Never Mind Martha Stewart - Check Out Karen Bussen

She's a celebrity wedding/event planner, master floral designer, restauranteur, wine expert, gardener,  and author - like Martha, but better - and kinder, as I recall.

Because, you see, I actually knew Karen, back in the day -  I went to Sycamore High School with her, back in suburban Cincinnati, though she probably doesn't remember me (my maiden name is Smith) 😂

(And if she does, it's probably not a good memory, let's put it that way - I was very shy/anxious, had family issues, and was trying navigate myself out of an overly fundamentalist/evangelical Christian upbringing, while still oddly clinging to it, because it's all I knew?).

Anyway, Karen was 2 years older than me, but in my Gleek circle - and mostly what I remember is that she was one hell of an actress - perhaps the best I'd ever seen locally. 

In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I think she actually won our state's Speech and Drama competition (Ohio) and ranked pretty high at nationals?

I also remember that she was already a master of style - a bit like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink or Lisa Bonet in The Cosby Show - marching to the beat of a her own different, but incredibly cool, drummer. 

She would wear like black and white 40s-style dresses, pointy shoulder pads and all, with red-framed glasses and a small beret, that kind of thing, which was far cry from the pink-and-aqua messes with Guess jeans and floral scrunches that we all wore. 

She was popular in our Gleek circle, but neither popular or unpopular with the mainstream, and didn't care (at least not that we could discern).  She was also incredibly smart and incredibly witty. 

Now, I'm not sure, but I think that she, like most people from Sycamore (except for me and about 10% of our classmates) came from money, but she had no interest in throwing the drunken, beer-bong, frat-style parties, and no interest in being Homecoming or Prom Queen.  She was probably considered a bit quirky by the cheerleading/dance team gang, but that quirky creativeness is often what creates a superstar later 😃

So the high school that I came from, Sycamore High School, is kind of regionally famous for churning out National Merit Scholars and extremely successful people - and yes, all the extremely successful ones already came from money.

(So not me, in other words 😂)

We're talking about sons and daughters of C-suite-level people of Proctor&Gamble, GE, Fisher Stereo (at the time), pharma companies like Meridian Bioscience, Thermo Fisher Scientific (which my dad worked for until he ran away)  and Medtronic, and state or national bank presidents. 

Their children/my classmates later became CEOs, NYC stockbrokers at Bear Stearns and Goldman Sachs.

They became world-renowned doctors who started the original hospitalist program (having an attending internal medicine doctor on hospital staff at all times, rather than patients waiting on visits from your personal physician) from USCF, which is now standard of care at all major hospitals worldwide (he is now at Cleveland Clinic).

There's his brother - who was also one of my former beloved Baskin-Robbins (ice cream parlor) coworkers -  who went on to become the mayor of Denver, Colorado.

Aside about the BR coworker who became the former Denver mayor: I still think of him as "Horace," though not his real name.  

That is because once, when bored -  in the winter, when few are eating ice cream - I took the label-maker and changed everybody's nametags to old people names like "Horace, Eugene, Beulah, and Ethel" instead of their real names.  (I changed mine, too - I was Beulah Mae, for the record.) 

Nobody noticed until later, when customers started to call us those names, which of course threw me into a fit of giggles 😂😂😂

We also had a huge whip cream fight, one winter night, and we thought we were clever and had cleaned it all up, so that the manager the next day would never know, but the nosy, cranky cakemaker came in early and found a bit of whip cream behind the waffle-cone maker and we got in trouble 😂

Very few Sycamore kids had jobs as teenagers, but we did - and despite the other above 3 coming from wealthy families, their parents insisted on them having jobs and paying for their own cars, etc.  

No matter how much money they already came from and how famous or successful they later became, at least these 3 learned the value of working for what you want very early on, and they also once wore the "brown and pink" -  the BR colors 😊

Anyway, they also became corporate lawyers who also teach at Cornell.

They became local news anchors, or even WaPo or CNN reporters.

They became CIA and FBI agents.

They became Olympic and professional baseball, soccer, football players and swimmers. 

And in our own little Gleek circle, there were spawned Broadway actors, voice actors for commercials for things we hear every day, like for NBC shows including the Olympics or Discovery Channel/TLC/History Channel projects.  

There are Broadway voice coaches, who also coach Mariah Carey. 

There are opera singers in LA.  

There are Emmy winners for writing the theme song for the soap opera, Passions.

In fact, here in Lexington, if I meet another Cincy transplant and I tell them what high school I went to, they say "Ooh la la, you're from that rich, snotty public high school, who think they're better than everybody else and had everything handed to them? "

I say, "Not all of us - I was in "the 10%" - the group that struggled financially and weren't handed opportunity with a full parent-paid ride to college, but I know what you mean.  And you'd be surprised. Some of those wealthy people were very down to earth, but yeah, there was THAT set, too, so I know what you mean." 

And with all of that legacy comes great expectations, whether your family was rich or poor. 

So what I remember most about Karen is this story, which she tells about in one of her book profiles, so I'm not giving away any secrets.

So I believe she had a scholarship to one of the premiere drama schools in the country - I think it was Carnegie-Mellon, if I'm not mistaken - and our drama teacher heavily supported her, including even accompanying her on visits to colleges to make sure she got in.  

I believe she may have also scored high enough on college entrance exams to be a National Merit Scholar, so getting into any school itself wasn't a problem - but also getting into the prestigious drama programs and acting scholarships would need an extra push.

Then, in a sudden decision that shocked us all, two weeks before graduation, she ran off to become a magician's assistant on a cruise ship!

I know.

WHAT?!?

That's what we said, at the time. 

It broke my drama teacher's heart, saying she'd never back an aspiring actor or actress's career, no matter how good they were, and she never did.

At the time, it was shocking - such a hypersmart, talented girl with a promising career ahead of her to not even graduate high school, in the end?


HOWEVER - looking back at it now - and even somewhat then - I smile about it and get it.

Perhaps the confines and expectations of an affluent, conservative Cincy suburb were absolutely suffocating for someone so bright and creative, and perhaps she felt her whole life was already being planned for her based on their own hopes and dreams, living vicariously through her, despite not being sure what she wanted to be yet, so she had to break free and forge her own path?

I'm just guessing, of course, obviously, because I haven't spoken to her since high school, but that's my only guess, knowing where we came from.

Plus I also was very good friends with the national bank president's son, who was expected to go into finance, but instead became a famous stage actor in San Francisco, much to his dad's dismay, for the same reason - he decided to be himself and happy, and his dad eventually came around, so this is where my guess comes from.

But all's well that ends well - because Karen used that creativity and sense of style to become a famous international celebrity wedding/event/entertaining planner, restauranteur, wine expert and author, originally based in NYC, but now living in France with her new husband :)

For more about Karen's work, you can visit her website HERE. 

Or for more about her life after moving to France, you can watch her videos about adjusting to French life HERE at her YouTube channel (Here's a sample).

 

 

Just in case you find this a little too pie-in-the-sky dreamy and pretentious, like my husband did?

The "blooper" clip at the very end is more the Karen I remember.  

She says something like "We need to find out who's garden this is, this is ridiculous." 😂

That's the Karen I knew 😊

You can also find out more at her substack newsletter chronicle of her new French life. 

And here's a sample of a few of her books ... 

Go Karen, super proud of you for always having the courage to break away and be yourself!

Now, on a personal loosely related side note, just a bit of advice, if you are like me and are in that 10% of people at an affluent, conservative suburban public high school that is NOT rich and/or has embarrassing family problems - tack on it's especially worse if you are a person of color.

Learn from my mistakes. 

My advice to you is quit trying to fit in and focus on your education as much as you can, despite your home life or what the "richies" think of you - your education will be your escape out.

Because even if your grades are initially great and you test off the charts, if they ever suddenly fall, trust me -  no one in an affluent, mostly white community will ever ask you what happened, what's going on at home, how they can help, or even care UNLESS your family also has money - no one will care but you.

Learn what you can about "upper class" etiquette to use in business, sure - but otherwise, just embrace your other 10% friends like family, stop trying to fit in and be accepted by the upper class, and maybe try therapy if you want to talk to someone about it.

Because it's not gonna happen fully, they won't fully relate your struggles until much later in life (if at all). In fact, you won't ever be fully accepted by them unless you're famous (later), and then suddenly, they'll want to be your best friend 😂.

Learn to care about you, even if they, your teachers, or even your own family doesn't, or marks you up as a mess, just like the rest of your family - do NOT accept what people who don't really know you or care about you predict you will be as truth.

Just focus on your education despite what's going on with your family or the cool kids, because that is your ticket to a better life, and your education is something that no one can ever take away from you.

Most importantly, never forget where you came from or be ashamed of it - remember what's good and leave the rest - what you learned, what and who was good or kind to you - try to focus on any angels at all that might in the room, rather than the sea of a-holes.

And above all, never EVER lose your empathy for others struggling as you once did.

In fact, I remember a conversation we had after our final performance of our play at the wrap party, just after Pretty in Pink had come out.  In fact, we went to see it after our final performance, then went to a friend's house for the wrap party.

They were all talking about the class of haves and have nots, with most of my friends saying it was ridiculous because WE weren't that well defined at our affluent high school, but that movie made it seem like it was like an Indian caste system.

So I said ...

"Yeah, but see, you DO see it, at least somewhat, or we wouldn't recognize ourselves as also being an extremely affluent suburban public school, too, comprised of mostly haves versus have nots.  And that's easy for you to say, you're not in the 10% looking up."

"And it's actually worse - because where are the people of color in this movie, there aren't any?  It's actually 10x worse for them.  We just don't talk about it, but I feel very similar to Molly/Andie, even as a white kid."

In fact, the next year, my senior year, I had a very similar conversation with the Vice Principal one day, just like she did.

@johnhughesmovies Replying to @evancolemann Pretty In Pink is such a classic! #prettyinpink #mollyringwald #andiewalsh #johnhughes #johnhughesmovie ♬ original sound - John Hughes / 80s Movie Clips

So the school took no notice of me or cared until I tried to skip school for Senior Skip Day, like everyone else, for the first time in my life doing something I knew was wrong regarding school. My grades and high testing scores had been slipping since freshman year, but no one noticed or cared why.


Then I suddenly got a big lecture from the Vice Principal about how I should be grateful because of my family troubles and that they "allow" me to still go here, despite now living with friends 30 miles away, yada yada yada.

I also got an additional lecture Andie didn't get, a big guilt trip speech, about how people supposedly looked up to me as a Christian "role model" because I won the talent show for singing with an Amy Grant song and because I was chosen to read the morning announcements over the PA, so I needed to set a better example.  

At first, I was super ashamed and took on what he was selling, and sank down in my chair like I was the worst human being alive.

But then the more he spoke, the madder I got. 

Taking a cue from Molly/Andie, you know what I said?

 "Really?  You could've fooled me.  You've never in my 3 years here so much as even said hello to me, never even spoken to me until now. And as you said, you also know that I've never once been in trouble in my entire school career, and that I don't drink or smoke or do drugs and I've never missed a day or even been late until yesterday." 

"And yet here you are anyway, speaking to me as if you know me, talking about my family troubles, based on gossip, including that you know I'm not living at home with my mom anymore and why, and that I'm living with friends 30 miles away, without ever once talking to me or asking what that's like."  

"Did that gossip mention how I manage to drive myself 30 miles to school by 7:15 every day, without ever being late or missing a single day, or that I work for 4 hours after school every day? Of course not."

"But please, lecture me more on "allowing" me to go here, living in Milford with friends, and expected Christian leadership from the good-girl, over one halo-slip moment, never once bothering to actually talk to me or ask how you can help with my family troubles - all YOU care about is how I can better represent YOU and Sycamore better?"

"Did you know that despite testing the highest in the school in reading comprehension since kindergarten, I've never even once been invited to see the guidance counselor, either to find out why my grades slipped starting freshman year, OR to come up with a career action plan like the rich kids from perfect families, or that none of us 10 percenters have.  " 

"I guess  you figure we're not worth your time, your bet - regardless of how bright, talented etc., any of us less financially fortunate are." 

"So thanks for "allowing" me to still go here, and for the the slap-on-the-wrist chat, without punishment - which is only because I've never been in trouble before in my life before - NOT because you actually care. 

"Isn't it funny that though only 1/3 of our class was in school yesterday, not a single one of the rich kids from perfect families are in your office for skipping, just me - what, were you just waiting for me to screw up, knowing my family life?"  

"Guilt trip NOT accepted. I don't think you paid enough attention to that song I sang, which you only now tell me brought tears to your eyes" 

"I didn't win because I was the best singer- I won because of the song, which is about all of us here at Sycamore, living in this "perfect" community, trying to be perfect and meet expectations and our school's reputation, as if we're not actual people, just little dolls and representations of yourselves." 

"Whatever. Goodbye, Mr. K, and good luck.  Just know I won't ever do this again - and yet I leave you with that song, since that's all you really know about me anyway.."

Okay, I was a bit angrier and more bitter than Andie was, by that point, back then, which I've gotten over, so granted, I could've said that better - but in another way, I'm proud of myself for mustering the courage, despite being shy, to say that to him because it was also very true, about all of us at Sycamore, rich or poor.

He just sat there, looking as if I punched him.  I'm not sure if he was shocked that the usually interpersonally shy me spoke that much or at what I said, maybe both. 

Either way, I just left the room, with his mouth still hanging, never hearing another word from him again😂

Food for thought for him, I'm hoping, but likely not.

But the good news is, I did graduate and ended up going to college (University of Kentucky) two years after graduation via student loans, with a 3.77 cumulative GPA, on the dean's list every semester but my first - and despite being a very large university, my professors loved me there and cared about struggles, financial or otherwise, which helped - proof positive that the environment you're in and the people you surround yourself with can make all the difference.

But you don't have that choice as a child -  so take what you learned in high school and leave the rest behind - and if in a stifling conservative environment that leaves no room for you not fitting the mold, then use your education to move on to where it IS okay to be different and you. 

College life is vastly different and awaits you, and you will find out who you really are in the real world, separate from the local haves and have nots and religious wing nuts - but at the same time, always remain open to who people are from any background - rich or poor, black or white, Christian or not - because people can surprise you, from any background.

I was also strangely reminded of the words that song that I mentioned myself, while writing this post - the one I sang for the talent show win, despite shedding the fundamentalist evangelicalism a long time ago, because out of all the religious songs I sang back then, this one fit me most - and IMO, Karen and others too?

Again, it wasn't so much my singing that won the talent show as it was the off-the-cuff speech I mustered the courage to say just beforehand I sang it, about fear of failure from the expectations placed on us by others - lyrics that everyone, from whatever background, could relate to, especially in a school and community with a great reputation and high expectations.


(Well, that and the soulful, guitar skills of my fellow classmate and Baskin Robbins coworker, John Dale, who accompanied me - thank you John 😊)

Regardless, I think everyone should have a standing ovation just once in your lifetime - because everyone deserves one, at some point in their lives - and it's not always for the reasons that you think 😊

So this song is dedicated to anyone - especially in high school or college - who is struggling with who others expect them to be versus who they actually are ...

All I Ever Have to Be - Amy Grant

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said

But I'm still hurting
Wondering if I'll ever be the one
I think I am
I think I am

Then you gently re-remind me
That You've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get, the worst

And I realize the good in me
Is only there because of
Who You are, who You are

And all I ever have to be is what
You've made me
Any more or less would be
A step out of Your plan

As you daily recreate me
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be is
What You've made me