My Last Post Was a Test ...

(*edited/updated for clarification and to remove redundancies.)

...to see if someone was indeed reading my blog. Let's just say, I know now, without a doubt, that they are  - thanks for the confirmation :)

Added 11/8/2025 - Is there a good reason why you've hit only certain posts over 20 times in the last 24 hours?

I mean, I don't care who reads my quiet little blog in the corner that few read, it's not private - and if you're doing it because you like something and want to reread it or find it helpful, great.

However - considering our history- and the posts you're hitting -  if the intent instead is combing for information to use - either to try manipulate me again or use against me - well, that isn't cool, it?

For the record, I've never once searched for you or any of your social media - and your being here, as many times as you are, on the posts that you're returning to -  you do realize that doesn't look good, right?

In fact, it's more than a little creepy.

I can't pretend I'm not disappointed in your behavior in general, today.

I sincerely thought we turned a corner a few weeks ago, or at least I hoped so. Somewhere inside, though, I knew it wouldn't last, if I'm honest. 

I did suspect you were reading my blog that day you called - your approach being someone close to you also dying in a car accident -  which I had literally just written about here the day before.

I genuinely enjoyed that conversation, and I thought we walked away from that closer, having a better understanding of each other.

However, I don't think you can help acting out of your insecurities, despite consciously having the best of intentions. (At least I hope so.)

Have you ever tried just admitting your insecurities, rather than unnecessarily and repeatedly running down your qualifications and experience?

(That's a dead giveaway you're actually feeling insecure, dear ;)

Or perhaps therapy?

I go to therapy, it really helps. We all have insecurities, none of us have everything under control.

It's really not a big deal to admit them and check to see if our insecurities are making us behave in counterproductive ways to the person we mean to be.

Admitting you're acting out of your own insecurities or fears doesn't make you weak, it makes you human - and also very brave - and can actually help heal you.

Otherwise, other than that test post earlier as an experiment to verify a suspicion, I don't play unnecessary games. First of all, I suck at them, because they feel inauthentic and fake, which is something that, above all else, I am not - sometimes to my own detriment lol.

I don't even know how to deal with overly competitive women, I never have, so I just don't, I just try like hell to avoid them, because ... why???

When you can just be real, transparent, admit your own flaws and insecurities and be genuinely supportive of other women?

Maybe even admit you're insecure, admit you're afraid this woman or that woman is "better" in some way.

I assure you, they're probably not - but even if they really are "better" in one way, don't you have your own gifts?

Aren't you mature enough to admire someone else's gifts without needing to tear them down to feel better about your own or try to outshine them? 

And by support of other women, I do NOT mean those times you randomly give insincere, saccharine, overly energetic, and wayyyy OTT compliments. 

I guess some people fall for them, but smart people can clearly see you're just trying to look positive to others.

(Passive-aggressively sticking it to them later behind their back is a dead giveaway, dear lol.)

I like to sincerely focus on the best in people, encourage, and build them up myself - but I'm pretty sincere and specific - and I ignore flaws, because we all have flaws - UNLESS - those flaws come flying AT me repeatedly - and if they do, well, I'll probably tell you that's not okay, too. 

Doesn't mean I don't see the good in you still, too - it's just that particular behavior isn't working for me and it's probably not working for you, either, if you're honest.  

If you really think about it, these games really aren't making you look better than others, at least to smart people - and they can't feel good to play, right? 

I mean, how exhausting all of that unnecessary manipulation, scheming, attempts at perception control, and politicking must be, right?

Girls like that were hard enough to deal with in junior high, but with adults old enough to know better, in their 50s, I just don't have the time or energy to even deal with it at all, so I won't lol.

But let me just say one more time - I will NOT compete with you - despite your best efforts to tempt me to - please, just take whatever prize you imagine there is because I'm not gonna get down in the gutter with you and fight you for it lol.

I also don't take credit for or ignore other people's efforts just to try to make myself look better, like what you did today! 

Ewww ... I admit, that behavior is particularly ugly to me and bothers me, perhaps more than others. 

I did try to give you the opportunity to explain other reasons you may have done that - but your answer made no sense lol.

I have never known how to deal with people like that. 

Unless it's my boss,  it bothers me less, because you know, a win for them is a win for the whole team, I guess - but I thank God my boss isn't like that lol.  

Most times, I just SMH or laugh, if it's obvious and everyone knows it's BS and they're doing so out of insecurity, there's no need to say anything. 

Other times, if people actually believe it/fall for it, it does really bug me for some reason. 

Take that knowledge and do with that what you will - isn't that why you're here reading?

To find stuff you can use, either to manipulate me with again or use against me in some way? 

Go right ahead - doing so only further proves my point.

I used to just sit and let them, it didn't matter as long as I knew the truth, and if people were blind or dumb enough to believe it, oh well. 

That ... never really worked out well for me, though.

But if you say anything, then you look like the petty,  insecure, competitive one, instead of the person who tried to take credit for what you did, ignore your contribution, and be in the spotlight right? 

So what to do?

Well, at 56 years old, I also have less tolerance for that kind of unnecessary BS and am less inclined to ignore it, because as I said, that never really worked out for me.  You like to think the truth will come out, but people see what they want to see, too.

I won't throw a fit about it, of course, but I will find a polite way to see "I see you." 

So that was me today, just saying "Girl, I see you." 

But it could be worse, I guess - worse to me is when women tear other women down as another method of making themselves look/feel better. I mean, didn't most of us stop doing that with other women when we were like, 13?

I get it if that person actually did something to you, but if we're just feeling competitive with them and doing it out of our own insecurities, that's not justified. 

Regardless, I do hope all the games, scheming, manipulations, and perception-control - done out of your own insecurities you can't admit - pay off for you in life, that you get what you want, and that it was worth it, I really do.

Because otherwise, you exhausted yourself for nothing - except your own ego stroke, of course - which is just, ya know - sad. 

Whatever you do, just know this - I see you.

Not everybody will fall for it.

I see the good also, I really do - you're fantastic at what you do, you really are.

So just own it  - and stop intentionally trying to outshine other women out of your own fears/insecurities - because literally NO ONE is trying to intentionally outshine you or anyone else.