(edited) So, I can't do a better or more hilarious job narrating these than Natalie Compton did, in the WaPo this morning, and yet still, I'll add a few words ;)
Typically, it's my over-privileged, entitled fellow Americans who write these reviews, of course.
Now, truth be told, I typically scan the reviews myself, just for general trends or things to watch out for. You know, if you see one bad review, you ignore it as one bad experience or a lesson learned, but if you see a general trend, stay away.
Unless of course one review is from a regular reviewer or a fair review (rather than an angry, bitter ex or something), and it says something like: "Erm, apparently when not renting their guest house on AirBNB, the owners cook meth in here?" or something lol.
When reading them, I do often giggle to myself at how spoiled we Americans are - everything must be bigger and better, stainless steel and sterile - all at the cheapest price, of course ;)
And we tend to still demand this sort of service and quality in poorer countries, just because we're Americans who feel falsely entitled to everything in this world.
So without further ado, here are the most unintentionally hilarious 1-star TripAdvisor ratings of the New 7 (man-made) Wonders of the World ... starting with the least clueless/funny to the most :)
Well of course, that travel tip goes without saying - you should always avoid seeing remarkable works of art that several countries collaborated on as a universal symbol of your Christian faith - because it's too hard to take a selfie there. I mean, doesn't everybody? ;)
Then of course, you can go too much the other way and fixate only on your faith, despite other events, or other groups that were persecuted there ...
Now, you weren't paying attention to the tour guide, were you?
Because though there is documentation that Christians most certainly were murdered and crucified in Rome, you left out the part about how despite Pope Benedict XIV claiming that the coliseum itself was used to murder Christians, there is actually no historical evidence to support that Christians were murdered at the coliseum itself.
You also left out the part about how they weren't alone in their persecution - because there is also historical documented evidence that the coliseum was built from spoils of the temple of Jerusalem in 70 AD, after Romans raided the temple to punish Jews for rising up and revolting against them, because of chronic persecution/oppression, and brought back 100,000 Jewish prisoners to help build it.
Other events took place there, too - including plays, orations, music festivals - and our modern-day stadiums are still based on the ancient coliseum model.
Yes, there were essentially bloodbaths there, and the Romans oppressed and persecuted many people of other faiths - but the coliseum itself wasn't selective based on faith - the "games" there were neither a condemner nor respecter of persons based on faith alone - even lower-class Roman citizens themselves fell prey to the "games."
As I said, modern-day football stadiums and football itself is based on the games at the coliseum - and like Natalie, the WaPo author of this article says - you know dang well you watched Gladiator like 900 times, anyway, so get real.
And never mind the structure is almost old as Christ and has somehow withstood wars, fires, earthquakes and thieves?
Hey - maybe you'll get lucky and Trump's wall will be built coliseum/stadium style - then you can just stay home and watch Mexicans and Muslims be killed, instead, 'Christian' brother! Amen! ;)
Are. You. Kidding. Me. With. That???
Do you know how many people would give a limb to go see the Taj Mahal just once in their lifetime?
And talk about creepy - you're disappointed because you couldn't see the actual tombs?
The very fact that you don't realize the whole point of the Taj Mahal - beauty and light that transcends, death, decay, and darkness - is proof you never should've gone there in the first place, because you clearly don't get it.
Okay, I realize that this guy is actually trying to make fun of the selfie people, but why would you give the site itself 1 star? lol
It's not the Incans fault, we Americans act like rude, disrespectful idiots at sacred historical and cultural sites.
And you think the locals don't know that it's a source of income for them to sell their wares?
But it's far from a "money tree."
You try making a living in Peru on what they make. They can't even really afford to pay the entrance fee themselves.
And what about the remarkable similarity to Asian terrace farming and Indian and Southeast Asian architecture, despite supposedly having no contact with the East until Cortez's arrival the next century, hm? Not impressed?
Okay, so ... you may stay at home with the other guy and wait for Trump's wall as a tourist attraction, too, while the rest of us appreciate other things the rest of the world has to offer.
I'm sure your American ADD will be entertained by plenty of fireworks, semi-automatic weapons, tanks, and cheerleaders, that will be at its grand - erm - closing.
Perhaps you can take selfies, too, during the large, Lord-of-the-Flies-style bonfire, during human sacrifices of Mexicans and Muslims?!?
Perhaps you can even take a beer bus there, like this next girl ...
LOL - Since I've visited Chichen Itza myself, this one was nearly my favorite - because I actually had one of the best and most spiritual experiences of my life, at Chichen Itza, and this person's attitude is just so ... entitled American.
In fact, the only thing nearly ruining for me were people like this chick, who take "beer buses" to to historical sites, leaving their cans and chips bags all over the grounds.
If I didn't know better, I could've sworn Miranda Sings wrote this review lol.
For those of you unfamiliar with Miranda Sings, - no, she's NOT serious - she's the hilarious parody character of your typical, garden-variety, American YouTube narcissist, created by comedian/actress, Colleen Ballinger lol. For example, this is Miranda's instructional video for Jerry Seinfeld on how to become famous like her lol.
And for proof she's not like that (and how she came up with the character), here's her, as herself, on Jimmy Fallon - unfortunately, many people don't realize this is a character and either hate her because of it or actually emulate her (which she finds scarier) lol.
But back the TripAdvisor review, clearly the Miranda Sings wannabe did NOT bother to read other people's travel guides, reviews, and/or do's and don'ts (or even use common sense) before traveling there, because she fell for every tourist trap in the book anyway.
Hint on being respectful at important historical/cultural sites: Never take a "beer bus" - they're best kept to sportings events.
And again, not impressed by the "bearded man" and southeast Asian cultural influence mysteries, like depictions of elephants, though they're not indigenous to Latin/South America?
Sigh, okay then. Take another beer bus and treat Mexicans like trash in their own country, again, but call them rude, when they tire of your entitled attitude - I dare you lol.
You're lucky they even got your dumb gringo ass there, instead of dropping you off in the middle of the jungle, never to be seen or heard from again lol.
Here we go, another person who never read others reviews or the do's and don'ts of traveling - you never buy the trinkets right outside of tourist attractions - especially not for $180 lol.
The fact that these vendors are even right on site means they don't respect the cultural history themselves.
If you want to barter with the locals elsewhere, that's fine, but never, ever buy from the vendors just outside the site itself.
And again, is it Petra's fault that you're an idiot? lol
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner - I think this is my favorite.
Pile of bricks? Yeah, one despite being built 200 years before Christ, is still remarkably preserved, and you can see from space because of it's continuity.
Okay, so ... go back to your precious job and see if you can build anything at all that lasts for centuries - then make sure you, and others, take a beer bus to it ;)
Thanks for the travel tips, fellow "Christian" Americans - embarrassing us around the world for over 250 years. I'll be sure and NOT behave as you did, at these places :)
PS - OMG, the commenters lol - even more hilarious (and sad).
Thus, my comment there:
And this poor soul became depressed by the article ...
So I replied to her, hoping to make her feel better - because she gets it when so many others don't :)
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