Why Am I Note Allowed to Like William AND Harry, Kate AND Meghan?

 

So after writing a post a few days ago on which celebrities I'd like to live next door to - expanded to a village after adding so many people -  I started writing a new post to now include international celebrities in my fantasy imaginary city.

However, I was debating which royals to put on my UK list.

It's like even I, as an American, felt feel the pressure to take sides between them when ... I don't want to?

I mean, it's stupid - WHY do we HAVE to take sides?

I can like all 4 of them if I want to, dangit, and I do like all 4 of them! 😂

While thinking about this, the news came in that Prince William made history by being the first royal to appear on The Graham Norton Show," so I watched the clip. 

At the same time, Mark and I had been catching up on the latest season of "The Reluctant Traveler" with Eugene Levy, which includes the episode where he has a pint with Prince William.

Yes, I realize this is strategic PR for William - and yet I still found him to be surprisingly funny, open and authentic -  and I think the same about Harry, just in different ways, according to their extroverted versus introverted personalities.

In fact, some of the things that William discussed with Gene Levy parroted things Harry has said previously, though William previously famously disagreed with him just a few years ago.

For instance, remember when William proclaimed publicly through facemask that the royal family was NOT racist - and drew praise from some and snickers from others?

(Because let's face it, we're talking about the British Empire - the biggest colonizers and enslavers in the world for the last 2 centuries. And there's still not a single bestowed aristocratic title on a single person of color. And they continued to help deny Caribbean and African colonies/territories their independence up until a few years ago. But alrighty, let's pretend institutionalized racism doesn't exist anymore in white fragility and family defensiveness, William, that'll work?)

HOWEVER, that was all gone in William's visit with Gene Levy -  replaced by a candid admission that the royal family does indeed have a history of wrongful systemic practices that DO, in fact, need changing, as well as there should be more transparency. 

Though William still has never overshared like Harry, he WAS less formal and actually funny, very open about personal challenges to the point of being nearly emotional at times.

Speaking of which, it's really nice to see this less shy version of William, finally coming out of his shell like his mother eventually did. 

As he stated himself to Gene, he finally stopped taking it all so seriously, stopped trying to fufil the role to perfect formality, stopped fearing judgment he can't control, and just started to have more fun with the role - exactly as his mother did decades ago 😊

As for Harry, he's been less vocal and less overshare-y.

So I swear to goodness, it was almost like they suddenly semi switched places!  😂

Maybe ... just maybe ... they've started seeing the value in the other's perspective? 

Can we hope for that or is it too soon?

The press keeps trying to turn their appearances into a competition, but I see the opposite as being true. 

It's more like a couple that has broken up, but you're still friend with both of them - only you have to be careful of what you do with whom and when lest it be seen as taking sides - and neither former member of the couple wants those people to feel in the middle.

To the point if they make appearances, then it's like the other one can't or won't or something?

And then there's the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce wedding situation - despite known amicable ties with both, Taylor and Travis chose to either not to invite either couple or the couples chose not to attend, we don't know - but we DO know they made appearances together around that time together in other ways. 

Now - do I think they made huge mistakes on when to speak up and when not to, as well what should be private and what shouldn't?

Of course - but haven't we all?

Especially with the advent of social media, we either overshare or don't say enough or aren't clear, leaving people to misinterpret or wildly speculate.

Now - do I think the offenses towards each other were equal and 50/50?

No.

I think the royal family made the same mistake they made with Diana in the beginning - they didn't speak up or support Megan publicly when the press and paparazzi were merciless with her from the very beginning, even though in Meghan's case, there were racist tropes involved at times.

I think it hurt Harry and Meghan, worried them with the lack of security legislated for them based on their titles, and especially pissed of Harry after what happened to his mother.

Now -  did Harry and Megan handle that well?

No - not at all lol.

They went on their own little PR public campaign publically telling their side and perhaps oversharing, while at the same time, asking for privacy, which appeared to be somewhat of a contradictory oxymoron. 

But at the same time, the same thing that happened to his mother was now happening to his wife, and worse, racists were now involved -  so can you blame him for overreacting, when this same stuff literally killed his mother (tabloids/paparazzi chasing her through the tunnel)? 

So ... in the end, I think my attitude towards them both stems from having this sort of maternal feeling towards them ever since their mother died, even though I've never met them.

As a young mother, that was the the saddest public thing I'd ever seen - 2 little boys walking behind their mother's casket, with a little handwritten envelope marked "Mummy" atop her casket,

I, and several other mothers, just wanted to scoop them up, adopt them, and protect them in our arms and never let them go!

So I don't care what those boys or their wives do, I give them space to make young mistakes, especially after all they've been through, and hope they mature and learn from them, and if not, well, I'm disappointed in them, but we can hope.

I think they're both ultimately good boys who just needed time and space to process all that's happened to their family over the last few years, more time to mature, and more time to reflect on what the other one said and their own actions and just figure stuff out.

And I think we, the public, keep on making this same mistake of snap-judging people based on one snapshot of their lives, assuming we'd handle it better, and showing them no mercy - essentially repeating the same history as we did with their mother.

I mean, I'm just happy that after all they've been through, neither of them are in straight jackets or performing a mass shooting from the top of Big Ben! 😂

Now, you may be saying "Poor little rich kids" - but imagine having to deal with life in a global fishbowl with no room for error and perfect behavior expected, despite even normal life being hard - now tack on the violent death of your mother, family secrets and scandals  (including your uncle being a pedophile), your grandmother the queen dying, 2 family members having cancer at the same time, all within a 4-year period. 

Now - if you show emotion and don't stick to formal protocol, it's undignified and an affront to the cultural British norm of "stiff-upper-lip" stoicism; thus, you have failed your "one job" and should be fired, and perhaps even burned, hanged, or drowned as a witch or warlock for doing so. 😂

But if you DON'T show emotion, then you're an ice king or queen who doesn't care about about anything but yourself, despite actually trying to be selfless and dutiful.

So people often credit Diana for pointing out this unfair catch-22 for royals and the pressure it puts them under, but it was actually initially Prince Philip who was the originator of the idea of pulling back the curtain behind the scenes just a little bit, starting in the 70s, to see their humor, family warmth, and humanity a bit more.

Because when you put people on a pedestal that high, they're not people anymore, they become fantasy objects - which results in either there being no margin of error  - OR - pretending  they're perfect even when they're not, such that you take any criticism of them personally and fight anyone who dares to criticize them. 😂

Then again, if you see too much of their humanity, they lose their royal luster, respect, dignity, their personal security, and it becomes intrusive.

So how to find a balance?

That is the centuries-old question that obviously, William and Harry are still grappling, only now in an age of social media and more global connectivity than we've ever had before. 

Because we do want to know certain things, but there's also something to be said with preserving the dignified mystery of royals.

Like we DO want to know more things like their sense of humor, what's their favorite castle or room, their favorite royal relative or their most embarrassing, what's their favorite food, favorite type of music, hobbies,  pets, and even what they find challenging about being a royal, nobody needs or even wants to see like Kate on the sofa in her hammies, eating a pint of ice cream because she's PMS-ing 😂

And although we DO want to know what troubles William or how he's faring with both his father and wife having cancer, we don't really need or even want to see him sobbing like a baby with worry over it, right? 

Harry and William have made mistakes on what should be public and what should be private going both ways - Harry oversharing and William, not enough -  but they both at least appear to have learned from each other recently? 

As I said and wrote from the beginning of this clash, I, for one, hoped they'd reunite if given enough time and space - because in the end, there is no one else in the world who knows what it feels like to have gone through all the things they have and the pressures of being a royal other than each other and their family, so they need each other. They need to let each other in more, if no one else. 

Now - back to the that extremely harsh and unfair treatment of Megan Markle since before they even married?

For more context, as mentioned above - also mentioned 2 posts below -  I suspect that just like we know for a fact existed with Diana originally, there was an orchestrated PR "hit team," much like that which happened with Diana. 

I am NOT saying anyone from the royal family themselves contracted a PR "hit " on either Diana OR Meghan.

I'm saying the "business" team of the royal family -  whose job it is to damage control and spin things to protect the image of the royal family at all costs - particularly the primary royals - might have done so, as they have done with all newcomers/outsiders to the family in a sort of pre-emptive strike - in our generations, they did so with Philip, Diana, Kate, and now Megan, only its worse because she's an American actress of color with zero aristocratic social status or ties.

In fact, both Harry and William have admitted these royal-access contracts with tabloids and paparazzi DO exist - the rationale in the royal-family business for keeping them being that at least they have some control over what these outlets see and write about - and  also historically, they have proven useful during times of scandal to protect the royal family image, despite truth.

However, both have also admitted that they disagreed with these tactics, but that they also have less control over it than people think they do -  and if anything, it's the other way around - because the business "Royal Family" is actually governed by the state, not the royals themselves. 

(If you've ever watched "The Crown," you can see exactly how this works, and that the Queen herself clashed with them over how they were presenting Philip, and in fact, she elevated Philip from Queen consort to Prince as a direct result of this to combat them.)

Because they were aware that certain family members actively used these tabloid/paparazzi contracts to smear-campaign each other during divorces or affairs or other scandals to sway public sentiment, Harry claims they made a pact as children to never do that to one another.

In fact, according to Harry's book, "Spare," his biggest issue with William is that he believes either William or Kate broke this pact  -  but William swears that neither he nor Kate did.

Also, don't forget, though people canonize Diana now, it wasn't always that way - those royal-access tabloids and paparazzi were absolutely merciless with Diana initially, capitalizing on every mistake she made.

And if they were that originally merciless with Diana as a white, British aristocrat (though called a "commoner" at the time because she was a "Lady", the lowest ranking among British Aristocracy)  - how much worse did we all know it going to be for an American actress of color with no ties to aristocracy from get-go?

Also, historically, the "business" side of the royal family has forbidden them to ever comment personally on anything, and in this day and age, have personal social media or even personally post at the Royal Family website - the business side writes and publishes all posts there. 

EXCEPT - this has apparently recently changed - because King Charles has personally posted statements there within the last year. 

As I also said in that previous post, I think this change is because with the advent of social media and the state of politics, for some inexplicable reason, silence is now interpreted as either a sign of guilt or lack of transparency, rather than it actually may be - not gracing ridiculous accusations with a response. 

All of this to say, despite tabloid press and pundit pressure to pit people against each other, fabricate accusations out of thin air and call it "free speech," jump to conclusions, and polarize and take sides worse than ever before with the advent of social media?

Let's just  ... not.

Because if this world is going to get any better, we need to STOP doing that.

We need to stop believing gossip until we actually see/hear all sides for ourselves in their full context and with credible evidence.

In short, let's give people the same benefit of the doubt we'd like others to give us?

Let's show the royals - and other people in a general - a little bit more mercy than we've all been doing the last couple of decades , with the advent of both (false) Reality TV and social media.

Ramaswamy's Morally Depraved Commercial and the Gaslighter-In-Chief Cheering it On (Trump).

 

By now, you've either seen Vivek Ramaswamy's morally reprehensible (and downright disgusting) commercial or you've heard about it.

(I'm not sharing it here - you can Google it.)

If you haven't, you need to know that Vivek Ramaswamy is a MAGA Republican running for governor of Ohio.

His opponent is Amy Acton, a Democrat.

His latest commercial digs up Amy's estranged mother, who claims Amy is a liar and is seething hatred for her own daughter.

HOWEVER - here's what the commercial is NOT telling you ... 

Amy and her brother were taken away from their mother by police and CPS after evidence that her stepfather had sexually abused her.

Her stepfather was arrested and indicted for sexual abuse, then ran from the police for decades to avoid prosecution until his death.

Despite evidence and her children being taken away from her, her husband running to avoid prosecution, her mother is still in denial, enabled him until his death, and gaslighting her - now  calling her a liar on national TV on Ramaswamy's commercial - and Trump just encouraged him to keep airing it - despite even MAGA recoiling from it.

Also, JD Vance called MAGA voters publicly condemning the commercial "whiners". 

Okay, so ... hating your own daughter isn't normal no matter what she did. 

Even if Amy WAS lying - which she isn't, as there's enough police, CPS, and court evidence available to prove she wasn't - hating her daughter over it isn't normal or sane.

In fact, if you've ever watched crime documentaries, even with the mothers of actual serial killers, caring mothers not in denial (or not just as sick as their child)  that HAVE accepted their child is an monster, still love them.

Because for normal, sane mothers, a mother's love for their child is essentially unkillable.

They might feel anger at them sometimes, sure. 

They might need to set boundaries and limit contact with them over addiction or other harmful behaviors, too.

However, what hurt mothers mostly feel is grief, sorrow, and constant self-questioning about where they must've gone wrong - NOT hatred.

So the fact that that instead of feeling grief, sorrow, or ever once questioning herself/her husband, the only thing Amy's mother feels is hatred for her daughter even decades later, tell you about Amy's mother?

And what does that tell you about the mental health of Ramaswamy, Trump and JD Vance for enabling her, despite documented physical evidence by police, CPS, medical professionals, and the court?

Well, it SHOULD be telling you how sick Amy's stepfather and mother really are, both clearly having a sort untreated mental illness, enabled for way too long.

(What was I JUST saying about family, group, systemic, institutional or even national level dysfunction (i.e., the Nazis) and their enablers, at the end of my post below?)

It should also be telling you how completely amoral all 3 politicians are, such that they'd be willing to help enable her mother by gaslighting a proven sexual abuse victim, just to win an election.

Which is actually even worse than her parents' untreated mental illness -  because her parents aren't aware of how ill they are.

These politicians, on the other hand, are engaging in conscious, intentional enabling and manipulation of a known untreated severely mentally ill person, as well as conscious amorality, just to personally benefit from it.

(Also, may I also just say that it never ceases to amaze me that the exact same men pushing anti-immigrant "rapist" propaganda are also the first ones to automatically deny rape, sexual assault, or sexual harassment ever happened, when we actually try to claim it -  ESPECIALLY if it's NOT a non-documented immigrant!)

It should also be causing you to remember the lengths that Trump went to, to try and hide his own close, years-long friendship with Epstein -  as well as  how much he has tried to prevent the DOJ from even meeting with the Epstein victims 2 years after he promised  them justice during his campaign - which all came out just before he started a war with Iran.

And lastly, it should be telling you that as much as Trump. JD Vance, and Ramaswamy champion the Christian agenda as their base voters-  how much they actually have no moral compass at all themselves.

Thus, they will say, do, and use anyone or anything just to win an election, no level is too low to stoop.

(However, MAGA are nearly as vocal about we are on this one - THANK YOU, MAGA!  FINALLY, something we agree on!)

Speaking of winning, I only have THIS left to say to say, if I could, to Amy Acton ...

Amy,

I am praying for you to win - and by that, I don't mean the election (but that's be great, too).

I mean the bigger internal battle likely going on, right now, after having to face toxic familial gaslighting again from members of your own family, despite what you KNOW happened to you - with evidence, witnesses, and arrests made.

Nobody would blame you if you wanted to fold out because of that, it would rattle the strongest of us -  but it must go right to the very core of you from childhood - but you haven't folded. 

Whether or not you stay or leave, the more important thing is to remember that once upon a time, despite the gaslighting, you trusted yourself and your own sanity just enough to wake up to the toxicity and the truth, and to stop pretending along with it out of fear and to keep the peace. 

 

You  began to value yourself just as much as you valued them - and chose sanity over toxicity. 

And if you did it once, you can do it again now, though this is a egregious intentional trigger on a larger public stage.

 

Though never sexually abused in my family, I had my share of abuse and familial gaslighting - so I know what that's like and it still affects me to this day at 57.

In fact, the 2 or 3 times I ever faced a gaslighting situation again with someone (and their enablers), I ran away immediately - and STILL doubt myself over it -  because I've never learned to handle it properly.

(Because I have learned that if ever I did try to fight back or stick to my truth, it just made things worse.) 

Thus, I am amazed at your ability to withstand it, I never could - so in that way, you've already won that battle. 

 

Now it's time to win the war - if not the election, the bigger, age-old war within yourself, regarding who the true victims in your family are despite everyone claiming to be, as well as who the truly (untreated) mentally ill family members (and their enablers) are VS, those wounded/victimized BY them 

(HINT: The victims are usually the first ones seeking treatment, initially blaming themselves.) 

But just in case you still currently don't know the answer to that, due to this resurgence of childhood gaslighting -  just know that despite the piling on going on by a few, it's very clear to the rest of us that it's not you. 

And just in case that's not enough, don't forget the the police, medical personnel, social workers, and court officials that documented your case as a child  (evidence which not everyone has, despite telling the truth.)

 

Lastly, I understand if you never want a relationship with your mother again - but also, trust me when I say ever she DOES receive treatment? 

Though it's unlikely she will accept treatment at this stage - and even if she does, it's unlikely she will fully own her mental illness diagnosis, admit what she's done, or maybe even remember any of it - what I CAN tell you from personal experience is what WILL happen is that  if that DOES happen and she sticks with it, you WILL see the best parts of your mother again that's been hiding under all of that other crap.  😊 

And in the sad event that she never does, the only thing I can advise is to forgive her anyway, because it frees you from the pain - as well as keeps you from ending up just LIKE her. 

Have empathy and pity her mental illness, while still keeping yourself safe FROM it. 

 

You do whatever you need to do to stay healthy and keep your sanity and internal peace, stay or leave the toxicity behind again - no judgment here, either way.

I wish you the very best, 

 

 

In fact, as a result, our Republican Senate candidate, Ralph Alvarado - until this past week, a staunch MAGA Republican - has now distanced himself from Trump. 

Also, MAGA - 

People I Wish Lived Next Door To Me ...😂 (UPDATED)

 

*Edited - I added more people added to my fantasy imaginary village/neighborhood, to also now include Southern and Midwestern liberal (or suspected liberal or moderate) comedians - because I get them! 😂

The problem is, my little fantasy neighborhood is rapidly becoming a fantasy village! 😂

In fact, though I thought of many others from other countries I'd love in my village, this list started to become too long already, so for now, it's limited to American/Canadian celebrities (though their spouses might be from other countries).

NOT because I'm crazy MAGA and fear/hate non-Americans, far from it - but only because if I included everyone globally,  my post will have moved from a fantasy neighborhood to a fantasy village to then a fantasy city and be way too long! 😂

I may eventually write a post about that now fantasy global city, but for now, there's only one exception - only because I already had him on here, I can't bring myself to remove him and move him to the global list because of how much I adore him as a person and I'd definitely want him as a close neighbor - Sir Paul McCartney. 😂

_____________________________

And so, being a bit overwhelmed after yesterday, I decided to just cuddle up with my pug and watch YouTube videos all day.

I've decided that if I could pick who lived next door to me, here's who I'd pick

Why?  

The common threads are laugh-out-loud funny, intelligent, authentic/non-pretentious, creative, quirky, and kind - AND - I feel like not only would they make you laugh, but you could have an intelligent, philosophical, caring conversation over coffee if needed, too - not to mention, tell you what they REALLY think. 

It's not everybody that can make you laugh but switch to intelligent or caring conversation when needed, right?

My favorite conversations have flow - from laughing to intelligent conversation and back again - and not everyone can do that. 

So here they are, in no particular order ... 

Trixie Mattel/Brian Firkus and Mr. Wonderful (his new mystery fiance)

The Levy Family ... 

Billy Porter

Maya Rudolph and Paul Thomas Anderson 

Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Guest

Stephen and Evie Colbert

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt 

Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond

Amy Poehler

                                        Will and Viveca Ferrell 

(Just don't ask him for an autograph when he's out with family, he hates that!)

Molly Shannon and Fritz Chesnut 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Brad Hall 

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard 

Jason and Amanda Bateman

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce 

Jim and Jeannie Gaffigan 

Trevor Noah 

(Yes, originally South African, but lives exclusively here now)

Parker Posey

Bob The Drag Queen/Christopher Caldwell

Sandra Bullock 

Cardi B

Celine Dion (French-Canadian, lives here now)

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes Gosling

Eddie and Paige Murphy 

Wanda and Alex Sykes

Emma Stone and Dave McCary

Jennifer Lawrence and Cooke Maroney 

Michelle Buteau and Gijs van der Most

Ali Wong and Bill Hader

(Yes, I know they've broken up, but I'm in denial and have hope 😂)

Anna Kendrick 

Jennifer Garner

Octavia Spencer 

Pedro Pascal 

Zendaya and Tom Holland

Kumail and Emily Nanjiani 

Colman and Raul Domingo

Keanu Reeves

Viola Davis and Julian Tennon 

Sir Paul McCartney

(Again, I limited this list to American/Canadians and their spouses because it's getting too long, but Paul McCartney would be at the top of any list I ever made and I can't remove him! 😂 )

Brittany Broski (Texas)

Fortune Feimster and her mom, Ginger Feimster (from North Carolina)

Leeanne and Chuck Morgan (from Tennessee)

Tom and Rita Hanks

Barack and Michelle Obama 

Morgan Freeman 

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively 

Yes, I know she's controversial - and I'm NOT taking sides with her VS. Justin Baldoni.

However, what IS true is that after Blake filed her lawsuit complaint of sexual harassment, Justin DID literally contract a famous PR "hit team" to publicly smear-campaign her online.

He literally hired the same Los Angeles PR "hit team" to smear campaign Blake online that Johnny Depp had hired to sway public opinion towards him versus Amber Heard.

I think I even wrote a post about that, during the Depp VS. Heard thing, that I don't know what to think, but it does appear to be to be a very orchestrated smear campaign online going on, particularly with a barrage of YouTube videos - turns out it was proven did!

(I also suspect similar has been done to Meghan Markle - not by the royal family themselves, but the "business" side, who incredibly still has contracts with tabloids even after Diana.)

Again, NOT taking sides on any of those cases.

(And actually, in Amber Heard and Johnny Depp's case, I think they were toxic together, they were both dishonest and effed up, and neither of them came out smelling like a rose.)

All I'm saying is -  regardless of guilt or innocence -  hiring a famous PR "hit team" to smear-campaign a woman to sway public opinion in your favor, just because it's easy to do to women?

Ewww - if anything, even if you're innocent, that makes YOU look worse/guilty.

Now - it's unfortunate that she handled things so publicly and dragged friends into it like Taylor Swift.

However, having been smear campaigned online myself 20 years ago, during early days of blogging and social media - by a little troupe of known online smearers/harassers/impersonators  - arranged by a blogging competitor and a person I rejected, jumped on later by my exhusband) -  no judgment from me - because God knows I made mistakes handling it!

Because until you are in a situation yourself where you've been smeared-campaigned against and/or cyberbullied and/or impersonated or even hacked, orchestrated or not?

Then you wouldn't know that there IS no appropriate response to it that will help your situation - ESPECIALLY as a woman - to include "ignoring it" and remaining silent.

Previously, the most mature and best method of handling smear-campaigns and false accusations was to simply "rise above it" or "ignore it" and/or "refuse to grace BS with a response." 

However, nowadays - as we've seen with the rise of social media and in recent elections - for some reason, total silence or walking away/account deletion - rather than addressing it head on gets interpreted as a sign of guilt, for reasons I don't understand  - i.e. Hillary Clinton and Pizzagate?

But on the other hand, frantically fighting back for your career or your reputation can also be interpreted as guilt.

So as can losing your patience after months of ignoring it and your harasser keeps upping the ante until they get a reaction (like bullies do) - and it's actually worse if it's another woman smearing you!

So if you're a woman and this happens to you, you're basically sunk - because you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I think what Blake was trying to do was fight back, but made huge blunders in doing so?

Then again, there is no guidebook for how to handle it online and  STILL few laws to protect you.

And in the end, despite what you do or don't do, people will believe what they want - sometimes based on nothing more than the sheer number of people "piling on." 

Thus, having been through a smaller version of that 20 years ago, Blake gets more of a pass from me than perhaps she would from other people. 😉

Back to my little fantasy neighborhood - what a great neighborhood that would be, right?

In fact, they're so awesome, the first thing they'd likely do is kick ME right out! 😂