And Then, Just As Suddenly, Mercy Showed Up 🥲

 

Considering the PTSD fight-or-flight place I was in, since that bizarre phone call from someone I barely know, on Friday, I had put off reading my annual work evaluation that was emailed later Friday afternoon, because I just didn't want even the potential of any more bad news, from anyone, anywhere.

I had felt nailed to the wall by that person in that phone call, when I already nail myself to the wall, daily. I have enough harsh, cruel judges of myself in my head, I don't need any more.

Truth be told, I was starting to get depressed, plagued with self-doubt, like ... 

"What the hell is wrong with me? This is not the first time this has happened, I am the common denominator so I am the problem" was  on repeat in my head. 

However - my mouth fell open again - but this time, in a good way.

Because it was glowing.

I'm away from my work computer, right now,  so I'll summarize and won't get it verbatim, but it the gist was: 

1) I consistently exceeded expectations on both quality and productivity.  

2.) I learned exceptionally fast, onboarding (completed training) in record time.  

3.) I responded to trying situations with positivity and quick solutions. 

4) I consistently approached the entire staff, both supervisors and colleagues, with positivity and encouragement - always ready to help and uplift others.

I immediately cried - in a good way.

In fact, I'm STILL crying over it. 

I couldn't have read it at a better time. 

Because at that moment, it felt like ... mercy. 🥲

Mercy is something I've extended to others many times, but rarely received; in fact, it happens so infrequently, it's almost foreign to me.

In fact, it's so rare an occurrence, that at that particular time especially, it felt like ... God himself. 

So foreign to me that words cannot express how touched and grateful I truly am for this, so I won't even try, other than to just say ... 

🙏 Thank you ... thank you ... thank you. 🙏