So we had planned on hanging out at the pool today - early, before it became overcrowded and the drunkards arrived, breaking glass everywhere, though glass isn't allowed at the pool.
However, I'm stuck indoors, because I started antibiotics yesterday, but am still running a slight fever from a developing tooth abscess, because we discovered that I have a rare dental condition called internal resorption - more on what that is and what causes it, in a moment.
So I don't usually do a lot anymore for July 4th anyway, as I'm feeling less and less patriotic with all that's going on, and I'm not alone - my new neighbor said the same thing (she offered it, I didn't, I just said "me too!").
So a few years ago, I instead started calling this holiday "Independence Day," as in the right to be independent from any dysfunctional relationship with a ruling party.
Maybe it's a political group or person.
Maybe it's a job or boss.
Maybe it's a spouse or partner or dysfunctional family.
Independence Day can also be about freeing yourself from the dysfunctional, toxic ties that bind you.
This July 4th, the more personal concept comes in to play for me, because as I mentioned, I have an abscess and am getting a root canal next week due to the rare tooth condition called "internal resorption."
What is internal resorption?
A relatively rare dental condition in which the pulp begins to essential deteriorate, or as my dentist put it, the tooth begins to "eat itself from the inside out," usually as the result of traumatic injury.
What's weird is I began having some discomfort there a year ago and we took extensive x-rays, even a dental CT - nothing.
When my dentist looked at the x-ray, she got the strangest look on her face and I could tell something was wrong, and she sat down next to me.
I said, "Whatever it is can't be that bad, I've come here regularly for years now. Whatever it is, just tell it to me straight, I can take it. And we will fix it. What?"
She explained what it was, and considering there had been a cavity in the back that she filled, but wasn't a huge deal - combined with the fact that a CT scan showed nothing to cause the discomfort a year ago- and then she asked me if I ever had an external injury to the jaw.
I answered that yes, I did - 20 years ago - but it can't progress that slowly, or can it?
Yes, she said not only can it, it usually does.
Though a rare condition, it's common for it to not show on dental x-rays for years - even 20.
Then she asked me what happened.
Me: "So ... h\s name was J, ex-husband 😂. Backhand to the jaw almost 20 years ago. I'd forgotten about that one, because there was way worse. I remember now. I didn't even notice the pain or bruising until later. Wow, the gift that just keeps on giving, right? 😂. Sorry, I don't know why I'm joking about it. Makes it seem like it didn't happen if I laugh about it."
Dentist: "Because if you don't laugh, you'll cry. And because it makes it easier to talk about that way, I get it. I'm so sorry, Chrystal. And I'm sure it feels like you're the only one left with the bad stuff. But this one, we can fix, so it's not there anymore, okay? Let's get you to the endodontist."
Me: "Are you sure this isn't something I did to myself, like didn't brush or floss enough there or those years I couldn't afford dental care or the night-grinding or smoking?"
Dentist: "There you go again. No, this isn't something you did to yourself. Those things don't help, no, but we got you straightened out since then, you've been regularly seen and never miss an appointment - except for the, ya know, smoking" - the latter part she whispered, one hand to the side of her mouth.
Me: "Why you putting your hand up beside your mouth, like it's a secret? 😂Your dental assistant totally heard that and perhaps I need to be shamed for it, loudly, so I'll finally quit for good. You can't fix me if I'm not honest about what I do lol"
Dentist: "Hahaha! I know, like why did I put my hand up, like who am I whispering too? No, you know how I feel about that already and I don't think you need anymore shame in your life."
"Even smoking couldn't cause this. It makes it worse, yes, but this is caused my significant physical injury, and I the filling on the tooth next to it isn't enough. Now, had I known it was there/could see it then, I would've sent you to an endodontist then, but it didn't show up on x-ray then, it didn't even show up on the CT with the oral surgeon trying to find what was causing discomfort there a year ago. That's the way this thing works, it appears to suddenly pop up on imaging, though it's been building for years"
As I've mentioned before, I absolutely love my dentist AND my hygienist!
As they both mentioned recently, "Remember when you came first came here in 2011? You couldn't even look us in the eye, you were so beaten down and fragile, apologizing for every little thing, even a wince! And so ashamed of everything, including not being able to afford dental care, the shape your teeth were in, and just afraid of everyone. Now you chat, you laugh a lot, you joke - you've come a long way, baby."
I told them their mercy and kindness towards me helped me in more ways than they will EVER know.
They have never asked why I was like that and I never really told them - except to mention a couple of years ago was what they didn't know is I had been homeless a year prior - but I still didn't go into detail.
All they knew was that it was after a rough marriage and an even rougher time with family.
They've both actually helped me be a little less hard on myself than I was when they first met me. And they'd seen way worse.
They also added that people often lash out at them or even become combative when in pain, or blame them for tooth problems instead of themselves and their own dental care - but I never once did. I apologized for even wincing if something pinched!
I knew the shape my teeth were in was my own fault - but they reminded me that people had no health or dental insurance before Obamacare in 2010, and can't afford dental care even now!
Plus my dentist added that she'd had 2 root canals by the time she was 17 due to her love of Snickers bars and growing up in the country on well water; in fact, that's why she got into dentistry.
(Thus, she is none too happy about JFK wanting to get rid of fluoride in the water - she knows the importance of it.)
So she doesn't judge anybody - she just fixes what's wrong.
Because you live and you learn - and she reminded me that not everything I experienced, even if I chose it, was all my fault - no one is powerful enough.
All of this to say, if you're not feeling very patriotic today, or anymore, then celebrate this day for the spirit of the day - finding the courage to extricate yourself from anything toxic in your life - even if you have to stand alone, amen?
You may struggle for a while. You may have lasting effects. You may consider crawling back. You may doubt yourself. You may beat yourself up for having chose them, or have lasting wounds from the fight to separate or get out - while they seem fine and continue to justify their treatment of you, still blaming you for their cruelty as if you or anyone deserves that.
Stop continuing their abuse and cruelly blaming you for everything - because you're not powerful enough, and had even less power then - so stop abusing yourself on their behalf.
And don't worry about what happens to them in karma anyway, because it's not about what happens to them, it what happens to YOU now.
Whatever they choose to do is on their souls, and whatever YOU choose to do is on yours.
Will you wallow in bitterness and fear or will you never catch that disease from them?
