Project Hail Mary

 

Well, being that I'm laid up a bit after my accident, I finally had time to watch this movie, last night ... and I LOVED it!

This is the type of movie we used to make - heartwarming and inspirational - but now with flawed, real characters, which IMO is a nice addition and makes them more relatable.

It's like if the movies E.T. and Armageddon had a baby, only with more science, the only warfare is against an interspace microbiological entity, and reluctant, unlikely heroes. 

Also, lots of people missed the spiritual subtext - and not just in the movie's title. 

First of all, for those who don't know, a "Hail Mary" isn't just a Catholic prayer - it's a football term used for a last-minute pass or play when there's virtually no hope for win - in other words, a play made on a prayer.

Also, the main character's last name is "Grace" and he is called "Grace" - duh?

This comes into play in the form of second chances after past mistakes. 

Though he has a doctorate in molecular biology, he now teaches middle school science, after refusing to play politics in academia, as well as his inability to STOP thinking outside of the box and asking questions about accepted theories - not that he's unhappy, he LOVES teaching.

And as brave as he was in standing up for his theories - and overly aggressive about it -  he realized that led him to nowhere but failure, as well as that not only were his peers wrong, but he was wrong, too. 

Thus, he doesn't speak up for anything now, doubts himself, and considers himself a failure.

After a scientist discovers a strange arc line (named the Vetrova line after the scientist who discovered it) comprised of particles called "astrophages" extending from Venus to the sun, and are essentially "eating" the sun - Grace - along with several other molecular and microbiologists - are chosen to help research these particles for the potential of being living organisms, to study what they are comprised of, specifically what they eat, how they reproduce, and what the relationship is specifically between Venus and the sun - why Venus, though Mercury is the closest planet?

(Answer: The amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere of Venus.)

They also discover that other galaxies are suffering from the same phenomenon with the exception of one, and it is their job to figure out what is different about this galaxy - which is where he meets "Rocky" and they work together to find out.

I'm not going to spoil ALL the answers for you and the whys -  watch the movie - but the point is, he continually tries to tell the project leaders that he got lucky on his findings and that he's not the right person for this job, and yet they trust his ability to quickly think outside of the box to solve this problem.

In other words, "Grace" is being given a second chance to trust himself and what gifts he's already been given that he believed were his greatest flaws  - as well as trust that this is his destiny, even if he doesn't believe in himself. 

It also has you asking yourself scientific questions that will take you back to high school or college chemistry, trying to remember stuff lol.

Like when you find out the organism is comprised mostly of water - what "kills" water?

(Remember, drying/evaporation doesn't kill water, it simply recycles it.)

The  only thing I could think of was nuclear fission, which of course, is not an option.

My second thought was could nitrogen play a role?

Like freeze them into dormancy with liquid nitrogen - OR - since these organisms were creating their own ecosystem, could you somehow smother them out from the sunlight with nitrogen like algae does from too much nitrogen?

As it turns out, my second thought process on nitrogen playing a role does come into play, but first, they discover that we can actually USE astrophages by harnessing their energy as a source of power, after modification - AND - block them from "eating" the sun by keeping things in balance by infusing nitrogen.

(They don't get to exactly how that will be accomplished by the end, though.)

And if none of that stuff I just said is your thing, Ryan Gosling is in it - and you know how we ladies love us some Ryan Gosling 😂

Highly recommend!

Injury Photos, Being in "Ripley" Mode, and Finding a Laugh Where We Can (My Hilarious Airbag Story) ...

 

So most people who know me know that I have PTSD, and what that means for me is during an emergency or crisis, I go immediately into what Mark calls 'Ripley' mode, after Ellen Ripley from the movie "Aliens." 😂

This isn't as bad-ass as it sounds - it just means that my brain already has a pathway created for how to deal with trauma, so I don't feel, I think and solve problems -  much like Ripley did, despite ordinarily feeling "anxious, damaged, unuseful" in life from PTSD, after the first go-round with the aliens.

The good part is, my brain processing suddenly becomes super clear and super fast.

The not-so-great part is, though I startle easily and may even unconsciously tremble, I don't consciously feel fear, I don't feel emotion or cry, and I'm good with physical pain - until I feel safe later and that most problems are solved or being worked on. 

So ... I have folders for all documentation fully organized in PDFs on my desktop for my insurance, the other driver's insurance, my attorney, and each healthcare provider. 😂

I'm taking calls from both insurance companies, from lawyers,  from medical records, from patient advocates, and from providers' offices, catching any tricky stuff and swatting annoying flies in midair - it's like my brain is suddenly in superhuman mode. 😂

People keep saying things like how "tremendously strong/tough" I am and "amazingly positive" and "great sense of humor"  - but what that actually tells me is that I'm not feeling anything that happened and pretending everything is normal -  I'm on autopilot. 

This gets to the point where I'm so much inside my head and working so tirelessly that Mark has to mimic the line from Aliens - "Okay, Ripley, ease off the throttle, we're clear. But the axle's broken, you're just grinding metal now. Ease down." 😂

You can see that moment from the movie in this montage clip, which is kinda of a metaphor for things that happened during our relationship timeline and history as well ... 

In fact, the only hint of anything I felt emotional about this week at all, I would say, was shame.

The accident wasn't my fault - and yet you still go through the "what could we have done differently?" thing, right? 

Then there's also the shame of had I made different decisions in life - if WE had made different financial decisions in life - this wouldn't be as stressful as far as the situation we're now in financially as a result. 

But you can't get in a time machine and go back, all we can do is move forward and learn, right?

So that passes quickly because shame is a very poor motivator and I don't have time for that shit right now 😂

And I mean, I had help getting to this phase in life financially, too, but we won't go there.

It started to overwhelm me a little bit this weekend when quiet -but then I said "I don't have time to feel this sh*t and have a pity party lol."

But it's also NOT a great to just expect to live your life as if it didn't happen, pretend like things are going to be the same just as they were before the accident - things have changed, and may stay changed from now on.

I mean, I can't just hop outta bed and in the shower anymore, it takes planning. For the first couple of days, Mark stood outside the shower curtain to avoid falls, but now, I can do them completely alone if I'm careful.

In fact, the hardest daily thing is getting up out of bed. It actually just pisses me off 😂

It pisses me off to the degree that it gives me the strength to do it, with an aggressive "GRRR" as I do it! 😂

So I have to grab the side of the mattress to lift my ribs carefully, throw my legs over and then slowly straighten out my back because it's so stiff. 

Once I've done that, I slowly lift my arms to slowly stretch my back and then take a brief slow stroll around my house to loosen the stiffness, with Mark watching me to ensure my stability, which usually works - and then I'm okay, I can manage the rest.

In fact, I'm already off pain meds entirely, saving them only if I move a certain way I shouldn't and/or if things get bad, because there are bad days and good days. 

(I hadn't been able to use the bathroom since it happened, both due to abdominal swelling/contusion and pain meds, so I took myself off them yesterday and had some luck!)

I can't load or unload things into the dishwasher repeatedly, just one quick dip/bend at a time, so that it takes all day if Mark doesn't help lol. 

I can't clean anything below my waist, and lifting above my shoulder level is an issue, too, and absolutely nothing more than the weight of a small plate or glass can be lifted.

I can't stand and cook yet, just sit and stir and Mark has to help me with anything needing standing or bending into the oven.

I can take short walks, it actually helps the pain - but no long walks in the park - and definitely not even short ones holding the leash with Ziggy, Mark has to do it.

Speaking of Ziggy, he had to learn what we could and couldn't do, he's SO smart. Having pugs most of my adult life, I can tell you that Pugs generally aren't the smartest dog breed, but Ziggy is  the exception. 

He doesn't understand entirely, but does realizes something happened  and I'm in pain and where, and he's very patient and gentle - he knows what areas can and cannot be touched, gives little kisses to those areas, super cute! 

He lets me know he wants to cuddle by very gently and tentatively putting one paw on my hand, or tests out an area before he puts his weight on it -  then showers my face with kisses, understanding I'm not at full capacity. 🥰

So I made an agreement with myself - I would acknowledge what I had just been through, without feeling it yet, until I feel safe enough.

Below are the photos sent to my attorney. When you see these photos, realize that I was advised to send every photo of any significant visible injury.

Also, keep in mind, I got off easy - it could've been much, much worse.

For example, there was no head or neck injury - likely due to the air bag not deploying properly. 

That may sound weird, but had my airbag deployed properly, I could've had head and neck trauma, too, but I don't thus far.

Then again, the other side of that is, would I have sustained these injuries had the airbag deployed properly? 

THAT, we don't know - but my providers and lawyers are definitely interested in that.

All I know is the way it deployed was actually kind of funny 😂

It kind of poofed out after Mark's, after the car had already stopped. It "pffted" out very slowly and to my left, never touching me ... sorta like "Oh, hey -   you were in an accident -   here's a balloon animal!" 😂😂😂

What the ??? 

Anyway, the full list of injuries are:

1.  Blunt force trauma to the abdomen.

2. An L1 vertebral compression fracture.

2. Fractured 11th rib.

3. Nondisplaced left wrist fracture - very small, just discovered 2 days ago.

4. Sprained left ankle.

5. Right knee laceration - no stiches required, and multiple cuts and scrapes I didn't even notice until like the third day 😂 

 

  

Some of these photos show the injuries, some do not because they're internal - and keep in mind, they look worse than they feel to me, so don't freak out - but yeah, it was a lot.

These were taken Wednesday, and remember, objects appear larger than they normally are, due to swelling ... 

Blunt force trauma to the abdomen (seatbelt injury) resulting in the rib and vertebral fractures  ...

Small nondisplaced left wrist fracture ... 

Left ankle sprain ... 

Right upper arm bruising 

There was also bruising to the hips from the seatbelt, but those also included some more intimate areas, so leaving them off here lol.

It's a little better every day, and as I said, it's feels better than it looks - and could've been worse!

Hospital Patient Advocate Call

 

Due to that brief polite call I made regarding the rib fracture issue. 

As I said, I wasn't mad, I just thought they'd want to know, because this isn't their usual AND because documentation is extremely important in motor vehicle accident insurance claims.

I was surprised with the way she started out, she kind of came at me. 

Not an attack or rude necessarily, but definitely not what I expected or I wouldn't have taken the call.

Of course, I have no experience with patient advocates - I assumed they were there to listen to concerns, just based on their title - NOT launch into a diatribe to defend the hospital as if they're a lawyer lol.

She brought up the fact that I signed myself out on AMA regardless, when it was clear he wanted me to stay for 24 hours for "internal injuries."

Um, no - so I gently pushed back ... I don't know if I can get this one verbatim, because I'm on pain meds, but it went something like ...

"Well, now, wait just a minute, here - first of all, this happened long before I signed out - so what we're NOT going to do is pretend like if I hadn't, this wouldn't have happened." 

"Speaking of his notes, he said he recommended a 24-hour observation unit to 'monitor for POTENTIALLY delayed internal bleeding ' - NOT - "known internal injuries" - there's a big difference."  

"That is because there was no question about the back fracture, we already knew it was there by then; thus, why I was referred to outpatient treatment hours before I signed out." 

"If the reason was, as you say, known internal injuries overall, then he would have admitted me immediately, rather than just a 24-hour observation unit - but he didn't, did he?" 

"Therefore, his recommendation for a 24-hour observation was ONLY to monitor for RISK of internal bleeding -  NOT internal injuries overall."

"I signed out AMA due to concerns about cost, after those referrals had already been given, and after 6-1/2 hours in the ER with stable vital signs, no signs of internal bleeding, only after the referrals were made, as well as after I asked first the nurse, then  doctor. " 

"The nurse, and even the doctor later, agreed that "if internal bleeding was going to happen, it most likely would've happened by now" and that I was 'likely out of the woods, they just wanted to be sure" on the internal bleeding" and "vital signs are still stable and good"  so they will consent to signing myself out - *IF* - I understood the explained risks and warning signs of internal bleeding to watch out for." 

She conceded this was, in fact, the case - he DID say internal bleeding - NOT - internal injuries overall.

She asked me if I'd made that outpatient appointment with Neurosurgery.

 

Me: "Oh, glad you mentioned that - did you all know that we are currently short on neurosurgeons in this town? I didn't.  In case you didn't know, there is currently a 1-2-month wait to see a neurosurgeon for any issue unless it is life-threatening." 

"Thus, they can't see me locally until October 15th - nearly one month from the accident. Thus, I am going to need to travel to Louisville, unless my attorney can find one locally through their connections."

I then reassured her that really, it's not that serious! 😂

And that I had no intention of including the healthcare system in my bodily injury claim - it's not that big of a deal!

As long as all the injuries are now documented correctly so that the insurance companies can't fight over it, then we're good!

I wanted to let them know, both to correct documentation for insurance purposes, as well as for quality improvement, reassuring them we would continue to use this hospital system and otherwise loved this hospital -  they took great care of my husband with stroke - I just thought they'd want to know what happened as a one-off in feedback.

She softened a little bit after that, and began talking to me like her colleague rather than an attorney, thank God - and then said as for the broken rib, it likely wasn't addressed because we don't wrap or treat broken ribs anymore.

Me: "I understand that now, but I didn't at the time - I only learned this after being referred to Orthopedics for the ankle and wrist, who explained it." 

"You all may know rib fractures aren't treated anymore as healthcare professionals and thus no need for discussion or instructions, but patients don't that until you tell us - we're not mind-readers, right?" 

"We also don't know what to do or not do, what activities we should avoid or not avoid, what signs to watch for worsening fracture, or expected healing time - again, until you tell us." 

"That's what I'm saying, this wasn't addressed at all in discussion OR my discharge instructions - and in fact, the doc said I didn't have a rib fracture when I asked, and everybody kept saying that when I tried to tell them the brace was hurting my ribs badly."  

"In fact, I was pretty sure I had a rib fracture, but I didn't know for sure until I read my own radiology report the next day myself, because nobody addressed it."

 

Patient Advocate: "Well, I guess that's because we were so focused on your back, but the diagnosis is mentioned in your paperwork, just not in your after-care instructions. But he did put rib fracture in his notes."

 

Me: "I get that, I totally understand and appreciate that - and yet there's a difference between what healthcare professionals assume is the most painful injury versus actual patient pain experience, right? What the patient is trying to tell you is still important." 

"My ribs hurt worse than my back, I tried to tell them that, especially after they put the brace on, but the doc said I didn't have a rib fracture." 

"Also - what he puts in his notes later isn't necessarily what he tells the patient, and being a medical transcriptionist for 27 years, I know they usually don't do their notes until after the patient is gone." 

"And again, although you all may know rib fractures receive no treatment anymore, the patients don't know that until you tell them - you have to tell us and/or put it in the discharge instructions about what to do/not do, healing time, etc.. Does that make sense?"

 

Patient Advocate: "Absolutely, it does - I'll agree with you on that. Just because we know ribs aren't treated anymore doesn't mean the patient does, and you all definitely need to know that it could take up to 6 months to heal and not to lift anything over 5 pounds if you can help it. We could probably do better about communicating that, so I've notated that." 

 

Me: "That's the only suggestion for improvement I have. The rest of this, let's chalk up to miscommunication, because I mean, I could've misheard him, I was in pain. Well, that issue, and then there's the missing toradol shot I never received." 

"So ... when I first got there, I asked them to try everything before opioids first, because narcotics make me vomit.  So in addition to the basic Tylenol I asked for, the doctor said he would order a toradol shot, but it never arrived." 

"In fact, no one entered my room at all after the shift change at 11 p.m. After another 1-1/2 hours, I hobbled out to go to the bathroom by myself and asked the nurse about the toradol shot." 

"I was afraid to even do that because though the ER wasn't busy, I know there are patients there with worse problems -  but at the same time, it was now 2 hours later - 5 hours since entry to the ER -  so the Tylenol had worn off and the pain was really ramping up." 

"That is when the nurse told me the toradol shot was not ordered and she was having trouble reaching the doctor." 

"She said he 'kept disappearing' and it was starting to piss her off. She literally said 'I don't know where he's going, watching football for all I know, but I have been unable to reach him. He's around here somewhere, just not responding to my texts and calls about you or any other patients.' 

"Then she said would find someone to just go ahead and order opioids. She was more frustrated than I was! 😂" 

"I mean, we're trying to keep people off opioids because of the risks, right? So here's myself and the nurse trying to do just that, but he forgets to order the toradol  shot entirely until hours later, and we're now at opioid level of pain." 

Then she said she notated that and would check into that with the nurse to see about that, she hadn't checked with her yet and there was no mention of a toradol shot anywhere.

I said "That's because he forgot to order it. So there's no documentation of it, but if you ask that nurse, she will confirm that she tried to contact the doctor about it later."

Then, I again reassured her that I had no intention of including the hospital on the bodily injury suit, and I'm not mad, I just thought they'd want to know - I would, if it were my hospital, for quality improvement purposes.

It's all good - whew, what a stressful week, though, right?

And yet I'm still handling it all with a smile and a joke, for the most part, providers and staff have actually commended me on my kindness and sense of humor through it all.

However, there's one exception - don't be trying to gaslight me or make your own documented medical mistakes MY fault, now, just to cover your asses, People -  I don't take well to that - AND there's no need for you do do that!

Because again, I don't plan on suing anyone in healthcare - we all make mistakes or misspeak or miscommunication. 

There was no real harm done - and as long as my injuries are now documented correctly for my auto insurance to cover now, and we learned from it all, then I'm happy. 🙂

I'm not a very litigious person (though perhaps I should have previously in life) -  and I don't plan on becoming one now 😂.

So the only planned litigation I have is a bodily-injury attorney to mediate a settlement with my insurance company for an accident that has been deemed 100% the other driver's fault- period.

MAGA-Supporting Business and Property Owners Starting To Feel the Burn - and I Chose a non-MAGA Attorney for The Car Accident

Now, before I start this post, allow me to say that I do have MAGA-supporting friends and family, whom I love dearly - we just don't discuss politics.

However, it's an entirely different matter when it comes to whom I will do business with - especially who represents me legally. 

After noticing several videos on TikTok about property owners (including ranchers) literally crying and complaining about who they voted for should have nothing to do with property sale or business, I then saw several Reddit posts about local brewery, Ethereal Brewery - how they were holding a fundraiser for Western Kentucky politician and known MAGA supporter, Jason Petrie, including some posts about how sales of products would also go to fund his campaign. (This is from the Lexington Times, a local community newspaper, which is NOT affiliated with our official city newspaper, The Lexington Herald Leader.) 

Since that time, there has been a tremendous backlash on social media including HERE on Reddit. (There was a previous post on this that showed Ethereal Brewing's original post that the moderator has since deleted.)

Also, Ethereal Brewing is deleting posts to avoid possible illegal election fundraising activity and have also since lamented loss of business. 

(As IF MAGA cares at all about illegal fundraising and as IF anyone reporting it would get anywhere with the DOJ).

And as one commenter put it (paraphrasing) - "If a business is outed as MAGA supporting, I already know they're up to some shady shenanigans in business, so no thank you, I'll go to the other 4 local breweries in town - sorry, Ethereal Brewing. You made a choice and this is our choice."

Additionally, my legal team is being coordinated as we speak for the accident, and this morning, I made it very clear that my one condition is - no one who is MAGA-supporting will be representing me or on my legal team.

*** Not the firm as a whole, just my particular legal team representing me can be a current MAGA supporter.***

That's my one big ask, keeping in mind, the other driver's insurance has already claimed total responsibility, so this is essentially almost a shoo-in win already.

I'm sorry, MAGA businesses  - the fact that you trivialize this being about who you voted for means you still don't get it - this isn't like a basketball team you're cheering on or even prior  political elections - it's proof of how much you don't realize (or care?) how much your vote has resulted in wrecking lives and and livelihoods for so many, particularly poor people.

Allow me to break down for you how this is not just about who you voted for.

Essentially, MAGA - whether your realize it or not -  you voted to hurt other people's lives and livelihoods in favor of your own agendas -  based on no proof but political rhetoric -  particularly the poorest and most powerless among us. 

You justified it by demonizing and scapegoating these impoverished groups, particularly along racial or religious lines,  again without proof - and if they protested or defended themselves, you flipped it back on them as proof of bad character from the get-go.

But at the same time, you turn a blind eye to domestic terrorism and violent crime performed by non-immigrant, white, straight Christians, corporate greed/power abuse and corporate pollution, and clear criminal mischief or corruption within your own party.

Such corruption includes, but is not limited to, Trump's pardoning of convicted criminals, ranging from bitcoin fraudsters defrauding millions to violent criminals and rapists,  to worse - pardoning convicted child sex predators -  in what has become clearly a pay-to-play donation scheme - and some of these offenders were actually rewarded by making them ICE agents?

And all of it was done by my so-called fellow Christians, as if God himself sanctioned your actions - and in some cases, inmy father's house, in my father's name. 

No, fellow Christians - these are thieves in my father's temple you're supporting (or perhaps have even become yourselves).

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that is the reality of how you voted. 

I still love you, I'm not vilifying you directly for your vote, only who you voted for, who keeps vilifying US as your enemy. 

I'm sorry Trump considers us your enemy - just know that I don't consider you my enemy - but who you voted for is - because he keeps calling US your enemy and we have to defend ourselves. 

Thus, if you follow suit and see us as your enemy, we have no choice but to defend ourselves - and we are starting by refusing to engage in business with, buy property from, or retain legal representation from anyone MAGA-supporting.

I'm truly sorry your businesses and livelihoods are suffering as a result of your choice; however, but you did have a choice - and these are the consequences of that choice.

Quite honestly, at least you can afford to have a business - and it's nothing compared to the suffering others have suffered at the hands of who you voted for - and you DID have a choice.

Lexington? Grrr ... I'm 'Bout to Move to Louisville

Edit:  My husband was concerned about what I said about the physician at the ER, being the only named entity in this post and one prior - not the doctor, but I did name the entity itself. 

So ... I have no intention of getting legal, it's not that serious!

I just politely reported the mistake so they can correct it because it's very important that everything be documented in my medical records correctly for motor-vehicle-accident claims.

But if someone wants to legally draw attention to their mistake and liability based on what I've said, be my guest -  lol. 

Otherwise, at present, I have no intention to include the hospital's mistake in my bodily injury claim from the MVA.

__________ ORIGINAL POST ____________________

So we have a known doctor shortage here in Lexington, in recent years, but listen to this ...

So the neurosurgeon's office calls me Monday and tells me they will put my case in "clinical review" and that it will be a couple of days to have an appointment scheduled.

I'm thinking "Oh, okay, I can wait a few days."

The neurosurgeon's office finally calls me back today and say they can see me for a first visit on October 15th - nearly one month since the accident.

Are you kidding me with that???

I have not seen anyone for my fractured vertebrae since the ER, I have no idea what to do or not do, the brace doesn't fit properly, I'm not sure what to do to manage pain going forward, I have no idea the treatment or healing time - nothing. 

BTW, I have since learned that the ER physician that missed several things - whom the ER nurse told me that night "disappears" frequently on shift - has a horrible reputation at the hospital. I learned this from other employees there, either at other doctor's offices or through Mark's work at FCPS who have family members who work there - including a day shift ER nurse, an OR nurse, and a surgical tech. 

They asked his name and immediately reacted that he had horrible reputation and said he'd been reported multiple times and hoped I had as well. I was wondering because Baptist is the best in town and I'd had positive experiences with them, especially with my husband's care.

So neurosurgeon's office advised to let my PCP manage it until then.

My PCP was shocked and was scrambling to find someone else, but not in THIS town, anyway. 

Because trying to help her out to find someone, I called the other major health group in town - they don't see motor-vehicle accident cases.

Then I called UK as a last resort because even though they win lots of awards nationally, locally, they have a horrible reputation.

They are actually 2 months out.

My PCP was scrambling trying to find another option.

I decided that I will just go to Louisville, like I started having to do for my mammograms. 

I called to see what they have and UofL can see me next Wednesday. 

Also, I went to the orthopedics doctor today -  I discovered I also have a broken wrist - so make that blunt-force trauma injury to the abdomen resulting in a fractured 11th rib, an L1 compression fracture, a fractured left wrist, and a sprained left ankle. 

However, I keep reminding myself it could've been way worse. 

Anyway, as we were leaving, someone ran a red light and Mark slammed on the brakes - us the car to the right of us both nearly plowiedinto them - so we were nearly in another accident! 

WTF, Lexington?

Get off your freaking phones and pay attention!

Actually, when speaking with my insurance company, the agent said she moved here about a year ago, but worked for this company for years, and has never seen the like of accidents in Lexington, KY - particularly near Nicholasville Road, it's scary!

Isn't that insane about the neurosurgeon wait!?!

So they were just going to leave me sitting there with a fractured vertebrae seeing no one since the ER for a month??? Who does that?

Otherwise, in other news: 

Good news: 

As I said, the other driver's insurance has taken full responsibility.

Bad News: 

We had just bought this car in June and will be underwater for a few thousand that will not be covered in valuation of the car that we will be responsible.

Bad News: 

In addition to that, we have to come up with a down payment for a new car.

Bad News: 

We will need a second loan for the replacement car.

So that's 2 payments, one for a car we don't even own anymore.

Had we GAP coverage on the loan, it would've covered it - which I'd never heard of and no one offered us - but I will get it now!

Bad News: 

If your car just needs repair, you get 30 days rental.

If it's totaled, you get 3 days - and it's non-negotiable.

All of this money out of pocket is making my head spin! 

Good news:

Mark settled his portion because his injuries weren't as severe, so we  at least have some cash flow to cover the rental, etc.

Good news: 

I have contracted an attorney for bodily injury. A good one.  

They are the most reputable in town -  and no, not one of those with commercials that dress up as Superman and act all crazy on TV -  I don't need Superman, I need a good lawyer because insurance companies are trying to save themselves money, which I get, as any business would - so it's always a good idea to have an attorney to help negotiate settlements. 

This firm comes highly recommended by several reputable people. 

Since the other insurance has already taken responsibility, it shouldn't be too long - just have to be seen by all physicians and have an expected time of healing and treatment. 

If you're praying people, keep praying or send good vibes our way - thank you, love to all who've reached out!

One thing about this town - news travels fast!

Someone from Mark's work actually saw the accident and people we had no idea even knew have reached out. 

If there's one good thing about Lexington is that when people hear of things like this, they don't avoid, they reach out and when they say "What can I do to help?" they mean it (though I usually don't take it, don't want to burden anybody).

My dentist even called to check on me, isn't that nice? LOVE her, as I've said before.

All of this to say, as my grandma used to jokingly say when things were bad, but not life-threatening "Well, I reckon I'll live, anyway" 😂- but I want to move to Louisville for nothing more than healthcare, like, yesterday!

Other Driver Deemed to Be 100% at Fault! (Yes, Their Insurance Took Full Responsibility)

 

Oh, thank the Lord, and I mean that!

I mean, we knew it was, but ya never know with insurance companies.

Update - How Did He Miss This? (Pic Added)

  

Just got my test results and I have also fractured my 11th rib. 

I kept telling the ER doc my ribs actually hurt worse than my back and that it hurt when I breathed in, but he kept blaming seatbelt muscle pain.

I also told them the brace was killing my ribs and I specifically asked about a possible rib fracture on discharge, and was told "No" - and there is no mention if it at all in my discharge paperwork whatsoever.

HOWEVER, it's clear as day on my radiology report ... circled in red, separated out by itself, just 2 lines down from the vertebral fracture.

How do you miss that???

Me: "Are you sure? Because it sure feels like one, it's worse than the back pain." 

Doctor: "Yep, I'm sure  - there's no rib fracture, just soft tissue swelling."

Um - yes, there is, Dude - you just missed it, though it's clear as day on my radiology report - and that brace you gave me made it worse, not accommodating for this.

Bitch, I'm a medical transcriptionist, I used to type this stuff before it went to AI - and I read ALL documentation later, when others don't. There is a fracture of the 11th rib mentioned clear as day on the radiologist's report, you just skimmed it/didn't read it properly - so cease and desist with the gaslighting, please😂

I didn't say any of that, of course, just said "Alrighty" and put the brace on, though it killed my ribs!

The reason this is important is because they don't wrap ribs anymore - that is because they've realized that any further compression on rib fractures can worsen the fracture -  thus, why the back brace was increasing my rib pain, because it wasn't allowing accomodation for that - there will have to be a custom brace made to accommodate that.

It's also important that the medical records reflect all injuries from the accident. 

HOWEVER again - as mentioned, I'm great with physical pain, I have a high pain threshold - so I was joking and laughing with the staff, too - perhaps he didn't realize how much pain I was actually in?

I did mention several times that the ribs hurt worse than the back, especially when they put the brace on - and for him to tell me there's no fracture when it says it clear as day on the radiologist's report is just not paying attention.

This is was Baptist Health Main - and to be honest, I was surprised at how lax they were and they weren't busy. 

(The nurse did say that this particular doctor "disappeared" for hours sometimes. Yay, that's helpful lol. I did wonder.)

Everyone was super nice still though. It surprised me because we've always had excellent care. Shoudda gone to Hamburg location lol. 

Oh well, seeing my regular doc today who can tell me what I need to do about THAT, and will be seeing neurosurgeon Wednesday. 

This is proof that doctors don't half read their documentation, and it's only going to get worse with AI. 

Thus, always, always, ALWAYS read all your documentation later, folks.

________________

PS - I'm not really mad; in fact, I feel validated - I'm saving my pissed energy for dealing with auto insurance companies! 😂

However, I did nicely report this to the ER that it was missed, but very nicely. 

I Know This Is Cheesy, But ... My Hummingbird Visitor ...

 

So I have hanging basket of pink petunias on my balcony, I've had them all summer. Every day, a hummingbird comes and visits them while I'm sitting out there, just very briefly, and then flies away.

Now - anyone who knows me knows that I'm a bird lover, but I especially love hummingbirds - they fascinate me. In fact, when my mom sends me a birthday card, she always gets one with a hummingbird. 

Though I'm mostly lying down, I get up every now and then to avoid stiffness, as well as pneumonia from lying so much. 

Today, the hummingbird came by twice while sitting in my chair roughly 4 feet away from the flowers - and it literally flew over to me and hovered right in front of my face at eye level with me, like just checking me out!

Hummingbirds are skittish and don't stay long, which is why I'm never able to get a picture - so that's especially weird that it would fly directly over to me, 5 feet away, hover right in front of my face - twice.

Maybe it knows what I normally look like without the brace on and was curious what that is about lol. Maybe it was just curious in general about the lady that put the flowers up for their daily meal. 

So I just said "Well, Hello, beautiful! Thank you for visiting me."

I have no idea why - but it gave really perked me up from my worry!

And yes - I am on pain meds, but only taking them twice a day instead of 4, only when I really need them - so this was NOT a hydrocodone-induced hallucination! 😂

So those moments of worry that start to creep in about the financial impact of what's happened?

I normally just try to redirect to healing up quickly being the best way to fix that situation, as well as to focus on what I can control and what I can't, especially on a weekend when so much is closed.

So this happened in one of those moments where worry was creeping in - but this time, it was the hummingbird, rather than pain meds OR my thought redirection that inspired me! 😂

Hey, who knows, maybe there's something to that Native American belief that nature sends spiritual messengers during stressful times. Or maybe it's coincidence. 

All I can say is, this is not the first time something in nature came very close to me, when it normally doesn't, during a stressful time  - and I know I'm not alone in that.

I mean, I teared up, I had such a hopeful feeling with that. Okay, maybe THAT's the pain med effect, that part, because I haven't cried at all since this happened lol. 

But what is more inspirational than nature?

I know it's cheesy, but cool thing to see right now, right? 

PS - Picture

 

So this is my lower abdomen today - sexy, right? 😂

(My hips and legs are to the left, so yes, I was wearing my seatbelt correctly, hips are bruised too.)

Yeah, so clearly I don't have washboard abs anymore at 57, but the lumps there are actually swelling from the bruising and little cuts from the crash - and I have one big one on my knee - but I didn't even feel them until today!

So ... it's this impact of the seatbelt that caused the compression fracture.

Also, this brace I have to wear is super sexy as well. 😂

I told the security guard when leaving the hospital, who was wearing a tactical vest that looks similar, only my brace is heavier and comes down to my lower back -  "So now I know what it feels like to wear one of these, but I don't look as cool." 😂

Also, the insurance people asked if we had any pictures of the accident.

Sure, sure, yeah - her car flipped over and I broke stuff, so the first thing I thought of naturally was a selfie next to our totaled cars😂

(Sarcasm.)

Nah, she was a super nice lady, but she knew I broke stuff and how bad it was, so I'm pretty sure nobody was taking pictures. 

Just grateful everyone walked away, right? 

Like I said, could've been SO much worse. 

Car Accident - Car is Totalled - Phone Chargers Were in Car

 Hi all - just giving an update here because our phones died as our chargers were in the car - so if you can't reach us, don't worry, we just have to get chargers. 😂

(We had both chargers because one only intermittently works and like to have backup.)

So Mark was driving down Reynolds Road, I was the passenger. 

We had a green light and were going about 40 miles an hour, when the other driver - a young girl - tried to hurry and turn left at a flashing yellow arrow to get into Lexington Green right in front of us. 

We smashed into her, flipping her car upside down. 

Miraculously, she was absolutely fine, can you believe it?

Poor little thing was crying, she felt so bad.

Mark is fine, other than the lovely seatbelt pain across the chest. 

Me, on the other hand -  the airbag somehow completely missed me (which was actually a good thing at first, I thought I was fine, but then my chest started spasming and EMS insisted I go to the ER. I knew it was muscle spasm rather than heart or lung issue, but they wanted to be sure.

Glad I did because as it turns out, I broke my L1 vertebrae (lower spine) in compression fracture and have a giant bruise across my lower abdomen from the seatbelt, and I also  have a sprained ankle, 

So I'm wearing a super attractive back brace, now, and will be for about 6-12 weeks - sexy! 😂

Doc wanted to keep me for 24 hours for observation for possible delayed internal injuries, but I was like "Hell, no, at that $10,000 a day hospital bill! 😂

I'm fine - I think by now I'd know if I had that, so all good.

I'm super good with pain, so I initially just had Tylenol and a muscle relaxer - but when neither touch ed the back pain, I knew something was up with my back worse than spasm - so they gave me hydrocodone.

I'm okay, I promise - but what I really want to say is this...

If none of us had been wearing seatbelts - the other drivers or us - we wouldn't be here today.

Always, always wear your seatbelt!

It's gonna be a huge bill we can't afford, but we'll make a way - but I guess I shouldn't be worried about that now, just worry about healing.

Hey, maybe my grandma's doctor was right and I need to rethink women drivers. 😂

KIDDING - one young girl does not make all women drivers bad drivers!

And no shaming her, she felt bad enough - and like none of us have turned left on a yellow arrow, right?

The weird thing is, as I mentioned about my memory earlier, I remember all of it - Mark doesn't.

Of course, the airbag completely missed me but hit Mark in the head, head on - but he's okay - he just doesn't remember it.

The other weird thing is, you know how I said I lost the ability to scream years ago?

Yep - still have that. 😂

I heard Mark say "She's pulling out, we're gonna hit! I have nowhere to go!"

(There was a median to our left.)

I just drew in my breath - which is what I do instead of scream - and said "Oh GOD!" - and WHAM.

But we're okay. 

And here's the weirdest part of all - 2 days ago, I got a chill and said to Mark "Something really bad is about to happen - but it's going to be okay, okay?"

I thought I had lost that premonition sh*t with menopaulse - apparently not.

However, what good is knowing what's coming without giving me details as to how to prevent it?

Oh well, wish us luck, or pray is that's your thing - it's gonna get rough financially. 

Lastly, I just mentioned a couple of posts ago that I probably felt the closest to Sibling B of all Mark's siblings.

Though at a Zac Brown concert, Sibling B called me immediately when Mark told him.

I told him he needed to get back to singing and dancing immediately, I was fine! 😂

He said a little prayer on the phone and told me his friends were praying.

He is so great, right?

My husband cried after he called, so touched.

I teared up, but that's another PTSD issue - I literally can't cry until it's safe, isn't that weird?

Anyway, again, if you can't reach us, it's just because our phones are out of charge, but we're okay - don't worry!

Love you all! 

Trump Jr. Gets Married in The Bahamas - Courtesy of Umar Kremlev, Russian Oligarch Close to Putin (UPDATED)

I had a PS post to the last one, but I figured enough was said about some personal things I'm working on about myself, and then I decided - enough going up my own arse and expecting people to follow 😂

Anyway, in case your news isn't telling you, independent investigative reporting journalism group, ProPublica  - to which I have been subscribed for the last 8 years - investigated Trump Jr's wedding in the Bahamas in May, uncovering the fact that it was paid for by a Russian oligarch named Umar Kremlev, with close ties to Putin.

But pay no attention to the man behind the curtain folks, nothing to see, here  - there were no Trump ties to Russia, remember? 😉

Then again, his followers don't care - and some of them actually admire Putin.

Um ... Putin is NOT cool. 

He's former KGB for the Communist Soviet Union and still runs his country like that - including murdering any opposition with nerve agents (Nalvany, the Skripals) and invading smaller countries to seize resources rather than pay-to-play trade, like this is the Middle Ages.

The only difference between the Soviet Union then and Russia now is what happens when capitalism runs amuck without checks and balances -  but only for a select few Putin-approved political cronies - whom we call oligarchs.

(Oligarchy - small group ruling over the people. )

An oligarchy has always existed in Communist Russia -  it's what actually always happens in Communism in practice versus theory - it's just out in the open now. 

And you may not realize it, but us attacking countries like Venezuela and seizing of their oil, and about to do likewise in Iran, is essentially the same thing Russia did with the Ukraine and Crimea.

(This is one of the many reasons why I said that despite all of Trump and the modern Republican Party's anti-socialist rhetoric, methinks the smeller is the feller. Just because somebody doesn't paint themselves up as a socialist or communist dictator and points the fingers at others in deflection/distraction attempt, doesn't mean he isn't one.)

Of course they accomplish it by claiming these countries have horrible leaders or WMD or biological warfare - that's how they've always justified it since the 1970s.

And even if true that their leader is a criminal, who another country elects is none of our business unless they come at us?

If they want to elect a total psychopath, that's their business - I mean, have we? 😂

As for WMD, again, I need proof of those in Iran - and hell, Republican Saint Reagan gave them the capabilities for that in the first place!

Also, if it's really about WMD, how come nobody ever goes after China or Russia, or even North Korea, whom we know for a fact have these capabilities, hmm?

Answer: Both because there's a chance we'd get our asses kicked if we went after China or Russia (and North Korea's because China would help)  - AND - because it's not really about WMD or atrocities committed against their own people or faith -  and it hasn't been for the last 50 years.

It's about what it's always been about for the last 50 years - OIL - not wanting to pay for it or crushing any opposition to our rights to it.

And yet the same people who believe a plethora of wild, baseless, conspiracy theories without a shred of evidence, still keep turning a blind eye to Trump and falling for the same propaganda as gospel without question😂

Trump was right when he said he could literally shoot someone on 5th avenue and not lose followers.

Gas prices and inflation are out of control due to a war he had no plan for, underestimated the ease of, and now, we're rapidly running out of ammo for - and MAGA still doesn't care - Trump said we needed to do it, do it.

Ties to Epstein came the closest to toppling Trump, and yet his followers bought the distraction tactics there, too (cough, cough - big public ICE immigration crackdowns, the Iran War?).

I swear to goodness, someone could have a proven unaltered, non-AI video of him with a 12-year-old girl and credible witnesses, and they'd still say it was fake news or it's okay, he's God's chosen envoy, he can do what he likes. 

And THAT, Ladies and Gentlemen, is when you know that a group and its leader have reached cult-mentality status. 

We joke a lot about that, but seriously - if your blind belief in a leader is so strong that it overshadows your intellect, causing you to turn a blind eye to things that if others did, you'd lost your sh*t - OR  - causes you to doubt your own eyes and ears in favor of what that leader tells you - what would YOU call it?

Well, at first, I'd call it a dysfunctional family, group, or systemic mindset.

Throw in ignoring actual criminal and/or deviant behavior, that's the next step up to the most severe form of a group/systemic dysfunction - cult mentality.

__________________________

PS - as of yesterday, there is a call in Congress to investigate this situation.

I'm sure it will likely turn out as the investigations before regarding Trump and Russia, people will turn a blind eye once again or make excuses.

Crazy Dashing Night

So last night was ... different, shall we say. I WAS warned that when Kentucky loses a game, football and especially basketball, people get cranky for a couple of days -  a fact I should already know from my college days as a cocktail waitress!

Also, Sunday nights are already notoriously low tips. I have no idea why - because people already blew their money on Friday and Saturday?

Thus, I've spoken with a few dashers that stopped dashing entirely on Sunday, resulting just this past week on an additional $2 added per trip on Sunday nights to try to recruit them back.

This is both a blessing and a curse, because it means there's not enough dashers on, so there's plenty of trips, but it also means those dashing will invariably get stacked orders - 1-3 orders together.

As I ended up having to explain to one of the customers who complained about the time, you can bypass this by paying an extra $2 for "direct delivery" and they won't stack you, regardless of amount of dashers on, and if they do stack you somehow by mistake, then you can ask for a refund. I also explained it's frustrating for me, too, as I lose out on trips.

The thing is, I got into this conversation because the second restaurant was 15 minutes behind, so I always text or call to see if that's an okay wait or they wish to cancel. 

And that is what I did here, only the customer didn't answer. 

So I texted "My apologies, the restaurant is 10-15 behind and I received 2 orders here. Would you like me to wait or cancel?"

Then, just before I rounded the corner to drop it off, I finally receive a text saying "We see our order got delayed with DoorDash - again. Our food will again be cold."

I assured them that I put their food in an insulated bag, as well as what I said above.

Which again, I texted 20 minutes ago to give them a choice to cancel or wait - and they're just now responding, right as I turn the corner to their house - but I said nothing about that. 

This is why most dashers don't even bother to communicate with them and just cancel without asking, because sometimes they don't even realize the time until you just told them, and that's IF they even bother to answer the phone or look at the texts 😂

However, it's good customer service - and MOST customers actually appreciate the choice - which is why I have all 5-star ratings, with a particular emphasis on communication and friendliness, and 8 times where customers felt I went above and beyond.

Sometimes, they actually come back up my tip for explaining this to them and sharing in their frustration because I lose trips having to wait.

IMO, besides just good customer service, letting the customer know you're on it and you DO care - it also lets them know that certain things are beyond the dasher's control.

There was another person that complained to me, which is unusual,  but I smoothed that one over, too.

But then the very last delivery of the night, things went nuts.

I was like "Is it a full moon or what?"  😂

Here's what happened. 

I get 2 orders for the same restaurant, 2 different customers.

This restaurant, which is usually on the ball and already has the orders ready when I arrive, was way behind - and training a new person on carryout food, to boot. 

It became clear to me, and the other 5 dashers waiting there, that the new person was nervous, and wasn't receiving any help at all from other staff (though he never said so).

I texted the customers to let them know this, as I do.

30 minutes later, Mark comes storming in the store demanding to know what the problem is, yelling about how we're losing money.

I told him to please let me handle this - this person is new, we've all been new before - just take a seat.

At that point, I said quietly to the manager, essentially just standing there, staring off into space at the cash register, "Well, we have all been new, I get it - but my husband has a point, we are starting to lose trips and money. Any way someone could help him? I think he may need help and may be just too proud to say so?" 

Manager just says "No - he's got to learn to do this himself."

I'm thinking to myself "During dinner rush, when you have 5 dashers already standing here, waiting for 40 minutes for upscale fast food? Allllrighty." - but I say nothing.

When I turn back around, the other dashers are shaking their heads - and one dasher's face has turned red, he's getting so mad, and snatched his order from their hands when it was ready.

Then, while I'm waiting, I call the first customer and tell her the issue, it's going on 40 minutes. 

She says "Um - I got your first message and thought it was a mistake, because I didn't order anything from DoorDash. Which card was used?"

I explained I can't see the card number, they don't show us that so no dashers can steal the numbers. 

She asks for the address.

Turns out, it was her best friend, using her DD account, with her own card, so it's fine.

Okay, Fire #1 put out.

40 minutes later, the food is finally ready - Fire #2 is put out - or so I think.

Now, we discovered the second customer put in the wrong address on the second order.

When she did put in the right one, it was a huge apartment complex and the app only led to the apartment leasing office with no pin. She gave me the apartment number, but she gave no info about which building, which entrance, or which way to turn to get to it. 

Sometimes the app pins it for you, sometimes it doesn't and just takes you to the apartment leasing office - so word to the wise, always a good idea to put in any helpful details as a customer.

Thus, we spent 15 minutes trying to find each other in the dark with flashlights, using the phone and the apps to see where each other were lol. 

You usually don't even have to tell them to add directions, they get it after that, and you just laugh about the absurdity of it all together and go on.

Fire #3, put out.

Fire #4, was essentially Mark, who was going ballistic over lost time and money, estimating we'd lost about $50 bucks over this mess, now mad at ME.

Mark: "God dammit, Chrystal, you were too nice again! I could tell by the looks on their faces, they were like 'Oh, this lady is always nice and patient, she'll wait and be patient." People take advantage of it, and when you finally do blow, it comes as a surprise and people don't get why. I know you CAN fight back, but you wait too long!" 

"This isn't just like they got the order wrong, this is lost income because of their incompetence! You NEED to get in their faces and yell and point and tell them to do their jobs!" 

Me: "What you want is for me to act like a Karen, after  I just stepped over my bounds somewhat already yesterday with somebody? And I'm NOT going to act like a Karen in a public place regardless, that's just not me - that's your way, not mine." 

"And you do NOT seem to understand that men CAN can do that, but women can NEVER do that - especially in the South, you just refuse to get that." 

"Maybe women can in the North, but you can't do that here, especially as a woman. You will be branded a Karen or a crazy bitch, which can happen anywhere, yes - but it  definitely will in the South." 

"Also, my grandma used to say you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar and she was right, especially here. You have to sugar coat everything, passive-aggressive is the only language people understand here."

"I tried to explain this to my sister, Kim, at a store here one day, after she tore into a store clerk here, after she'd lived in Chicago for years, after we grew up in Cincy." 

"She romanticizes the South and life here, basing it upon childhood visits, but she never actually lived here, especially as an adult. It's a real wake-up call when you actually live here as an adult." 

"In fact, I eventually had to squeeze her hand after the horrified looks on the store clerks' faces,  and whispered to her to please let me handle the situation -  and she still didn't get it, either. "

"Your way -  or Kim's Karen way - will accomplish nothing here but NOT getting what you need, dismissed as a crazy Karen, spit in your food, and possibly going viral on TikTok 😂."

Mark: "I don't care what they think! In Detroit, this is the only way to get shit done! I'm gonna drive back to this store now, and let them know how much money we lost, we're not on hourly like they are."

Me: "Oh my GOD, no!"

Mark: "Well, you may not bitch, but I will, They cost us at least $50 bucks we desperately need right now for gas to keep doing this!"

Me: "Okay, let's go after I drop off this last order  - BUT - here's my compromise. We go back, but let ME do the talking to practice being more assertive in the moment - BUT it's my way, which is discussion, not tirade - deal? " 

"IF you promise to let me handle it, Mr. Detroit, and not to say a freaking word."

So I'm shaking inside doing this, but it was better than Mark doing it, believe me!

So I go in, and the moment I walk in, the entire front line of people of color just stared at me like I was some sort of racist Karen.

Uh-oh - since I'm pretty sure I was nice about it - WTH happened after I left?

So I just smiled and said: "Hi! Is ... everything okay?"

They all seemed surprised, softened, and then smiled and said "Hi" back -  appearing confused.

Then they shifted/pointed with their eyes toward the manager.

I see - so they all got reamed after I left - for doing exactly what he told them to do - back off and let the new guy do it all himself so he could learn, though it was dinner rush.

So I asked the manager, again standing at the cash register -  doing nothing but staring off into space -  if I could have a word - but  now within earshot of the others.

"I just wanted to discuss with you what happened tonight, so we can both improve and prevent it happening again in the future, will that be all right? Because as you know, I deliver here all the time and it's normally not like this." 

"I don't know if you all know how dashers get paid, many people don't. So we're not paid hourly or by mileage, we only get $2 per trip regardless of distance unless there's a promotion; thus, we rely on our tips rather than hourly, which they can adjust up or down." 

"The problem with that is, the customer doesn't know whose fault it is, all they know is their food is late and then we get the blame."

"Now, these orders were already a mess for a multitude of reasons, it was a cursed order from the beginning lol -  wrong address put in, a friend used another friend's account etc., - none of which is your fault." 

"However, waiting 40 minutes on small orders did have the biggest hand in keeping that snowball effect rolling -  culminating in loss of over an hour of trips, worth about $50 bucks, you feel me on that?"

"I'm not mad, I just have a suggestion - it was pretty clear the new person needed help, though he didn't say so. None of us likes to ask for help, but it was clear to me and other dashers that he needed it." 

"As you know, I come in here almost every night and you all are on the ball, and everyone can have a bad night. His trainer, here, she's excellent - smart, funny. And HE'S gonna be great with time, too -  but he may need more help right now?"

At this point, the girl smiled at me and mouthed "thank you." 

Then she leaned back and smiled at the new kid to get his attention to what I was saying, praising him  - making it clear that they had gotten reamed over it after I left and that it wasn't me being hard on them - which explained the chilly reception when I returned.

However, realizing that immediately is why I chose to say what I had to say in front of them this time. 😉

The manager said "That's true, I'm a new manager and nobody likes to ask for help. I probably need to recognize that better. "

I said, "No worries, it's all good, we all have learning experiences, myself included - and I know this isn't your usual - just wanting to make sure you knew my intent wasn't to offend or criticize, just offer ways to help us all get this food out in time so we all stay out of trouble lol."

"Hope I haven't offended anyone, just brainstorming about how we can prevent the same from repeating itself."

Then, of course, as I was walking away, Mark comes trotting up there, renegging on our deal to let me handle it, leans over and says something clearly shitty as I was walking away.

THEN I got a snippy, for sure - with Mark! 😂

"Mark? This was my compromise with you versus just walking away VS you going ballistic, so what the hell did you just say? What did he just say to you?"

No one answered me, including Mark, so I still have no idea what he said - because the only response I got from anyone was the trainer girl just winking at me 😂

(The wink meaning both she knew what was up AND the mutual understanding all women have about how men can behave, but women can't.)

So I left, not sure whether to feel proud of myself or embarrassed. 😂

Then again, why am I the only person feeling embarrassed and/or doing all the apologizing?

I must've apologized to both customers like 8 times, despite the fact that none of it was my fault.

It wasn't my fault the restaurant was behind - and I did tell the customers the moment the restaurant told me they were.

It wasn't my fault one of those customers put in the wrong address, then when she did give it, she gave no directions as to which apartment building, which entrance, or which way to go and the app led me to the office - such that we had to wonder around with flashlights in the dark for 15 extra minutes.

It wasn't my fault that some girl's friend used her DoorDash account to order food.

And yet here I am, the only one apologizing, bowing and scraping repeatedly, for all of it, as if it WAS my fault!

So in a way, Mark is right - but then again, going all Karen in someone's face about it isn't me and it definitely isn't gonna help.

I have got to find that happy medium for me between being patient and understanding VS. when to be assertive, after waiting until I can't take one more minute of it and blow, shocking the shit out of everyone!

Assertiveness is tricky for women in general, but especially in the South - there is essentially just one route - walk away, use humor, even if it's costing you money/time or literally physically hurting you.

I still struggle with that, clearly. Maybe I'll figure it out, someday.

Regardless, even when I feel like I handled something well, why do I still walk away feeling embarrassed for speaking up at all?

I dunno - new question for my therapist  😂