*Editing in process
Just added a soundtrack and video in the last post.
I'm also copy/pasting this section from the end also to the beginning so you can keep in in mind to explain Kim's behavior throughout:
As for the answer to my question, "WHY did Kim do this?"
It's a combination of greed AND her hatred of me/competition that existed solely in her head with me, since childhood.
Because you see, I made the mistake of telling Kim during this process that we needed to be careful, because in 1996, Granny had received an offer from a developer for $10 million for the farm, but they declined, wanting to keep it for family - BUT that developer moved on and I doubted it was worth a tenth of that otherwise, then or now - but just in case, guard this estate with her life, please.
So I think she saw (false) dollar signs immediately, despite my warning it was likely a one-time development deal and wasn't worth even a tenth of that otherwise, then or now.
Because I was the one to tell her this, and she hated me already - she projected her own greed (and thievery) onto me because she's not well and refuses therapy/treatment.
Also adding another question, but this one, I can't answer ...
So she took out loans against the estate and constantly complained there wasn't enough money to pay taxes etc. - and now there's no money left - but she could afford to take you all to Paris?
How does THAT work?
Because a trip to Paris alone for the whole family had to be upwards of $10,000, not to mention other trips taken.
Even if it came from Kim's personal finances, did anyone think that might not be a good idea if the estate money was low as far as caring for Mom as she aged since she had no retirement?
Hope those bribe-obligation trips that she could use to guilt-trip you all with later were worth it. 😁
Then again, maybe that's why she cut contact with you all and moved to Norway for "not being appreciated enough" - because her guilt-trips for expensive trips stopped working 😉
_________________________________________________
This post may be my last post for awhile.
I wrote it out stream-of-consciousness, when elements popped into my head that I'd forgotten until I sat down to write it out. Thus, I may be editing it for a while.
So I started my original blog in 2005, at a time in my life when I had no voice. I didn't publicly speak about what was going on in my personal life at first, just practicing writing, which is also a part of myself I had lost.
I have since occasionally triggered on here when certain things happened, and for that, I was wrong/apologized - but never written out the full truth or the full timeline.
However, I have recently decided to write out everything - all the full secrets I held onto for years to spare those in the middle pressure and pain - only while NOT triggered.
Yes, it began on my daughter's birthday - but if it were just due to that, then I would've done this a lot sooner.
No, I'm doing this because holding onto these secrets to spare others in the middle the full truth for so long has been to my own detriment.
(Also, rest assured, Family - I am not in contact with the "other" family - I realized that's just not a good idea for many reasons - so this has nothing to do with them, either.)
I'm not sure who I was protecting anyway - or that I was protecting them from the right things, particularly consequences of their own choices.
Because the fact is, had certain people not done what they did, then no one would HAVE to keep secrets OR talk about it.
AND nobody else should be experiencing the pain, shame, and consequences of those choices but those people themselves.
I have been asked not to say this or that, do this or that, to avoid upsetting this fragile person, angry person, or unstable person.
So I didn't and still won't in f2f life, so they won't know, unless they chose to read this post.
And yet has a single one of you ever said "Maybe we shouldn't do this, it will hurt HER/upset HER/make HER mad?"
Nope - as if I'm not part of the family, too.
And do you know why you view me as not really being part of your family?
Certainly not because I chose it myself, though I have asked for distance now.
Might I advise you to read more on dysfunctional systems theory, especially as it applies to severely dysfunctional families?
Because the short answer is, it's because my assigned role in our severely dysfunctional family is the family scapegoat.
Scapegoating happens when 1 member of the group or the minority is seen as being different in some way.
Not always different in a "bad" way, like being overweight, quiet, sensitive, which are traits which are (mis)perceived as being "weak" in society - sometimes it's just because they are the new person, have a different skin color or faith, or because they don't go along with the mob and spoke up. Sometimes it's even for a "good" reason, and done out of jealousy.
But it is always the powerless minority.
As for me, in my family - I became the scapegoat because I was shy, anxious/weird, perceived as fragile, yes - but mostly because I'm that kid who eventually stopped pretending emperors wear clothes and started speaking up.
Now - that story doesn't say what likely really happened to that kid afterwards, but I'm pretty sure everybody didn't just suddenly say: "Oh, you're right, the emperor IS naked, we've been so blind, we're sorry"
In fact, they most likely first tried to gaslight the shit out of him lol. And if that didn't work, they just tried to shut him up by convincing everyone else he was crazy to discredit him.
If all else failed, then they likely took him out back and kicked the living shit out of him, exiled him, or maybe even killed him, all to avoid facing truth themselves.
On a larger societal scale, we know what happens when scapegoating goes unchecked for too long from history.
Most recently, with the Nazis - and we're headed that way again currently, with people of color and/or undocumented Latinos and other immigrants.
They are blamed for all society's ills, objectified into being inferior, criminal, subhuman, or even "alien," thus deserving is treatment, abuse, or even death, without empathy.
However, as we've also learned in history with scapegoating, the monsters weren't the Jews - the monsters were the Nazis themselves - projecting all of their own motivations onto them.
What's weird about the Nazis was, they were very kind and expressed empathy with each other, but "suspended" their empathy for certain groups deemed inferior - especially Jews.
What does that make those who stood by and said/did nothing or enabled the Nazis?
Truth is, I don't know the answer to that - not monsters, but not innocent, either - Cowards? Complicit?
Now, back to being the scapegoat in my family, please don't mistake writing out the full story here as not having forgiven them, I have - and I still love them and have empathy for them.
In fact, forgiveness as a way of freeing yourself from bitterness and hatred was a little trick my Jewish friends taught me many years ago.
What I need now is freedom from the pain and the shame that really shouldn't be mine.
What it means is, I have learned to stop devaluing me in the same way they did.
It means I will no longer pretend in order to spare others pain or shame that they should be feeling, not me,
It means I've finally learned to love and value myself just as much as I love and value them. 😊
Thus, this will be my last post on this subject - the remaining timeline that I've not yet mentioned.
*The exact dates appearing on the timeline are signed and dated documents for proof.
_____________________________________________________
November 2005 - I broke my lease in Florida with a police report, after police caught Jon stalking themselves, outside my home, after apparently a neighbor called police.
I ran back here to create geographical distance, and began seeking a divorce with Domestic Violence from here. I rented a U-Haul and McKenna and I threw in all our clothes, our dog and cat, and Granny's cabinet - and that's all we had.
April 2006 - The medical transcription company I remotely worked for since 2000, Transcend, began transitioning all work to India.
I worked temporary jobs, waiting for a permanent position in transcription again - but outsourcing was the trend at that time and many companies were declaring bankruptcy, unable to compete with offshore labor.
May 2006 - Granny was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.
June 2006 - Granny refused the brand-new CyberKnife treatment, which had just come to Lexington that year, which had a 50% chance of curing her, out of fear of procedures, especially a new one - and no amount of begging and pleading could convince her.
Jon had sobered up and had his substance-abuse counselor write me a letter, claiming he'd been sober for 6 months, he was sorry, and that he wanted to meet with me in person to apologize - and more importantly, help me with Granny because he knew my family wasn't.
I called his counselor to confirm it was legit.
We initially spoke on the phone, and he did seem different and apologetic, but I still was hesitant.
We even took our kids to Kings Island - but there was always someone else around.
2006 - Various Dates:
Granny told me that she'd like her will changed, because she feared that when Mom went off the rails, she'd spend it all, but she didn't want to hurt her with this, and asked me what to do?
(My mom's bipolar binge is spending sprees she doesn't remember later.)
I said I wondered if it was possible for all 5 adult children and grandchildren to share the estate equally - Mom, Kim and Matthew, me, and Ruthie - BUT - no one can spend even a dime without the consent of the other.
That way, Mom will never know this is done to safeguard it from her bipolar binges, it can just look like nobody can spend it without the others' consent, which is probably a good idea anyway.
She said that was a great idea and called her estate attorney.
Her estate attorney asked who she wanted as executor and Power of Attorney.
So we had a family meeting. My mom said she didn't want to be, which was a relief. Kim nominated herself.
Ruthie and I also said we didn't want to be Estate Executor and Power of Attorney, either - Ruthie was in Atlanta and I was battling my ex in court already and we weren't very litigious people - and Kim loved that shit.
Thus, we all voted that Kim should be executor - fully trusting her, at the time.
Other than that, everyone in the immediate family essentially ... disappeared, with the exception of holiday visits.
They claimed they were having a hard time dealing with Granny's diagnosis, which I understood - at first.
I, on the other hand, had no choice but to deal with it head on, on a daily basis.
There were other family, friends, and neighbors around asking to help when they could - just not my mom or my sisters.
Kim did come in for July 4th with a new mattress and duvet for Granny, then promptly left, saying she can't deal with sick stuff.
Thus, Kim and I made a verbal deal that I would deal with all Granny's healthcare and she would handle the legal stuff.
Granny and I spent the next few months fulfilling her bucket list.
One of those things on her bucket list she became a bit frantic about. It was finding the Dorothy doll from McDonald's "Wizard of Oz" " collection. We had all the other dolls but that elusive Dorothy lol.
My grandmother just needed to see and feel a little magic again. 🥲
But what I couldn't understand at first was why she was so frantic about it, until she kept wringing her hands and saying "We HAVE to find Dorothy. She can't disappear! She's still here somewhere, Please find her."
She was so upset and emotional about it, I began to wonder if she was losing her mind, if the cancer had metastasized to her brain.
Then I finally understood why - Dorothy was her.
Okay, wait, hold up - record scratch - quick aside.
I try not to think about all of this, and hadn't in a long time, though things still bubble up from time to time - but just after I wrote that, I thought of the big DNA reveal in 2022.
So was Dorothy Granny herself, or was Dorothy... Rita?But that's stupid, right?
She didn't know.
I am 100% sure that she didn't consciously know about the mix-up, and that if she had, she would've done anything she could about it.
Then again, maternal instincts ARE real, the strongest "animal" sense we have. Things smell stronger, taste stronger, and we can often sense danger before others do, while pregnant or just after birth - so DID she sense something was off?
Hospice people will tell you weird shit happens starting months before people die. They talk to dead relatives that they hallucinate, even when not on pain meds.
Scientifically, the theory is this is caused by either pain meds or brain chemicals being released beginning months before death.
Other people believe they are paranormal - that they really ARE seeing these relatives and angels shortly before death that tell them things - sometimes things these believers claim no one knew about, including the patient themselves. Other times, the hallucinations are not as pleasant, which are also attributed to brain chemical release or manifestations from unresolved guilt "haunting" them.
Regardless, since we can't prove the above question, we don't know - so let's go with what we DO know and CAN prove - Occam's razor, the simplest explanation is the best - which is Dorothy represented Granny herself.
Back to the timeline ...
I once offered someone my entire paycheck of $500 for the Dorothy doll to complete the set - but they refused lol.
Finally, I put out essentially an APB for all local McDonalds in a 60-mile radius to find a Dorothy doll for a Granny, dying of cancer, to fulfill her bucket list!
A manager in North Lexington called me and gave Granny her own personal Dorothy doll for Granny. 😊
She was SO happy when I brought it home to her - she even cuddled it for hours.
In fact, we have a video of her, myself, and Ruthie playing dolls with her that Easter! 😂
We also planned her funeral (at her choice), which she was strangely excited about. She acted like she was planning a party lol. It gave her a strange amount of joy, which I figured was sorely needed.
I wrote the instructions down, which Granny kept, and then pulled them out just before she died.
The instructions were, I would write the obituary, Ruthie would sing, and Kim would do the casket flowers. Granny's pastor, Pastor Keith, would give the eulogy, as well as anyone else who wanted to.
When my grandmother pulled it out not long before she died, my mom insisted her own pastor, Pastor Carl, give a co-eulogy. Kim wanted to write the obituary AND do the flowers.
But my Grandmother pointedly said, this is what SHE wanted - and she was never pointed about anything.
(However, my mom's pastor did end up also giving a co-eulogy because my Mom always gets what she wants.)
September 6, 2006 - I ignored my instincts - again - and met Jon alone at a midway point between Florida and here for an in-person apology on Labor Day, like an idiot. I told him I hadn't decided yet what to do about the divorce, he hadn't been sober long enough. He said he owed me a money, which he did.
So I showed up - and let's just say, that was the biggest mistake of my life, trusting him again - because bad things happened - and in fact, it was a fluke that I even got away.
October 2006 - Granny understandably collapsed on me, screaming and sobbing that she was going to die - realizing the reality of what the doctor confirmed that day - that since she refused CyberKnife, the adenocarcinoma was growing - and it would be less than 1 year now.
In fact, I was an hour late picking my daughter up from school that day, and being that I was holding my grandmother sobbing, I couldn't call them and tell them why, nor could I tell my daughter what happened, it would scare her - so I just arrived an hour late, apologizing, telling her I got caught up at work (but I actually had come home early at Granny's request).
Early 2007, unclear date - Kim said she didn't trust Granny's estate attorney and changed it to one of her choosing.
June 2007 - Though very active and otherwise healthy and independent, Granny caught her foot on the sheet of her bed, fell out of bed, and broke her hip.
She would need round-the-clock care, because her insurance said she was listed as hospice, so she couldn't receive rehabilitative services.
I called my sister and asked what to do, I couldn't work and do this and nobody could afford a full-time nurse - initially asking if she could come help me.
Kim said she and Matthew couldn't leave their jobs in Chicago OR afford a full-time nurse - but what they COULD do is pay me about $12 an hour for an 8-hour day - so go ahead and put in my notice.
Granny was kept in a stepdown unit, while her doctor appealed to her insurance that care for the broken hip should be a part of her hospice palliative care - they can't just leave her there in pain from a broken hip.
After 2 weeks of not hearing anything from Kim, running back and forth to the step-down unit, running out of gas money and money for food, I called and asked if they had forgotten I'd had to quit my job, and what to do.
Kim said that when she said that, she didn't think about the fact that I had agreed to take on all the debt of my marriage in exchange for Jon never contacting me again that I'd offered (though the divorce was on hold) - and she wasn't going to pay for that.
I said I neither asked nor expected her to - but what I did expect was the $12 per hour for an 8-hour day as she'd promised rather than hiring a full-time nurse, or I wouldn't have quit my job.
Then she accused me of trying to deter Granny from getting CyberKnife treatment so that she could die and I'd get the money.
What the ???
I asked her if she'd gone to get that grief counseling she mentioned, because she must've completely lost her mind, or she's in the anger phase of accepting Granny's death and trying to blame someone, but I definitely wasn't holding her bag of shit for her regardless.
I told her I begged Granny to get the treatment likely more than anyone else because I actually lived with her. In fact, I nagged her daily about it, because there was only a small window of time before it'd be too late, but she refused - but ultimately, it was her choice.
She said I should've forced her.
I asked how - she was power of attorney, if anyone could force her, it would be her?
But nobody should be forcing anyone to go through any sort of treatment, it should be patient choice, even if we disagree - especially at age 91.
Then she said it's my fault, I should've had a guardrail up, I wasn't taking good care of her, I was an incompetent idiot.
I said "You don't think I know that? You don't think the first thing I did was blame myself? Maybe I should have bought a guardrail up, but at 91, Granny is otherwise so healthy she could practically run to town and back, you know that yourself. In fact, she's still driving."
Then she went into a litany of how much I sucked, how incompetent I was, what a loser I am, what I should be doing differently, etc.
I finally said
"Kim? You have refused to come down here to give any actual physical care yourself, claiming fear of healthcare issues."
"I am taking care of her, my daughter, and getting a divorce and I need help, but none of you will."
"Mom now drops by occasionally, but all she does is spend her entire time locked in the bathroom on the phone with her friends, trying to pray the cancer away!"
"So I am doing the best I can all by myself. And instead of asking me how you can help, you beat me up more, though I'm already beating myself up.""
So at this point, if you don't like it, then get your ass down here yourself and do it, rather than judging me from 500 miles away from your ivory tower in Chicago."
That went over well (not).
Then the insurance appeal went through, so rehabilitative services after her broken hip were approved as a part of her palliative care and hospices, but only for a limited time, so she was able to get physical therapy and durable medical equipment, and she was moved to a short-term facility for these services.
Thus, I ran and quickly got another job at a local doctor's office, part time.
July 2007 - Granny called me and told me that Kim sent her some paperwork and had the will changed to exclude me, because she feared that since I was still married to Jon, Jon would try to get it.
She said she didn't say anything to Kim, she just signed it, but now she thought something might be wrong with it, and told me to call her old attorney and check.
I called her old attorney who said no, that's not possible.
At this point, I began to realize what was going on - my sister was trying to change the will Granny had just had finalized, which as I said had been making everyone equal primaries, unable to use a penny without the others' consent - to now exclude people over BS reasons - but why?
We all know she's a control freak, which is why we thought she'd be good as executor - but why was she doing this?
Then I received 2 more calls that day, and was confronted by my own daughter, with a different story of why I was left off the will:
"Kim just told us she had the will changed because in the original will, you had yourself in charge and threatened to have Mom committed, so she took you off."
I said: "LOL! And you believed that? That's ridiculous. Oh, come on, you really believe I said that? First of all, you CAN'T commit anyone long term anymore unless it's a crime, you haven't been able to since 1988 - and I know that because of my Social Work education, so there's no way I said that.
"More importantly, I don't think you/she NEEDS that. These days, bipolars don't need facility care unless they go off their meds or their meds need adjusting."
"
Because the fact that you refuse to accept is, you/she HAS been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder, this isn't just PTSD (along with 2 other disorders I didn't say) but as long as you/she stays on your/her meds, facility care isn't needed.
"Please look at the previous will yourselves rather than taking Kim's word as gospel - because the original will said that all 5 adults are equal primaries and that no one can spend a dime without the consent of the other. My God, she's manipulating you with your worst fears and lying to you!!!"
At this point, I realize my sister engaged in some war with me in her head that isn't going to happen, that she sees me as some sort of threat, and that I need to take the pressure off the rest of the family and prove to her I'm not.
So I called her directly and said
"WTH? is going on, Kim? Jon can't get any money. And I NEVER said that about committing Mom, you can't commit people anymore, even if we wanted to, but no one does, she doesn't need it. And you can't call me directly and tell me this? you know it's not possible and I'd call you on your bullshit. Why are you doing this?!?"
Fine, you're afraid I'm after money? Look, I'll do you one better - I just want to be her primary caretaker because Mom isn't stable enough, right now, you're afraid of health stuff and live in Chicago, and Ruthie lives in Atlanta. I just want to be here when she closes her eyes and care for her as she has for me. I will sign whatever you want me to sign to prove it - I will relinquish all rights to any part of the estate."
Thus, she had a legal document drawn up forfeiting all rights to the estate, which needed to be signed by a witness (my cousin, Martha) - and I signed it without hesitation.
My sister and her husband came down to collect it, plus the deed to the house and farm to give to the attorney, who had to be present to sign some other documents in person, at her rehabilitation unit room.
Granny told me where the deed was, so I found it and brought the deed, and my estate rights relinquishment form.
Kim took the deed, but said I needed to hold onto the relinquishment form until the attorney arrived, because he has to ask me in person if I knew what I was doing and was certain, before he accepted it.
The attorney arrived and he did ask me in front of everyone (from the hospital hallway) - "Are you certain that this is what you want to do, this decision hasn't been made under duress and of your own free will?"
I answered yes - but, actually, looking back - no?
Yes, I still don't want it - but no, it WAS all done under GREAT duress and pressure.
Then he asked for the deed.
Kim said "Give it to him, you have it."
I said "Um, no, you took it when we arrived, I handed it to you while you were in the car., but you told me to hold on to the relinquishment until Bob arrived."
In front of the attorney, she said "No you didn't. You're trying to hold onto it for yourself! Give me the fucking deed, right fucking NOW or I'll have you arrested for theft.."
Matthew said "Wait, hold on, let me just check the car."
We all stood silently and awkwardly in the hallway until Matthew returned - with the deed in his hands - she had left it in the car!
The attorney, Bob, looks at me with wide eyes, then dropped his eyes to the floor.
Of course no apology - in fact, Kim barked at me to stay outside her hospital room while they went in and had Granny sign off.
Upon coming out of the room, the attorney informs me that my grandmother has asked for special provision in the will to gift me her 1993 Chevy Lumina so that I may still get to work.
Kim was furious and said I'd try to use it to get back in the will.
The attorney shook his head and said "not possible" - and walked away.
August 2007 - Kim called me and said:
Kim: "Get out of the house, now - Bob (the estate attorney )said if you changed your mind, you could use living there to claim squatter's rights, and you don't, I should call the sheriff and have you removed. You have 24 hours.
Me: "Stop saying 'Bob said' when you really mean YOU said. There's no way Bob said that, considering what he said about the car. "
Kim: "Your name is not on the house or deed, Granny's is, and I'm her power of attorney, so yes, I said - get the fuck out or I call the sheriff - now."
This is when I begged her, pleaded with her not to do this (the rest is 2 posts below).
She relented to allow us 2 weeks for my divorce papers to be finalized on September 8th and for me to give a 2-week notice at work.
I sent McKenna on with her father for 2 weeks.
My grandmother called me, crying, saying "Why are you leaving me??? Who's going to take care of me, your mom can't?"
Me: (Also crying): "Granny, I have no choice, I'm sorry - but I will call you every day, okay? Mom's going to do it. I'm just an hour away if you need anything."
Granny: "No, NO! She can't do it, even if she wanted to! Please don't do this. Please, you said you would. No, tell Kim I want you to do it. Tell Ruthie. Tell somebody, please, I want you to do it. Please, don't leave me!"
So I didn't tell her what had happened - but I did call Kim AND Ruthie, as she requested, telling them what Granny asked me to.
Kim called Granny and asked if that was true.
Kim SAID that Granny never said that, she just was just afraid to say that was really just worried about what would happen to ME.
I called Granny and asked what happened.
Me: "What ... just happened? Did you not tell them what you told me? And is that what you said, that you were just worried about me, instead of you wanted me to be your caretaker?"
Granny: "No - no, I tried to, but she said I didn't mean it, I was just worried about you was all, and I ... I just didn't know what else to say, I'm sorry."
Me: "Are you sure you're not just telling me what I want to hear, and that it's not that you want me to be your caretaker, but it's really about what you told Kim, and more about what will happen to me?Because I'll be fine."
Granny: "No, no ... it's both ... I mean, I DO worry about you, and I started to tell Kim about wanting you to be my primary caretaker AND mentioned being worried about you, but she just ... focused on that and I didn't know what else to say. You know how Kim is when she gets an idea in her head. You can't convince her otherwise, so I didn't even try. I just don't have the strength."
Me: Yes, I do, she gets fixated on her own ideas and fears as truth without proof . It's okay. Actually, it's not, because you had a hard time speaking up to them even before you got sick, especially regarding me. But you shouldn't be in this position now, especially. And things are definitely not going to change now and you're in no position to."
"But the end result is, I do have to leave, I have no choice, okay? I Just know that I would never leave you if I had a choice, but I don't, okay? And that I love you. and I'll call you every day. Remember, just an hour away."
Honestly?
The fact that my grandmother still couldn't bring herself to stand up to them regarding me, made it slightly easier.
So the next day, I visited my mom and told her she would have to take care of Granny, I had to leave, I didn't have a choice.
I didn't tell her why, what Kim had done. I figured she wouldn't believe me anyway, considering Kim had just manipulated her with my Mom's worst fear of being committed, by lying to her, saying I was going to commit her after Granny died.
Regardless, she interpreted that as my "ordering" her to do it.
I actually get that, because of the flat way I said it as a fact, while in a hurry, without telling her why, because I knew she wouldn't believe me VS. Kim, but I didn't mean it as an "order," and for that, I apologize.
The good news is, my grandmother later figured it out, when Kim tried to tell her I had abandoned her - and the rest I told in posts below.
September 8, 2007 - my divorce was finalized, provided my Domestic Violence attorney removed the words "domestic violence" from the document and I take on all debt - in exchange for him never contacting me again.
September 9, 2007 - My signed apartment lease in Florence, Kentucky.
As for the rest of the timeline, read prior posts.
As for the answer to my question, "WHY did Kim do this?"
It's a combination of greed AND her hatred of me/competition that existed solely in her head with me, since childhood.
Because you see, I made the mistake of telling Kim during this process that we needed to be careful, because in 1996, Granny had received an offer from a developer for $10 million for the farm, but they declined, wanting to keep it for family - BUT that developer moved on and I doubted it was worth even a fraction of that otherwise, then or now - but just in case, guard this estate with her life, please.
So I think she saw (false) dollar signs immediately, despite my warning it was likely a one-time development deal and wasn't even close to that worth otherwise, then or now.
Because I was the one to tell her this, and she hated me already - she projected her own greed (and thievery) onto me because she's not well and refuses therapy/treatment.
So I did warn her that was 10 years ago and I doubted they'd get that now, it was likely a one-time development deal and they moved on.
She took out various loans against the estate anyway - she claims it was in order to pay bills.
As a final insult, Ruthie called me a few days after moving in:
Ruthie: "Hi! Kim asked me to call you because we can't find Granny's diamond rings, do you know where they are? Because you're not supposed to get them until the will is finalized?
Me: "Whaa? I have no idea where they are. And I'm not getting them in the will, so what is she talking about?"
Ruthie: "OH, you didn't know. Granny also added her diamond rings as part of the special provision along with the old car. She wants you to have them to give to McKenna some day.?"
Me: "Uh ... no, I don't have them, and I don't know if I should have them considering my situation, right now, until things get settled"
(I can hear Kim in the background saying "She stole them and hocked them for money! I KNOW she did!")
Sigh.
Me: "Okay, so ... Granny started hiding stuff when hospice people and others started visiting and her pain pills disappeared. They're there somewhere, just keep looking."
An hour later, Ruthie calls back: "Yeah, we found them - she'd put them in a plastic baggy and stuffed them way down in the ring folds of the jewelry box, so all good."
Nope, again, no apology.
This is the pattern - Kim makes a new false accusation without proof and is always proven wrong - no apology. Every. single. time.
Then she just rolls on to a new one.
I swear to God, it's like Trump lol.
I have no idea what happened to the rings after that, but I never saw them.
I can only hope that they weren't sold - because they were, in fact, meant for my daughter.
Because I came to realize Kim was that selfish person we've all met before that accuses everyone else of being selfish.
Or the person that assumes everyone else has an angle because they do?
Or a thief who believes everyone is stealing from them, because they do.
And the end - the farm is gone, the money is gone - and Kim took off to Norway to live permanently, cutting all contact with the family, supposedly over "not being appreciated enough" - leaving Ruthie holding the bag.
(Well, she never helped Ruthie with actual physical or emotional care of Mom anyway, just like she didn't with me and Granny - only often unnecessary legal paperwork, for which she demanded appreciation.)
And then to top it all off, during this will/estate mess and Granny's death, you all decided to involve yourselves in supporting Zack trying to get her to live with him full time and attempt to have child support removed, which unbeknownst to me, he'd been trying to do since 2005, though we lived in Florida?
Hellllooo this is Zack - my untreated, still alcoholic ex and McKenna’s Dad we're talking about.
You know, the same guy who cheated on me with strippers when pregnant?
The same guy that didn't show up for her visits and showed up drunk, such that Granny and I had insisted that he visit there rather than drive and take her anywhere?
And none of you talked to me about it or had any of the facts right - for example, that he only paid me $424 a month and I never had it raised.
I mean, who does that?
And the better question is - WHY did you do that?
You weren't satisfied with leaving me essentially homeless and penniless?
You could've just not gotten involved?
What had I done to any of you but sign off all rights to the estate and leave, besides call you on your BS?
That's fine - perhaps you wanted to validate yourselves with strength in numbers for optics, in case this got legal?
To me, it looks like birds of a feather flock together, using each other - and that the emperors are still as buck naked as they always were
Now - what did all of that feel like from my perspective?
It felt like the modern day version of the story of Joseph, from the bible, being stripped, beaten, thrown into a pit and being left for dead, by his own brothers, out of nothing more than unfounded fears over birthright issues - and then lying to his father and little brother about it - and telling me I brought it on myself.
(In this situation, I am Joseph, Granny is Jacob, and McKenna is Benjamin).
I'm sorry, but nobody deserves that - nobody.
In fact, even now, despite all she's done, if the situation were reversed, I saw Kim being treated cruelly and mercilessly and the family going along with it - I would put a stop to it - because like I said, nobody deserves to be treated like that..
Though there's more - that's the major gist, in these last few posts, which I've never gotten an opportunity to tell my side of - literally, never. If I ever tried, I was hung up on and shut down.
I'm not sure who I was protecting - initially, my daughter.
But that only left ME with all the pain, shame, and consequences, to pretend along with a dysfunctional family so they don't have to experience any of those things, when I'm actually the last person that should be.
But she's an adult now.
So it's out to the universe now, like a message in a bottle - hoping the right readers read it - and with that, I sweep the last bit of truths I've been holding in to protect my daughter in the middle and not be accused of "creating drama" if I DID ever try to say anything.
So it's done - and though it likely won't be my last post on here, then it will be awhile before my next one.
PS
Family?
Regardless of who Dorothy represented to Granny - please tell me Kim kept her and didn't throw her away or sell the WOO collection?
It was important to Granny.
