Buddha, Benevolence, and Boundaries :)

* Edited - I have added the word "Buddha" to my title since first writing it last night, as well as added a photo - for why, see below.

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Well, since I have finally made the connection between my "old" family and my "new" family (after DNA revelations) as of Friday,  it's now up to both sides to decide how much contact they want with each other.

Thus, I think I'm now going to step back a bit and get out of their way :)

However, 5 things I think we all could do better on -  myself included?  

1)   Let's give others the same benefit of the doubt we'd like for ourselves. 

As I mentioned before, there is no guidebook for this one; in fact, it's a pretty rare situation.  Emotions  are high, and there are going to be hiccups sometimes as a result - so let's give others the same benefit of the doubt we'd like for ourselves? :) 

2)    What can be exciting for one person might be overwhelming for someone else -  so it might be in everyone's interest to slow down.    

 

Plus it takes time to get to know each other, trust especially takes time - and we do have time :)

 

3)  If we set boundaries and expect people to respect them, as well as that they respect our privacy, then we should do them same for them. 

 

For example, if someone says, "I need time to absorb this" or "I need a breather," that's a boundary - let's respect that and not push past it.

Everyone processes things differently and at different speeds and that should be allowed, plus we all have other responsibilities to attend to than this. 

 

4)  Though it's true that the wishes and feelings of the two people most affected by this are paramount, the wishes and feelings of both of those people are equally important - or at least they should be. 

 

Similarly, neither person grew up in a vacuum - they have other people around them who are also affected by this -  and their feelings are valid, too.  

 

5)  Just as the hospital error made 79 years ago isn't the fault of either family, it's also not anyone's job to "fix" this situation or "rescue" anyone from distress caused by it.   

In fact, all of us pulling together couldn't actually fix it - that would take a time machine lol.

 

All we can do is accept it, give as much support as we can that's not to our own detriment or to our other responsibilities, find ways to heal, and move forward. 

That doesn't mean we ignore the past or pretend it didn't happen,  because acknowledging the past, feeling it, and talking about it are how we learn, as well as an important part of the healing process - but we can't fix it, only heal from it, which takes time. 

 

As Buddha said (whom I don't worship, of course, I am a Christian, but I also think pearls of wisdom can be gleaned from all faiths) ...

In other words, let's not waste time and make suffering worse by speculating on all whys, who's and hows - that only allows the toxins more time to embed themselves deeper   - "First, take the poisoned arrow out and heal"  

Much love to all  xo