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Friday, May 20, 2022

Crazy, Hilarious Dream, I Had, Last Night :)


Mark and I have just spent the last half hour laughing over the dream I had, last night.  

(Or maybe I'm just happy that I'm having hilarious dreams now, instead of the nightmares with PTSD, which are finally subsiding - knock on wood lol.)

So we went to someone's wedding in Gatlinburg, but that's not the important part  - we then decided to head to our vacation early in North Carolina.

We decided to stay in the only hotel in the area that had vacancy until our cabin was ready. 

Never mind that we didn't pack, I guess, and were still wearing the clothes we wore to the wedding? 

I don't kn...?

So the hotel was decent, and had really nice views and hiking trails, so we went with it - even though the fact that it still had vacancy was a concern.

As we were walking in, however, two women walked in who were clearly prostitutes, and went straight to the bar, where the bartender had drinks ready for them, with a wink, which I thought was odd, but all righty.

So I stood at the outside check-in table to check in, but they ignored me, so I wondered over to the table to sight up for the trail tour.

Then a staff member walks over to me and says, "Honey, we'd love to have you on the tour, but have you checked in yet?"

I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I was waiting there and they were busy, so I went ahead to this and thought they'd get to me eventually."

Front Desk Clerk:  "Oh, I got y'all, already, we have a special romantic package for you." 


Me:  "Huh?  Oh, our clothes?  We just came from a wedding, that's all. " 


Front Desk Clerk:  "No, no, just a special arrangement I've made for y'all, you'll love it.  There's surprises in your room.  It's my version of a Southern Hospitality/Romance package" 


Me:  "Oh ... kay, but we didn't pay for anything extra?  


Front Desk Clerk:  "No worries, if you like it, you can pay  and thank me later." 


Me: "Oh, you mean like a mini-bar-fridge-and-snacks situation?" 


Front Desk Clerk:  "Erm - yeah, something like that, but better.  I'm sort of the the concierge, too.  I know people, trust me - I know what people like, y'all will love it!" 


Me:  "Now I'm intrigued, thank you?  Unless it's the two prostitutes I saw in the bar lol." 


Front Desk Clerk does NOT  laugh - instead, she winks. 



So I tell Mark about this weird conversation, and he's worried, truth be told, so am I, though I'm hoping it's champagne and flowers and chocolates or something.

So we get to the room ....and in addition to Mylar balloons everywhere, a buffet of Krispy Creme donuts and treats - there is a clearly gay Latino man in a shiny, patent-leather speedo lying on our bed - and a gray-haired, 70-year-old naked woman sitting in the chair !?!.

WHAT. THE. ???


LGBTQ Man:  "Somebody better tell your mother, over there, to put her clothes on, I'm not getting completely naked until she does, she reminds me of my abuelita."


Me: "Um - who are you and why are you in my room?  And that is NOT my mother." 


LGBTQ Man:  "It's the Southern Hospitality/Romance Surprise service you ordered from the concierge.  I'm from just even a little further down south.  Surprise, gurrrl!"


Me:  "Yeah, thanks ... um... I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake.  We didn't order ... whatever this is.  In fact, we didn't order anything.  "


LGBTQ Man:  "Well the front desk concierge said ..."


Me:  "The overzealous front desk clerk/self-proposed concierge is wrong - way wrong -  we would never order... this ... I'm sorry."


The naked granny gets dressed and leaves, quietly shutting the door.


LGBTQ Man: (Cussing in Spanish).  "This is the third time this has happened.  I'm not leaving until somebody pays me, call the front desk."


Mark "I'm sorry this happened, but this is not our problem and we're not having any drama on our vacation, so you'll need to go to the front desk yourself, okay?"


LGBTQ Man:  "No, you don't want me in the lobby causing drama over it, the whole hotel will know.  I'll just wait here for the desk clerk.  Damn, this room is nice, no?  


Mark: "Yeah, but you're not staying here, I'm sorry."


LGBTQ Man:  "I will go, as soon as the desk clerk/concierge shows up and and pays me for my time."


Mark "No, you will not."


LGBTQ Man:  "Well, what you going to do about it, little man?"


Me "Oh, nooo ... really, that is a bad idea.  You're speaking to a former Army Ranger, he's much stronger than he looks ,and he hates people underestimating him because of his height. Seriously, you probably just want to go, for your own safety." 

"And just to be clear,  it's NOT because you're gay, we fully support LGBTQ - and it's NOT because you're Latino, we support Latinos in America.  It's not even because you hustle, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive, we get it -  just not in our room, okay?" 

"It's because, ya know,  you won't leave our room, despite being asked repeatedly?  Naked Granny left quietly, so ...?"  


LGBTQ Man: "Thank you for your votes for us, but votes  alone do not pay the bills.  Can I least finish my mojito first? Girl, you should try these here, SO good."

Mark:  "No, you may not - take your drink and get the fuck out of our room." 


LGBTQ Man quietly continues to sip his drink through a tiny straw.  


Mark loses his patience, grabs the drink out of his hand, picks him up, and places him firmly on his ass in the hallway, then slams the door lol. 


Mark:  "Okay, we're leaving."


Me:  "We can't, they have our credit card and this was the only hotel in the area that had vacancy, - now we know why." 

"I've had worse 'surprises' in life, believe me lol. It's only two nights, let's just make the best of it and go when the cabin's ready. We'll just hike and stay away from the hotel until time to go. 

"And look - there's donuts?  Well at least Little Miss Southern, 'I know people,' got the donuts part right - for you, at least lol."


Mark: "Oh, man - they ate half of them, the chocolate ones.  Look, there's like four half-eaten donuts left!"

Needless to say, considering Mark's love of donuts, THIS was actually the final straw for us to leave and sleep in the car until the cabin was ready LOL

So ... what the hell did I eat last night? 

I'm trying to figure out what the impetus would even be for this dream, as dreams are often your fears, but sometimes an amalgamation of your experiences that day or recently.

But I guarantee you, there's no fantasy OR fears about Latino LGBTQ OR elderly prostitutes lol.

The only thing I can think of is our upcoming vacation and everything in the area being sold out before and after our cabin stay, so we're limited to 5 days of vacay?

Well, at least it wasn't a nightmare and my nightmares are subsiding, thank God - but what the hell was THAT?  LOL

"Somebody tell your mother, over there,  to put her clothes on, she reminds me of my abuelita."

Hahaha, still laughing ....

Dreams like this remind me of my old aspiring-screenwriting days, which I've unfortunately since lost them all (or the beginnings of them, none of them ever finished) - so I decided to write the impetus for this one down in a place I cannot lose it if my hard drive crashes - only if I lose my password.  If I start writing again, I'm going to email them to myself, too ;)

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