Reminder of Marian's Wise Words Today, After Asking "The Chrystal Question," Knowing Better ...

I think in certain cases, people don't mean to be dishonest -  they just can't be honest with themselves, too scary. 

In other cases, I think some people mean to be one person, but their insecurities cause them to do things contrary to being that person they're not consciously aware of - ya know whatta  mean?  

That doesn't make them bad people or intentionally dishonest people, they're still good people - but it does make it challenging to have open, honest communication with them, as they may not have the self-awareness or the capacity.

Others of us who have been to long-term therapy are acutely and consciously aware of our insecurities and fears and are capable of looking at the ugliest parts of ourselves to figure out why we do what we do, because we're all human - we ask ourselves this daily lol.

That doesn't make us better people - it just makes us more willing to look and see what we said/did that contributed to the problem (and sometimes can be flipped back on you, if not careful, but people less inclined to look at themselves.)

Regardless, Marian would say this ... 

 

"You know what you did wrong, here, with your family, don't you?  You asked 'The Chrystal question' - which is 

"So ... why did you do that?"


"I know you're genuinely asking for clarification, rather than jumping to conclusions based on what it looks like, knowing you're not inside their head."

"However, when you run across people either intentionally being dishonest or they do mean to be honest, but are also completely lacking in self-awareness (and have no interest in gaining any), then asking them that question is a moot point and will only cause trouble."

"Because they don't want to look at themselves and answer why they do what they do, it doesn't compute with how they want to see themselves, so it's just easier to make you the problem for even asking, rather than answer the question."

"And if someone -- your family or otherwise - ever DOES make you the problem for asking, perceives it as a threat,  or rambles off something that doesn't even make any sense as excuse?"

"Then you know for sure you're dealing with someone who has neither the self-awareness, interest, not even the capacity to answer truthfully, so it's really pointless to ever try again, let they flip it back on you as the problem."

Thank you, Marian - missing you today xo.