PS - Temporary Family Stability After "Tornados " 😂

 

The moment you realize that although the story you just told is 100% true, it's also a good analogy for your severely dysfunctional family and entire childhood? 😂

You think everything's okay and normal again, then the sirens go off because one of those internal household tornados has lost their sh*t again! 😂

In fact, after contact with my family, even when it's good, I will invariably have dreams about tornadoes, isn't that interesting?

Also of interest is how clearly and vividly I remember those 2 days, especially at age 5, despite it being somewhat traumatizing.

In fact, I have a killer memory in general, which isn't the brag it sounds - because it's both a blessing and a curse - and the reason behind why I cultivated a great memory are actually very sad and is the direct result of family trauma that occured just weeks before. 

But before I explain that, I say it's a curse because it sometimes pisses people off - the sort of personalities that want to remember stories starring themselves as the innocent victim in situations, when MOST events aren't usually like that, there's usually a responsibility percentage ratio, even for just participating or sometimes doing nothing at all when you should.

(And sometimes people make mistakes, but it doesn't mean they deserve what they got as consequence, too.)

However, as I said, realized the reason for this "killer memory" was because of a traumatic event that happened literally just weeks those  actual tornados.

It HAD to have happened just weeks before because it was early spring as well, I remember everything up until the moment it happened.

I remember my parents had a huge fight that Sunday morning, and then my mom and my sister and I coming home from Sunday school,  talking about Easter coming, noticing the crocus coming up under the Forsythia bushes. 

And then I remember my Dad opening the front door with a weird smirk on his face  - and pulling out a handgun from behind his back - pointing it directly at us (actually, my mom). 

And then I don't remember another thing after that - and didn't, for days. In fact, I apparently stopped speaking entirely for those few days. 

Not remembering anything at all and not speaking for a couple of days afterwards scared me almost more than the event itself - and of course, in those days, nobody talked about anything later anyway, pre-Oprah. 😂

So I decided that I would remember everything from now on, particularly family arguments, tense situations, or even trauma - like a tape recorder, noting every detail.

I would keep this record to be clear on events myself, to keep the record as straight as I could.

In fact, I became SO good at this, when my parents would argue, they'd say "Chrystal, didn't I just say ___?"

(I know - that's beyond inappropriate to ask your child that, or even have your children in the room when you argue, especially the kind  of arguments they had.)

I'd go "Well, actually you said this and then they said that, and then you said this."

Which is just as weird and inappropriate as what they were doing, for me to become a sort of child "court reporter, trying to manage amd and intervene on adult arguments, whether I was asked or not, like I'm some kind of effed up Hermione know-it-all, or I don't know what, right? 😂

I mean, I put myself in that situation, or they wouldn't have known I had this ability to begin with, right?

It must have been annoying as hell and actually didn't help anyone! 

Not to mention, now neither parent was happy with me and they were love withdrawers if you didn't agree with them entirely  - and I  had just essentially held up a mirror to them, when they both wanted to blame the other one for the way they were choosing to behave.

***NOT saying my mom deserved the actual physical abuse, you understand. Also not saying my mom didn't pick up those abusive tactics and use them on her children herself later. ***

Just saying, the things they think they said and did weren't usually what they actually said and did lol.

In fact, I was a medical transcriptionist for 27 years, likely because of this ability to record/remember everything said nearly verbatim.

(Not always - if there's a lot of stressors at once, it makes it more difficult. I can still hit the highlights, but it might not be verbatim.)

And doing so may have saved my sanity on what to believe in my family, yes - but it doesn't make you popular in dysfunctional families, believe me. 

So in the end, I wish I hadn't - and I wish I could turn it off and back on later, sometimes? 😂

Well, there's some more fodder for my therapist 😂

Lastly, I just wanted to add this, regarding recents posts regarding recent conversations with friends, also from dysfunctional families.

Though completely different situations and to varying degrees, there are common threads.

Also, we 3 friends were also the first -  if not the only - members of our families to seek therapy and stay in therapy - and not the "Yes, man" kind. 😊

So we've discussed how one of those universal common threads is "pretending" - pretend it didn't happen, move on.

(This can also take the form of "Let it Go!" or "Stop rehashing it" - though it's literally the first time you ever mentioned it - or even if you did try before, barely got 2 words out of your mouth. 😂)

So I've already posted on how forgiveness should never be confused with enabling.

But let's talk about the pretending-it-didn't-happen thing.

What's with that? 

So ... the only way dysfunctional families keep a sense of false stability in between those tornadoes wreaking is by pretending.

The key word here is "false" stability, or maybe even "temporary stability" - because unless things are faced and/or resolved, the stability won't last - you're just pretending they will, if you keep pretending.

More importantly, it's imperative to remember that he people insisting you pretend along like it didn't happen are only doing so to protect themselves from consequence or feeling badly - OR - are helping enable the guilty from  consequence and feeling badly.

But F you, sitting in the corner, still trying to put a Band-Aid on a gushing wound as a direct result of what that person or persons did, right? 😂

Worse, is when you seek therapy for feeling miserable, they act like your pain and struggle exists in a vacuum or a silo that they had nothing to do with, trynna act like they didn't, or even gaslighting you as if you suffer from some delusional mental illness.

In fact, that's usually projection of their own delusional mental illness onto you - and the proof in that is one of the main gaslighters has only recently partially accepted her diagnoses - a diagnosis she received decades ago after her first psychotic break when I was a child - and yes, they include a mood disorder, a delusional affective disorder, and a personality disorder. 😉

The good news is, she  is much MUCH better now on appropriate medication, and yet still, sometimes I see shades of it so I keep things at arm's length.

And we do have to pretend to a certain degree, because she can't fully own her diagnoses.

She'll say things like "I don't understand, I went for years, and was fine" and then launch into how her lawyer pronounced her sane during her divorce, after having her evaluated by a psychiatrist of her lawyer's choosing (hmmmm) - and blaming my Dad for everything.

The truth is, my Dad's abuse truly did not help and may have even triggered some of those psychotic breaks - and she DOES also have PTSD as a result - but she had her own severe mental illness, likely partially genetic, because some of her biological siblings do as well and some do not. That's interesting, right?

And of course, trying to point this out before the rest of the family was ready to accept it, without solely blaming my Dad for her behavior, resulted in my becoming the family enemy/scapegoat. 

Regardless, believe me, she was NOT "okay" for years. 😂

So now, the still-wounded part of me that was never acknowledged or apologized to WANTS to snap back "Like hell, you were" when she says this - but I don't. 😂

I mean, she's 83 years old now, so I just say "The important thing is how you FEEL - do you feel better and your life feels more manageable on the meds? "

She says "That's true, I do." 

Than that's all that matters 😊

So they may act like you're weaker or crazier than they are because you sought therapy, when in fact, you were the bravest and strongest one to self-examine and see how you could help yourself feel better, knowing the situation itself would likely never change.

They often just don't like the result.

Because you will start to refuse to play the same games the same way anymore because it only seems to affect you, and you're not allowed to talk about it, hell no, because God forbid THEY feel guilt or shame or pain.

The unfortunate truth is, the worst pain and arguments will come when you're actually getting better and healthier.

Just like people who lose weight or quit drinking - the prior group doesn't know what to do with the new improved, healthier you, so they want you to "change back" into the person they know how to deal with and are comfortable with, the one they can manipulate - but they can't anymore. 

Thus, the pressure to return to the "old way" is never greater, either through guilt trips or insults or word twisting - it's all bait.

They may bait you with things like "Are you feeling better now?" like you're completely insane -  or "You always were just so fragile" or some nonsense.

So even if that part is true, that you ARE more sensitive and fragile - did their "tornado" help you, or even themselves? 

Throw that crap in the trash where it belongs - because the truth is, you were braver and stronger than they ever thought of being, for getting in and staying in therapy.

And instead of arguing these points with them, designed to validate themselves and the group dysfunction and leave themselves responsibility-less, just say "Yep, I am better, thank you, thank God for therapy" - and then smile to yourself, thinking of Plato's cave allegory.

Then say to yourself "Thank God I was BRAVE enough to get out of that dark cave. I feel sorry for them, stuck in there, pretending it's normal."

Believe me, feeling sorry for them helps prevent getting mad at them and their tactics again, when I can remember to do it!

If you've never read Plato's "Allegory of the Cave," I highly recommend it - particularly if you're from a dysfunctional family.😊

That is not to say it won't feel lonely now outside the cave without them, it will -  and there will be grief felt.

But then ask yourself this ...

Is my life better or worse now that I'm out of that cave?

As for me ... well, I still have more work to do on myself, and it will always hurt - but at least I can look people in the eye now and speak to them. And I don't hide in my room depressed for days and blame myself for the slightest little thing that goes wrong anymore, believing I don't deserve any better devaluing myself as much as they devalue me.

And I laugh more than I ever have in life since childhood - so hell NO, I'm not EVER going back in that cave! 

That does NOT mean I haven't forgiven them, I have - I even still love them, very much, and even feel the empathy for them that some of them reciprocate.

(Well, I still have waffle with my older sister, who I personally believe is the only one of us siblings who got the particular genetic mix curse of severe mental illness (but masks it well with intelligence) and will not seek or stay in treatment for it, and  thus continues to be a tornado wreaking family havoc, blaming others for it - but perhaps with more time.)

It just means since they haven't gained any insight into the system dynamics - and aren't working just as hard in therapy on themselves as I am with the same goal - then  putting myself back in harm's way within the same dysfunctional system will only yield the same results - and truthfully, I don't like the person I was/become within that system.

Columbus/Cincinnati Mini Tornado Outbreak, August 11, 2026

 

At about 3 p.m. yesterday, my phone started blowing up with texts from UC, stating tornado warnings. I think there were 6 of them in total, meaning possibly 6, but sometimes the radar can't tell if it's tornado or straight winds.

For example, this footage - if you look closely, a car gets flipped on I-71 just outside Columbus ...

You don't see an actual tornado, just cars stopping and one gets flipped; thus, it is unclear if it was just straight winds or an actual tornado; however, if you look just before the car gets flipped, you can see a quick, thin light gray ...  something ... pass through, but unsure if just it's just a heavy a rain sheet or an actual thin, small tornado. 

That incident is still being investigated, as is whether or not there were actual tornados and how many.

What does a tornado siren sound like?

For those not living in the "Tornado Alley" that is the wide strip that is the Midwest, MidSouth, South and Great Plains, tornado sirens used to sound almost identical to European air-raid sirens during war time - a slow up, sustained for a few minutes, then back down, repeat (and still did when I was a child).

However, I think they finally realized using air-raid sounds was not a good idea for former military and that tornado sirens perhaps needed their own distinctive siren to avoid confusion?

Thus, it's still a winding slow tone up, but then sustains at that high er tone level for the entire time the tornado is on the ground according to radar, then slowly drops down the town again when it's over ... 

The storm front moved to us here in Lexington, last night (and currently), but no sirens or tornadoes (I don't think?) - just ground-shaking lightning and thunder. 

I'm still working on that skylines post, trying to decide which order to put them in, but in the meantime, I'm gonna tell my Cincinnati tornado outbreak story again - April 3rd-4th, 1974.

So if you've ever watched The Colbert Questionnaire on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, before its cancelation (STILL sad/mad about that), you know that one of the questions he asks celebrities on the questionnaire is "What is your earliest memory?"

So my actual first memory is a little fuzzy, but it's from my 4th birthday. Our friend, Jackie - in between the ages of my older sister and me - came over to have cake and ice cream with us. For whatever reason, I remember her standing in the foyer in front of our black-painted oak door and asking me how old I was, and holding up 3 fingers, then realized I was now 4, so I added a 4th finger. 

Isn't that a stupid memory? Why I remember that, I have no idea. 😂

I have a few others I don't think I'll be sharing - let's just say they're about internal tornados - meaning the kind that live inside your house and have names lol - but my clearest earliest memory is a year later at age 5 - the tornado outbreak of 1974, when 148 confirmed tornadoes ripped through 13 states, killing 335 people.

So I was at preschool (called "nursery school" then), and kids were getting picked up by their parents all around me and the sky was pitch black. I don't mean normal dark gray during storms, I mean, it looked like it was midnight. I thought my mom forgot to pick me up!

But in reality, it was only 3 p.m. in the afternoon, and my Dad showed up instead of my mom because he was released from work early due to what was coming, and picked me up on the way. 

To this day, I have only seen the sky that dark midday one other time - 3 years ago, before a tornado. 

Like this below, only that time, there were no light areas like the field in front - it looked like midnight everywhere.

This is part of the "shelf cloud" that may or may not be tornadic, but it always precedes a major stormfront ...

Except when it's literally pitch black like that all around you with no light seeping through?

Then it's a massive, massive shelf cloud, very low to the ground and thick enough to not let light through anywhere.

They're uncommon here, though, and like I said, I have only seen one other one that massive since.

Now, when there's an expected outbreak, once the shelf cloud passes and initial storm passes, it might lighten up, the birds start singing again, and you may think it's over.

Yeah, no - it isn't. 

So I remember my Dad showed up in a tan suit with a super-wide dark brown tie with thin horizontal tan stripes, common for the era - a bit like this, but even less cool, if you can believe that! 😂 

I knew something was wrong immediately for him to show up instead of my mom.

My first thought was that one of those internal tornados in our house had happened again, but considering everybody else was getting picked up, too, I knew something else was going on.

And actually, to my Dad's credit, this is perhaps the one and only time in my childhood he behaved like a dad should, instead of his usual tornadic self.

Rain started pouring, so he drove to nearby Frisch's Big Boy, told jokes to make me laugh to distract me, and brought home food. 

To this day, Cincinnati-founded Frisch's Big Boy is/was go-to my comfort food, craving it when I was pregnant, but sadly, the restaurants are no more in this area, as of 2025). They were unique in that they put a sweet tartar sauce on their burgers rather than ketchup and mustard.

When I got home, it was a little lighter out, and I remember my older sister and mom showing me what I thought was ice in a little plastic salmon-pink salad bowl - but in fact, it was golf-ball-sized hail. 

At the time, we all thought it was cool and maybe the thunderstorm that had rolled through was it and everyone worried for nothing.

Oh, no - it had just begun - and in fact, hadn't even really started yet.

So we're upstairs, watching TV, business as usual, when the sky gets all green-yellow and eerily still - no birds singing, no wind - dead quiet like during snowfall, but the weather is doing nothing at all. 

Nothing is doing anything at all - which is when you know something is really wrong.

My dad and older sister walk to the top of the hill to see if they can see anything (???), while my mom and I go to the basement for the first of what would be many times over the course of 24 hours.

My Dad and sister come back when sirens started again. They said they could see trash can lids flying up in the air and a gray mass over in the Waxwing area, but not a clearly defined tornado.

After the sirens stopped, the sun came out again like "Just kidding, everything's fine."

Our black wood horse-farm style fence had been knocked down in a few places, so my dad got a hammer and nails and was trying to fix it (also a rarity for my Dad to fix anything.)

I remember riding my little red tricycle in the driveway, "La la la, life is great."

All of the sudden -"errrrawhaaaAAAAHHHHHHeerrrrr - errraawhaaaaAAAHHHHHHerrr" - sirens again.

My dad swoops me up off my trike with one hand, grabs the tricycle in the other, and in we go, back to the basement.

Half an hour later -  "Just kidding," says the weather - sun comes out again, but now it's dusk.

We're upstairs, still have power somehow, initially watching TV.

My mom chose to stay in the basement the whole time, so it was just my dad, my older sister, and me upstairs. 

Not long after, I don't remember what my sister and I were doing exactly, maybe playing a game like Candyland or something in the floor, I don't recall that part -  but what I DO know is at that point, we weren't anywhere near the big glass windows in the living room where my dad was standing with his back to us when the sky went green-yellow, then dark again - and the sirens went off again. 

All of the sudden, my Dad turns around with a look of pure terror on his face and says "GET DOWN IN THE FUCKING BASEMENT, NOW!!! GO, GO GO - NOW!"

Now, I had heard my dad yell and cuss before, it was a regular occurrence  - but I had never seen my dad afraid, before or since - especially not a look of pure terror on his face. 

So we ran to the stairs, and being small and still having trouble navigating steps, my Dad pushed my sister down to the landing and literally picked me up and threw me the rest of the way, and yelled "Marti, open the closet in the back. OPEN THE CLOSET IN THE BACK!"

That is because it was a walkout basement and the closet was in the underground part of the basement.

My dad, a former football player, is now literally football-carrying my older sister and I now, and my mom opens the closest door and he drops us down and says to get in.

I remember debating which was worse - the spiders in that closet from all the spider webs or this thing called a "tornado?" 😂

That internal debate ended because my Dad grabbed me and sat down with me on paint cans in his lap. My mom and sister said they wanted to see it, and walked out a little towards the side door, and I peeked out, my Dad still holding onto me.

I remember looking out that closet door and seeing my mom and my sister, one behind the other, headed toward the side door - and watching this dark-gray mass pass, with a soundtrack of a freight train.

My mom and my sister turned around and ran back to the closet immediately, and I will never forget the look of pure terror on THEIR faces as they did. 

Because it's human nature to be curious about what something looks like you've never seen before, and if it's far off, people actually become mesmerized by them until it's almost too late - but when you actually see one THAT up close and personal, you'll wish you hadn't! lol

So we all sat in that spider-web-filled closet on top of paint cans, huddled together with our arms around each other, for perhaps the only time in our lives.

The only sound was the freight train and crackling and popping - and my mom, yell-praying. 😂

And then it all just ... stopped. 

My dad - perhaps for the first and only time of his life said "Girls, did I hurt ya? I'm sorry, I saw it coming and had to get you down here fast."

(We weren't hurt and we understood!)

Then we looked outside - and where the tornado passed, it knocked down the apple tree on the East side of the house -  maybe 10 yards from that side door and 20 from the closet. It also knocked down one of the apples trees on the Northwest side.

So we were like ???

Because that means the tornado had to literally swerve around the house in order to do that.

To this day, my mom believes her yell-praying in that closet saved us. 😂

However, I'm sure other people that have yell-prayed during tornados weren't as lucky, and if that were true, we would've been spared a lot of other things! 

Because that's also just the unpredictable nature of tornadoes for you - they can rip one house to shreds and the one right next door has not even a roof tile off. 

They can change direction in a split second and are faster than people realize (which is why you should never try to outrun a tornado in a car). 

You can't outsmart them or reason with them, and contrary to my mom's belief, you cannot pray them away. They are one of the most powerful forces of nature that exist in this world and should be respected and avoided rather than chased.

How many famous storm-chasers have died now?

And if you're studying it, put your sh*t down, secure as best you can - and go! 😂

At this point, our power was out and our phone lines were out (landlines, before cell phones).

There were several more trips to the basement, that night, until we finally decided just to sleep down there, and everything was by candles and flashlight.

I remember my mom going upstairs to get snacks and my crying and yelling after her "Noooo! The tornado will get you!"

Because at that point, given what I'd just seen, in my 5-year-old mind, I thought it was like a living wild beast that hunted you! 😂

I was absolutely terrified, at this point, so my Dad tried to make me laugh by picking up the phone and pretending to call various celebrities, from Bob Hope to President Nixon, using crazy voices like Donald Duck, pretending to complain to them that we didn't have power. 😂

It worked - I laughed hysterically and although I still had trouble getting to sleep, I was little less freaked out.

The next day, we found out that the entire surrounding towns like Xenia, OH, were now completely wiped off the map and that they had turned nearby local businesses into morgues. A total of 32 people were killed in just that one nearby town, that night.

When the phone lines were fixed, we discovered that both sets of grandparents, in Central Kentucky and Western Kentucky, had their own experiences with seeing a tornado - to include my grandfather working as an engineer in Louisville in one of the top floors of what is known today as the Ruth Chris Steakhouse Headquarters building, saying he literally watched a tornado roll across the landscape,  - and then he headed home immediately after!

And that's the thing about tornados - isolated ones are so common in our states that we often forget to take them seriously, with outbreaks being rare, and super outbreaks being exceedingly rare.

(In fact, there has been only 1 "super outbreak" since 1974 - the one in 2011 that decimated Joplin, MO.)

Respect tornados and take them seriously regardless, You don't have to hide under your bed every time, but don't be dismissive either!

And if you hear sirens, then they're close - very, very close.

And what else I can tell you is that about 10 years ago, when briefly on Facebook, all of my old friends talked about those 2 days literally traumatizing them for life about tornadoes.

I think it was less about the tornados themselves, as many never saw any - but many of our parents did - and the look of pure terror on your parents faces, that you never saw before or since - you remember for a lifetime!

I remember for years afterwards, my family tried to speak in code, for either a watch or a warning, but I figured it out.

They'd go, "Oh, it's just T time, a watch, nothing to worry about."

I'd go "Ohhh, I know what THAT means!" - and run and hide under my bed 😂

But actually, they were right.

Because for those who don't know, a Tornado Watch means conditions are right for a tornado, but there's no tornado.

A Tornado Warning means an actual tornado has been spotted or picked up on radar at or near the ground.

Nowadays, I have a sort of love-hate relationship with them. It's like I want to see one to conquer my fear, but at the same time, they still terrify me!!!

And I actually have seen 2 tornadoes since, but never that close - a white thin one in a field about 2 miles away while on the highway with my best friend's family in Northern Ohio, and one here in Kentucky, but just the top of one - a  light gray one in the Boston Road neighborhood. That one had blue lightning around it, like in a double-helix like a strand of DNA, which was kind cool.

Regardless, though I've seen people try on TikTok, no amount of "Get off my turf/out of my country" American bravado and false sense of security and invincibility will save you from actual tornadoes.

(Keep watching those videos for what they said afterwards! 😂)

So respect nature, friends!

Giggle for Those of Us From Dysfunctional Families ...

 

I have a friend that's currently going through a tough time in her own dysfunctional family. Although a very different situation than mine, there are common threads.

Another similarity is that we were both the first members of our family to enter into and stay in therapy - not because we wanted to whine and be patted on the back for it, but because we wanted to find out what WE could do better.

She's debating what to say and not say to family about a very serious situation.

I'm the last person to ask - but I could probably tell her what NOT to say! 😂

And sometimes it's like speaking to a brick wall, so there's no sense saying it, unless you just want to hear yourself say it out loud, because you know World War 3 will break loose - and that is  because you're essentially trying to force unhealthy, untreated people in denial to see truth - so what's the point? 

Then I texted:

"Speaking to some of the more severe members of dysfunctional families is like speaking to AI in its current state - and by that, I do NOT mean "Yes, man" ChatGPT types of AI (which aren't accurate either)." 

"I mean the type of AI where you ask it a logical question, and it spits out irrelevant nonsense, especially if you ask it to justify its sources. 😂😂😂""

"This doesn't happen because it's not intelligent or because you asked the question wrong (3 different ways) or shouldn't have asked, but because what you said is beyond its current comprehension and capacity due to its own limited, preprogrammed perspective, so it just flips out on you." 😂😂😂" 

I like that, I'm going to remember that with some members of my own family - reminding myself that until they are open to learning better natural language processing input, then I literally might as well talk to AI. 😂

However, unlike AI, humans have to actually seek out better communication through therapy - and not from the "Yes, man" ChatGPT type of therapy that tells you everything you do is great, either! 

Can We Get Some Accurate Figures on the Economy, Please?

Still working on my "best skylines" post, but in the meantime, last night, while DoorDashing, I was lamenting to Mark that a little 20-ounce bottle of pop now costs $3.20.

When grocery shopping, last week, we noted even a small bag of  Kroger brand coffee is $8, a package of 2 chicken breasts is $9 (now on sale at Kroger this week for $6), and even a 1-lb package of low-grade hamburger meat is $7. 

This is why people are eating bad-for-you fast food more than ever - because it's not a financial advantage to cook your own meals anymore, unless you cook in bulk and have leftovers, because you can get an entire meal at McDonald's for the price of 2 chicken breasts at Kroger with no side items.

Also, the price of gas is just a few pennies under $4 a gallon, which means $15 of gas takes me about 40 miles for dashing around town. Thank God our car is fuel-efficient, but others aren't as lucky.

Speaking of which, People ...

The base pay for each DoorDash and Uber Eats order is $2 an order, unless there's a special promotion going on or nobody has accepted it. 

Of course, $2 doesn't even cover 1 gallon of gas, right now.

So if you don't tip at tip under the price of a gallon of gas at $4, , you are essentially asking us to pay out of our own picket to bring your food to you.

The app will go up in 20-cent increments for 3 times until somebody either finally accepts the offer or, if every single driver rejects it, then your order will get stacked on to another order nearby to make it worth their gas trip.

Then, when your order gets stacked, you may or may not get your order first, it depends on who is the closest or furthest away.

So at $2 base pay, when you ask somebody to deliver your food to your home 10 miles away during rush hour, don't get mad that it took too long or your food is cold (even though most of us have insulated bags). 

Because we're not doing it in revenge -  it's how the app works when you tip like that. It means your cheap-ass bid was so low that literally every driver in town rejected it at least 3 times, until it finally got bundled with another order in your area, making it worth their gas trip - and that, my friends, is on YOU. 

Also, FYI, we aren't allowed to touch your food or even open sealed bags - so we can't physically check if the orders are correct ourselves unless we saw them make it.  

Typically, if I notice special orders or instructions, I will ask about whether or not things were done, but again, I have to take their word for it because we're not allowed to open sealed bags, and we're definitely not cutting into your steak to see if it's cooked correctly. 

Having said that, until yesterday, though other dashers have, I've had no complaints until yesterday about being late or cold food, except my first day, when a road was closed and the customer knew it and I made it on time, which they promptly threw in the trash lol.

I think it's partly because I communicate with the customer about what's going on "The restaurant is behind - would you like to wait or cancel?" or "There's been an accident, traffic is unusually slow (with a picture to prove it), my apologies, but on my way!"

I actually had a customer behind me at a restaurant overhear me and say "That's really nice of you, I wish other drivers called and gave us that choice and let us know what's going on. Often they just disappear or it takes an hour, but we don't know why."

It's just good customer service, right?

But THIS guy, he wanted Outback Steakhouse delivered to him 11 miles during rush hour, having entered no tip. 

I saw that order go around 3 times on the app, and it must've been rejected by every single driver until it came back stacked on with another order in his area.  Since it paid $17, I took it.

THEN he had the audacity to text me while dropping off the first order - which the app directed me to deliver first because it was on the way to him - and say "Why did you turn left and go to someone else first, I ordered 45 minutes ago - will my food be cold now?"

I called him personally and explained that we don't know who ordered first, we are directed by the app, and it has us drop off the closest order first, but apologized for it being this way, and assured him that his food would still be hot, I have an insulated bag.

He seemed irritated but okay and thanked me for communicating that with him, so at least I didn't get a bad review - whew!

Now - I understand times are tight and it's harder to tip, I really do - but if you can even afford to eat out at all, right now - but you want to conserve your own gas - AND you can already afford to already pay for not only the food, but the $3 service fee on $1 to $5  delivery fee on top of  it? 

Then you can afford to the tip, because otherwise, you're expecting  total strangers to bring your food to you at their own expense.

And if you can't afford all those fees -  then either don't order out at all - or perhaps consider getting off your couch, getting in your own car and paying for your own gas to get your food yo' DAMN self. 😂

Also last night, while waiting to pick up a DoorDash order, a late-60s-ish man was asked if he wanted a drink to go with his small burrito bowl.

He said loudly, in a line of people behind me "No, thank you. I can't afford one in Trump's America, even with my senior discount."

I exclaimed "Amen" and joined others in a round of applause, which included most of the customers behind him and the staff. 

A few made thin-lipped faces and scowls, but most cheered.

The reason we clapped was, not only was it a true statement that he was brave enough to say publicly, but because it shocked us because white males past a certain age - with the exception of my husband and a few others in my region - almost always support Trump.

Honestly, my gut tells me, from prior experience, that we're just about to cross the threshold into the beginning of a recession - but gut is not enough, we need statistical proof.

And yet how would we ever get it, besides noting the continued inflation and our own instincts based on prior experience -  because Trump has fired 2 labor secretaries for publishing job statistics that weren't flattering, and worse, has repeatedly try to fire the the Federal Reserve Director Chairman, Jerome Powell, for not lowering the interest rate (which is usually the hallmark of a better economy/end of inflation)?

Mind you, 2 of the above 3 people were HIS hires - so now, he's just shooting messengers bearing accurate bad news.

Yes, some peop

Detroit and Cancer Surveillance

 

So I'm working on a post about the most beautiful skylines in America. 😊

The impetus for this forthcoming post was my commenting on the unfortunate landscape of the unfortunate City of Detroit in my post, yesterday - how even before its collapse, it wasn't a "pretty" city, and I was speculating the reasons for that. 

While writing it, I was reminded of something I learned recently in my cancer registry program at school - something that gets overlooked in discussions about the downfall of Detroit, so I decided to make it its own post first.

Don't get me wrong, I actually love visiting Detroit -  there's a lot to do, great music, great food, great cultural mix, and I've found the people of all cultural backgrounds to be friendly. 

It is just very clear that Detroit was focused on auto-industry and functionality, and nothing else, almost from the beginning. 

They put all their eggs in one basket, thinking it would never end, rather than cultivating other industry or even investing in its own infrastructure (in a sustainable way) in order to promote tourism, as other cities have.

Even more importantly, not enough investment was made in protecting itself from the toxic-pollution output from the auto industry. 

And we can get into both corporate and union corruption, as well as government-leadership corruption on both political sides, but let's not get bogged down in that debate, because that's not the point of this post.

Except to add that Detroit is living proof that the Republican theory of "trickle-down economics" - is complete BS.

Trickle-down economics theory can semi-work at a local level ationally) - , but  it never completely ignores the elements of both human greed and power abuse, from either big business OR government institutions.

In fact, greed can be found in organizations designed to protect laborers and consumers from corporate greed  - which famously happened with Detroit's Jimmy Hoffa, who was skimming off the top of auto employee unions and was heavily involved with organized crime.

Thus, Detroit is a cautionary tale for many reasons, but perhaps the most overlooked one is what happens when we do not have enough federal or state environmental protection laws in place (or roll back environmental protection, as has happened under Trump).  regarding that toxic environmental output - there's a reason why 1 of the 2 federal cancer surveillance programs in the United States, SEER (Surveillance, Epidemiology, and End Results) for the NCI (National Cancer Institute) began at its inception in 1973 by choosing Detroit (and Oakland, CA) as one of only 2 cities rather than states to study as a hotspot for cancer in America - not the state of Michigan overall, just metro Detroit.

In fact, even before that, in 1949, private organizations such as the American Cancer Society and the Women's Field Army funded a cancer registry/cancer surveillance program just for the metro area of Detroit because it was a known hotspot by then, called the Metropolitan Detroit Cancer Surveillance System (MDCSS) which still exists today, now federally funded by SEER/NCI.

Though cancer data today is aggregated, studied, and presented on a state level by either SEER (NCI) or NPCR (CDC) or both, subdivided by counties rather than cities for epidemiology -  the Metropolitan Detroit Cancer Surveillance System (MDCS) still exists and is still funded because it's still a hotspot for cancer. 

(For the record, though - my state of Kentucky is the #1 for cancer in America, attributed to coal mining, tobacco/smoking, and lack of statutory environmental protection laws.)

Now - in trying to prove environmental toxicity, we Democrats have focused on climate science to prove environmental damage, and I understand why, because it's become dire.

The corporations responsible for it found a way to deny it and push the denial via lining the pockets of our politicians (mostly Republican politicians).

Thus, IMO, we should focus on cancer statistics instead - because we have the proof in our hands for decades that communities with the highest  numbers of cancer also have the highest known environmental carcinogens - and it's growing.

Though the statistics for surviving cancer are better than they've ever been, cancer incidence has increased - and actually, the fact that people are living longer has not helped cancer incidence, only contributed to this increase.

Also, we like to think we're so advanced here in the U.S. compared to other countries, but according to the IACR (International Association of Cancer Registrars), the United States is still in the Top 5 countries in the world for cancer incidence in the world. 

(I used the IACR for these statistics, because our federal stats go to WHO, which people have politicized - the IACR is the international organization for my goal profession, cancer registrar. Yes, WHO funds it, just as the U.S. government funds American research, but I can assure you that nobody at the hospital level sending these statistics upwards to that level is thinking about how they can twist these statistics politically, they're just abstracting cancer reports with the type, stage, geographic location, and demographics of each cancer patient and sending them to the state, then to the federal funding agencies.)

Both political sides have acknowledged that cancer exists, that there are environmental factors for it,  and that we need to understand it  better to stop it, and thus have agreed to vast amounts of federal funding for cancer surveillance and research - so these are not statistics that can be denied or argued with, at this point, we're way beyond that. 

You can try to hide the statistics, which corporations did effectively many times for many years -  most notably by tobacco companies regarding both the toxicity of their tobacco mix AND the extreme addictive potential - but eventually, due to so much cancer surveillance funding, science won beginning in the 90s - and it could no longer be denied and tobacco companies began losing lawsuits.

You can also line the pockets of politicians to push cutting funding for the research  - which has happened under the current administration - not directly, but indirectly by cutting funding to the CDC and the FDA and other federal government institutions that fund cancer research) - but you can no longer flat out deny environmental causes for cancer and get your voters to deny it.

Most people don't care about things that don't directly affect them, currently or in the past.

Thus, IMO, the smarter thing for my fellow Democrats to do  in order to prove environmental damage would be to focus on the existing scientific evidence regarding cancer incidence, rather than climate-change science - because we have ALL all been affected by cancer, and nobody denies environmental factors for it anymore. 

Regardless, I'm still rooting for Detroit to make a comeback someday, bigger and better than it was before -  it's just going to take some time, right?

Now, onto brighter topics - the best U.S. skylines in America, in no particular order. 😊

Shepard Fairey Post The Obama Hope Poster ...

 

I hadn't thought of Shepard Fairey in a while, but was reminded of him after mentioning taking my daughter to see his "Supply and Demand" 2010 exhibit at the Cincinnati Contemporary Arts Center. 

I guess he's more of a graphic artist, than an artist, much like Andy Warhol was, but better? 

He was big at the time, you may recall  his Obama "Hope" poster?

He also had pop-up murals appearing in larger cities everywhere, including Cincinnati, particularly right before exhibit openings ... 

This one was actually in Covington, Kentucky in 2010 (considered Greater Cincinnati) ...

Where has he been, what happened to him?

He's still around - except he had to pay out vandalism fines to cities like Detroit where he had painted murals without permission lol.

So ... a quick aside on the buildings of downtown Detroit, before I continue about Shepard Fairey?

My husband is from Detroit, so I've been there a few times. 

Though there's a lot to do -  great music, great multicultural food, and some beautiful sculptures downtown - even HE agrees that downtown Detroit is not a "pretty" city and never has been. 

I mean, it's already overcast and gray much of the time there - why make it worse with THIS crap?

I mean, Zzzzzzz. No discernible trace of style or beauty whatsoever besides the one small church. 

The building design is so boring, unadorned, and dreary, it's depressing -  clearly focused on functionality and industry rather than any style or beauty whatsoever It looks like it gave up even before it began, as most of those buildings are pre-WW2 and older. 

Maybe that's the real reason Detroit collapsed -  it killed itself due to chronic drabness downtown 😂

Even the 1973 Renaissance Center building, originally owned by the  Ford Company -  Detroit's tallest building, initially heralded before it was built as Detroit's new icon - is anything but a renaissance building. It's essentially a standard 80s-ish glass grain silo with even less interesting buildings around it.

Ta-da!

Meh.

I mean, I love modern architecture, but there's no artistry or originality there, it's a glass grain silo lol.

I'm not sure why, but unlike most other large US cities, downtown Detroit appears to have never embraced period building styles reflecting American architectural trends, like other cities did, like Beaux Arts, Art Deco, Art Nouveau, mid-century modern, modern, or post-modern.

Making it worse, when Detroit reached its building-growth peak during the 1940s and 1950s with car production, it added insult to injury. Because it's very obvious they sacrificed style for quick functionality to accommodate the influx of auto workers. 

The closest thing to making their own distinctive style are the English Tudor Revival homes that can be found in the Boston-Edison District, Sherwood Forest, Indian Village, and the still-prestigious Grosse Pointe. 

These areas also have Victorian, colonial revival, prairie-style and Arts and Craft historic homes, as well, like other metro-area historical homes, with some of them being a mix of these with Tudor Revival.

And in the Boston-Edison Historic district, you could still buy some of these for  $150K to $400K just 10 years ago, right after the recession ... 

There are also some  cute little mini cottage versions of these English Tudor Revivals, even in economically deprived areas. Sadly, many of them have been abandoned or boarded up. 

But otherwise?

Detroit homes after the 1940s were ugly boxes to house laborers without adornment ...

Oooh, sign me up!

(j/k)

They scream "Let's just get this sh*t up fast for the influx of auto workers to live in post-war" 😂

(It amazes me that these tiny 800-ft square boxes with 1 bathroom are actually among the most expensive in the metro Detroit area and sell for $500K in areas like Royal Oak or Birmingham, just because they're considered safe, trendy areas.)

Nope, no thank you. 

Give me a little Arts and Crafts Bungalow or one of those little Tudor Revival cottages in a less trendy location any day, and if not, then I'd have to settle for the suburbs, because nope, not paying that much for garbage, just because it's trendy, sorry. (And let's not ignore the fact that these areas also try to avoid people of color and price them out of things.)

Thus, back to my point - when Shepard Fairy paints THIS mural on a wall there, you notice - and it's a vast improvement, not only to its dreary landscape, but to what's usually painted on the walls of buildings in Detroit 😂

Also, if I owned a building, and Shepard Fairey painted a popup mural on it overnight?

I'd feel like I won the lottery, I'd tell everyone about it, even my grandkids, great grandkids lol - EXCEPT - I'd also worry why he chose my building or my neighborhood, because his art is usually making a statement about lack of social justice and capitalism run amuck in corporate greed and environmental pollution! 

After that, then the Associated Press sued him for using one of their photos for that "Obama Hope" poster without permission, which may be true, but nobody said anything when Andy Warhol did the same thing 50 years ago.

He sued back under "public use" law - and then made the unfortunate choice of denying that was his source and destroying the evidence he had, which was, ya know, obviously not true and a poor decision which damaged his reputation.

But then again, was anyone surprised the "Obey" founder would call BS on the system, including public-use rights and frivolous lawsuits? 😂

I mean, this is a guy who got his start as a skateboarder, running around town with graphic artwork of wrestler Andre the Giant's face everywhere he traveled, with the word "Obey" on it, freaking everyone out.

It was less about freaking everyone out OR Andre the Giant, and more about causing everyone to question what we do and who we follow blindly - and Andre's face just happened to convey the message he wanted lol.

Now, I'm not condoning his lying about his Obama source photo.

I'm especially not defending his choice to later hypocritically sue people that used his own work without permission (although in one small defense of him, unlike press photos, his artwork was  either privately commissioned or privately licensed).

I'm just saying, he's an artist and he's Shepard Fairey -  and this is what Shepard Fairey does - push the envelope and provoke to get us to rethink what we currently do, maybe even for himself to think about usage and ownership? lol.

Here's just a few samples of work he's done since ... 

Defend Dignity (2017)

Fan the Flames (2019)  - regarding the incompatibility of environmental beauty and unchecked corporate pollution and greed. 

Incarnation, 2024 - in case you don't get it, a woman is protecting a carnation like a baby - an environmental protection piece. 

Rise Above (2026) - he likes his Art Nouveau incorporations - part of the reason why I, personally, like his art. 

It Can't Happen Here (2026) 

"Our America" - Time Magazine Cover, July 2026