general trends or things to watch out for.  You know, if you see one bad review, you ignore it as one bad experience or a lesson learned, but if you see a general trend, stay away.  

Unless of course one review is from a regular reviewer or a fair review (rather than an angry, bitter ex or something), and it says something like:   "Erm, apparently when not renting their guest house on AirBNB, the owners cook meth in here?"  or something lol.

When reading them, I do often giggle to myself at how spoiled we Americans are - everything must be bigger and better,  stainless steel and sterile - all at the cheapest price, of course ;)

And we tend to still demand this sort of service and quality in poorer countries, just because we're Americans who feel falsely entitled to everything in this world. 

So without further ado, here are the most unintentionally hilarious 1-star TripAdvisor ratings of the New 7 (man-made) Wonders of the World  ... starting with the least clueless/funny to the most :)

Well of course, that travel tip goes without saying - you should always avoid seeing remarkable works of art that several countries collaborated on as a universal symbol of your Christian faith - because it's too hard to take a selfie there. I mean, doesn't everybody? ;)

Then of course, you can go too much the other way and fixate only on your faith, despite other events, or other groups that were persecuted there ...

Now, you weren't paying attention to the tour guide, were you? 

Because though there is documentation that Christians most certainly were murdered and crucified in Rome, you left out the part about how despite Pope Benedict XIV claiming that the coliseum itself was used to murder Christians, there is actually no historical evidence to support that Christians were murdered at the coliseum itself.  

You also left out the part about how they weren't alone in their persecution - because there is also historical documented evidence that the coliseum was built from spoils of the temple of Jerusalem in 70 AD, after Romans raided the temple to punish Jews for rising up and revolting against them, because of chronic persecution/oppression, and brought back 100,000 Jewish prisoners to help build it.

Other events took place there, too - including plays, orations, music festivals - and our modern-day stadiums are still based on the ancient coliseum model.

Yes, there were essentially bloodbaths there, and the Romans oppressed and persecuted many people of other faiths - but the coliseum itself wasn't selective based on faith - the "games" there were neither a condemner nor respecter of persons based on faith alone - even lower-class Roman citizens themselves fell prey to the "games."

As I said, modern-day football stadiums and football itself is based on the games at the coliseum - and like Natalie, the WaPo author of this article says - you know dang well you watched Gladiator like 900 times, anyway, so get real.
And never mind the structure is almost old as Christ and has somehow withstood wars, fires, earthquakes and thieves?

Hey - maybe you'll get lucky and Trump's wall will be built coliseum/stadium style - then you can just stay home and watch Mexicans and Muslims be killed, instead, 'Christian' brother!  Amen!  ;)


 Oh sweet Lord - "looks better in the pictures" ...

Are. You. Kidding. Me. With. That???
Do you know how many people would give a limb to go see the Taj Mahal just once in their lifetime?

And talk about creepy - you're disappointed because you couldn't see the actual tombs?
The very fact that you don't realize the whole point of the Taj Mahal - beauty and light that transcends, death, decay, and darkness - is proof you never should've gone there in the first place, because you clearly don't get it.

Okay, I realize that this guy is actually trying to make fun of the selfie people, but why would you give the site itself 1 star?  lol

It's not the Incans fault, we Americans act like rude, disrespectful idiots at sacred historical and cultural sites.
And you think the locals don't know that it's a source of income for them to sell their wares?

But it's far from a "money tree."  

You try making a living in Peru on what they make.  They can't even really afford to pay the entrance fee themselves.

And what about the remarkable similarity to Asian terrace farming and Indian and Southeast Asian architecture, despite supposedly having no contact with the East until Cortez's arrival the next century, hm?  Not impressed?

Okay, so ... you may stay at home with the other guy and wait for Trump's wall as a tourist attraction, too, while the rest of us appreciate other things the rest of the world has to offer.

I'm sure your American ADD will be entertained by plenty of fireworks, semi-automatic weapons, tanks, and cheerleaders, that will be at its grand - erm - closing.

Perhaps you can take selfies, too, during the large, Lord-of-the-Flies-style bonfire, during human sacrifices of Mexicans and Muslims?!?

Perhaps you can even take a beer bus there, like this next girl ..

LOL - Since I've visited Chichen Itza myself, this one was nearly my favorite - because I actually had one of the best and most spiritual experiences of my life, at Chichen Itza, and this person's attitude is just so ... entitled American.

In fact, the only thing nearly ruining for me were people like this chick, who take "beer buses" to to historical sites, leaving their cans and chips bags all over the grounds.  

If I didn't know better, I could've sworn Miranda Sings wrote this review lol.

For those of you unfamiliar with Miranda Sings,  - no, she's NOT serious - she's the hilarious parody character of your typical, garden-variety, American YouTube narcissist, created by comedian/actress, Colleen Ballinger lol. For example, this is Miranda's instructional video for Jerry Seinfeld on how to become famous like her lol. 

And for proof she's not like that (and how she came up with the character), here's her, as herself, on Jimmy Fallon - unfortunately, many people don't realize this is a character and either hate her because of it or actually emulate her (which she finds scarier) lol.

But back the TripAdvisor review, clearly the Miranda Sings wannabe did NOT bother to read other people's travel guides, reviews, and/or do's and don'ts (or even use common sense) before traveling there, because she fell for every tourist trap in the book anyway.  

Hint on being respectful at important historical/cultural sites: Never take a "beer bus" - they're best kept to sportings events.

And again, not impressed by the "bearded man" and southeast Asian cultural influence mysteries, like depictions of elephants, though they're not indigenous to Latin/South America?


Sigh, okay then. Take another beer bus and treat Mexicans like trash in their own country, again, but call them rude, when they tire of your entitled attitude - I dare you lol.

You're lucky they even got your dumb gringo ass there, instead of dropping you off in the middle of the jungle, never to be seen or heard from again lol.

Here we go, another person who never read others reviews or the do's and don'ts of traveling - you never buy the trinkets right outside of tourist attractions - especially not for $180 lol.

The fact that these vendors are even right on site means they don't respect the cultural history themselves.  

If you want to barter with the locals elsewhere, that's fine, but never, ever buy from the vendors just outside the site itself.

And again, is it Petra's fault that you're an idiot? lol

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner - I think this is my favorite.

Pile of bricks?  Yeah, one despite being built 200 years before Christ, is still remarkably preserved, and you can see from space because of it's continuity.  

Okay, so ... go back to your precious job and see if you can build anything at all that lasts for centuries - then make sure you, and others, take a beer bus to it ;)

Thanks for the travel tips, fellow "Christian" Americans - embarrassing us around the world for over 250 years. I'll be sure and NOT behave as you did, at these places :)


PS - OMG, the commenters lol - even more hilarious (and sad).  

Thus, my comment there: 

And this poor soul became depressed by the article ...

So I replied to her, hoping to make her feel better - because she gets it when so many others don't  :) 

Friday, August 16, 2019

Oh Thank God, A Rom Com that Makes Us Laugh Out Loud Again. I Mean, It's Been Years ...

(*PS added) So, I was about to say RIP, Rom Coms that are actually worth watching - and by that, I don't mean OTT, implausible, feel-good rom-coms, I mean realistic rom-coms  that both men and women enjoy and aren't OTT.  Gone forever are the days of "When Harry Met Sally," in favor of superhero movies, right?   

Seriously, Hollywood - I realize superhero movies are the only thing this divided nation agrees upon, right now, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.  

I mean, I never thought I'd say this, but ... I can't even keep my Super-Chrises straight anymore, Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, or Pratt? lol.

In fact, though I smiled often at "The Big Sick" in 2017...

I think even the last regular comedy I laughed out loud at, and was willing to watch more than once, was 2015's "Spy" with Melissa McCarthy.

However, hold up on that death of Rom-Coms that are actually laugh-out-loud funny and willing-to-watch again-immediately thing ...

... because on my day off, on a break from house-cleaning, I just watched the first Rom-Com I've seen in a very long time that made me laugh out loud, several times - and it's Netflix.  

That's right, I said Netflix - though fast replacing the box office for quality - Netflix is mostly known for good and gritty - not good and pretty.

However, they somehow actually managed to to pull off a clever, witty Rom-Com that both men and women can enjoy.  Not exactly When Harry Met Sally, but close :)

It's essentially When Harry Met Sally, but with a fresh Asian-American take.  As Cosmo puts it ...

There was only one OTT moment towards the end, that made me roll my eyes (except his "proposal" made me laugh) - but the very, very end makes up for it (SPOILER ALERT:  She, as a celebrity chef, surprises him by opening a homespun authentic Korean restaurant featuring his mother's authentic Korean recipes, named after his mother).  

Now,  that's real - and much better and more meaningful than melodramatic, rain-soaked, public declarations of love in front of God and everybody, isn't it?

In fact, I usually don't tear up at Rom Coms, and I definitely didn't during his public declaration, but I DID tear up at her restaurant-honoring his mother bit.)

Speaking of both surprises and the melodramatic, Keanu Reeves suddenly showing up as Sasha's momentary love interest  -  was a total surprise.

The appearance of the A-list actor on a Netflix show, as Marcus' competition, made me laugh out loud - playing a weird, melodramatic, phony, self-obsessed caricature of himself, poking fun of both himself and the high-falutin' world of the privileged elite (including digs at weird, tiny, soul-less food dishes that leave you hungry and Balenciaga). 

This is just the beginning of the whole bit with Keanu, I don't want to give away the whole bit - just the prelude to an even more absurd and ridiculous bit, which was absolutely hilarious, culminating in Marcus punching Keanu in the face lol

Whaaaaaa? :)

Who knew Keanu was funny? 

Well, not THAT funny, and we're more laughing at him than with him, but he doesn't have to be funny OR a good actor.  (In fact, he nearly ruined one of my favorite movies, Dangerous Liasions, but I forgave him) - because just look at him.  He got that Chinese/Hawaiian/British-Canadian mix thing, going on, that has driven us girls wild for decades.

So nope, no spoiler clips for the best parts - because you know how trailers show you the best parts of the movie, so when you see it, you're like, "I ... should've stayed at home and and watched the trailer again, for free, while trimming my toenails?"

Not so, with this one.  Like I said, not exactly "When Harry Met Sally," good, but still worth a watch - and enough to make me to wish I was Asian now? lol. 

AND my pug loved the soundtrack.  

How can I tell?

True, he's lost the ability to walk now - BUT - when he hears music he likes, he lifts his head, looks towards the TV or laptop, then at me, and wags his tail  - which is my cue to pick him up and either dance around with him or sit him on my lap and bounce him to the beat - and he wags his tail and makes his pug smile face - then promptly falls asleep lol.

No, no, this is good, that means he digs it  - anything that makes my sweet old pug happy and relaxed is a good thing (and people too) :)

He sort of looks like this ... to include digging the beat and eventually falling asleep lol ...

The movie even met my pug's approval, two paws up!

PS - Rewatched this movie with my husband, without telling him about Keanu's surprise appearance (he loves Keanu for 3 different reasons than I do, in the form of action movies: The MatrixJohn Wick, and Point Break).  

He, like me (and the people in the movie) also exclaimed "Oh my God - that's Keanu! Haha! That's F-ing hilarious" lol

 He said he hadn't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time; in fact, we watched it a third time at his request for what he missed (it moves fast).  

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

13 Reasons Why, 3 Years Ago Today ...

... I made the best decision of my life ... and married this guy ...

(Video actually made for his birthday a couple of years ago :) 

In October, we will have been together for 8 years - and it only keeps getting better and better :)

You've heard of that Netflix show, "13 Reasons Why?

Well, here are 13 Reasons Why I Love My Husband :)

#1 -  The fact that football season is still a month away - and Halloween is still 2 months away - but he's already excited and becomes a kid again with both events lol. 
#2. The look on his face after cooking his favorite meals, when I set the plate down in front of him.

#3. The fact that he loves, and laughs, at zombie and Bigfoot movies. (I don't get it at all, they're not my thing, but the fact that he laughs at them and loves them, makes me shake my head and smile.)

#4. How much he loves his home town of Detroit and gets so excited when someone here in Kentucky has a Detroit Tigers hat or an MSU shirt. I even found myself yelling out my car window at a neighbor, "Go Green!" when they were caught wearing their MSU shirt lol. (He appropriately waved, smiled, and yelled back "Go White!" lol)

#5. The way he talks to our dogs and explains everything: "Okay, Dad's going to go change out of his work clothes, and then he'll take you for a walk, and then we'll have peanut butter, okay, buddies? " :)

#6. That he gets even more excited, moved, and grateful to our creator for nature and animals than I do.

#7. That he takes work as seriously as I do, and ensures the quality of his work - and works even harder than I do, despite being tired, sick, cold, hot, etc. - if he is asked to do it, he does it - without cutting corners, without making excuses - he just gets it done.

#8. The fact that he's taught me to be tougher - that I need to stop giving so much benefit of the doubt and stop letting others take advantage of my empathy. That sitting around praying for truth and change, like some sort of martyr, never works out well for me - because no one is grateful, giving ME the same benefit of the doubt or empathy, or even remembers sacrifices I made, so it's up to me to value myself enough to do this for myself.

That there's a time to put away the diplomacy and to tell people exactly where to go, because no one else will - and to stop giving a shit what people think about it because people like to make up their own narratives anyway.

#9. The fact that I've taught him to give a little more benefit of the doubt to people sometimes, and more importantly, I taught him - a former Army Ranger, responsible big brother to 4 siblings, golden gloves boxer, and a master's degree in IT - that it's okay to be silly, random, and absurd :) 

#10. After learning it's okay to be silly/absurd, he makes up better silly songs than I do about things, including "poopy songs" to facilitate our dogs when it's time to relieve themselves lol.

#11. That he's faithful and would still, inexplicably, rather hang out with me than anyone else in his life (?) - despite my graying hair and weight gain of 15 pounds since we married, and is so full of gratitude for every little thing I do, and still tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, every single day - when previous men never told me even once - though I have never felt beautiful or sexy my entire life.

#12. The fact that despite a couple of Trumpers best attempts to thwart his efforts at work and send him to Siberia, both because he didn't agree with their politics and especially to try conceal how good he really is in comparison to them - particularly taking advantage of, and actually making fun of, his initial stroke residuals (which are now gone) - he's now back where he belongs, by popular demand, finally getting the recognition he deserves.

Speaking of those 2 undereducated, underqualified, conniving little Trumpers, who acted all sympathetic about my husband's stroke to my face, then sent my husband to work Siberia and actually made fun of my husband's initial stroke residual symptoms (which are now gone) behind our backs?

Well - let's just say time reveals all - and their undereducated, inexperienced, good ole-boy cronyism, misdeeds, and admitted extramarital activities while at work finally caught up with them, as we speak :)
But let me just say this, "gentlemen" - and I use this term loosely - it has been verified by other people in the room, that despite your fake sympathy, you publicly mocked my husband's initial residual stroke symptoms (which are now gone) - so you better pray I never see you - OR your admitted extramarital, side-chick, office ho's who instigated it - outside of work, ever again lol.

Because in addition to the restoration of my husband, and despite my normally being very kind to everyone, as you've seen - I finally reached my quota with characterless, dishonest, arrogant, nasty little Trumpers like you, this week.

Thus, never forget that I, myself, am rooted in redneck, plus an educated, articulate half-redneck woman - your basic worst nightmare - and I can pull that girl out at any time I need her., which I'm happy to do over my husband.

So God help you, if I see you at the grocery store, a UK game, or even church - I'll make a public spectacle out you and famous, in this town - and not in a good way lol.

But from what I understand, neither you - nor your office ho's - will be at work much longer, anyway - it may take a long time for truth to come out, but nasty people always get what's coming to them, in the end - and the truth and true gems like my husband always shine through :)

#13. The fact that he fought his way back from that stroke, 2 years ago, now with no residuals AND despite the work nonsense I just mentioned above on top of it.

Mark and Dr. Azhar Aslam - the Pakistan-born MUSLIM interventional cardiologist who saved my husband's life (my husband had an undetected congenital patent foramen ovale or "hole" in his heart, causing blood to shunt from left heart to right, instead of go to the lungs for filtering, thus causing a leg clot to go straight to the brain and cause the stroke. Dr. Aslam discovered the problem through testing within 24 hours, "plugged" the hole, and now we're good as new. Others, like Luke Perry and John Singleton, were not as lucky. We are eternally grateful to Dr. Aslam for his "gift" to my husband.

Next to my daughter, my husband has been the biggest blessing of my life.

Happy Anniversary, Honey - thank you for coming into my life and blessing it - may we have many more years together ;)

(Tearing up as I'm writing this lol.)

I love you, more every day ... and yes, my life would suck without you :)