Wrong Diagnosis Due to Clerical Error, Medical Gaslighting, And A Validating New CT Scan

 Hello everyone.

As I said, I had an uptick in pain over the weekend in my mid-abdomen and left ribs, so I went to my PCP. 

She said the CT scan didn't show any fractures there, just the 11th rib, and was a tad bit dismissive.

(This surprised me because in 10 years, she should know by now that I'm good with pain, so if I say something hurts, it hurts and there's a reason for it. She also has previously commended my logic/ability to ferret through my own issues.)

I had already explained the comedy of errors that happened at the health system's main ER on the night of the accident and that something could've been misread.

She said if anything, I probably cracked another rib already weakened by the accident myself, after trying to do too much too quickly, 

I went for an x-ray yesterday.

They told me 5-7 days for a read.

However, I was in my patient portal getting documentation for my attorney when the following visit note came in from my x-ray visit.

No report,no image, just this ... 

That's right - it says "traumatic laceration of the liver."

I suspected this was clerical error as the x-ray hadn't even been read yet - PLUS - you cannot see a liver laceration on simply x-ray as it's soft tissue.

You can see blood pooling somewhere, but you can't see from where, so this made no sense. 

However, the reason I had the x-ray at all was to define new pain upper abdominal/left-sided rib pain, so I needed this checked into.

Now keep in mind that as I said, this whole time, I believed I had more rib fractures than just the one, and the original ER doc after the accident said I had none until the report came back later with one - hold that thought - because ALL of that is wrong.

So it's after hours so I can't reach anyone to ask what this note is about. 

I call the nurse line who advises me that if anything on any of my record says that at all, anywhere, to go to the ER immediately because that would be an emergency.

So I did.

I went to the Baptist Hamburg location this time because they took excellent care of Mark versus my experience at Baptist Main.

They took a new CT scan with contrast.

Here it is ...

What does it say?

In addition to the L1 vertebral fracture, it says "healing" fractures of ribs 5-10!

 BOOM, there you go - FOUR RIB FRACTURES, not just one - and there IS NO 11th RIB FRACTURE!!!

Now, let's compare to the initial CT.

Essentially, nothing is the same other than the L1 compression fracture...

Out of the 2, let's just say I trust Baptist Hamburg's ER, care, and treatment more than Baptist Main ER and I wished they'd taken me there from the get-go.

(See previously posts on issues there, including telling me I had no rib fractures at all.)

Honestly, if they had just listened to where I said the pain actually was from the beginning and read the scans correctly from the beginning, we wouldn't be here!

Most importantly, THERE IS NO LIVER LACERATION - that was clerical error, as I suspected - but glad I went to rule it out.

Also, there is no mention of an aortic mural thrombus on the new CT (though myself and my neurosurgeon actually viewed it on the first CT). 

So is it gone? 

Was that reading wrong? 

We don't know.

Lastly, the new CT scan shows a pulmonary nodule that was missed on the first CT scan that says "most likely post-inflammatory" (meaning after accident), but in the presence of risk factors (like smoking), get a PET scan, which I will do.

Ya know what?

We have paid out of pocket to see doctors here and there based on initially wrongful info that may or may not be reimbursed by a settlement.

Needless to say, I am beyond frustration, rapidly heading towards pissed off.

Worse, when I start to get too much conflicting information from too many sources, I start to feel like maybe I'm just crazy.

Tack on the dismissiveness and gaslighting by some docs - gaslighting/dismissiveness being something I've had to deal with most of my life from family and my exhusband, so I don't respond well too - and I especially feel like it's me with the problem, I must just be crazy!

I'm the common denominator so I must be doing SOMETHING to bring this on myself, right?

Can't be everyone else with the problem.

Then again, my last 2 therapists (one retired) have contradicted these self-thoughts with the below - combination paraphrasing of both therapists: 

"Actually, you have a GREAT perception, you notice more stuff than most other people do, due to the hypervigilance of PTSD. But don't expect people to thank you for it! lol." 

"And if they sense you doubt yourself at all, people that don't want to admit mistakes may run with that ball and try to blame and gaslight YOU. Not everyone is as ready to blame themselves like you do." 

"And yes, actually - it IS possible to be the common denominator in certain institutional or systemic group situations for it really not to be you with the problem." 

"Other people may have experienced exactly what you did with that institution or systemic issue, but you don't know that, so you think you're alone and must be crazy, when you don't know that. Lack of proof is not evidence either way."

"But for example, were the Nazis right? Are gang rapists right? Are crime rings and cartels right? Is MAGA right? I don't think so - and the latter is 50% of America. Just because there's more of them than you doesn't automatically make mob rule or systemic group sickness right. 

"It's great that you examine and blame yourself first and come in here to find out how you can improve - but there's a point to stop that and leave the rest with them, and just because you could've handled it better doesn't mean the whole thing was your fault. You're not powerful enough to control how other people behave, only yourself."

"The world is actually a pretty sick place and the sickest  people never question themselves enough to set foot in a therapist's office, and those are also usually the gaslighters and abusers wanting to blame everyone else for their problems, not you." 

"You're NOT crazy, you're wounded but healing, better than ever before. And if anything, your perception is TOO on the mark for the sort of people who couldn't see themselves in a room full of mirrors, and it's easier to just scapegoat and blame you because they know you will take it all on and they won't have to." 

"But seeing this stuff when others don't yet or refuse to  see it doesn't mean you're crazy -  worst case scenario, you were just wrong, so what? But the thing is, how many times have you been proven right later versus wrong? Probably about 95% of the time, by my unofficial tally." 

"You have GOT to learn to trust yourself - your instincts and your perception MORE, actually, because when you don't is when you run into trouble. I know it's been conditioned into to blame yourself and not trust yourself, but it's time to DECONDITION yourself out of it." 

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't self-examine still and assume you're right -  but I don't think you're in danger of that EVER, anyway. 😂 But what it means is, there's a time to stop blaming yourself for everything just because there's more than one person involved." 

"Self-examination is great - but if you go too far into total self-blame and shame, not so much.  Find that balance between what's yours and what's theirs, regardless of how many people disagree and/or refuse to even listen to your experience. Just because there's more of them than you doesn't make mob rule right."

 

Sigh, thank God for therapy or I'd probably be curled up in a ball, right now, not communicating with anyone. 😂

In fact, I don't think I will much today, so if I don't answer your calls or texts, please don't worry - I'm just confused and sorting through it, okay?

Once again, THANK YOU to those who keep checking on me!

Like I said, when bad things happen in your life, that's when you know who is really there for you and who says they will be, but then goes MIA - and it may surprise you.

People you think would never be there for you suddenly are, like every day.

Others you think will be will disappear and go MIA.

So we try to focus on the angels in the room rather than the (at least temporary) A-holes, right?

Having said that, special thank you and shout out to my previously estranged Mom and little sister, whom I never would've thought would've been there for me after previous family events  (and my older sister's lies) over my grandmother's will.

I don't know if the universe shifted or time has brought new insight or wisdom or what - but I shan't look a gift horse in the mouth and am INCREDIBLY grateful for your emotional support through all of this - THANK YOU, Mom and Ru!!! 💞