And Lastly, Despite Everything ...

 

...  I still CHOOSE to believe what Sunita from India once told me.

"When life gives you a big slap in the face, God grants you 10,000 other little prayers/wishes - but will you be too focused on the big slap to notice?"

I have a wonderful husband now, good friends, good neighbors, good in-laws, and I only communicate with the saner and/or well-therapized members of my family, all of whom listen, respect what I have to say and believe what I say and vice versa, and I'm super grateful for that.

I'm also grateful for little kindnesses shown me during those "slaps," never overlooking the angels that still do exist,  despite a world clearly full of assholes. 

Like the woman in the story I told below, I have accepted that I will never get admissions or apologies, I may never see truth revealed or justice served,  there may never be karma -  but it doesn't matter.

Because also like her, I realize that focusing on wishing for justice or for karma to catch up with people only keeps you tied to them, trapped in the pain they caused - it can make you so bitter that you become just like the people that wronged you.

Because in the end, it's not about what happens to them, what they've learned, and their soul - it's about what happens to you, what you've learned and your soul. 

Will you catch their bitterness disease or will you refuse to stay tied to them and move on?

Happiness really is a conscious choice.

As for me, I consciously CHOOSE to focus on, and be grateful for, those little prayers answered along the way 😊

I also believe in this verse ... 

Genesis 50:20

"What was done to me was meant for evil (selfishness), but God, in turn, meant it for good, for the saving of many lives."

These words were uttered by Joseph to his family, who threw him in a pit, lied about it, left him for dead, and then while he was in that  powerless state, he was falsely accused by someone whose advances he rejected.

20 years later, he'd become the king's steward, and during a famine, provided for the same family who had done these things.

You get a sense that they weren't really going to be a close family again, and I say that for 2 reasons: 

The first reason is, since they didn't recognize him and he wanted to see the whole family again -  including little brother, Benjamin, whom he'd never seen -  he hid a silver cup in the nastiest brother's bag, then accused them of theft.

He did both to mess with them a little and have a good reason for the guards to transport the entire family back within the safety and provision of the king, at the expense of the kingdom, rather than his family. 

When they arrived, he revealed his identity, cleared them of theft charges, and then uttered those words above. 

(Thr false accusation part is NOT cool and something I'd never do,  but you get why he did it.)

The second reason is because though some brothers apologized, the main ringleaders never did, still justifying what they had done, (and we can assume the other brothers not mentioned were on the fence about it).

Safe distance from that kind of bitterness/toxicity for your own safety is just wise.  😉

Nevertheless, he brought himself to do what they could not - and in doing so, he ensured the survival of all 12 sons of Jacob, which would become the 12 tribes of Israel - from one of which Jesus himself descended (Judah).

Because sometimes?

You gotta exemplify what the right thing to do is, when the people around you can't/wont bring themselves to do it 😉

Feel what you need to feel, for as long as you need to, but don't wallow in your suffering, lest you become just as bitter as those who wronged you. 

That, too, is a choice.  

You can become bitter about your own suffering - OR - you can use your story to try to make the world a better place, end others suffering and exemplify what you'd like to see, so that one day, no one will ever have to suffer as you/others did.