A copy of a text message sent to my little sister, except with corrected typos lol
She was not privy to many of the events I allude to, here, or at least she was told a different story - but I won't go into detail to combat those lies from others, I stopped doing that a long time ago - I figure the truth will reveal itself in time ;)
She is leaving back for home, soon, after being the primary caretaker for my 79-year-old mom for the past few weeks, and I've backed her up with care as best I could, having been the primary caretaker for my grandmother, as well as my husband after his stroke - I know how hard it actually can be, not just physically, but emotionally, plus trying to work - and in my case, also taking care of a child as a single mom (my sisters have no children).
As I've also mentioned, we had a DNA-test revelation last September.
After a woman had taken a DNA test and found she was related to my family, but not her own family that raised her, her family hired a genealogist to reach out to us for help.
I was the only one who responded, so I took a DNA test to help this 79-year-old woman solve her family mystery before she died.
The revelation - which I can openly say now because everyone knows now - is that this woman and my mother were switched at birth - at a hospital in Pennsylvania (where my grandparents lived briefly during WW2, so my grandfather could work at the shipping yards).
We discovered this because I was closely genetically related to this woman's family genetically, but the woman was not.
Also, I was NOT closely related to the family that raised my mother (the people I thought were my grandparents) - but this woman was closely related to them.
This blew everyone's mind, at first, hard to believe and accept - but I accepted it almost right away, because there's already been so much unbelievable crazy in my family, that I was like, "Well, why not - just some more crazy on the crazy family fire, par for the course" LOL
Nothing shocks me with my family anymore, there's no "dysfunctional pretending" left for me, with my family - I've had too much therapy! LOL
Plus it just made sense - my mom didn't look like anyone else in the family that raised her, she was different in so many ways, and as an only child, a very lonely childhood :(
But you wouldn't believe how much she looks like her biological family - one sister could even be her twin!
Though rare, you actually wouldn't believe how much this actually happened, especially during WW2, with short-staffed hospitals and babies were just beginning to be born at hospitals rather than home. There's a whole Ancestry.com community about it?
But I also actually realized, very quickly, that nothing changes. The people we thought were our grandparents were still our grandparents, etc. - just not biologically :)
However, as you may understand some might feel, this woman felt, well, robbed of her childhood, and wanted someone held accountable.
I tried to reassure her that she may have dodged a bullet, actually lol.
But actually, both families ended up having their own traumas, but at least from my perspective, both families had things to be grateful for that the other one didn't have?
Regardless, she decided to begin talking to an attorney about suing the hospital over it, which I didn't approve of - plus my mother wasn't ready to talk to them anyway, due to her upcoming surgeries, she wanted to complete those first.
Then things got REAL weird. IMO, it became unclear as to what people's motivations actually were and I decided I just wanted out, wanting no part of a lawsuit - as I detailed in November's post.
My family, now that they know and have accepted this truth, mostly feel like, "Why did this have to happen, especially now?"
But they have no interest in a lawsuit either.
I address that, too, below.
I had already thanked my little sister profusely for her selflessness in helping our mother, and then I wrote the lengthy text below.
And just adding now, I pray that if no one remembers nothing else about me or anything I've ever said but this, they'll remember this, if nothing else:
Hey - I was watching a show that reminded me, so forgive the corny here lol.
Just in case, going forward, we don't talk as much again, something I wanted to share - no worries, all good things :)
If there's just one life lesson I've learned that I can pass on from all of my mistakes, it's this one that I try to live by, sometimes failing ( and feel free to throw my own words back at me when I forget lol)
So remember when I told you, and McK, too, previously, "never forget how you struggled" and "there's always somebody with worse?"
What I mean is, we have two choices - we can let that shit make us bitter, vindictive, and selfish - OR - we can acknowledge the struggle, but be grateful for what we DO have, have empathy for others struggling even if a different struggle, and most importantly ...
"BE the person that you wish had been there for you, when no one else was - be that person for someone else struggling.
Some may take advantage of it or twist it, or project their own agendas onto you, etc., sure - but that's on their soul, not yours, right?
And don't be a martyr, either - don't forget to be that person for yourself, too :)
Take that oxygen mask on the plane first, when you need it, so you can better help others :)Also, you had said, everyone was saying, "Why did this have to happen?" (about the DNA reveal).
If you look at it in a different way, it's inspiring - it's proof the truth ALWAYS comes out - even if it's long after we're gone :)
Now, speaking of not knowing their motivations, you may be wondering what mine are, considering if what I say is true, really happened (about Granny's death and family reactions).
A long time ago, my (female) Episcopalian priest said to me, during the worst of things in 2007 ...
"Your story reminds me of Joseph. His family threw him in a pit, left him for dead, and lied about him - all (out of their own unjustified paranoia) over birthright and inheritance."
"He was then sold into slavery, falsely accused of crimes he didn't commit - crimes he was in no powerful position to commit anyway."
"It took 20 years to be vindicated and he was now in a more powerful position (the king's steward)."
" A famine hit and his family needed help, and he helped them anyway, despite what they had done - from a distance, you get the sense of, because it wasn't safe because not all were sorry, some still justified themselves - but he had forgiven them, remembered the best times, and helped care for them."
"That's you, Chrystal."
(She also added "You have the heart of Joseph, Chrystal - I can see that, everybody else can see that - it's just a shame your family doesn't. Maybe that's the problem. Or maybe- they have an agenda and assume you do too, that your motives couldn't possibly be as as they seem, but they are, I've seen it" - but of course I didn't include that in the text ;)
"So maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, it may be years - and truth can be very slow - but when the first signs of that day come, you will say as he did ..."
"Genesis 50:20: What was done to me was done for evil, but God intended for good, for the saving of many lives."
I'm not Joseph, of course, not as strong he was - but I've never forgotten her saying that to me either.
It sounded almost prophetic, though I'm not sure I believe in prophecies. lol.
What I DO know is that things don't always happen for a reason, we have free will - and that's what that verse means in Genesis - what we do to each other out of free will, God has nothing to do with - but it can be used for good and to help others struggling - IF - we allow it too."
Easter Sermon over!! LOL
J/K, not meant to be a sermon, I'm the last one to preach - just passing along something that's helped me and what motivates me (though it's a "do as a I say, not always as I do"thing?) lol
Love you R - here if you need me :)
Please tell McK I still love her to the moon and back, miss her every day, and am here when she's ready to talk - and I mean, really talk and get real. I'm pretty sure I'll know when she is :)
Much love to all - gonna let this sit a while for all to read :)
PS - And to our new family, particularly Aunt G - yes, my mother received the letter you said you weren't going to send.
Please be patient just a while longer - Mom will be ready to contact you when she's ready, and not a moment before, in her own timeframe - IF she is ever ready.
I thank you in advance - again - for your continued patience, please?
She really has had a tough year with two surgeries and complications from those surgeries.