Sunday, September 26, 2021

Britney Spears

In May 2019, I wrote the below post, which I parked in draft along with many others, because at the time, I was concerned about the security of my account after a security breach, The breach turned out to be random rather than my prior issue, and thus I began blogging again.

Regardless, it's about Britany Spears (and Mary Todd Lincoln) and how though we don't lock women away into institutions anymore to control them, there is still the propensity in our society to control women with psychiatric care.

Now, we've discovered it's much worse than we thought - apparently her father hired a security firm to monitor her every move, but even recorded audio from her bedroom  - creepy!

Now look - I understand that bipolars can overspend when in mania - IF she's even bipolar - but a conservator is supposed to safeguard the money only - not control every aspect of their life, every life decision they make about relationships, etc., and monitor every little thing that they say and do.

I know this because my mother is bipolar (along with a cluster-B-mix personality disorder, for extra fun). 

FYI, I am not - and I've been quadruple-checked to be sure.  

I do have PTSD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and social anxiety as a result, though, so I didn't escape unscathed - so I guess the only 2 blessings that came from that early "psychiatric control/gaslighting/abuse" by my mother, in my teenage years were: 

1) I refused the heavy psychiatric medication prescribed as a teenager "for depression," terrified of drugs in general, and noting that my mother had previously taken certain pills that zoned her out/made her sleep too much,  and generally seemed to make her worse  -  so I refused all medications until age 20, when Prozac came out in 1988, as I researched its safety and side effects first, as a novel type of antidepressant. 


I consider this a blessing and myself lucky, on this point - because I could've developed a dependency, like my little sister did for a time. 


2)  I also learned through that early therapy, while my brain was still developing - as a part of my mother's control/gaslighting abuse or not - more of what the range of "normal" actual was, as opposed to continuing to model what I saw in my family.  
(I don't think they realized how sick my mother herself was, yet, at that point, they thought she was traumatized by my father - but I'm pretty sure they know, now, that she is, in fact, mentally ill in her own right - and that my father just made it worse with abuse :/) 

As mentioned, my little sister was not as lucky.

When she began to "act out" against my charismatic-evangelical religiously-addicted (and earlier pill-addicted) mother and her control at age 12, she was dragged off to the same places -  only unlike me, she took all the meds they prescribed - which included  her being prescribed Xanax at age 12 - and of course developed an addiction to pills - Xanax and Klonopin, which she ultimately got off the street - an addiction she kicked herself at age 22.

Ironically, of course, my mother tried to blame me for her drug usage, ain't that a kick?  

Despite the fact that I've had a lifelong fear of drugs, refused them as a teenager myself, and it was she, herself, who got her own daughter hooked on prescription drugs.  

However, I'm the family scapegoat, remember - someone's on drugs, the crops fail, the microwave doesn't work -  it's always my fault - even if I never touched these things.

Back to my mother, though my mother was mentally ill, my abusive father had done the same with her, to control her - that's why she had pill problems earlier  - "just keep her zoned out on pills and no one will believe the stories she has to tell about me and the abuse."

Now, she was using the exact same gaslighting tactic that dad used on her -  with her own children, to control them :/

Gaslighting - not just a male method of power abuse anymore.

Anyway, when my grandmother discovered she was terminally ill, she wanted to update her will - and because she was an only child, my grandmother's estate would go to her (which wasn't much but the land).  

She asked about what to do and whether or not to have a conservator for her because when she went off meds and became manic, she'd shop and not even remember it.

Instead, I said perhaps to have an executor of the will - most likely my older sister, because I didn't want the job, plus she has a phobia of hospitals and healthcare, and we originally came up with the plan that she would handle the paperwork and legalities and I would handle the actual care at the time - but no single conservator.

However, my grandmother still asked me for input about her actual will, because she didn't want anyone to know that she feared what my mom would do with the estate.

I suggested to spread the estate over 5 family members to cast a vote, like a "conservator committee," as opposed to just one person - which included my mother herself, my 2 sisters, my sister's husband, and me.

That way, no single one of us could ever use or borrow against the estate without the democratic-vote consent of the others - and not just my mother - any one of us would need to be subject to this 5-member family-committee approval.

(And if anyone possibly reading should ever doubt that, then ask for Granny's first will -  written right after she developed terminal cancer - and you'll see that's the way it was initially written).

Unfortunately later, my older sister as executor, terrorized my grandmother and my mother into Granny changing the will.

First, she told my grandmother that if I was in the will, my husband could get the estate during our divorce.

Of course, this was a lie - just a ruse to get me out of the will, which is what she openly told me, as opposed to what she told everyone else.

So instead, I signed off on the will willingly myself, to prove I wasn't after a thing - I just wanted to be the one to give her care.

Then, she told my mother that with the original will,  I wanted to "have her committed." 

This is not only a lie, but not even legally possible - you can't legally "commit" someone since 1988 (and as a former social work student at UK, I of all people knew that).

PLUS despite my mother's issues, I didn't think she needed to be "committed" or institutionalized - only short-term if she went off her meds and refused to eat, etc., and was a true danger to herself or others.

Besides it now being illegal, I think it's pretty clear that I'm strongly against institutionalizing women long term anyway, even if it wasn't, because it's been a form of subjugating and abusing especially women for centuries, and I've believed that since I was a child.

I just think if there's money involved a conservator might be in order, but there should be limits to that and never one person - just as I thought there needed to be a "family committee" of five people to safeguard my grandmother's estate because of my mother's bipolar-binge spending habits - period.

My sister ultimately decided to borrow against the estate and set up an annuity for her, which was fine.

However, though I don't communicate with them anymore, I have received tidbits from others (without asking for them) that this same sister has actually controlled way too much of her life and bullied her into certain things (as I suspected she might).

Apparently, she also told my little sister she didn't want to care for my mother now that she's in her 70s and that she needed to do it instead, as Mom's favorite (erm - too bad, she signed up for this?).

Lastly, after she learned through the social security office that my father died, she wanted my mother to apply to get his social security - even though he was remarried to my stepmom until his death, who is still alive.

(I loved my stepmother dearly, and she was just as much of a victim of my dad as anyone else, but IMO, she deserves that SSI from my dad's death because my mom actually divorced him and thereby signed off on any rights to his financial assets, and at least my mom has my grandmother's estate - albeit through my sister.)

Yeah, my older sister is a a peach, as I've mentioned - and yet still, the rest of the family has never figured out who the class A, selfish, greedy manipulator of the family (and thief) really is, and that sometimes the smeller is the feller (projecting onto others their own motivations;).

Ta-da - that's an extremely dysfunctional family for ya! lol

Now - if you're also lucky enough to be the family scapegoat in an extremely dysfunctional family  - and I'm speaking to other dysfunctional family scapegoats only - my advice to you is - just get out.

Everything is going to get blamed on you anyway, and you'll never have any self-esteem until you do - and if anybody is going to be threatened with being carted off to mental institutions or drugs, it will most likely be you, as long as you're a part of that family - because you can see how crazy they really are, while the rest will keep pretending.

Not that I'm knocking therapy - but do it on your own - go to your own doctors and clinics - you don't need their "help" (cough, cough, control).  

You have the right to choose your own healthcare and treatment plan.

Because it wasn't until I got away from my family, and the clinics and clinicians that my mother hand chose and dragged me too that I was able to actually heal and get better :).

Now, onto the original post ...


Never a Britney fan, but I've always felt sorry for her. "Free Britney" is OTT, but they may have a point. Because I love Alec Baldwin, but he's been arrested several times for actually punching paparazzi, and we all heard his verbally abusive voicemail left to his daughter, calling her a "little pig." Michael Jackson, another former child pop star, showed up to court in pajamas, distorted his face, and at the very least, has poor judgment and made questionable decisions regarding children.

Were they Baker-Acted repeatedly to mental institutions, lost custody of their children to their ex (to whom she pays child support AND alimony), invited to award shows while recovering as jokes, and their fathers became conservator over their multi-million dollar estates?

No, they were not.

In fact, they became bigger stars.

Britney became a "circus freak" public joke whose "conservator" father vacillates between publicly displaying her right back into the entertainment world that broke her, then inexplicably locks her away from society.

A joke that both liberals and conservatives alike are still merciless with - because of one public display of mental illness 11 years ago.

Do you have an explanation of society's treatment of her versus them - other than gender?

Because I can't think of one.

An adult man displays erratic, even abusive behavior, arrested several times - he's just "eccentric" or "has a bad temper."

An adult woman display erratic, nonviolent behavior - she's "bat-sh*t crazy" and "mentally ill."

FYI, in the United States, since 1988, it is illegal to detain or force anyone - male or female - into psychiatric hospitals or to take medication *UNLESS* they are a deemed by the courts and a professional psychiatric team to be suicidal or homicidal - a danger to themselves or others.

Is she really suicidal/homicidal and a danger to herself and others?

Is she really more dangerous to others and her own children paparazzi-punching, verbally-child-abusing Alec Baldwin?

(Again, I love Alec, but let's not pretend he's not BSC, too - and unlike Britney, don't ever piss Alec Baldwin off - because he truly IS dangerous when he gets mad.)

Once upon a time, after witnessing the traumatic deaths of her husband and two sons, first lady, Mary Todd Lincoln became obsessed with spiritualism (contacting the dead) and with the fear of losing her remaining son, Robert, to death. Robert, in turn, had her committed to a mental asylum.

Later, her attorney argued Robert (and others) actually did so to gain control of Lincoln's estate and money, and she was freed and regained control of Lincoln's estate.

Today, it might be argued that Mary Todd Lincoln had PTSD; however, at the time, we had no idea what that was - and men could pay asylum staff to commit sane, wealthy women to mental asylums.

(Also, for a small fee, men could pay to sexually assault asylum women - because who would believe them? When these women ended up pregnant, gosh, what a mystery.)

Now, it's 2019.

Britney Spears is 37 years old and made $47 million dollars herself.

We don't throw women into mental asylums anymore over estates or to keep silent secrets - or do we?

This all began in 2008.

People of both political sides were absolutely merciless to her very public mental breakdown, in which she called the paparazzi herself to meet her at a salon, had them shave her head, and then knocked out a car window with an umbrella.

She was hospitalized and it was revealed she suffered from bipolar disorder.

Yes, it was cuckoo - but there was a method to her madness, too - I actually understood the point she was trying to make.

She was essentially saying, "You want something to talk about? Obsessed with my appearance? How you like me now, paparazzi, with a shaved head?"

Constant hounding and rumors, American societal obsession with perfect appearance, fake people who lie with a smile on your face all day and you don't know who to trust, people treat you like a product.

If you have any chinks in your chain, fame will find those weaknesses, press on them, and break them - and Britney, due to her personality forming under this pressure as a child, and bipolar disorder, broke especially hard.

Then, just a couple of weeks later, the same MTV that built her and made her a star, invited her to their VMA awards, just to display her weight gain and erratic behavior like she's a circus act - solely to watch her act crazy and make fun of her :(

I turned it off, finding their doing so just as sick, if not sicker, than anything she was doing.

Because though I have a very healthy sense of humor, I also have a heart - and I have never found cruelty funny - it was the furthest thing from funny I could think of - and no, she did not deserve it, just because she put herself in the limelight (with the help of her family).

In fact, even if true she's crazy, promiscuous, previously attention-seeking, dumb as a rock - she still doesn't deserve being treated cruelly and like a circus freak.

At the time, though never a fan, I was one of a small handful of people who publicly expressed feeling sorry for her because people were truly merciless towards her.

Okay, we get it, she's a child star gone crazy - so are a lot of people in the entertainment industry - why don't we treat child boy stars gone crazy the same as Britney?

What she needed was help - but all anyone could do - including my supposed fellow "feminist" and "be kind to others" liberals - were throwing shit at her and laughing just as much as deplorables, saying she "deserved" it.

No - nobody deserves being treated cruelly and like a circus freak.

But then, this was a time where Reality TV shows glorifying meanness was cool, as was budding social media - and my fellow liberals were right there, cheering characterless Reality TV along, right alongside with Deplorables.

At the time, I wrote several posts predicting that the glorifcation the characterless and cruelty displayed on Reality TV (as well as on social media) was helping to devolve the ethos of this country irrevocably.

Now, we have a mean, Reality-TV show president.

And you, my fellow liberals can't understand why - and want to point fingers only at Trump Deplorables for their meanness?


I don't think so.

And I see that most of you, my fellow liberals, are STILL being mean to her/have no empathy for her - why?

Regardless, she supposedly doesn't have enough judgment and insight to make her own decisions, but those who do have that legal right allow and encourage her right back in the same fame world that broke her - and that doesn't strike you as odd?

No - my fellow supposed "anti-exploitation" and "feminist" liberals are still getting more popcorn and throwing it at her, right along with Deplorables :(

At least Deplorables admit to being Deplorables, having little to no empathy for women.

So what are we?

Big Fat Hypocrites.

If she eventually suicides - which she likely will, at this rate - will the mess that was her life be as funny?

As I said, the people who have been legally given control over her estate are supposed to have better judgment and make better decisions than she did - but they aren't.

It seems to me the entire family may be dysfunctional - the inmates may be running that asylum.

Because if truly cared for her, they'd be encouraging a quiet life away from the stressors that broke her - but they didn't.

Something is wrong with the people put in charge of her care - whether she can admit that about her own family or not.

Some motherly advice for Britney ...

If the people around you aren't at least 50% more sane than you - and they aren't 100% behind what's in your best interest - get out and find people who are :)

And here's a hint: Note that historically, those people were not found neither in the entertainment business OR your dysfunctional family ;)

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