General Colin Powell, Dead at 84, from COVID-19

 

RIP, Colin Powell - didn't always agree with him, but at least he followed his personal convictions, rather than popularity, to be sure.

He was fully vaccinated and died of breakthrough infection.

As we know, the CDC has published data suggesting that most deaths from COVID-19 among the vaccinated are over age 80 (thus the FDA's approval of a third Pfizer booster shot for them, with Moderna's on deck for approval, and J&J's next.), and that most people younger than 80 that have been vaccinated have mild symptoms.

The CDC also has published data suggesting that Moderna's vaccine has slightly longer effectiveness (which I posted previously), and is considering allowing J&J people to be cross-vaccinated with other brand vaccines (which you may recall was another question I had in those posts about the third shot, whether we could cross-vaccinate at some point).

So, here's what we know  ... that vaccine efficacy IS starting to wane, and apparently wanes over time, and that at some point, we're going to need something else - hopefully a booster with added genetic variant material, rather than the same exact formulation.

It's possible, even likely, that a third shot of the exact same formulation will at least temporarily boost immunity, it's just the small study didn't definitively prove it. 

This is why we wear masks though vaccinated, people - to at least offer some physical barrier protection.

We Finally Figured Out Who Ted Lasso Reminds Us of ...

... just today, and wondered if other people thought so ...

Yep ... because someone made this picture ... HAHAHA!

Homer Simpson's neighbor, Ned Flanders, on The Simpsons - only Ted Lasso is 10 times smarter and funnier than Flanders lol.

What's hilarious is, Mark and I came up with this idea separately, on the same day.

Don't get us wrong, we LOVE Ted Lasso (I'm in love with everyone on it except Nathan) - in fact, it's our favorite show - but the character of Ted Lasso reminded me of someone, but I couldn't put my finger on who he reminded me of.

Then last night, I was watching "Werewolves Within" - which is pretty good, by the way -  it's like Northern Exposure with werewolves - both hilarious AND scary - and yes, that IS "Lilly," the AT&T girl, Milana Vayntrub - thinking about how Park Ranger Finn was called "pathologically nice" and had a sort of Ted Lasso thing going on (but not exactly)  ... 

- and then it came to me who Ted Lasso reminded me of - Ned Flanders.

Then just a few minutes ago, Mark said, "I finally figured out who Ted Lasso reminds me of ... Flanders, from The Simpsons."

Hahaha!

Me:  "YES - hahaha, OMG, hilarious, that's SO funny - I was just thinking the same thing this morning, when you are at the barn!  Hilarious that we figured that out on the same day."

 

Mark:  "Really?  Nuh uh, I thought of it when we watched the last episode, so I figured it out first." ;)

 

Me:  "Oh yeah?  I thought of it before the second-to-last episode ... pthbbbbt.

 

Mark:  "Oh yeah? Well, I thought of it last season."

 

Me:  "Oh, well, I thought of it before Ted Lasso even came out, in premonition."

???

LOL!

None of that last part is even true, of course - we were just playing around, acting like kids playing the one-up competition, to the point of not even making sense - just to make each other laugh.

However, what is true is we both thought of it separately, on the same day, for some reason.   

We saw the last episode of the season a week ago, so I'm not sure why we were even separately thinking the show, other than I explained how I came to that above (Mark isn't sure what prompted him to think about that). 

Funny, isn't it, the synchronicity of thought that married people get into? :)

Then we googled "Ted Lasso Ned Flanders" to see if other people thought the same thing?

Yep.  

Apparently, months before we did lol.

Again, I can't tell you how much we both love this show, and how it deserves every Emmy it swept - both men and women love it.

Ted Lasso - bringing back kindness and acceptance of awkward/quirky/weird to the team of humanity -  with a sense of humor :)

Georgia VS. UK, Watching Our Car Tonight, and Jeff Foxworthy on College Game Day :)

 

So I'm watching College Game Day, with my husband, who's a football fan (me, not so much), plus MSU plays Indiana just afterwards - and they're in Athens, Georgia for the UK VS. Georgia football game. 

Comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, famous for "You might be a redneck" jokes - who is from Atlanta and a Georgia fan -  just opened his guest picker speech by saying:

"If you just became aware that there's another sport besides basketball, you might be a Kentucky fan."

HAHAHAHA!

BTW, there's a Georgia fan behind them, holding up a sign that says:

"If you have to two teeth and date your sister, you might be a Kentucky fan."

HAHAHA again!

Even though I went to Kentucky and am a huge Kentucky basketball fan (not so much football, as I said, they stop and start too much and I get bored, possibly having sports ADHD and needing fast-moving sports like basketball, hockey, and soccer) - I also have a very healthy sense of humor -  and that's hilarious!

AND, might I add, I hope for our car's sake that Georgia kicks our asses tonight -  only because of what happened, last week (see earlier post this week), when Kentucky won.

Our fans are legendary for getting vandalistic nuts when we win anything - i.e. jumping up and down on cars and setting things on fire.

(BTW, I can also attest, as a former cocktail waitress while a student at UK - when we lose, UK fans are actually less likely to vandalize - they just openly weep a lot, and don't tip their waitresses lol)

Plus I'm totally in love "UGA," the Georgia bulldog mascot.

Look at him in his Nike Georgia swag - hush your mouth, Lee Corso (who has previously called him "ugly")  - Uga is adorable! 

Hesagudboy! 

AND all 5 commentators - including Lee Corso - just picked Georgia to win, by the way.

(But we're still totally watching our car tonight, in the unlikely event that there's some fluke, like all Georgia's players get injured in the first half or come down with COVID before the first half or something lol.)

__________________________

PS - By the way, Jeff has said that none of the memes featuring him slamming Democrats, quoting him, is legitimate - he doesn't mix politics with his comedy, he says, because it would alienate half of his audience.

PPS - Kentucky lost to Georgia, 30-13.   Whew, our car is safe lol!

FetchRewards.com

 

So my boss just sent me another legitimate site for money-saving while shopping online besides Rakuten -  and unlike many of these apps, you can use it along with Rakuten because it's after purchase.

It's called "FetchRewards.com".

Basically, you earn points on everything you buy from a vendor who has partnered with them -  including grocery items (like P&G products) - and even prescriptions (with GoodRx coupons)!

After a certain amount of points, the vendors send you gift cards ranging from $20 to $100!  

You do this by linking your Amazon account and email for scanning of digital receipts or taking a picture of and scanning your paper receipts (like grocery receipts).

I just got 4500 points for the Christmas stuff I've already bought this week during the Rakuten Rebate deal!  

Easy.  Done!

It's actually kind of fun!

The little dog runs and "fetches" deals for extra points ...

(That's because its CEO and creator is Wes Schroll owns a Great Dane ;)

PLUS - the technology is kind of amazing, blows me away.

Listen to me, I sound like I'm about 90, "Those crazy kids and their new-fangled technology" lol

But seriously, I'm amazed -  you snap a picture through the app, it scans your receipt from  the picture, looking for store name, date, total, and brand names, and lets you know immediately if you're eligible for points (and just about everything is, including groceries).

For example, after taking pictures of my Kroger receipt, it gave me 25 points for shopping there, and 77 points for buying Starbucks coffee there - instantly.

Thanks again, to L (and her bargain-guru friend) for letting me know about this, this is awesome!

PS - Examples of Cultural and Socioeconomic Bias Still Existing in the Mental Health Community

As mentioned below, though I've mentioned many times that I think there are great therapists, out there (I have one), I also think the our mental health community overall still somewhat semi-consciously enables some of the worst aspects of our culture and our broken economic system.

In fact, you would be amazed at the number of wealthy people given more mild, socially acceptable, temporary, and/or victim diagnoses versus poor people, and how many men are diagnosed with more mild, socially acceptable, temporary, and/or victim diagnoses versus women.


How do I know?


I first noticed this during my initial education in clinical social work,  after reading the few studies that exist on it and we discussed it in class - and since then, I previously typed notes for inpatient hospital admissions for 25 years as a medical transcriptionist - including psychiatric admissions. 

(For the past two years, however, I'm a pharmaceutical transcriptionist for an independent marketing firm, transcribing interviews between pharma and payers or clinicians.)

I could give numerous examples, but one example in particular stood out as the most glaring example, when I typed two notes on the exact same day, one after the other, for a behavioral health center in the Midwest, which perhaps best illustrates the socioeconomic and gender bias - and it was just about 4 years ago (but was memorable as the most obvious and best example I have ever typed).

But before I re-transcribe these two consecutive reports from memory for you, there's a few things you need to know first.

First, you need to know the diagnoses field in psychiatric inpatient reports goes like this:

DIAGNOSES: 

AXIS I - Clinical biological/neurological/chemical conditions or disorders.

AXIS II - Personality disorder and/or mental or emotional retardation.

AXIS III -  General medical conditions.

AXIS IV - Psychosocial and emotional stressors.

AXIS V - Global Assessment of Function (a scale that assesses the patient's currently ability to function). 

Secondly, you need to know that the gender of the clinician didn't make a difference - male and female clinicians equally seemed prone to this bias - women were just as "guilty" of this as men.

Most importantly, you need to know that these are not exact copies of the original reports - these were retyped based on memory (they were that memorable).

PATIENT A:  

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS:  This 15-year-old white female was admitted after telling her mother of passive suicidal ideation without a plan, as well as thoughts of self-harm in the form of cutting.  

She states that she had these feelings for a long time, but initially didn't tell her mother for fear of burdening her, going through a divorce and financial struggle. 

She attempted to talk to a guidance counselor at school, but abruptly ended her appointment, stating she felt like she was whining, after the counselor seemed dismissive and didn't take her seriously.  

She said she finally told her mother because the thoughts were starting to scare her, and she didn't know "the right way to tell people how bad she felt inside" or what to do about it, and expressed perhaps she was "just lazy, stupid, and crazy."  

She states that she has always struggled with self-esteem, chronic emptiness, and a sense of abandonment, especially when her parents separated, and that she can't remember the last time she felt happy, but only just recently was having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self-harm.    

She has been sleeping 16 hours a day, not showering, and overeating.  She struggles with shame from overeating and her appearance.  

 

SOCIAL HISTORY:   She was an average student previously, but her grades have dropped to failing, mostly due to not attending school.  She formed childhood friendships, but claims to have lost all of her friends after isolating herself, and "not being normal" like they are.  Her mother appears supportive and concerned, but admits she has to work much, and the father is uninvolved due to a new relationship. 

 

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION:   Patient is alert and oriented x3, disheveled in appearance, morbidly obese.  Pupils were equal, round, and reactive to light and accommodation.  Cranial nerves II through XII are intact.  Mood is sullen and withdrawn, and she gives rare and brief eye contact.  When encouraged by her mother to speak and express herself, she speaks, but becomes tearful, emotional, and increasingly agitated and  animated; however, this examiner was able to redirect her, assure her of treatment, and calm her down.  By the end of the evaluation, her mood had improved and she appeared to brighten.  Judgment and insight are poor, thoughts were  tangential and somewhat disorganized.  

She appears to show no remorse for the suicidal gestures with her guidance counselor and mother, and openly admits she still has suicidal ideation, but no plan.

 

DIAGNOSES: 

AXIS I:      Rule out bipolar depression. 

AXIS II:     Rule out borderline personality disorder.

AXIS III:    None.

AXIS IV:    Recent divorce of parents, family financial issues, weight gain.

AXIS V:     GAF score not assessed.  

 

 

______________________________________________________

 

PATIENT B 

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS:   This 16-year-old white male was admitted after his teacher noted that he had carved the words "I WANT TO DIE" on his arms.    

He also expressed aloud to his class that he had a gun and was either going to kill them or himself.  

He admitted to this examiner that he had no gun, he didn't mean it, and admitted he did it to "get attention" and "get more help."  

 

SOCIAL HISTORY:  His parents, who were both present during the examination, were supportive and attentive, and stated that there had been no recent changes to the family environment.  They stated he often does and says things like this at home, but this was the first time he'd done so at school.  

The parents stated that there were no known triggers, other than they'd noticed it was at its worst when he felt they were giving more attention to his brother than him, and when he was "bored."  

The patient corroborated his parents' perception, stating that though he likes his brother, he can't stand when he gets more attention than he does from his parents, and they "have a very competitive family." 

When asked if the patient ever became aggressive or violent, his parents stated that his only aggression was directed towards his brother, in the form of sudden outbursts, and that he had engaged in kicking, punching, and hitting him, which the patient corroborated, stating he doesn't hate his brother, he just hates the attention he gets.  

He added that he has trouble concentrating for too long, and often does these things out of boredom.  

The patient and his parents stated that he was previously a straight-A student and on the honor roll at his private school, but recently states he has been bored in class and not provided with enough intellectual stimulation.    

He denies trouble with sleeping too much or too little or changes in appetite.

 

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION:   Patient is alert and oriented x3, well-groomed in appearance.  Pupils are equal, round, and reactive to light and accommodation.  He gives good eye contact with the examiner throughout the examination.  He is wearing a short-sleeve shirt, and his arms are covered with cuts, including the words "I WANT TO KILL MYSELF,"  which prompted this visit.  His wounds were treated by the medical staff.  Mood was stable, but  he appeared anxious and fidgety.   Judgement and insight are intact, thoughts were linear and goal directed.  He stated that now that he was receiving attention, he felt better. 

 

DIAGNOSES:  

AXIS I:      ADHD, rule out ASD (autism spectrum disorder). 

AXIS II:     None. 

AXIS III:    None. 

AXIS IV:    None.  

AXIS V:     GAF not assessed.

Now, I realize I wasn't there to witness either patient in person, and that there may have been things they didn't mention, because they have to be careful as these are legal documents, so I'm only basing this on what was dictated.

But does anyone else but me see what's wrong with this picture?

So let me get this straight ...

The 16-year-old private-school rich boy literally carved "I WANT TO DIE" on his arm, then wore a short-sleeved shirt in the winter so everyone could see it, and announced loudly to his class that had a gun (but didn't) -  gets nothing but ADHD and possible autism?

But the girl that told two people privately she was having suicidal thoughts that scared her is being ruled out for a personality disorder?

I literally was scared for both of them, after typing these, for different reasons - afraid the girl was going to suicide, one day, being dismissed, and the boy was going to hurt someone else one day -  particularly his brother!?!

And what are they going to say, when these things happen - "Oh, the poor thing had ADHD and autism" - despite the fact that people with those diagnoses don't usually hurt other people (or at least mean to) - and "Oh, well, she was a borderline and beyond help anyway. She threatened and then finally did it, big surprise, who cares."

No - neither of those responses is okay - and proof of enabling a sick, biased culture.

Okay, in case you're still clueless as to what's wrong with this picture after pointing out the most glaring aspect first, here are more problems with how this was handled, despite known protocols to prevent these biases that were not used:

First of all, no one should be diagnosing anyone with a personality disorder - male OR female -  before at least the age of 18, perhaps even 21 (or even 26, considering we know now the human brain isn't fully developed until then) unless they've actually committed a victim crime like murder or rape.

Because diagnosing a teenager with a personality disorder is like pronouncing a lifelong sentence or branding them with a scarlet letter,  male OR female.  It's like sending a teenager to adult prison for life, over an impulsive teenage mistake, that he or she may actually feel remorse or even shame for later, as an adult. 

(In fact, this is the reason why our criminal justice system sends teenagers to a juvenile detention center, rather than adult prison, and why juvenile records are sealed.)

Clinicians know better, they've been educated and trained against doing so (or at least I was), and yet they continue to do it - often because of pressure by the parents - or the teachers - to diagnose them with something and want them medicated.

Because we know that teenage hormones are crazy, they're just learning how to cope with the world, how to regulate emotions, and how to express them more appropriately than as a child, and the consequences of not doing so, as well as we can never underestimate children modeling the behavior or adults in their immediate environment, but learning other ways of coping from others, over time.

In fact, there's some movement in the psychiatric community to wait until 21, or even age 26, considering what we know now about the human brain not fully developing until age 26 via CAT scans and SPECT scans.

Secondly, why is she under suspicion for bipolar disorder, when apparently at some point, she clearly stated "she can't remember the last time she felt happy," indicating she did not experience any manic episodes?


And her motivation for suicidality isn't rejection or abandonment, which is a prerequisite of borderline personality disorder - it's feeling trapped in her current weight and life?


Thirdly, why is he suspected for an autism spectrum disorder when he gave eye contact the whole time (and she didn't), when inability to sustain eye contact is a known feature of autism (as well as depression and anxiety)?




So, here's some background.


It is well known that almost all patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women, and that almost all patients diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men.


This, of course, is gender biased, unfair, and untrue - I can guarantee you I've met men who are suspect for being borderlines and women suspect for being narcissists, and I'm sure whomever is reading has, too.




But let's presume that's true - that more women are borderlines and more men are narcissists.


Why would that be?


Gee, it wouldn't be because our culture favors assertive men with the outward appearance of strong self-esteem, and vilifies assertive women with strong self-esteem, creating personality problems, would it?


Nah, of course not ;)




Also, until the DSM-V was published in 2013, the criteria list for borderline personality disorder was 14 items long (the longest of any personality disorder) and included things like "promiscuity," when no such feature existed on any personality disorder for men.


This aspect of the disorder in particular was a subject of debate in the mental health community for years (I remember a heated class debate about it an abnormal psychology class in college, with many young women objecting to this item, and the male professor agreeing it was sexist, but that was the criterion by the DSM-III, at that time).


Also, before the DSM-V, it became a well-known problem in the mental health community that when a female patient expresses suicidality or engages in self-harm, regardless of age - or when they don't feel like the patient is progressing (which could be due to their own incompetence) - or even when they simply don't know what to diagnose a patient with, but have to put something on their insurance claims to continue to pay for therapy - clinicians would previously throw them in the grab-bag diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.


Now, that is not to say that there aren't real bunny-boiling, fatal attraction borderlines, out there, that hit the full criterion, there certainly are - but the psychiatric community finally realized this was being overly diagnosed - much like bipolar disorder was being overly diagnosed in the 2000s, and autism-spectrum disorders are being over-diagnosed today.


They also finally officially recognized the gender bias that existed in that diagnosis, and after further trauma studies, that suicidality among women was not always in response to rejection or abandonment, and did not automatically mean a personality disorder. especially in teenage females.

Also, they felt the criteria for the disorder was too long, and in fact, noted that most American women hit at least 4 of the 14 points - i.e. chronically low self-esteem, feeling of emptiness, self-sabotage with success, feeling "invisible" to others, and postulated this may be a cultural problem that needed further study (and boy, are they getting those studies now, after Trump lol).


Thus, to their credit, in 2013 with the DSM-V, they shortened the list - and either took certain points out completely (like inability to take responsibility for behavior, because that's become a common American problem for both men and women), or revised them.


For instance, the "promiscuity"  language was changed to "excessive sexual behavior," and is now listed under the umbrella of "impulsive behavior," rather than being off as its own criterion by itself.


The "suicidality" and "self-harm" aspects were clarified in that they must be in response to perceived rejection or abandonment. 

This is because we learned more about suicidality in women and trauma (more about that below), as well as clinicians saw that self-harm skyrocketed in teenage girls and gay boys in the late 90s and 2000s, which disappeared by adulthood.  They also discovered self-harm occurs in both male and females, often as a secret behavior rather than a manipulation, and for those engaging in it past their teenage years, it's found even in actually in high-functioning people as a way to deal with stress or shame after trauma with burdening others. 

(For example, workaholic Lady Gaga has admitted to self-harm, which began after her rape 15 years ago.)



These changes have occurred because we have studied more about trauma, especially after the Iraq/Afghanistan war. 

As a result, we've learned the most common motivation for suicidality in most women (and gay men) is NOT rejection or abandonment, actually, nor always a manipulation -  the motivation is often the same as heterosexual men - trauma reaction and/or he or she either feels either "permanently damaged" or trapped in a situation from which they see no way out.

The only gender difference appears to be that women are statistically more likely to seek medical care in general versus men. 



And yet, we, as a culture, still cling to these antiquated ideas about men and women, nonetheless, even in clinicians who supposedly now know better, as you can see above.




Now - why does this happen?


Well, IMO, as I said, the psychiatric/psychological community is still semi-consciously enabling our broken socioeconomic culture which assumes that wealthy people - especially white males - are sane and stable, and thus receive temporary or mild, less stigmatized diagnoses - even PTSD is considered by our society as more justified in male soldiers versus women who have been raped or abused, and is empathized with more.

The other problem is, as you can see in AXIS V, the psychiatric/psychological community focuses their definitions of mental illness solely around a patient's ability to function in daily activities and in society, as well as their grooming and their mood during the actual session (as you can see in the PHYSICAL EXAMINATION).


(Mind you, judgment, insight, and thought processes are not assessed by any sort of objective testing tools, they're a subjective assessment by the clinician.)

So essentially, if a person either has great-paying commercial insurance or pays out of pocket for the full fee (to avoid a psychiatric claim on their insurance), never misses work or school, appears well groomed, and never cries or seems angry during a session (even though that's the goal of therapy, to uncover those raw emotions), then they're perceived as "stable" in mood and function, and thus less likely to receive a diagnosis.

Never mind they could be terrorizing everybody else in their home, class, or office so badly that they end up seeking therapy - according to mental health definitions, they're stable, simply because they can function - which essentially only means they eat normally, sleep normally, shower, and go to school or work everyday.


So guess who gets diagnosed with something chronic then?


Their victims :)



However, I can report that I know a few therapists who started to wake up to these issues in the psychiatric/psychological community, after Trump - realizing how many people assumed wealthy people, especially white men, were sane, despite obviously unhealthy behavior - and are beginning to reassess whether "global assessment of functioning" may not be the best indicator of mental illness, after all, because they may be treating the the victims of the sickest power abusers in society.


Clinicians have already known for years that the sickest power abusers in our society never see the inside of a therapist's office, or at least don't stay in therapy, because they think it's everyone else with the problem, and others' reactions to their behavior are "oversensitivity," "weakness," or "they're crazy, not me."


If the wealthy do enter therapy, many expect to be coddled, waited on, and patted on the back, as if therapists are their servants, because they're paying them - and many therapists comply, do nothing but tell them they have every right to everything they do, rather than confront them on their behavior, out of both assumption of stability and fear of loss of a big paycheck.



For the record, I wouldn't trust any therapist that never confronts me, because they're not being honest, we all can be shitty sometimes.


Plus being confronted is the only way you'll see change, which is what therapy is for - to change your behavior, since you can't always change your environment.


Even if truly a victim of something, a good therapist will confront you on overly avoiding things or handling things in unhealthy ways, and new coping skills to handle these feelings.




Regardless, I think we can all agree that our society is sicker than ever - and IMO, we're not going to see any marked improvement in the antiquated cultural ideas until the mental health community itself recognizes its own socioeconomic bias - and if you've got a good therapist, they'll admit this exists to you.


I think a good indication that there may be change on the way, however, is how many therapists openly expressed in articles their shock of how much sicker society as a whole was than they realized, after Trump.


Because remember, they're only seeing those that seek help, and the sickest people out there never will ;)

"Dear Candace Cameron Bure ..."

Candace Cameron Bure (left in the above photo) - formerly of Full House -  has announced that she "thinks she has PTSD" after her stint on The View, and that she didn't expect to talk about politics, just light stuff.

I first thought to myself - erm - had she not seen The View before she agreed to come on it, and had no one told her she was specifically being hired to represent the conservative woman's viewpoint, to replace Elizabeth Hasselbeck?

That sounded hard to believe - HOWEVER - Raven-Symone (above right, in the photo)  - formerly of The Cosby Show - who is black, gay, and on the opposite side of politics - added further explanation and semi-support to Candace, stating that though she doesn't agree with Candace's political opinions, they are still very good friends - and then filled in the blanks left by Candace. 

She explained that what Candace meant is that both she and Candace were "catfished" by the producers, who sold them to come on the show by using the pitch of trying to change the face of the show and the show's reputation by hiring more positive people, hopefully to broaden their audience, and lighten it up, and make it less political - but they didn't.

She added that her time on the show was unnecessarily and extremely stressful, too - but she did NOT say she thought she "had PTSD" because of it.

Regardless, it wasn't Candace's political stance that irked me, nor the  tale of the producers lying to both Candace and Raven-Symone about their presented intent of changing to a more positive face of the show VS. their actual intent for the show during the Trump era.

That part, I totally believe  -  because the more fights that producers can instigate, especially on daytime or Reality TV, the better the ratings.

No, what irked me is the fact that as someone who has been officially diagnosed with PTSD by a licensed professional, I've noticed that over the past few years, people - especially women, right OR left in politics - tend to throw this diagnosis around lightly, without ever having been professionally diagnosed, and without educating themselves on what that really means.

It's not only socially irresponsible, but almost an unintentional insult -  or at least a minimization of -  how crippling it is, lifelong, for those of us with the full-blown disorder.


For starters, there's a difference between PTSS and PTSD - the last letter "S" in PTSS stands for "syndrome," and the "D" in PTSD stands for "disorder" - and the difference between the two is that with actual PTSD, the symptoms last longer, and more severely impact your ability to function overall, long-term.

In other words, the disorder impacts - and even limits - your ability to function, much more severely and for a much longer time.

PTSS is a temporary adjustment syndrome, much like grief (and often including it), temporarily affecting the nervous system and psychological well-being. 

With the short-term syndrome, the daily symptoms like nightmares, insomnia, hypervigilance, and fight-or-flight reactions eventually go away, usually within a year after being removed from the trauma, either on their own or with short-term therapy.

With the actual disorder, the symptoms do not just go away on their own and last much longer, because they've permanently affected the way your brain and neurological system react to stress (until you retrain your brain to new neural pathways that cope with stress differently, which takes practice).

Also, though not always the case, more often than not, people with the full-blown disorder didn't start on stable footing already  - and by that I do NOT mean they were born with a psychological, biological, or genetic disorder.

I mean they often didn't grow up with a stable, appropriately trusting, supportive, and/or safe environment, even to sometimes include childhood trauma -  then tack on some adult trauma(s), and you've got the full-blown disorder that doesn't go away without help and brain re-training.  

(This is why some soldiers' trauma symptoms can appear to pass more quickly versus others.)

Now - either way, syndrome or disorder, your nervous system will likely decide, on its own and without your consent (although your own stinkin' thinkin' can make it worse) to react or "trigger" lifelong, at least to some degree, when presented with a similar stimulus - just the same as a near-drowning victim might experience a full panic attack or fight-or-flight reaction when near water. 

The difference, however,  is how long the symptoms last, as well as how severely they impact your ability to function overall, on a daily basis, not just when presented with the stimulus. 

HOWEVER - I should also note, here, that "delayed response" to trauma has been clinically observed, sometimes even years later, and is even fairly common, particularly in people who handled their trauma by pretending the trauma didn't happen at all or refused to acknowledge it, considering it a weakness or out of misplaced shame (believing they brought the trauma on themselves, like rape or abuse).

In other words, though human reactions to trauma are similar, they're also very complex and can vary by individual - they can be temporary, long-term, and even delayed - which is why the reaction really needs a professional to sort out over time, using specific criterion, for which you have to meet the majority of points for, to be diagnosed with.

And it isn't the PTSD sufferer's fault or choice or "weakness" - in fact, some of the bravest soldiers in the world have PTSD.

It simply means the trauma was so prolonged or severe that it literally permanently changed the way our nervous systems react to  stress and changed our neural pathways of thinking and coping; thus, we have to re-train our brains to follow different, healthier pathways to cope with stress, lest our CNS system always remain aroused, always firing on all cylinders, constantly "hypervigilant" and in fight or flight mode.

Thus, even the symptoms of PTSD can lessen, over time, but it's  actually more about changing how we cope with our symptoms rather than making the symptoms go away completely - but it also helps lessen the symptoms the further we are permanently removed from the trauma stimulus, how safe we feel now, and how surrounded we are by an appropriate, healthy, loving support system now, as well as learning to retrain our brains into healthier, calmer pathways and better coping mechanisms through therapy, by intentional thought and deed, rather than allowing what our brains have been conditioned to believe are natural or autonomic (over)reaction.

And allow me to just add, here, that I mean the right kind of therapy, by educated and licensed clinicians, who stay updated and trained in the latest trauma techniques, are fairly healthy themselves, and who know what they're doing.

Trauma is a field that is actually a fairly new area of study, it's only been since the early 2000s that we began to study and better understand the affects of trauma on the brain, after the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And though we've made leaps and bounds since then, we still don't fully understand it - in fact, we're still learning something new about it, every year, after a plethora of studies on it as a hot study topic, especially now that we've been able to prove actual brain function and central nervous stimulation differences on SPECT scan images of people who have it.

So despite many therapists advertising they can treat trauma, unless they've been through training at one of the few national accredited trauma training centers in the country, they really shouldn't be.

However, some therapy is better than nothing, if the therapists in your area have not completed the full, formal training from a national center in trauma therapy specifically - which includes clocking a certain amount of supervision hours by a trained clinician - but then they should admit that upfront, rather than advertising they can treat PTSD.

Now, having said that, it irks me when wealthy, powerful, and/or famous people (or sometimes just work in a high-level position that people assume makes them stable or sane) - either have good commercial insurance that pays therapists top dollar, or instead they pay the therapist the full fee out of pocket, to avoid psychiatric or psychologic services from showing up on an insurance claim - seek therapists merely to further pat them on the back, tell them what they want to hear, and tell them they have PTSD over things like ... they parked in a handicapped parking space and somebody yelled at them for it.

The therapist should instead be gently-but-rightly confronting them about their behavior choices, but many therapists for the rich and famous don't, out of fear of losing the client and their income ;) 

In fact, I may to do a whole post on that subject soon - how much more the poor (and more women than men, actually) get diagnosed with chronic, severe, and mental illnesses with a social stigma VS. the wealthy -  particularly white men -  who instead are diagnosed with more mild, temporary, and "victim" conditions.  

As a social work student, I read the few studies known to exist on this subject, witnessed it myself in my clinicals, and I have since typed hospital inpatient notes for 25 years, letting me know this study wasn't lying and should be revisited - and thus I have some very good examples to share of where the wealthy person received a mild diagnosis, and the poor person received the scarlet letter diagnosis, with the diagnoses being worse if the patient was female    - despite both patients exhibiting the exact same behaviors  ;)

Additionally, it's important to note that female clinicians were just as guilty of this socioeconomic (and sometimes gender) bias as men.

And they wonder why black people don't seek psychiatric/psychological treatment or therapy as much as white people do - gosh, it's a mystery, isn't it?

However - I do NOT think this is the case with Candace, or that she's a Karen - at least I don't think so  - she said just thinks she has PTSD - not that she had been officially diagnosed. 

Also Candace consistently appears to be a pretty down-to-earth, genuine person, and not a diva   - so I think it's the former reason - that she just doesn't know what that really means, and she didn't educate herself on PTSD before she said it :/

And to her credit, the reason Candace was chosen to represent the Christian conservative viewpoint, on The View is because she's a  better example of a sane Christian conservative woman than most of the televangelists and other cuckoo, loud-mouthed conservative women we see all over the news or in the pubic eye.  

Candace, on the other hand, is a better representative of your typical conservative woman, rather than what we see on the news and in politics - a very kind, reasonable, calm, articulate, and compassionate person, who believes in the compassion of Christ, and is not racist.

(For example, she famously cried and spoke out, just as much as liberals, against what happened to George Floyd.)

I don't always agree with her, no, not even usually, do I agree with her - but I do understand where she's coming from, at least. 

Having said that, on the negative side, make no mistake, she is a conservative, and thus comes across as rather naive and overly simplistic in her views and solutions, and as having lived in a sort of sheltered Christian bubble, with much to learn about what it's like to live in in America as a poor person, person of color, or without the perfect Christian family. 

(Hey, we all have much to learn about the experiences of others from less fortunate backgrounds in America - but some people more than others ;)

Thus, I wrote this to her elsewhere ...

Candace - I didn't see where you were diagnosed by a professional, and I wonder if you might be confusing PTSS and PTSD? 

PTSS is the short-term syndrome, and PTSD is the longer-term disorder, and it takes being diagnosed from a professional to tell the difference. 

I know that this diagnosis has become a pop-term, and yet still, we can't just self-diagnose and contribute to throwing these terms around lightly.   

My unsolicited advice would be first to seek a professional opinion on a diagnosis and educate yourself on these disorders, before announcing this to the public as fact. 

It may also be to your benefit to speak to people with that official diagnosis of PTSD (rather than PTSS) like soldiers and/or rape and domestic violence victims, whose symptoms don't dissipate as easily.  

Secondly, I know that you have a compassionate heart and are very sensitive, and a Christian like myself, so I don't want to minimize or invalidate your experience, but at the same time, just a little truth is good medicine; it can set us free/help heal - I also know that you appear live in a sort of naive Christian bubble and don't have a lot of experience with others' experiences outside of that and have much to learn from people that haven't been as lucky. 

And I do have to tell you/warn you, what you are saying will likely be construed as white privilege and white fragility, to be able to avoid the unpleasant when it suits you - and they may have a point?  

All the best,

 

Heads Up - In Case You Missed It Yesterday, Many Rakuten Stores Are Still at 10% Rebate/Cash Back

 

Yesterday, Rakuten had a surprise pre-holiday rebate of 10% to 15% cash back, on top of store sales for stores like Macy's, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bloomingdale's, Nike, Adidas, Under Armour, Backcountry, J.Crew, Lands End, The Gap, Coach, Aveda, Clinique, Lancome, Ulta and more.  

This higher percentage is usually reserved for Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), usually hovering around 2%.

Apparently, most of the stores extended the 10% today.

However, I note that Macy's and Bloomingdales are NOT still at 10% today - but Saks Fifth Avenue IS still at 10% today, and Macy's was at 2% this morning, but now is at 6%.

Also note that Adidas is the only one still at 15% cash back today.

Also note the Keurig was added today to 10%, not on board yesterday - HOWEVER - otherwise note that appliances and furniture rebates are mostly excluded.

Only Keurig and a few items at Overstock.com, so we'll have to probably have to wait until Black Friday for those.

Also, though Bed, Bath, and Beyond IS on Rakuten, it was only at 2% yesterday and today and not part of the deals.

Here's just a small example of stores who extended the 10%.

Lastly, note that Wayfair and Etsy are NOT part of the Rakuten program yet - BUT - many credit cards do have rebate programs for shopping with them - for example, my credit card did match Rakuten and gave cash back for  both yesterday.

Also, I noted that my credit card was offering 6% cash back for Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but Rakuten was still at 2% for them.

Also, when I did look at Amazon, after adding my credit card's shopping app, just under the Amazon price listed, it now shows a comparison price for that item elsewhere - and it gave me $5 just for the first time using it to check/compare an item to Wayfair, Etsy, and Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Take advantage of Rakuten and/or your credit card cash back rebates, folks, they're for real - you really do get a check or cash back on your card (or credit card credit) for the percentage back they advertise on everything you bought from these stores, even on sale, plus shipping is free if your purchase is over $50.

If you wait until Black Friday or later, you may not find the item in stock or the sizes  you need  ;)

(By the way, no - you cannot use two rebate programs at once - one will disable the other when you choose it ;)

This is the way that stores and credit card rebate programs have found to compete with Amazon, considering many vendors that sell at these stores also sell at Amazon and often for cheaper - in fact, my credit card openly says so lol (so needless to say, you won't see Amazon at Rakuten OR your credit card rebates.

Being that Monday is often my slower day with work, I totally took advantage of it yesterday, especially at Macy's and Nike (less stress to shop for in December and I can focus on the holiday decorating and baking and fun)!

Of course, it also helps that I'm in a better place financially than I ever have been and can do this early ;)

Many thanks to my boss, L, who introduced me to Rakuten a year ago!

Grrr - Vandalism: Was This Sports or Politically Motivated (or Both)?

 

So as part of my husband's birthday gifts in 2019, I bought the below decal, which he waited to put on our new car this year.  I looked for a long time, and had a really hard time finding one with the Detroit D in orange on blue background (Tigers colors), and this one was in the shape of Michigan, too - and he loved it.

Apparently, despite living in one of the nicest apartment communities in Lexington - which is kind of isolated and off by itself, not too close to town - some A-hole ripped it off his window, on Saturday night :/

We were heartbroken - and then pissed. 

As I've mentioned many times, we love most of our neighbors and vice versa, especially in this building, we're very like-minded,  and we look out for and help each other - which of course also helps to narrow down the suspects, you see ;)

So, the first consideration is the most unlikely - that someone actually liked it, thought it was cool, and wanted it for themselves - HOWEVER - that's extremely unlikely, both in our community and here in Kentucky, for two very different reasons lol.  

Meaning, we know most of our neighbors well, and that they wouldn't steal from us or vandalize us or anyone - in fact, we have  given keys to each other's apartments in case of emergency or vacation plant-watering.  The other very different reason from the first is that Kentucky people in general aren't fond of Detroit lol.

The second and most likely explanation is that Kentucky won their football game against LSU (Louisiana State University), who were the 2007 and 2019 national champions (and previously top-ranked), on Saturday night, which is a rarity for our football team to win at all, let alone against powerhouse SEC teams like Florida and LSU - and some drunken asshole beat his chest and then began ripping shit off cars that didn't match his Kentucky sports pride?

Yeah - we only won because LSU and Florida aren't very good, this year, and we are (for a change) - but we're not THAT good.

Don't forget, we play Georgia this weekend -  who IS that good and always has been (possibly better than ever, this year)  - thus, we'll likely get our arses kicked lol.

(Usually, only our basketball team wins, as Kentucky Basketball has, and continues to be, consistently in the top 5 elite college basketball teams in America, has been for decades -  but our football, well - sucks.)

Now, we heard drunken neighbors a few buildings over, screaming, yelling, chanting, late/early morning on Saturday night - but we did not expect someone to go around vandalizing people's cars.

Now, look - I went to UK, and though a basketball fan rather than a football fan, I get excited with wins, too - but I've never understood getting as crazy as our Kentucky Wildcats fans do.

I mean, our fans our legendary crazy, and winning isn't enough - because after a win, they have to secure their dominion over everybody else by jumping up and down on cars, setting things on fire, and pummeling the other fans into a bloody pulp in the street, after beating their chests, like insecure, immature, unevolved Neanderthals.

I just don't get it and never have.

In fact, even in basketball, though MSU and UK still both reign supreme in the college basketball world and are considered rivals, it's not like it once was - they're now mutually respectful, almost even supportive of one another (also North Carolina is in our good competition mix).

In fact, I think MSU and UK have actually bonded because of their hatred of the other two consistent legacies, Duke and Kansas,  for good reason - because they are either known for playing dirty and targeting players (Kansas) and/or faking injuries for fouls a lot (Duke), with especially Duke getting favored with ref calls, because people are afraid of Duke's Coach K lol.

All of this to say, I don't think this was a UK/MSU thing, because we weren't playing MSU, in football OR basketball, so this would just be yet another "UK won, we're better than everyone else, we're not happy just winning, we have to destroy everyone else, as well as vandalize and destroy property so secure our superiority -  it's our God-given constitutional right" moment.

No, it isn't your God-given constitutional right, actually - and I'm sorry you think your constitutional rights to health and safety are more important than anyone else's.

The third and less likely reason is perhaps it was slightly a political thing - perhaps even combined with Reason #2 of sports rivalry - because Kentucky is a particularly angry shade of red state, and  Kentucky Republicans/Trumpers hate Democrat-led Detroit and Gretchen-Whitmer-led Michigan - especially after the last election and COVID.

Also, possibly related to Reason #3 would be this little tidbit Mark told me about, which he forgot had also happened on Saturday ...

We have some friends/neighbors two buildings down - he's South African (white but liberal) and his wife is from China (also liberal) - and they also own a pug, which is how we became acquainted - yay!  

Mark was out walking Brookie, when the husband yelled down from his balcony that they were moving to Cleveland so that his wife, who is a doctor, could do her MD fellowship at Cleveland Clinic.

My husband congratulated them, then yelled up to them (who were on the balcony) - "Lucky!  You're getting the hell out of the South,  ESPECIALLY Kentucky - I wish I was!"

The people walking their dogs nearby apparently heard him and made mean faces at him.

I told him that was completely unnecessary to say so loud, and he was asking for trouble :/

He said he didn't care, as long as he and and the husband thought it was funny.

Then his decal went missing that night  ;)

As mentioned, we mostly have extremely cool neighbors, especially in this building, despite their politics (but most are Dems like us).

In fact, also as mentioned, we even give each other our keys to water our plants and watch our apartments when away, Democrat, Republican, or Independent, or just to have extra keys for the elderly in case of emergency (most of the elderly here are typically Republican, mind you, but not A-holes, and typically not very fond of Trump).

However, we also have just a few loud, obnoxious Trump assholes, in the neighborhood, too, that mostly all live in the same building, a few buildings over.  

In fact, the same building has loud parties about every other weekend, at which we have heard people screaming off their balconies about the superiority of Kentucky versus everyone else, as well as fights, and the police have been called more than once (we didn't call the police on them, I actually think one particular couple that gets drunk and loudly fights and kicks in doors called them on each other lol).  

In fact, that is the only building that has ever caused any trouble or had the police there, so we all just avoid them and focus on each other lol.

 

Thus, I have this to say to those few, outnumbered, loud, obnoxious, in-your-face, Trump assholes that live in that single building, in our community, and apparently think that Kentucky is better than any place else in the world, despite never having been anyplace else ...  

First of all, I went to UK and am a Kentucky (basketball) fan, myself, dumb asses.  

(However, I don't like football much, because it stops every two seconds, for too long, and I get bored - sorry.) 

In fact, I was likely a fan before at least two of you were ever even born. 

Secondly, Michigan is pretty effin far away from Louisiana and had nothing to do with that football game on Saturday. 

 

But even when MSU has won against Kentucky, (basketball  only, because they never play Kentucky in football), did my husband beat his chest, scream and yell until 4:30 in the morning, and then vandalize your all's shit? 

No, he did not. 

 

When you put Trump stickers, Infowars, anti-BLM, anti-mask, anti-vaxx, and confederate flag decals and bumper stickers all over your cars -  and then proceeded to parade around the parking lot in your pickup trucks, several times a day, with giant American, Confederate, and Trump flags flying from poles, which extended from your truck beds, shouting at us all to vote for Trump - did we display anything political on our home or cars or vandalize YOUR cars and homes, or even say anything back to you? 

No, we did not. 

 

At most we shook our heads or laughed at your cult-level idolatry and general foolishness. 

 

That is because we actually do believe in the right to freedom of speech (that isn't harassment, hate speech, or verbal abuse) and expression, as well as the right to peacefully assemble and protest - for everyone - not just those we agree with.  

 

Then when management asked that people clean off their balconies due to fire hazard, and that nothing be further hung off of balconies, to comply with community rules found in your lease - but you continued to hang your flags, signs, and banners off your balconies, draping down onto the patios of the people below you (despite the fact that not a single one of us Dems did so) - did we report you? 

No, we did not.  

 

At the very most, my husband was overheard voicing to a friend on his balcony that he wanted to move away from Kentucky as soon as possible - and he has every right to, in the same right to freedom of speech as you (and less loudly and belligerently, and never drunkenly).

 

Also, his decal was NOT political, or even about basketball or football  - it just represented his home town of Detroit and the Detroit Tigers baseball team.  

 

But now, " ya' dun pissed us off " - and as I said, I went to UK, and I am half-redneck myself - so you want to get down into Kentucky crazy? 

Let's dance - because I don't like to stoop down into Kentucky crazy with you, but I do know how it works - happy to meet you there, should you persist and find yourself unable to keep your hands to yourself, ever again.

(Message to be continued below ...) 

 

As an aside, Detroit crazy is different from Kentucky crazy, which my husband has finally come to understand.  

In Detroit, it's direct - you simply ask the other person to step outside and knock the shit out of each other, and when it's over, maybe even have a beer together - or not - there's also the possibility, depending on the affront, that you could find that one of the two have disappeared, likely under ice in Lake Michigan, in the Detroit River, or wherever Jimmy Hoffa went - gulp.

In Kentucky, on the other hand, it's passive aggressive - meaning they smile in your face, and then do crazy, vindictive shit behind your back, when you're not looking - so that you look like the crazy asshole if you say anything about it.

Now, this can range from something as small as vandalizing your car or home - to using the good ole boy/girl social network to smear your reputation and/or get you fired, or filing a civil suit that's not over the real issue at all, rather something frivolous just to intimidate you.

The next level is either using "mountain code kinship" to manipulate their Eastern Kentucky relatives and/or literally hiring some impoverished Eastern Kentucky rednecks to harass and bully you in real life (plus nowadays  impersonate you on social media and cyberbully you), threaten you, beat you up, and even drug you up with OxyContin and try to frame you for a crime.

Then last, but certainly not least, if all else fails - hiring one of those impoverished, crazy-ass-rednecks from Eastern Kentucky to kill your dog or your horse and/or burn your house down, as a last resort.

(I wish I was kidding - the latter method of dealing with conflict is extremely popular in Eastern Kentucky.)

They call this passive-aggressive, smile-in-your-face-but-activate-the -good-ole-boy-network-and/or-a-crazy-ass-Eastern-Kentucky-redneck-to-do-your-dirty-work method the "Kentucky Colonel" way or the "Southern Gentleman/Belle" way.

I call it the "Chicken Shit" and  "Coward" way :)

Now, the problem with that is that I'm not the passive-aggressive, vandalizing, vindictive, violent, pet-killing, arsonist type lol -  nor am I a reputation-smearer and bully.

I'm too direct for that passive-aggressive, behind-the-back, cowardly BS - so my particular brand of crazy and Kentucky crazy don't mix well.  

This means that though I have social anxiety, and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and many chances, the right to have bad days, and will always try diplomacy first - BUT - if someone gives me, and especially the people I care about, too much shit for too long, or crosses a line, I will start giving it right back (verbally) - only 10 times harder,  more articulately, and with pinpoint-accurate aim  - but always directly to them, instead of behind backs -  I will verbally chew them up and spit them out, right out in front of God and everybody.

Then, having said my piece, I'm done, I walk away, while they're left sucking their thumb and running home crying to their momma and their little wolf pack, trying to play the innocent victim and calling me crazy -  which I have finally learned to take as a compliment, considering the sources ;)  

This, you see, is why I mostly don't fit in here, in central Kentucky, with both Dave Chappelle and Trevor Noah having described Lexington as "The land of charming racism" and passive-aggressive Southerners. ;)

HOWEVER, I certainly have been the target of that level of Kentucky crazy, and I know how it works, the kinds of things they resort to -  and though it took me long enough, I finally learned how to deal with people like this. 

Mostly ghosting them is effective - they simply hate it if you don't react at all and don't let them have the satisfaction of letting them have feel like they have power over you.

HOWEVER again -  I've also learned to report them immediately, once they've crossed the line and taken their "freedom of speech/expression" way too far, don't wait, imagining they'll calm down, because they won't.

They'll retaliate for reporting them, of course, which you are also wise to simply ignore, until they do something so over the top and criminal that even their good ole boys and girls distance themselves from them lol.

So now hear this - this incident has been reported to management and community security, and we're in excellent standing with both, they even ask our opinions on certain matters - AND - we're also very good friends with a few high-level cops at LFUCG.


Now - I'm getting another decal AND a Ring camera, which will be on my balcony, with approval from management.

So feel free to continue to act like a damn fool, shouting about the superiority of Trump, Kentucky, and UK sports, and against masks and vaccines, at all hours of the night, and parade around parking lots with Trump and confederate flags -  that's your American right (and to hell with everyone else's?)

But should you EVER remove, vandalize, or touch anything of ours, ever again - here's your one and only warning ...

The video will be shown to management, and good luck to you then - because as mentioned, we've lived here almost 5 years and are in excellent standing with management, maintenance, and the courtesy cop - and all three have asked our opinions on many things.  We're never late on our rent, never had a single problem or complaint, and are very well liked by management and most of our neighbors and vice versa. 

 

Also, as mentioned, we're good friends with some high-level cops at LFUCG.

 

So good luck finding a legal argument that allows you to continue live here instead of result in an immediate eviction based on the strictest terms of your lease -  PLUS  -our friends at LFUCG will arrest you, faster than you can say "Make America Great Again" or  "Kentucky Pride" or even "Go Cats" - I guarantee it  :).