Now That It's Final ...

Obviously, something has been going on with me, I've had a bee in my bonnet, and now that it's over, I'm going to put what I actually said - with the hopes that the offshore team (in India) will have the courage to come forward now, too.

(At the very least, they'll know that not all Americans are racist, arrogant, judgmental, hypocritical, and rude.)

Believe me when I say that I spent a large amount of time scouring myself for what I was doing wrong, trying to find things not to set this American coworker off myself, helping her because I believed she was just overwhelmed and it wasn't personal.

In a way, it wasn't.

However, the one thing I'm proud of is that I spoke up before I just left, instead of my usual just leaving - likely because the issue was bigger than me.

(I often have no problem speaking up for other people, but struggle when it's me).

This time, I stood up for both.

In fact, truth be told, I've seen way worse bullying/power abuse of new people in the workplace than this, both of myself and other people -  but this was the first time I'd seen a race component (offshore team, India).

However, once I wrote it all with details, as requested, I guess it is pretty bad, isn't it, especially with regards to the offshore team?

I have to say that I loved the job, I loved the company, I loved their approach to DEI, I loved everybody else there.

So I am not naming or blaming the company - this is NOT their fault.

But I resigned, fearful that launching an investigation would be more stressful than the actual events. 

I tried to enlist HR's help over legit sexual harassment, many years ago, and that's when I learned that HR is there to protect the company, not you - the only thing that you'll accomplish is getting retaliated against without protection and get fired for using too many paper clips or something.

However, upon leaving, I did tell my recruiter what happened before placing someone new in there, as well as fill out a short exit survey.

Then, as I said, I was contacted and asked to file an ethics complaint - giving as many details as possible -  which I have just done and there's a copy of below.

This is no way means I will be rehired - but I am hopeful the issues will be addressed. 

Below the yellow line is what I said - names removed for letters such as X, Y and Z to protect their privacy.

Also keep in mind, this is just my opinion and my perception.

The person I filed the complaint against may sue if she likes, but I'm the one without a job now, while she's still there, plus I named no one and clearly said this was my opinion/perception - of which she knows every word is true.

If I wanted money or a lawsuit, I would've filed the complaint before leaving, not after, at the request of HR.

So in other words, good luck with that.

Also, since she's made it clear she's such a huge fan of freedom of speech, then this shouldn't bother her! 😎


I also realize prospective employers might read this, but if they're the right kind of people, they'll applaud it. 

And any Trumpers that don't like that need not apply. 😊

The older I get, the less Mean Girl crap I'm willing to put up with, by women old enough to know better.  

Not sure that's a good thing - pretty sure some family and friends don't agree, saying things like "You'll be living in a cardboard box for your retirement, but thank God for your integrity and ethics?" 😂

That may be true - but as I've said many times, I'd rather sleep with a clear conscience in that cardboard box, knowing I've done everything I could to make the world a better place, than live in a mansion obtained through ill-gotten gain. 

As fascism rises in America, those saying this may be be sorry later that they sat on the fence and self-preserved, insulated themselves, rather than taking actual risks to themselves to resist it and help others.

My little stand might mean/do nothing at all - but I will NOT go to my grave without doing everything I could to resist this arrogant, bullying, over-nationalistic mentality from taking hold, in order to make a better world for my grandchildren and great grand-children.

 Regardless, here is a copy of the ethics complaint I filed after being requested to by HR.

________________________________________

I apologize for the length, but this is the full story and remember that this includes not only myself, but the offshore team.

 

I would first like to put this in the context of my manager not being available as she was training for another role within XXX and did not tell us until last week, so all of this escaped her attention. 

 

Thus, the coworker I'm filing about was surprised to have to train me instead of my boss training me herself as originally planned.

 

This put this coworker in a position to both train me and do her regular duties. Of course, this is not an excuse for my trainer's behavior, but I do understand her being overwhelmed, which she did mention several times (but lied about ever saying later). 

 

To keep people straight, my boss's name is X, the person I'm filing the complaint on is Y, my trainer.

 

X trained me for one week, then said I would shadow my coworkers.  After a week of shadowing Y, she pronounced Y my trainer.

 

My trainer immediately told me she was overwhelmed, she couldn't do both her job and train me. I asked if she told X that, but she said it'd be fine. To help her out, I even offered to do little assignments for her, like handle voicemails.

 

Soon, our team calls became complaint sessions about the company itself, how it would really go downhill now that the old CEO had returned, how the volume was slowing and we'd probably be laid off, rather than training.

 

*More importantly, how "stupid, incompetent and lazy" the offshore team was, and other things she misperceived about their culture* 

 

I think after realizing how she sounded she changed that to "they lack confidence" as "part of their culture."

 

I was thinking "an entire team and culture is lazy, stupid, incompetent, and "lacks confidence?"

 

It sounded pretty racist to me.

 

In my mind, if they lack confidence, then help give it to them - provide them with the training and tools they need to be a successful team and company.

 

 

My second week there, she wrote an email to everyone falsely accusing SX of not doing what he was supposed to be doing in front of everyone.  While she was writing it, she was on a Teams call with me, telling me how lazy he was (SX is NOT lazy.)

 

SX came back "Actually, I DID do A, B, and C, but here's what happened."

 

She asked me if she sounded accusatory or something and I just said "Kinda?  But it is email text with no tone, so things sound that way."

 

I was floored by the fact that she was literally calling him lazy in my ear while writing that accusatory email that went to everyone, clearly trying to nail him to the wall in front of everyone, then insincerely asking me if she sounded accusatory or he was just being defensive lol.

 

At another all-department meeting, Y raised her voice that they were all "being disrespectful to Americans" because they sometimes mixed up first and last names in emails. 

 

X sat quietly. I almost chimed in and said "Okay, we mix up their names, too, it's not intentionally being disrespectful," but I didn't - and neither did our boss, she didn't stop her.  She just said let's get the names straight.

 

Two weeks ago, Y complained that none of the offshore team were looking in Epic to myself and PX.

 

PX asked me if that was true, and I said absolutely not.  Q and I spent a good 30 minutes trying to figure out what encounter to attach this to and it's not in the account specs.

 

However, despite this, at the meeting, PX strangely accused the offshore team of "Not looking in Epic."

 

I said "Whoa, wait minute, I can verify that Q and I spent a good 30 minutes trying to decide what to attach it to.  I suggested the H&P statement, but Q said the two prior op notes" and then left it for you to verify, but someone uploaded it.  Regardless, what is correct?"

 

PX said "That's correct, the op notes."

 

I said "Okay, so Q DID do it correctly, then.  Good job, Q!"

 

She said "Yes, but if you all don't tell me these things, I can't put them on the account specs. It looks like you all have been doing this with these, despite not being on the account specs, since December - I want to know who made this decision without telling us?"

 

Of course, no one in the room was going to answer that, and in fact, PX already knew who.  I felt this was trying to nail someone to the wall - and that she was acting on Y's false beliefs that no one looked in Epid, despite I told her that's not true.

 

I said, "Don't look at me lol.  I don't think anyone's gonna answer that, right now, but point being, if we don't tell PX about new things, she can't put them in the account specs."

 

Where was X during this?

 

Good question.  She sat there and let them be falsely accused, at Y's urging (Y does that a lot - gets PX to confront things for her), and X said nothing, didn't even notice (see below).

 

And I'm not sure if this is coincidence or not, but shortly after I made it clear I was NOT going to go along with her offshore-bashing, I tried to find common ground with her by asking what shows she liked to watch.

 

She said she doesn't watch mainstream media, only YouTube videos on freedom of speech, Jordan Pederson, and other far-right political material.

 

Knowing better than to get into a political discussion, I changed the subject to if she thought any comedians were funny. 

 

I think she sensed I wasn't going to hop on that bandwagon. Again, not sure if it's coincidence, but shortly after that, she began disappearing rather than training me, but lying to my coworker and boss about it that she did.  She would act irritated if I asked a question.

 

I asked her if I was bothering her or irritating her or something, but she'd always say "No."

 

Finally, I asked if we could set a time to train via chat, since she was so busy.  We chose 5 p.m. one day, but she was too busy.  The next day, I asked if we could meet at 5 for questions, and she was too busy again, but I said "When would be a good time?"

 

She replied "Fine, we'll do it now!"

 

When I asked questions in the thread we had with our boss because she wouldn't answer me, she wrote all in caps that she was busy and to use the private thread.

 

She would disappear almost completely, never answering my question, or if she did, tell me "Go look at the account specs," which I had already done, but many issues aren't on the account specs (at least not yet) very dismissive.

 

About a month into this, I finally heard from my boss, who called me and asked how training was going.  I asked her if I was bothering my trainer or something and what I could do differently, I seemed to irritate her. 

 

She said she was just "high strung" and felt the same way when Y trained her.

 

I asked if she had mentioned anything to her about feeling overwhelmed, wondering if perhaps this wasn't as personal as it felt.

 

She said no, but she would ask her. 

 

X decided to put the three of us in a meeting as if this was a personality conflict rather than my trainer refusing to train me - and Y lied about everything. 

She lied about saying she felt overwhelmed, she lied about the all caps, saying she didn't know this meant yelling, she lied about setting a time for training and missing it - she lied about everything.

 

I told her that I only mentioned this to X because she'd said she was overwhelmed and wanted to know if there was anything I could do differently.

 

X called me later and said she told her that training me was her top priority and that things should got better now, but if they don't, let her know.

 

I told her I wasn't sure, since she had been so dishonest, but I was willing to wipe the slate clean because regardless, I believe she (Y) was overwhelmed.

 

However, after that was when Y really got into the snide remarks such as "you poor thing" etc. 

She DID train me, but was often snide, and nitpicking me over the slightest things, and I started to suspect that she was "poisoning the well" with my coworkers, and I say that because of some of their questions to me later.

 

I let all of this go without mentioning it to X, just trying to get trained - until last Tuesday, when sharing with me on Teams, I saw two separate chats to two separate people dishonestly badmouthing me to my coworkers.

 

At this point, I told my boss because I could prove it. It was it wasn't horrible, but it was dishonest, and could be construed as attempting to create a hostile work environment/enlisting others to bully.

 

(To their credit, they didn't say anything in response, just rolled over it).

 

At this point, I told X as requested - it had been a month since that meeting between the 3 of us.

 

We had a scheduled meeting 20 minutes later and I sat quietly, not knowing what the others thought about me now after seeing those chats. 

 

At this point, X revealed she had been training for another role this whole time because of low volume.

 

Y asked if she would have certain hours that she would be available, but X said it was still being ironed out.

 

I think the 3 of us were floored and had no idea who was in charge now.

 

Then Y - knowing I had seen the chat - said "Chrystal, do you want me to come over to AAA and help you?"

 

I just said one word, voice shaking "No."

 

Y said "Well, guess she doesn't want training," snidely, trying to make it look like it was ME resisting training, when I just didn't want everything I said and did to be broadcast by her anymore.

 

I then mustered the courage, voice shaking "Is there someone who could answer my questions?"

 

My coworker, PX, said "I can answer your AAA questions, you can ask me anytime." - so I did.

 

My boss wrote me later and incredibly, asked why I didn't say anything to Y about the chat I'd seen to coworkers in the meeting.

 

I was thinking - Seriously?  You want me, as the person being smeared/low-level bullied, and new, to bring this up in front of the group?

 

But I didn't say that.  I just told her the chats I saw and who, that I didn't feel comfortable talking in the groups anymore, and she said she'd look into the chats.

 

That night, Y asked if I was "doing okay over there in AAA," which she literally never did, and I just didn't answer.  I was afraid to say anything, now, for fear of it being twisted and broadcast to my coworkers.

 

I took the next day off, feeling embarrassed, that maybe I was just bad at my job and didn't belong there and blaming Y.

 

I returned and two days went by and my boss didn't follow up.

 

She said she'd address it Friday, but then pushed it off.

Finally, she calls me at 5:30 p.m. on Friday and shocks me.

 

She said "Y told me you didn't answer her Tuesday night."

 

I said "X, I didn't answer her because I'd seen the chat that day, everything I said was being twisted and broadcast to my coworkers."

"What about her chats to my coworkers?!?  Are you calling me because Y tattled on me for not answering one chat, one time - and we knew why, rather than her proven unprofessional, dishonest chats to other people about me?"

 

X said she saw the chat, it "wasn't that bad - inappropriate, but not bad."

 

 I told her that I already said it was mild, but the only thing I could prove because it was in writing.

 

She said "You asked me what you were doing wrong?  You know, you chat with people and we're really not chatty people."

 

I asked if it was overly so and she said “No, it's just none of them were chatty people. “

 

She said I wrote long emails.  

I said that one was true, I heard that before.

 

She said I apologized too much.

 

At this point, I said "Okay - if that's true, wouldn't that be an indication that I'm cowering to someone?"

 

Then she said, "Chrystal, can't you just let this go?"

 

I said "X - I haven't said a word since the meeting between the 3 of us, almost a month ago, but you told me to tell you if something else happened!  There's lots of little things, but this is the only thing I could prove."

 

"And seriously, are being friendly/chatty with my coworkers (did she mean offshore as well as American?), writing long emails, and apologizing too much reasons for Y to behave badly?  So instead of asking her to stop, you're helping me blame myself, the target?"

 

I then brought up the offshore team, how Y called them lazy, stupid, and incompetent.

 

X said she could hear the first two, but "incompetent" didn't sound like Y, she had a hard time believing that, she's known her for years.

 

I said "Aren't the first two bad enough?  But she did say incompetent.  She  also said they "lack confidence" and it's as part of their culture."

 

X said "They DO lack confidence."

 

I said, "Okay, WHY aren't they confident, X?"

"An entire culture does not lack confidence.  If they lack confidence, there's a reason for it.  Why aren't they confident?"

 

Then I stated the examples stated above of Y's behavior towards the offshore team.

 

She said she didn't remember any of it.

 

I said maybe because you weren't the target, X.  And you're the boss - of course you're never going to see this side of Y, especially working at home.  She's "punching down" on people with less power like offshore and new people.

 

She said "Nobody else has complained, we had two other people-"

 

Then she stopped short, realizing those two people left, giving other reasons.

 

So I said "Just because no one spoke up doesn't mean it's not happening - and maybe it is just me on the American side, but she does it with everyone on the offshore team."

 

At this point, I realized she was saying everything a boss would say that has not been trained in DEI, harassment/bullying, etc., though I know she has. We all signed off on those training modules, and everything that was coming out of her mouth were actually examples of things NOT to say lol.

 

I also realized that she just didn't want to deal with it, training for another role, but she also left it ambiguous as to who would be in charge - and Y was taking full advantage of it.

 

*Also, I need to add that I think a large part of the microaggression/aggression has to do with our jobs being previously outsourced to India and concerns about that happening again with low volume - but this is not the everyday Indian worker's fault - they are just trying to survive like the rest of us.*

 

I was floored at all of this because I'd never seen a company so committed to DEI, only to have it be handled in my actual department like it was 1950.

 

Lastly, since I've been so bold already, may I just say that we can watch sensitivity videos all day and sign off on them, vote against this stuff, like memes all day, but if we don't live it ...

 

... if we don't incorporate it into our interview process to weed people out that aren't on board with DEI ...

 

... if we don't speak up when it happens ...

 

.... if we don't even notice it's happening due to inherent racial bias ...

 

... if we don't make sacrifices to ourselves and even our own jobs to help ...

 

Then nothing will ever change.

 

For what it's worth - I never, ever said a bad word about her or anyone - you can ask the entire team, and even Y will tell you that.



I have my flaws, but I know I was professional, learned fast (as I could without training initially), gave the benefit of the doubt to others I'd like for myself, and worked super hard. I loved the job and everyone else, truly.



Not that I'm a pushover, as I think X and Y just learned by my last emails when I left.

I left because I didn't feel my manager was paying attention/didn't believe me as she was distracted training for another role, which left Y to run amuck without consequence.

Rather than create even more stress of an investigation, and fearing retaliation by both Y and my manager, I decided to just go - but I do hope in doing so, things will improve for others.

Though I'm sad to go, if change will come because of this, then it was worth it :)

 

If you don't believe me, then I guess not.

 

Either way, I do appreciate your time

 

Best to you/XXX - sincerely

_____________________________

PS - I just wanted to add here that I do NOT think my boss herself is racist - I think she was negligent.

I think she had been training for another role within the company and didn't tell us and wasn't available.

I DO think, however, as part of that negligence, she did contribute to implicit racial bias unconsciously. 

As for my trainer?

Very racist.

In fact, she spent more time complaining about her coworkers than actually working - even over things she does herself.