So I've been working on this post for a couple of days, here and there, so forgive me if it's a bit disjointed ....
I just finished watching "Life After Death" with Tyler Henry.
Though I have pretty much debunked most "famous" psychics as being hucksters, I watched this kid from when he first started out and grow in his abilities, and I think he may be the real deal - or at least he genuinely believes he's the real deal, rather than a con.
I'll tell you why, in a minute - both from observations about him and from a personal experience (not with Tyler himself, but ... well, read on.)
First of all, let's talk about the show itself.
Either his assistant or his mother chooses people from his 300,000-person waiting list to do a reading on, and they fly or drive to the person's chosen location, Tyler having no idea where he's going or who he's doing a reading on, while Tyler tries to tune in first and starts stating little clues he tries to interpret.
When he arrives, he doesn't chat much or ask questions, gets right down to business, because he doesn't want his knowledge or own intuition or intellect to influence his impressions about the person to affect the reading.
The people being read are told in advance to not give any information, and if he does ever ask a question, to simply answer 'yes' or 'no" for confirmation but no more information, until he asks them directly to now tell their story, after the beginning read.
And he's super honest - he doesn't ask leading questions, if he doesn't get much, he tells you, and sometimes he gets things he's not sure how to interpret and admits he sometimes can interpret what he's seeing wrong or can't articulate it well. I remember, in the beginning, when he first started out, he lacked confidence in his ability to interpret what he sees, which held him back - but he appear to have grown more confident in it sense, but still allows space for him to be wrong or interpret what he sees incorrectly.
He also doesn't reassure them that everyone is at peace now, like other psychics do. He focuses on the positive, but if they died in pain, he tells them. Of course they feel no pain now, but they definitely remember it, if they did.
If they feel something is unresolved with that person, he tells them. In the most delicate of ways, but he tells them. If they're still sad or pissed that they died and feel robbed of life, he tells them - again, in the most delicate of ways.
But it seems that though the dead don't want to be forgotten, they're mostly concerned with not re-traumatizing us again with their passing, and worried about what we're doing, instead - wanting us to live our lives to the fullest and best we can.
He also doesn't try guide anyone to "cross over into the light " - he believes they're already there, in different levels - different levels of light and learning, and the more they learn, the more insight and enlightenment they gain, the closer they are toward acceptance and the light :)
And doesn't typically physically "see dead people" like a hallucination - he sees them in his mind's eye, they pantomime clues or he'll get a letter or a symbol, sometimes phrases, but rarely full sentences, most overall impressions. Also, he literally feels what the person coming through is feeling - both at the time of their death and now.
Also, he doesn't accost people while walking down the street or in the supermarket - he typically has to tune in anyway to get impressions, unless someone coming through is especially persistent - but even then, he asks, because it can overwhelm people.
He also cannot predict anything on his own family or health - only other people. He's too biased, he says, and his own anxiety and emotions and intuitions and intellect get in the way.
Most importantly, he's not the sort of psychic that can predict the future. Every once in a while, he gets a strong hunch to do or not do something, but it's rare, and in his readings for other people, he rarely tells them what to do unless he gets a strong impression about their health, to get it checked.
For example - by now, everyone is aware that Tyler has been given credit for "predicting actor Alan Thicke's death" - but here's the thing - Tyler himself said - he didn't.
In fact, Tyler said he had no idea Alan was going to die - all he got was a strong impression from Alan's father, coming through, that he needed to get his own heart checked immediately.
Alan said he'd just had a physical (but not a cardiologic exam) and he was fine, and appeared to dismiss him - but of course, a few months later - Alan Thicke was dead of a heart attack, like his father.
Most impressive, during the Netflix series - SPOILER ALERT - during one particular reading, the person coming through for a restaurant and Taoist museum kept asking them to continue their renovations and to "avoid fire."
He says it very clearly and they weren't sure what it meant, other than take extra precautions while renovating, but nevertheless, Tyler tells them that's the best he can articulate/interpret what the person coming through said, repeating it over and over.
That same night, just hours later - the restaurant/museum caught on fire - and no, it wasn't Tyler lol.
He's pretty busy and wasn't even in the area anymore. He did return a few days later, though. It turned out to be a transient female the area and pyromaniac, who admitted she did it.
Tyler said he didn't see a fire or predict a fire coming at all - just the person coming through kept saying "avoid fire," as was on the video footage.
And that's what we like about Tyler - his honesty and humility :)
He never says, "I correctly predicted all of this" - all he says is - "All I got was that something was wrong, that's not the same as predicting an actual event."
Also, though he has grown more confident, he's not always confident in his abilities or that he's interpreting the clues correctly. Honestly, with all of the other hucksters out there, including the Long Island Medium, I've never seen that - the lack of 100% certainty that what he's saying is accurate or that he's interpreting it right, nor does he take credit for predicting an actual event like the others - he says sometimes he doesn't have any idea the clues will result in a heart attack or fire, just that someone coming through asked them to "check your heart" or "avoid fire," without seeing an actual event.
Also, he uses his free time - which isn't much - to deliver meals to the sick and elderly, especially during COVID. I have never seen that from any psychic - ever. It's usually about how awesome they are in their abilities and it never shows there mistakes.
Lastly, though he became famous after reading for celebrities - his team doesn't just pick celebrities for him to read - and in fact, most of the readings he does aren't on celebrities - and includes people with little or no money, on the show.
Now let's talk about any question marks that came up, and things that had you wondering if this was all BS, and I was looking for them, believe me - but honestly, there weren't many (though keeping in mind, the show is edited - but as I say below, even his mistakes were shown).
The only things that seemed a bit off to me were sometimes - and just sometimes - in his excitement, he'd jump ahead of himself and ask questions for confirmation if he was on the right track, but he usually would catch himself and ask them not to answer that yet lol - but these moments honestly seemed like just a visceral reaction of his excitement, wanting to know the answer himself of what the weird clues he was getting meant, like trying to solve a puzzle.
There were a couple of times he was wrong, or at least misinterpreted the clues - and it actually included his mistakes in the show.
You literally never see this with other psychics, but it does happen.
For example, on the way to do a reading for Jeanne Buss, having no idea of where he was going or who he was going to read - he got "baseball" and "trophies and awards, plaques."
Well, the trophies and plaques are correct - but it was basketball - Jeanie Buss is the current owner of the LA Lakers ...
... after her father, Jerry Buss, passed away in 2013.
The other only thing that concerns me just the slightest bit is his mother. She's super likeable, a very kind and caring person, loves and dotes on him, obviously - but there appears to be just the teensiest bit of a show mother in her?
However, we don't know if that's just the way things were edited, and clearly, she has her own stuff going on - a super interesting side-story, having just discovered through DNA testing that the people she thought were her parents aren't actually her parents, and having that investigated - which Tyler had absolutely no idea of.
He had somewhat of a sense that something wasn't as it appeared, but when he tries to tune into his own family, all he gets is mostly static or he says he feels that his own emotions cloud the reading - he's going based on what he knows about people, and his feelings about them, versus an objective reading.
Regardless, Tyler is clearly exhausted, especially after having a collapsed lung in early 2020, which in addition to a congenital heart problem he already had, he felt was undiagnosed COVID in late 2019/early 2020, but since testing was not available yet, he's not sure - and no, he didn't see that coming at all, either.
Again, when it's his own health or life, or that of his family, he sees nothing (unless sometimes it's about other family members, but rarely himself) - so I worry about the poor kid?
I think there's a bit of a mix, there - Tyler believes it's his duty to help others and pushes himself, but I can't help but wonder if sometimes his mother pushes him just a tiny bit more than I wonder if Tyler is capable of, especially after his own health issues?
I could be wrong, and if so, I'd feel terrible, it could be all Tyler himself pushing himself, but just a couple of times I wondered if she should really be pushing him, right then.
Now, for the personal experience and why I believe Tyler may possibly be the real deal ...
This is pretty personal, so I'm just going to throw this out there for other people, in case you've ever had an experience like this and think you're crazy. I don't know if you are or aren't, but you're not alone in these experiences, at least lol.
So as mentioned before, my husband thinks I'm psychic lol.
I don't - at most, I would describe it as being "spiritually sensitive."
However, I did/do have a strange "gift," if you will - one that appears to be all but gone - and it is/was very similar to Tyler's.
I did NOT "see dead people" - in fact, it was eerily similar to Tyler's process, without the scribbling thing.
And the reason I used past tense is because - it's been fading, over the last two years or so - and I don't know why?
In fact, when it first happened, I thought it was a party trick I could do, based on my own intuition and insight about the person I was reading.
In fact, still, I wonder if highly sensitive, empathic, and intuitive people like Tyler - and possibly me - are just capable of picking up on the other person's subconscious rather than actually receiving "messages" from the dead?
In my early 20s, literally at a party, for some stupid reason, we wanted to test our psychic abilities, so I tried to tune in, into what I could pick up on about other people - but instead, I "saw" people around them, but not literally saw them - it was in my mind's eye, like if you looked at someone and then closed your eyes to remember what they looked like, not entirely clear.
Sometimes there was more than one - but one was over the person's (usually) right shoulder and closer and moving - the other one over their left shoulder appeared further away and almost "frozen," which I later interpreted to mean "not active, right now."
I really thought it was a trick, my own intuition - until I literally started describing what the person looked like, though fuzzy, and started to guess whatever they were pantomiming or mouthing to me, out loud, and shocked the people I was trying to read. In some cases, I barely knew them - so there was no way I could've known these things. And sometimes, it's like a phrase would enter my mind that weren't my own, like a sort of ticker tape.
Some particular examples?
I'm trying to figure out which ones to tell - because the strongest ones were NOT for people I was close to, as mentioned, I'm too biased - but I don't have those people's permission.
So other than this first one, which is very personal and rare - I'm going to tell the stories of people that I know well now, but didn't, when I first read them ...
This one is before the "gift" became very pronounced and it's a very personal story, which as I said, is unusual with "reading," so forgive personal anecdotes.
However, I'm sharing them, too, because for those uneducated in social work, and don't know what is typical for the dying to do, as well as grief reactions from others, perhaps aspects of the story may help others to relate to certain experiences while a loved one is passing.
(Well, on steroids, because we are talking about my extremely dysfunctional family, but the typical death process and grief process is the same, just expressed in different ways and with different dysfunction.)
This was my grandfather's death.
I remember my older sister calling me, just as an ambulance was taking him to the hospital (I was not there, I was at my own apartment when my grandmother called), asking me to "You know that thing you do sometimes, that ability? Do you have it now - what's going to happen?"
Now, my family otherwise wasn't very supportive of this gift - it didn't help my status as the family scapegoat, let's just put it that way - and considering my mother's charismatic evangelical faith, she considered it "witchcraft."
However, she considered herself a prophetess of God - which I highly doubt because not one of her "prophecies" ever came true.
Regardless, IMO, whether you put Christ's name on it or not, it's the same gift - and you should never, ever use it for personal power or over others - which in my mind, is true witchcraft - and what my mother regularly engaged in, just in Christ's name - and interestingly enough, she's usually wrong.
But my sister called me, asking me to use it now, with our grandfather, so I took a moment to "tune in."
I have no idea where this came from, I didn't see or hear anything - just a ticker tape, like I was reading an actual ticker tape in my mind - and it just came out of my mouth.
Me: "He's had a heart attack."
K: "Okay, well, duh, that's what we thought - but will he die?"
Me: "Not yet, this is the first of many in succession, and yes, he will die - and he will not come home from the hospital."
This part was counterintuitive, and made me sad - because he'd always said he wanted to die at home - but that's exactly how things unfolded.
The doctors told us that left side of his heart was completely dead after the first attack, and that his weakened right heart was trying to compensate for the left, outdoing itself, which would result in several more heart attacks over the next two weeks until it, too, died.
Of course, considering my family status as the scapegoat and "possible witch," a couple of family members later actually blamed me for his death, using that prediction against me, saying I wanted him to die, I gave up on him - which of course was absurd - this is actually how that went down ...
So the family was having a conversation with the nurse - right in front of him in the room, despite having all of his mental faculties - about where he should die.
(Well, my mom was vacillating between giving instructions and pretending to act like a 4-year-old, because at the time, she claimed she had multiple personalities and was "regressing." One minute she was talking like a toddler and asking people to hold her, the next she was barking instructions. Amazing how all of that went away, when someone said something she didn't like, how extraordinarily lucid she became, isn't it? This miraculously went away, after that - because though she's mentally ill, dissociative disorder is NOT her diagnosis - just another manipulation ;)
But I digress lol - back to the argument in the room between his nurse, my second cousin, my mom, and my grandmother, about what to do with Pap.
(I'm sure that my older sister, K, would've been right there in the middle of that argument, dictating what should happen - but as usual, she didn't show up until after he died, being terrified of hospitals, illness, and death - but nevertheless barking orders at everyone else, over the phone, from 400 miles away.)
I said nothing, but after the argument got out of hand between my 2nd cousin, my mom, and the nurse, I finally said:
"Okay, enough! He's sitting right there and he's fully conscious and still has his wits about him. Why don't you ask HIM what HE what he wants, rather making the decisions for him, and talking about him like he's not even in the room, though he's literally four feet away?!?"
The room fell silent.
Then the nurse looked at me and said:
"You know what? She's absolutely right. I'm sorry, Mr. S - I should've asked you what you wanted. What would you like to do? Your family states you wanted to pass at home, is that what you want?"
"Well, I reckon I said that before I knew how rough it was. but you all have everything I need here and I don't know if I'd survive that rough ride, and I definitely don't want to go in an ambulance. I reckon I'll just stay right here."
My 2nd cousin (I have no first cousins, both parents are only children) literally dragged me out in the hallway by the shirt and said:
M: "Listen, you little brat - you're going to kill him faster. He doesn't even need to know he's dying, and he doesn't even need to talk about his own death, it'll kill him faster. You're so selfish, you don't care how he feels or if he dies. Maybe he won't die at all. You just want him to die to inherit the farm. "
Me: "That's ridiculous lol. First of all, I don't want this farm or a dime from it, as IF you'll even get that for it. They are the only reason I'm still here! When they both pass, I'm getting the hell away from here and never coming back! You all can have it - keep it, sell it, I don't care - it's all just stuff, the important part is them and their memories"
"So you, K, and Mom can fight over it then, knock yourselves out - but I'll be long gone, with a smile on my face - because I know you three are still fighting over "stuff" until doomsday, but you all can't blame me for your BS anymore."
"Secondly, the doctors told him directly that he was dying as well as us - his left heart is completely dead and the right heart is overcompensating for it and thus giving out, also dying, and there's no chance but a heart transplant, which they're not going to give a 91-year-old. But you think a 91-year-old man is going to miraculously survive or be healed from that?"
"You think if we don't talk about it maybe it won't happen?
"All of that "magical thinking," in this family - but you all think I'M a witch?
"And you think he doesn't know he's dying?"
"You heard the doctors tell him directly. And you all were arguing about it literally four feet away from him!"
"Talk about not caring how he feels - how would YOU feel, sitting right there with your mind sharp as a tack, listening to a bunch of hen-pecking women squawk about where they think you should die without even asking you, huh? "
"If anyone is being selfish, it's YOU all, wanting to keep him longer despite him being in tremendous pain, just so you don't have to live without him/grieve him, talking about what he should do without even asking him!"
"I think this family has done enough pretending, don't you? Maybe he wants to talk, maybe he doesn't, but at least give him that option and freedom to - because it should be about HIM and what HE wants, not us."
M: "I swear, if I find you talking with him about anything other than the weather, you and me are going to have it out - worse than dragging you in the hallway. I don't think you're demonic or a witch, but bad things happen when you're around, you're a jinx! Whether you mean to or not, you'll kill him. GET OUT OF HERE, nobody wants you here!"
Me: "You know what's never been said to you that's long overdue, because we're all terrified of you? FUCK OFF! This is MY grandfather, I have just as much of a right to be here as you, and I'm not going anywhere unless he tells me to go."
"So if you want me to leave, make me - but don't you EVER put your hands on me, or my daughter, ever again, or find out what happens - you understand me? You cruel, crazy, controlling bitch!
Just then a doctor walked up and said, "Hey, hey, hey - lower your voices, he can hear this now, too. I know everyone is emotional, but if anything is bad for him, it's family strife within an earshot of him. And nobody is leaving unless Mr. S himself says he wants them to."
Later, in the room alone with him, I asked him if he wanted to see my daughter, his great granddaughter.
Pap: "Yeah, but only when the morphine isn't so strong. I'm starting to see stuff I know ain't there, don't want to scare her. I ain't myself on that shit."
Me: "LOL, okay, I'll try to find out the dose schedule and time her visit right. Anything else you want, anyone else you want to see or anything you want to tell us?"
Pap: "Nah, I reckon everyone's here or on their way."
Me: "So ... you do know how sick you are then?"
Pap: "Yeah, I reckon I do. I ain't completely deaf. Them doctors told me, plus you all screeching at each other could wake the dead. It's just I never could say nothing with the women in this family, they're going to do what they want to do and damn what I think."
Me: "LOL, fair enough. I'm sorry about that, Pap, my part in that. Speaking of which, when I said to let you choose, was staying here what you really wanted or do you want to go home?"
"You know, the nurse can come, they can bring all of that stuff there, make you really comfortable, and maybe you can rest better than someone coming in every hour or so an waking you."
Pap: "Yeah, but maybe they don't have everything. Maybe they'll forget something. I don't know if I'd make the ride home, like I said. I reckon I wanna stay here, now. This is rough, mule, I ain't gonna lie. Rougher than I thought.
Me: "Gotcha, okay. Just making sure you weren't going along with what one of us loud-mouthed women wanted instead :)"
It was then that he told me the story of why he called me "Mule," which I've since told many times - it wasn't stubbornness, which although was true, wasn't the reason.
As Pap put it, he actually called me "Mule" because, the short version ...
"Mules are stronger than people think, smarter than people think, and they see too much - they see/sense stuff we can't. That's why we put blinders on them, so they won't get skittish about what they see. You see too much, Mule, sometimes what people don't wanna see. Try to find some blinders"
Later, with just J in the room - the husband of M - during a morphine-waning moment, Pap was trying to read the newspaper still. Unfortunately, the tiny screw fell out on his glasses and the lens popped out.
I found the screw and J rushed over, "Here, let me fix them."
Pap: "Now, now, I can do it, watch me."
J: "You don't need to do it, you're sick, let me do it."
He reached over to grab the glasses from Pap and I gently put my hand on his arm and mouthed, "Let him try."
So despite being that sick and half-morphined up - Pap somehow put the tiny screw back in his glasses and fixed them.
He was just beaming with himself, held them up to show us :)
J looked at me with his mouth dropping open, like I was psychic.
Honestly, that was NOT a "psychic" moment - LOL.
It was simply what I knew about my grandfather, who could fix anything, his long-term memory and training kicking in - and letting him have his dignity, right to the very end.
Me: "Look at THAT! You still got it, Pap!"
Pap just beamed :)
Later, things got rough - he was violently vomiting and so morphined up he didn't know which end was up. I remember him telling me to pick up his hat off the floor for him.
So ... there was no hat lol.
He kept telling me to do it, getting frustrated like I was disobeying him, so I had to pretend to pick up an imaginary hat and put it on the bed, to which he said, "thank you."
At one point, he squeezed my hand, I could tell the pain was starting again, and I called the nurse.
"Pap? If this gets too rough, too much, I want you know it's okay to go, okay? Don't worry about us. There's nothing else you need to do, no one else to take care of, we will be okay, okay? We will miss you like hell, you know that - but I hate to see you in so much pain. Don't suffer any longer than you need to for us, okay? I love you. You know that, right?"
He just squeezed my hand tighter.
The next day, he died.
Which of course, got blamed on me - the "jinx" or "the witch," whichever you prefer.
Your crops fail, your microwave doesn't work, someone dies - always my fault - though I'd never dabbled in witchcraft in my life.
I half-believed them about myself, back then.
But now, away from this toxic, scapegoating family for years now, and after therapy, I know now that - NO - that's NOT what it is.
Being educated in social work - and just being an empathetic person - I know of the importance of being able to die with dignity, the person always wanting to still feel useful and not a burden, right up until the end - and sometimes needing permission to let go and die, when in pain, wanting to hang on for us.
The dying person has a right to all of these things, despite what we want and how we feel.
That does NOT mean I wanted him to die or caused him to die - it means I wanted him to die on his terms, without regard for how I or anyone else felt about it.
He could be a mean SOB, that's for sure, and never said the words "I love you" to anyone - but also the most brilliant, insightful man I've ever known, and yet I loved him anyway - never knowing if he felt the same, because of some of the insults he threw my way - the closest I'd ever get was that mule story he told, shortly before he died :)
My first husband. We'd not been dating for long. I hadn't tried to tune into anything in a while - that last experience left me half-wondering if my family was right about me, but he encouraged me to try it again.
Now, I was expecting to see his grandfather - but I saw someone else, over his right shoulder. I knew one of his uncles had died of cancer, but I didn't know how. - never seen a picture of him, knew nothing about him other than that.
I was not close with J's mother, who is literally the most sociopathic person I have ever met in my life, and I wasn't eager to get to know her side of the family.
But I held my ex-husband's hand and got a very clear image of somebody who looked like him, but a bit different - and was wearing a brown fedora with a small dark green feather in it. His eyes would change from J's blue-green eyes to being completely grayed out, back and forth, very strange, like that in and of itself was a clue.
J: "That sounds like my uncle Lanau (pronounced Lonnie), but I don't know. He died just after I was born. He died of brain cancer I think but I don't think anything was wrong with his eyes. Let me call my mom."
Oh, great, yeah, let's get her involved, I thought.
She rushed right over and said, "Yes, L died of brain cancer, but J, what you didn't know is that he went blind about three weeks before he died from it. We had to place you in his arms, but he couldn't see you."
Then she asked me to repeat what I "saw" (again, in my mind's eye - over J's right shoulder, eyes changing from J's color to grayed out, like trying to tell me he was blind. And the hat - the brown fedora with the feather."
J's mom gasped and put her hands up to her mouth.
Then she ran into the other room and pulled out of a plastic bag - a brown fedora with a dark green feather in it - that belonged to Lanau.
I 'bout soiled myself.
J's Mom: "There's no way you could've known that, J didn't even know I kept this, how the hell did you do that? Can you see everything? How much can you see?"
Me: "I have no idea how. And no, only if I tune in can I see things, but rarely predictions, just who's with somebody and I have to interpret the clues correctly - and sometimes I don't."
Lucky for me, she avoided me for a while after that (for a change) - terrified that I could psychically see every criminal thing she was up to lol.
I couldn't, this gift was "limited" - but we let her think that lol ;)
Mark, my second and current husband.
We had just been dating about a month and started talking about a mutual interest in ghostie stuff. I took a chance and told him about this gift I supposedly had.
He asked me to try it.
Keep in mind, only dating a month, I knew very little about his family, at this point.
So I held his hands, expecting to see his grandfather - who I did see over his left shoulder, but distant, and "frozen" - looking a little like Vince Lombardi lol.
Strangely enough, I saw a woman - wearing a mink coat, diamond and onyx earrings, gray hair pulled up and pantomiming - it was like she was mocking herself, pulling up the mink coat to her neck, blinking her eyes as if she thought she was something, in that coat, and then dropping it to roll her eyes and laugh at herself.
I had no earthly or heavenly idea who that was.
Mark wasn't sure - and he didn't necessarily like the person he thought it was lol.
So I asked her who she was, and she tried to mouth something but I couldn't get it.
I asked Mark to test me - ask something only he and this person would know.
Mark: "Okay, what did she hit my dad with when she found out about _____?"
Me: "Yikes, hitting? Nobody should be hitting anyone, no wonder you didn't like her."
Mark: "Well, you don't know what my dad did, either lol. I almost hit him myself lol. Not in the face or anything. Just Ask her."
Me: "Okay, what did you hit Mark's dad with, that day?"
She reaches down, takes off a black shoe, and shows it to me.
Me: "A shoe? A black shoe."
Mark: "Oh my God - that's exactly right. She reached down, took off her shoe, and whacked him on back and shoulders with it lol. There's absolutely no way you could've known that. That's my Grandmother Chaplow. OMG, I don't WANT her around me, she was a pure B----. All she cared about was money and she was nearly a Nazi sympathizer. God, I wish you hadn't told me that."
Me: "I'm so sorry :( Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I'm making this all up, I mean, that wasn't a huge stretch to guess. I told you, I'm not super good at this. But you did ask me to? I told you, I don't know who or what I'm going to see in advance, until I tune in. I can't control who's going to come through"
Mark: "No, no, you're exactly right, that's her. She had several mink coats, especially a black one just like that for certain occasions like funerals. I called it her Cruella Deville coat lol. Ew, get her away from me! lol.
Me: "Okay, so - I can't? I don't know how. But Mark - here's the thing. She's kind of mocking herself. Like mimicking being a rich bitch and then rolling her eyes at herself and laughing, like none of it means anything now."
"There must be a reason she's close, a reason she's the active one over your right shoulder, right now - something she's trying to help you with or teach you? Maybe something she's learned and trying to pass on? Let me see if I can find out."
"Grandma Chaplow - okay, you're freaking him out. What do you want Mark to know? What are you trying to help him with?"
She again pulls the coat up, takes off the earrings and gestures them towards me.
I have no idea what this means lol.
She does it repeatedly then mouths - something. Something that starts with a P.
Price? Oh, pride! Watch his pride, letting his pride get in the way.
Then she gets all excited and nods yes, yes - that's it
So I tell Mark ...
Me: "Okay, so you know how when we first started dating, you kept trying to impress me with all of this name-dropping and accomplishments by you or your family, your family's prior wealth, and I finally stopped you and said, 'Okay, but who ARE you? Because none of that shit means anything to me - I want to know who YOU are as a person? I suspect there's actually a person of integrity in there, in pain, but integrity still intact - all of this other shit doesn't impress me in the least - it tells me nothing about your character?'"
Mark: "Yeah ... it shocked me. In fact, that's what made me fall in love with you. I knew right then you weren't like so many other girls, materialistic, like my ex-wife - all about money and hobb-nobbing with the rich and famous, and you didn't care that all of it was long gone - you really wanted to know who I was, as a person."
Me: "Well, I think that's related to what she's here to tell you and help you with - your pride. She's essentially telling you the same thing I was - she doesn't care that all the money is gone, it meant nothing anyway. All of the now-squandered family wealth, the name-dropping, the accomplishments - it all means nothing, in the end. 'Pride, she says, damn your pride' lol.
There are many more, but as I said, I started writing this post yesterday and have been writing on it here and there and that's all I have time for now - and I don't have permission to share the other stories - it's risky enough to tell this much publicly.
But the thing is, like I said, it's been fading.
And I wonder why?
Is it because there is no such things as ghosts and everything is just our own unresolved emotions and fears manifested?
Is it because I wasn't actually reading "the dead," but others 'subconscious - or even just my own intuition?
Or on a spiritual plane, maybe I don't need it anymore - my life is in a better place. Only rarely do I get "puzzle" hints now.
Maybe I abused it with the derby thing :/
And the thing is, do I want it back?
I'm not sure.
Quite honestly, it scared me and comforted me at the same time. It scared me because I thought it made me crazy - my family used it against me, as a "witch" and just another reason to scapegoat me and blame me for everything, so I pushed it away often.
And if part of me does want it back, why?
So I could have some proof about the afterlife for myself?
Because it would explain my weirdness better? lol.
Because as Tyler says, he was frequently bullied because he was so quiet and sensitive and weird - but now that he's been "found" to be psychic, everyone's like, "Oh, okay, that's why." LOL.
Neither of those are good reasons to want it back - it should be to help comfort others.
I'll think on this some more. Maybe it's just as simple as, whether self-comfort creation or truly spiritual gift, perhaps it was there when I needed it most, during some trauma and drama - but I don't need it anymore?
I gotta say, it feels pretty good to feel more normal without it - although the heads up on a few things was helpful sometimes lol.
PS - A couple of people have asked me if I got a heads up for Mark's stroke or Tom's death.
The answer is - no.
Well, yes and no.
Just a a slight heads up just before or during each, which I posted about when those things happened, so I won't go into them in detail again (you can look for those posts) - but I certainly didn't know it was a stroke or death - the heads up weren't that specific.
Briefly, one was a male's whistle from the other room that even my dog heard, lifted her ears and barked at (Tom's death) and then men chanting as I was going to later drifting off to sleep (I discovered later my brother-in-law held a prayer vigil at his church, right as Tom actually died.)
Before Mark's stroke, briefly, he woke up literally talking to his mother - who passed of pancreatic cancer in 2014, literally 4 years to the day of Mark's stroke - and I thought he was dreaming. He was answering her questions and it's like he repeating what she was saying:
"What? Mom? What? Wake up, Chrystal, wake up, Chrystal. Something wrong, something wrong. something wrong. Wake up, Chrystal, wake up Chrystal. Blood. Brain. Arm."
Like chanting or like a little song.
I woke up and sat up to witness him sitting on the end of the bed, chanting like this, staring towards the closet door, as if he was talking to someone standing there - but no one was there.
I thought he was having a nightmare about his mother, who had died on that very same date to the day, 3 years prior
I pulled him into the light in the hallway and turned his face towards the light to judge if he was awake.
I quickly realized he was fully awake, then asked him the basic stroke/vascular dementia/head injury questions - which FYI usually are - the current date with year (checking short-term memory storage), DOB (long-term memory storage), the current president's name (checking fluid memory /information) - and he failed them all, making no sense whatsoever. I think his answers to these 3 questions were "blue," "tree," and "23."
His mind was clearly there and expression - he looked panicked and also frustrated - like he knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't get his words to match his thoughts.
At this moment, I realized he was having a stroke - and that an ambulance would take too long - we had 20 minutes to get to the ER and administer tPA to break up any clots causing a stroke and minimize the damage.
I remember he was already out the door in his boxer shorts, and I had to corral him back in lol - grabbed some pants, put them on him, then said, "Thank you, Nance" and out we went.
I couldn't figure out how he'd otherwise made sense enough to wake me up and why it sounded like a song, a chant - then I realized - it was almost as if his mother was literally there, telling him "Don't try to use your own words, just repeat the exact sounds/words you hear, after me, over and over, until she wakes up"
He doesn't remember any of it at all, but wishes he could, if he was talking to his mother. All he remembers is, he got up to go to the bathroom and everything just went grey and he sat on the bed and doesn't remember a thing after that until it started to clear in the ER.
And of course, as we know he's perfectly fine now - completely recovered :)
Occasionally, he gets his words turned around and it takes him longer to write, type, or text, but otherwise, you wouldn't even know :)
With all the doubts I have now, with this ability appearing to fade - that one is the hardest to convince me isn't real - I know she was there. He could see her, he was talking to her, while having a stroke - and the only time he made sense while having it.
But as I said, I usually have to intentionally "tune in" and there was often a block the closer someone was to me - just like Tyler.