Thursday, March 4, 2021

Royal Dysfunctional-Family Drama

*Updated - 3/6/2020

I'm neither a Meghan fan nor a hater - I don't know her - and neither do 99.9% of the people saying these things about her.

However, I do find the timing of these allegations of Meghan allegedly bullying the royal staff in 2018 very interesting, don't  you?

I mean, these "anonymous" royal staff members have had three years to report this to press, but they suddenly up and decide to go to press just 4 days before the big Oprah interview airs? 

Hmm ;)

By the way, I would trust the royal staff about as far as I could throw them - which is only slightly less than I trust British tabloid about the royals, and much less than I trust the words straight out of the mouths of the royal family themselves (not that I trust them entirely, either)  - because over the years, the royal staff have repeatedly proven they are NOT reliable sources of information - for either us OR the royal family.

People trynna act like the royal family had no problems before Meghan showed up, dohkay lol

Nonsense - we all know that's not true and a fantasy - and continuing to pretend that it is true is not only further proof of a dysfunctional-family/group mindset, but continues to enable a broken group system and ensures the pattern and problems will repeat, over and over again - it's Exhibit A proof of dysfunctional family/group mentality, Ladies and Gentlemen lol.

Good Lord, exactly how many times are we going to blame (particularly new women) scapegoats, along with this dysfunctional family, before we realize it's a group dynamic that everyone plays a part in, and that until the group starts taking responsibility for the parts they've played in this dysfunction, this pattern is going to repeat itself, over and over again, until they do?

Because - as I've said before - and I could be wrong, as not a single one of us personally knows her - but I believe that Megan is actually just the latest royal-family scapegoat, in a long line of royal-family scapegoats.

I believe the following 5 facts - as opposed to wild speculation and idle, unproven gossip - are the reasons why Meghan is the latest royal-family scapegoat. Unfortunately for Meghan, all 5 are the top 5 reasons why individuals or groups become the scapegoat in dysfunctional families and groups, according to dysfunctional-systems theory.

And they are because Meghan is:    

A)  The newest member of the family and female - for many people, the new person is automatically distrusted - especially a female.

B)  Different than the others in the group, because she is American and half-black the latter of which is likely the biggest reason, as dysfunctional-systems theory tells us race is the number #1 reason people become group scapegoats.

C)  Less wealthy, powerful, and famous than the family she married into - the poorest person in the group will also be the first accused of both having ulterior motives or of an crime committed within the group. 

D) Gorgeous and married a prince - many women are jealous of her.

E)  She's admittedly both emotionally sensitive and outspoken about truth and injustice - traits which are often wrongfully perceived as weakness and "being difficult" respectively, especially in women.

I'm not saying Meghan's a saint, nor am I going to be blind to/defend everything she says and does, especially if I hear it out of her own mouth myself -  but I've yet to hear anything out of her own mouth that has even made me raise an eyebrow. 

In fact, the only tension or inappropriateness that I've noticed publicly, from anyone in the royal family since Meghan came along, was Kate making several wide-eyed "OMG" faces, slide glances, and faces as if she was trying not to laugh at something or someone - attempting to share them with someone across the church aisle and Camilla, who was seated next to her - during Harry and Meghan's wedding - particularly when the animated American black preacher that Meghan brought, Reverend Curry, was speaking - who was literally quoting Christ's "Love your neighbor as yourself?" 

I couldn't find the biggest examples of these faces she made, in a still shot, but these at least give you at least some hint to what I'm talking about ... 

In fact, I even said something to my husband about them at the time, when I watched the wedding live, as they became increasingly more exaggerated and noticeable.

However, I wasn't sure if those faces were as they seemed -  appearing to be a sort of "Mean Girl," British-arrogant-snob, very rude reaction to the animated American black preacher that Meghan brought - or perhaps instead it was something/someone else, maybe even a child in the pews - being silly or even inappropriate and she was trying not to laugh and/or get annoyed?

(If you want to see the full Monty yourselves for how much more exaggerated and noticeable these faces became, watch the wedding video again - particularly during Reverend Curry's sermon.)

Don't get me wrong, I've never seen anything like that from her, before or since, and I'm otherwise very impressed with Kate - but again, I don't know her either.

And once again - I don't know why she made those faces - perhaps they were made because something else we couldn't see was going on, and the timing to Meghan's preacher's sermon was simply coincidental - but it did make it appear that she was making fun of Meghan's American black preacher.

Regardless, my point is, if we're going to have a real, fair, honest, and thorough discussion about proper British royal behavior and protocol, then we should also discuss people besides Meghan - including whether Kate's facial expressions during Meghan and Harry's wedding -  regardless of why she made them - were "proper royal behavior." 

Why was she unable to control them during a royal wedding - particularly while Meghan's preacher was literally quoting Christ about loving your neighbor as yourself -  and why did barely anyone notice or chide her for it?

Then again, I'm hyper-aware/hypervigilant with noticing nonverbal behavior  and faces people make (ah, thank you PTSD *sarcasm*)  

I mean, last year, Meghan slightly giggled at something Harry said, while British boy band,  One Direction, was singing a secular song at Westminster Abbey, during the Commonwealth Day ceremony - and you would've thought she loudly flatulated during a royal funeral and laughed about it - people chided her for "disrespect" for weeks lol

I mean, is one more inappropriate, disrespectful, and worse than the other?

I don't think so.

So what's with the preferential focus and treatment?

Speaking of which, why didn't Harry get noticed or slammed by the press at all, for making whatever joke he made to Meghan that made her giggle?

Answer: Old, nonsensical, dysfunctional, cultural rot that doesn't work and never has, that we refuse to re-evaluate, in favor of fantasy and pretending. 

Just like I said in my post about my grandmother's stories about "proper Southern etiquette" at the dinner table.  My grandmother was far from being a feminist, almost anti-feminist at times - but did attest and question the absurd Southern social rule that regardless of what men do to try to make you laugh, only girls were sent away from the table for "hysterical giggle fits" - because "proper ladies" are expected to control themselves at all times as hostesses in training, despite what men do - which is, of course, absurd and leaves men responsibility-less.

It's interesting - the American press handled Meghan's giggle very differently than British press did - we thought it was a very cute moment between her and Harry.   

However, that is because we didn't understand just how sacred the British boy band, One Direction - who was singing a secular song in church on Commonwealth Day - was to the British people ;) 

Now, you see, though we Americans have our own mortifying and embarrassing flaws and customs - which are actually sometimes similar to British flaws, whether they want to admit it or not - stuff like this is why we say British people really need to lighten up!

So who's really creating the drama, here - is it really Meghan herself, or is it actually us - our old, wrongful attitudes towards Meghan, for the reasons I stated above - and she's defending herself on Oprah, because the royal family won't? ;)

I do hope there was something else going on that caused Kate to make those bitchy-looking faces than what it appeared  - because not only would it be extremely rude and improper to make fun of the bride's cultural wedding traditions (especially when I could name at least 2 British wedding traditions, just off the top of my head, that we Americans/the rest of the world find bizarre) ...

... but I remember a time, not so long ago, when Kate was the new girl in the hot seat, the subject of wild speculation, rumors, and the butt of British jokes and press - including for her "having the audacity to wear Diana's wedding ring" - and when she wasn't nearly as cozy with the royal family herself, as she is now ;)

I can only only hope that Kate would have enough maturity, empathy, and character to help mentor Meghan through all that - especially with Meghan being an even bigger outsider than she was, being American and half-black - rather than simply just wipe her brow and say, "Whew, I'm so glad Meghan came along and took all the heat off me, as the new girl" and bash and trash the new girl right along with them, to fit in.

However, those faces she made with Camilla, and whoever that was across the aisle during Harry and Meghan's wedding, weren't at all reassuring :/

Regardless, Meghan is human. I'm sure she does have poor moments.  I'm sure she even has bitchy moments, just like the rest of us - men AND women - including Harry, including William, including Kate, including Charles and Camilla, including Phillip and even the Queen herself!

It's just that in their cases, people overlook it, blame somebody else for it, make excuses for it, or just flat out pretend they didn't see it/don't. 

And most of all, I'm sure she struggles to cope with people doing that!

So at this point, after all the BS people have said, I wouldn't blame her if she went on the BBC and spilled everything worse than Diana did, then left the studio naked and screaming, while running down the street lol.   

Thus,  I will continue to give her the benefit of the doubt until I have been disproven -  out of her own mouth - just like I do for everyone else in the royal family - including the Queen  lol  :)

I still like the Queen, too, btw, but she is not God - she's human and has her flaws and has made her share of poor decisions and mistakes - even had her bitchy moments, too, just like everyone else. 

And though I get her difficult choice between duty and family, I wonder if she sometimes doesn't actually confuse the definition of "duty" with the definition of "self-preservation"  - and I sometimes wonder if she even knows the difference anymore? 

And I don't mean self-preservation in a good way, like "self-protection" way, for her own physical or mental health.  

I mean in a selfish way, preserving her own good status at the expense of countless others - sometimes innocent people - getting thrown under the bus. 

Sorry, but given her track record, that is a possibility we could consider, at this point, in at least a few instances and decisions the Queen has made - not all, just some.

Regardless, perhaps the problem isn't as simple as blaming Meghan (or at least just Meghan) ...nor Kate, Diana, Ann, Margaret, Wallis, Mary, or Alice.

Perhaps the problem is more complex and isn't the fault of just one person -  especially always the newest woman - but instead, a dysfunctional group dynamic that has been enabled for years - and one that we, as a culture,  also carry responsibility for, in that we keep enabling/perpetuating these dysfunctional cultural fantasies that don't work, and have never actually worked, but we keep pretending they do anyway - for centuries.

Ideas such as pretending that royals - particularly men - don't carry any responsibility in family problems, blaming new family members (especially women) for them - especially if they speak up about it.

So either we start re-evaluating these antiquated and dysfunctional failures within our culture that have caused problems and group dysfunctionality for centuries - OR - we continue to watch this pattern play out, over and over again, for another few centuries.

In the end, then, it's actually our choice to continue to enable the dysfunction for centuries going forward - or not.


3/5/2020 - New updates on the Mark's vaccination journey post from March 2nd or click HERE.

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