"The Least of These ..."

 I will tell you where we are/have been tomorrow, but for now, this photo of our view and a story about the church you see below ...

It's Christ Church Episcopal Cathedral, built in 1823.  As you may know, I'm Episcopal since 2007.  It's like Catholic Lite and one of the few politically left denominations left in America. (Although there are many famous Republicans that are Pisckies, usually moderates.)

Anyway, I have noticed during our stay that this church allows the homeless to sleep on their steps in sanctuary without chasing them away. 

They never leave trash. 

This will be important for later. 

In fact, the only time the reverend asks them to move slightly is right before church service, and as you can see, they simply move to the alley or to the actual sidewalk until service is over.

(In fact, if you look closely to the left of the church at the corner, you'll see one man literally sleeping on the sidewalk  until service is over. They sleep during the day when it's safer.)

And here I am, staying in this grand hotel that I got a great deal on, this weekend, looking down and feeling guilty - as I was once  temporarily "unhoused," shall we say, during the last recession.

So Mark and I bought them food and juice from the local market, explaining I was once where they are temporarily during the last recession, and to keep their chins up, keep hoping.

Then one of the guests started complaining to us in the parking garage about the homeless and I just listened and said "But it's sad, though, right?  More and more as this economy gets worse. Where are the shelters here?  I'm glad to see my church denomination allows them there, makes me proud."

She had also gone about immigrants and what not, and also about an event here that made national news, but when I said that, she shut up immediately, and we changed the subject.

Then this morning, I step outside to have my morning smoke and I'm watching the reverend himself cleaning up an unusual amount of  trash from in front of the church.

Not only was it unusual for the homeless I'd seen thus far to leave any trash at all (other than cardboard on the side of the church to use later for shelter), but the been piles of leftover trash from Saturday night was from upscale local restaurants and hotels. 

So obviously, this trash was NOT left by the homeless, because the logos were from places the homeless could never afford -  but why leave piles of it there, where the homeless slept?

Was this just coincidence, drunken tourists tossing their trash before going in to their hotel rooms - or were some trying to get the homeless blamed so they'd be removed? 

Makes ya wonder, right?

Regardless, after watching this reverend clean up the trash himself, in his collar and all, I felt compelled to go over and help him.

I explained that I was Episcopal, too, and how impressed I was with his allowance of the homeless to sleep in the doorways and alley and cleaning up the trash himself rather than sending someone else to do it, and then I proceeded to help him clean it up, for which he was so grateful 😊

He said, "Yeah, people complain, especially from the hotel you're in, but what I am supposed to do, set up signs to get out here? I won't do that."

I  said, "No, no ... they're the least of these, right?"

He paused and looked at me for a second, looking surprised by that reply and said "Yes, that's exactly right.  You get it. "

I said "I do. And truth be told, not terribly long ago, I was unhoused myself. It broadens your empathy because it's not just drunks, drug addicts and criminals that can end up unhoused, many Americans are just one paycheck away from it, especially when the economy is poor. I've been looking down here feeling guilty, in my swanky hotel, and then I saw you doing this yourself and had to come help.  God bless you for your compassion for the least of these."

He said "God bless you too, sister, thank you so much.  I'm Matt, what's your name?  I hope to see you again someday, you're always welcome in my church."

I said "I'll be back someday, I'm sure of it.  Take care, Reverend, blessings." 

It was nice to see that there are some Christians left who remember that Christianity is about stewardship and serving the least of these - NOT about demanding proper service, who are also apparently totally okay with our POTUS accepting $400-million planes as gifts from Qatar that our tax dollars will have to upkeep!

Matthew 25:40: "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these my brothers, you did for me.'

I gotta say, I try to be kind to everyone, but rich white people and their rudeness and complaining are getting on my very last nerve.

I think the lady I mentioned earlier confused us with white suburban Trumpers, a common mistake.

This is perhaps the best hotel in this city, and considering the special deals they had this weekend, there's a mix of middle class/upper middle class like us and wealthy. 

Most people have been super friendly, even the super wealthy, but you do run into the occasional one-off snobs. You know, the type that literally look you up and down in the elevator like you're trash, because you're wearing  a North Face sweatshirt down to lobby to get coffee rather than Prada loungewear.  I usually can win them over with my sense of humor, though 😜

Mark always says "Why bother?" with those types, but I try to find the good in everyone first before I pronounce them a-holes. 😂

Except one instance Mark told me about this morning, the "suite people" were getting on the elevator in the lobby, seeing my husband carrying bags and boxes for breakfast and stuff from the market, and this a-hole hit the button right away to close it.

Mark literally had his arm already in, so his coffee went everywhere. 

And what does this rich white prick and his Bugatti-driving family do?

The man said "Now, look at that mess."

Mark's mouth dropped open, decided better of arguing with the wealthy a-hole, and just said "Gee, I wonder why ... " and then they rode up in silence after that.

See, had I been there, I would've had to say something in that case, when it's somebody else or that severe rudeness, like "Yes, I'm looking at a mess all right ... of a human being.  But have a good day anyway!"

I would prefer to hang out with the staff than rich white Trumpy people, I swear I would.  

They complain about everything and everyone, they're rude, they don't thank anyone, just expect, they barge in front of you on elevators or at the counter or bar, and then try to shut the doors before you get in. You can't benefit them in any way, so why be nice to you?

In fact, though we've hung out with a few fun couples during our trip, the front desk, restaurant staff, and bellhops us (mostly because of Ziggy) have actually asked us out to dinner with them upon our return, promising to take us to great dinners and great music next trip, because we're so "laid back/genuine/cool" they said 😂

I think Jesus preferred to hang with those society considered "lower class" and sinners too, didn't he? 

And truth be told, I usually get along better with people of color and different ethnicities than I do with other white people. Other white people are often too judgmental and worry about the pettiest stuff.  I try to remember what is a mountain to one person is a molehill to another and not judge, but sometimes I can't help but think "These are not real problems.  A little bit of gratitude might help" but I never say that!

People of other races, cultures, or who at some point have had to endure struggle are often less entitled, more humble, more genuine, and more fun! 😆

(In fact, there was an Indian wedding here, last night, very lavish, very beautiful, all the women floating out of their valet-parked lambhorginis, jaguars, mercedes, and range rovers, in their very beautiful, elaborate, and expensive wedding lehenghas and sarees (typically tailor-made specially for a wedding, even as guests), like beautiful butterflies!

And though clearly very wealthy, they were very cool -  they even invited us to the wedding! 

Of course, though I would've LOVED that, I LOVE Indian weddings, but we didn't go, it wasn't actually the bride or groom that invited us, we had nothing to wear and would feel like wedding crashers, but we could hear the music on the mezzanine and enjoyed chatting with them in the lobby and in the elevators at at the pool earlier in the day.

Having a great time!

"Eddington" Premiere at Cannes

Though not to be released here until July, this film premiered at the Cannes film festival - and met with a 5-minute standing ovation!

Interestingly, however, it has been met with a lower critic score thus far on Rotten Tomatoes of only 63% at present, by American press, before its U.S. release?

Some of them big American Hollywood press, like RogerEbert.com and The Hollywood Reporter saying things like "irresponsible" and "annoying, uninteresting."

Hmmm ... interesting.

So it's super rare for any movie to receive a standing ovation at Cannes - so what's with the midling-ish reviews in some cases - so what explains this?

Could it be that Europe loved it but America hated it?

Because I understand it's a very political film that it spares no one and takes aim at everyone.

I don't know for sure, I haven't seen it yet, but I've seen this only a couple of times - that Hollywood Press doesn't like it if you skewer them along with everyone else in America - so that's my best guess before seeing it, but I could be wrong. 

Also, it's written by Ari Aster, a horror filmmaker who did both Hereditary and Midsommar, and his films can be extremely disturbing.

Though absolutely brilliant filmmaking - and as much as I love spooky horror films like riding an amusement-park ride - Ari Aster's films are the exception - to the degree that those are the only 2 horror films I will never watch again - they hung on me for days!

(Well, there's a 3rd movie I won't watch again that's not Ari Aster called "The Front Room" which isn't as good, but gave me nightmares for more personal reasons - the  religious-spooky, manipulative MIL law reminded me of someone in my family!)

It's not that Ari Aster films are that gory, it's that they push boundaries in such a psychologically disturbing way that they hang on you days after watching - definitely nightmare fuel!

So of course with it being an Ari Aster, that's another potential reason. Horror films don't often get rave reviews and this one promises to have you squirming in your seat uncomfortable already, tack on his take on American politics, particularly during the COVID pandemic. 

And that brings us to the premise of this film.

(Though the picture is a sad truth, I also love the metaphor and the tagline - "Hindsight is 2020."

The film is about the fictional town of Eddington, New Mexico, set during the COVID pandemic, turning neighbor against neighbor.

And in case you miss the metaphor from the ad poster, it's showing how panicked, stampeding herds will often following the crowd/stampede - right off a cliff.

(No, it is not a metaphor about those of us who believed in the common sense of wearing masks or who getting vaccinated, it's actually the opposite - people who politicized a deadly virus, discouraging people from keeping themselves safe, for their own political gain.) 

Here's what Ari Aster has said himself about his film:  

“I wanted to show what it feels like to live in a world where nobody can agree on what is real anymore. Over the last 20 years, we’ve fallen into this age of hyper-individualism. That social force that used to be central in liberal mass democracies — and agreed upon vision of the world — that is gone now. COVID felt like the moment where that link was finally cut for good. I wanted to make a film about what America feels like, to me. I’m very worried.”

It's interesting, because I was literally talking to my boss yesterday about how I've seen firsthand how after hurricanes, people pull together and help each other - regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or anything else.

Because unfortunately, it often takes an equalizing disaster to bring out the best in people.

COVID-19 should have been it - but it wasn't. 

In order for people to get out and vote, we had a certain politician telling us at first it was a hoax,  then just a bad flu, then that it would magically disappear, to not wear masks (though surgeons have to wear them to not spread infection and it's a common-sense barrier from infection), and finally, not to get vaccinated - all so that you would continue to work for billionaires at your own risk and get out and vote for them.

I personally know of at least 5 Trump voters who died during the pandemic, not realizing until the day they died that they'd been misinformed and lied to about it by Trump and right-wing press.

In particular, my previous hair stylist lost both parents to COVID-19, believing it a hoax, that the government was just trying to control you by making you wear a mask and get vaccinated, who both said on their death bed they wished they hadn't listened to Trump et all and had just practiced common sense with a deadly virus.

Back to the film, it has some of my favorite actors in the film, Emma Stone, Pedro Pascal, and Austin Butler.

(BTW, Austin Butler is yet another young actor that I picked out long ago as a potential superstar after watching "The Shannara Chronicles" on Paramount back in 2016 during Paramount's first struggling years as a network. 

I remember saying to Mark "This kid is unusually talented. He has this unusual combination in someone so young of quiet sensitivity and edgy, tortured-artist strength, like a controlled wildness - 0making you feel like he could go off on someone at any moment, but he never does. I hope Hollywood takes notice despite being on a struggling network and a canceled show. And if they do, I hope they don't eff him up first!"

Of course, Yellowstone hit not long after that, which saved Paramount.

And Austin, of course, went on to win an Oscar for "Elvis." 😊

Bear in mind, I've pegged some before, before they were famous (and some who never went anywhere, but should have, or perhaps Hollywood effed them up first) - most notably while watching Shia Lebeouf on  "Even Stevens" on Nickelodeon with my daughter way back in 2002.

I remember saying: "His sense of comedic timing is extraordinary, that can't be taught - but he also has depth when needed. If they clean him up a little, he could be a superstar someday."

Unfortunately, Shia turned out to be a troubled soul, but he IS one hell of an actor that likely could've taken home an Oscar someday, if not for his antics. 

Back to the film, because of who's in it and the subject matter -  plus the strange contrast between a 20-minute standing ovation at Cannes but so-so reviews thus far, before its release -  now I'm totally curious!

Plus after returning to the U.S., considering the subject matter, thte actors were asked if he was afraid to return to the U.S., not only because of the subject matter, but Trump's threat to impose movie tariffs, under the guises of wanting movies made exclusively in American (though the production companies/actors mostly are already), but in actuality, for content control and a cut of profits.

Pedro Pascal's answer is is one of the many reasons we love Pedro - he can play a suave, dashing swordsman, but he's kind of a nerdy goof in interview - and he is unafraid to speak his mind.

He said:

“Fear is the way that they win. So keep telling the stories, keep expressing yourself and keep fighting to be who you are, Fuck the people that try to make you scared, you know? And fight back. This is the perfect way to do so in telling stories. And don’t let them win.”

However, he also knows when to pull back, to not let his opinions take the attention away from the movie he's promoting -  plus he's  more reserved about certain issues because of how they could affect his immediate family if he spotlights them.

For example, Pedro was born in Chile, but once the democratic  socialist government was overthrown by the very violent, right-wing dictator, Auguste Pinochet (whom the U.S. initially helped into office, mind you), his physician and child-psychologist parents were persecuted. 

His parents sought legal asylum after persecution under Pinochet -  first in Denmark, then in the U.S. in Texas, which is where Pedro grew up.

Thus, when asked about immigration issues, out of concern not for himself, but his family, he answered:

“Obviously, it’s very scary for an actor participating in a movie to sort of speak to issues like this. It’s far too intimidating the question for me to really address, I’m not informed enough. I want people to be safe and to be protected, and I want very much to live on the right of history. I’m an immigrant. My parents are refugees from Chile. We fled a dictatorship, and I was privileged enough to grow up in the U.S. after asylum in Denmark. If it weren’t for that, I don’t know what would have happened to us. I stand by those protections. I’m too afraid of your question, I hardly remember what it was.” 

His responses on fear may seem contradictory, at first, but if you listen closely, it's not out of fear for himself that he hedged around that immigration answer, but it's both out of appreciation for what America has given him AND out of fear of what will happen to his family if he does - particularly his parents, who have already faced  targeting and persecution under dictatorial leadership once before.

Because no one - even Pedro Pascal or his family - is safe from being targeted for deportation, though given legal asylum here, if Pedro were to openly condemn/protest the current immigration policy - and perhaps even less safe, they might make an public example out of him!

Sad state of affairs.

I completely understand why so many Latino countries like Cuba, Columbia, and Ecuador voted for Trump, fearing extreme-left communist regimes again  ...

... but at the same time, have they listened to the equally cautionary tales from other Latino countries like Chile, who had extreme  right-wing dictatorial leadership, who suffered a similar fate to communist countries?

So the lesson should be that dictatorial leadership and authoritarian  leadership destroys and kills - regardless of left or right politics.

Back to the movie itself - let's see what the controversy is come July!

"

Cassie/Diddy Hotel Assault Video

Somehow, I hadn't seen this yet ... and I wasn't prepared for how much this took me back to my own experience. 

This is Cassie, trying to escape while Diddy is showering ...

 *WARNING - VIOLENT CONTENT*

(In case you're wondering why she's just laying there, it's not because he hit her/shoved/dragged her so hard she's unconscious - it's to show she's no threat - as well as just feeling defeated 😢 And yes - I know  because of prior personal experience.)

In 2006, I was in an almost identical situation in a hotel, trying to escape my exhusband while showering, who also ran after me in a bath towel.

It's been a long time since I told the story because I'm happily remarried now to a wonderful man for 8 years now - who would never even think of laying a hand on me or trapping me in a hotel room.

And I'm not going to go into too much detail now, but I will say I am because she's not alone AND because, as mentioned recently, I've been struggling in my faith - and I'd forgotten how I got out of this situation was truly overly-coincidental/miraculous.

My husband at the time was living in Florida, and I had run back to Kentucky to escape him.

However, he'd been sober for six months and had been in therapy - his therapist even vouched for him. 

Over that summer, he stayed with his parents nearby and did seem changed.

Then for whatever reason - me just wanting to see the man I married again, I guess - I agreed to meet him in Atlanta in September for a weekend.

At first, everything was fine, romantic even.

Then he asked if I was still intent on divorce.

I said I wasn't sure yet, there hadn't been enough time.

At that point, he locked the hotel room door.

He told me that while I slept, he had gone down to the desk and switched his debit card for mine, so I'd be responsible for the bill. 

He then pulled out a yellow legal pad with the names of everyone in my life he'd been in communication with - family, friends, coworkers, bosses - everybody. 

He then said that if I tried to leave, I'd be charged, plus he'd call everyone he'd befriended and tell them lies, like that I was stealing from the company, from my grandmother, anything you could think of.

I was denied food, water, and if I tried to get water myself, was pushed.

He just kept going on and on about how sick I was, that I needed him, nobody else would love me the way he did.

By Saturday night, I figured the best way to handle this was to pretend to go along - pretend I agreed with every word he said.

So I asked if it was okay, now, if we went downstairs to get a drink to calm my nerves.

We went down to the bar and while he ordered at the other end of the bar, I wrote on a cocktail napkin "Help me. Call police. My room  # is XXX."

However, when he came back to the end of the bar with the drinks, he flipped over the napkins and found it, shredded it, and put the pieces in his pocket. 

When we got back upstairs, it was the first sexual assault. 

I just laid there, completely resigned, feeling powerless, looking up at the ceiling, praying for it to be over.

Sunday morning, I had a plan.  I would pretend to be out of my mind crazy, rocking back and forth, muttering to myself.

Finally, he decided I was good, sitting there rocking and muttering, and he went to take a shower.

Then I bolted - debit card at the front desk, legal pad of people he was going to contact he said he had in his back pocket be damned.

Unfortunately, however, he ran after me - in a bath towel - just like Diddy did to Cassie

As a quick idea, this is a smart idea with an abusive partner - pretend to be asleep, drunk, or crazy and then wait until they shower to leave -  but remember, they're always watching/listening (or they incredibly somehow have friends willing to do so for them).

I really don't understand why these types, male or female, always seem to have friends who are willing to help stalk/harass the target for them, but it's apparently very common, especially online.

I once had a real-life friend ask myself and Mark to follow her ex, during a custody case, to see if he got drunk again, and we were like "Um, no, I'm sorry. We'll help support you, but we can't do that."

That, of course, keeps themselves out of legal trouble and let's you take the fall, plus it's just creepy. 

So of course when we said "No," we never heard from her again.

That was fine - we felt like resources for her rather than friends, anyway.

Back to the hotel and me bolting, so I made it out the parking garage, but he banged on the window, standing there in his bath towel, and said:

"I'll kill her. I will kill your daughter or have my Eastern Kentucky friends do it.  (Meaning my daughter.)  Think about that.  That's your choice. Get back in that hotel room or she's dead."

Then he walked away. 

I sat there, so completely mind and body effed, not knowing what to do.

Then there's a knock on my window again.

I look up expecting to see J, but it's a man, a stranger. 

He says: "I heard the whole thing, are you okay?"

I said, "Yeah, I'm just crazy, he's right. No one will believe me anyway."

He said "No, no, honey.  Even if you were, nobody that loves you should ever talk to you like that. Do NOT go back in that hotel room.  Run.  Go to the police."

Me: "No, I came here willingly and that'll be hard to explain. I don't have the most supportive family in the world - a couple of them will say I deserved it. Maybe I do? He's already been in communication with my boss, my coworkers, everybody, charming them as he can be."

Man: "No, he's making you believe he has all the power and you have none, it's a lie.  Do NOT go back in that hotel room now, okay? I'll be praying for you."

But I did.

The moment I came down that hallway and he saw me, I was dragged the rest of the way into the room by my shirt collar.

I was sexually assaulted again, this time violently, then kicked as I lay motionless on the floor. 

He said "You think you're so smart, but I got you! I completely outsmarted you and had you fooled, didn't I! I did it! I fooled everybody, even a therapist!"

I just lay there for about an hour - not moving, not saying a word.

Then he came back in the room and said:

"I didn't do this to you. I couldn't have done this to you, could I?  Did I? Knowing your mom used to trap and lock you in. And what I just did. No, I did not do this!"

At that point, I got a rush of adrenaline.  

I don't know, something about him wrestling with remorse, but  then ultimately denying to himself what he'd done.

So I stood up, pushed him against the wall with my forearm across his throat and said:

"Yes. You. Did. And you are the last mother-effer who ever will."

Then I grabbed my suitcase and tried to leave, but he grabbed me, spun me around, grabbed me by the front of my hair, and slammed my head against the wall several times.

I got away and grabbed his shaving kit bag near me and started hitting him with it, grabbed my suitcase to run again.

The zipper on the bag scratched his arm, so he said "Ha, see this?  I'm gonna call the police myself and tell them YOU hit ME.  I'm the ones with marks on me."

I slumped down in the floor, defeated.

On Monday, he gave me my card back, but not until I agreed to come back to Florida that next weekend, or he'd get his friends in Eastern Kentucky to not just eff me up, but kill my daughter.

I do and go to the ATM and he's right behind me.

I start to drive away from it, pull over, get out of the car and sit down in the grass ... and vomit.

I look over to the ATM, and lo and behold, that same man is going through it. He pulls into the parking lot next to it, gets out (staying about 20 yards away), pulls down his sunglasses and says "You okay?"

I mouth, "I'm fine, just crazy (twirling my finger to the side."  Thank you, go on."

He shook his head "No" and then did his hands like prayer, "I'm praying for you."

J sees him and starts to walk over to him, but he jumps in his car and speeds off. 

I start to drive home, but my arms are shaking so badly that my elbows are hitting the car seat behind me and realize I'm not ready to drive, so I pull into a Target parking lot, J right behind me.

And not 5 seconds later, a cop pulls in.

I'm thinking "What's this fresh hell, now?"

But lo and behold, that man who coincidentally had seen J threaten me twice, had called the police..

He ordered J to back up, stay the eff away from my car, and go sit in his car.

J tried his charm, but to no avail. 

The cop told him to go sit in his car, now, or he'd arrest him.

The cop got down on one knee, as I sat in the car, and gently spoke to me, asked me if I was okay.

We decided that I would have a hard time explaining that I'd come willingly to Atlanta to that hotel room, that I'd slept with him willingly the first night, and that would get used against me in court.

So he devised a plan on the spot.

He was going to sit in the car with J, tell him whatever he wanted to hear, but make it very clear he was not to contact me again

HOWEVER, what he was really doing was keeping J distracted in order to give me a 20-minute head start back to Kentucky, whereupon I would call Domestic Violence, especially if I ever heard from him again after the cop told him not to.

And so I did.

And J did.

And DV helped me get a divorce. 

(And he did make good on his promise to smear me to everyone I knew, sending flowers to my boss and coworker.  My coworker believed him, my boss didn't. There was no money to steal. However, my coworker was very competitive with me and feared I would get promoted instead of her. When my boss took another job, I left rather than compete with my coworker. I was broken, didn't want any trouble or to fight anyone. My former boss even visited me at my new job for a while, but we unfortunately lost touch.)

That is one of two times in my life where I felt God cared.

There's a whole slew of others where if he's there, I don't know where he was. 

Maybe I was just lucky that day, who knows.

Regardless, thank you to that man-angel who saw it all - remarkably twice - and the cop who helped me that day. 😊

And Cassie?

Glad you got away finally, too 🥲

People?

When someone tells you someone is abusing them, first look at the power dynamics of the relationship -  who has the most power and support, the accuser or the accused - and if they're on short end of that stick?

Believe them.

And I can't tell you after that how many predatory, power-abusing people came my way while broken, that vulnerability rings like a dinner bell to some people, like blood in the water with sharks.

If recently out of a situation like that, find support somewhere - someone WILL believe you, even if you're not sure you believe yourself/still blaming yourself.

Also, though justice would be nice, but don't make it the goal because that's not always gonna happen in this world - the main goal should instead be your own healing from trauma, so that you can move forward 😊

Hmm ... What To Say?

 

So Saturday afternoon, Mark and I went to eat at a local Mexican restaurant and sit out on the patio with Ziggy pug and have margaritas. 

At the next umbrella table was a woman and her adult son, who was taking her out for a pre-Mother's Day dinner, and we struck up a conversation.

So this lady never drinks and had 2 margaritas -  and the margaritas at this restaurant are strong!

So pretty soon, she starts telling me stuff that she may not usually say to a complete stranger, but ya never know, it's Kentucky. 😂

She's lucky it's me, though - I like to be kind with everybody. 😊

This town is friendly enough on the surface, but they are also very judgmental, despite what their politics are, and very skilled at being fake.

I'm of the mindset, though, that you never know what somebody's going through and a little kindness may help.  

Maybe she just needed to talk, and sometimes a total stranger is easier to confide in than those already in your life.

So here's how this went ....

Lady: "One of my granddaughters says to me "Mamaw, I think I like girls."

Mark looked at me like "What the ??? Where did that come from and why is she telling a total stranger about it?"

 

Me: "Oh? How old is she?"  

 

Lady: "19."  

 

Me: "So she understands what that really means, then, so she very well could be." 

 

Lady: "I told her I don't believe in that, but I don't want to turn my back on her."  

 

Me: "So tell me what she's like otherwise, is she a good person, are you proud of her?"  

 

Lady: "Oh, yes! I have 4 granddaughters living with me and she's the most stable, doesn't drink or do drugs, has a good job, helps me with the other 3. She's working and saving for college." 

 

Me: "Then I don't think you need to worry. If you consider that her worst flaw, then you're doing okay and she's doing okay. She sounds like good people to me! 😊" 

"And think about this - she chose YOU to come out to, because she feels safe with you - that's a compliment to your parenting/grandparenting.  It means you've done well. She just wants to know that you still love her and are proud of her regardless, even if you don't agree - she wants reassurance that your love for her has not changed just because of her sexuality 😊"

 

Lady:  "Thank you. 😊 I have the 4 because one of my daughters and her husband are drug addicts/alcoholics, so I worry what I've done wrong." 

"In fact, I have 9 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren in total, and the other ones sometimes tell me stories so they can come live with me, too. Mostly because their parents won't give them exactly what they want, see, and they know I spoil." 

 

"My other son's daughter's said "Mamaw, mama hit me with a hanger the other day."  

"I said, "Well, was it wire or covered, and did it leave a mark?"😂  

"Aren't I awful?  But don't you worry, if I really believed they were being abused or neglected, instead of exaggerating or making up stories as teenagers do, when they don't get their way, I wouldn't hesitate, like I didn't with the other 4. I'm no dummy." 

 

"I love them all, but I'm tired, ya know?  Everybody's coming to my house tomorrow for Mother's Day, but guess who's cooking for them all? Me."

 

Me: "Whaatatt? Girl, if they're not going to cook for you or take you out for lunch or dinner, at least order Door Dash and celebrate you tomorrow, that's the one day of the year you can!  Or make it a potluck instead." 

"Mothers sacrifice more than our kids will ever know, and we're happy to do it, but this complete martyrdom crap has got to go. Some start to expect it, and I don't think they'll really appreciate it until either they're mothers themselves, or in some cases, not until their mothers and grandmothers are gone, honestly."   

"There's nothing selfish about telling people one day of the year "Hey, it's Mother's Day.  Okay if I don't cook today and we all chip in on ordering out?" 

They may not like it because it's not their usual, but tough tatas, Mother's Day is not about them anyway."

She said she'd think about it 🙂

You'd be surprised how common that is, here in Kentucky, mothers cooking for the family themselves on Mother's Day. 

Last year, my dentist told me she drove 2 hours to her parents and her husband's parents houses at 5 a.m. in South-Central Kentucky to spend time/bring breakfast and a gift to her mom and mother-in-law, then drove back, cleaned her house, and then  here she was at 9 p.m., grilling burgers on the grill for her husband and kids because nobody had thought about dinner except her.

I said "You did what, now? Dr. H! On Mother's Day! Aw, that's not right. Nobody could take 15 minutes to throw some meat on the grill for you?"

"I know how hard you work, getting up at 4 a.m. to muck horse stalls, then come here and work, take care of your kids/get them to activities, backed down to working 1 day a week to have more time with them. Now I wanna get right up out of this chair and go home right now and grill you up a burger myself. " 😂

She just said her husband was tired after mowing their big lawn all day, her kids are teenagers are busy.

Ya know, always making excuses for others, martyrdom and exhaustion expected. 

And we don't mind doing it, we love caring -  and we hope that maybe they'll be the same way and do the same for others when they grow up. 

Not necessarily!

Some just learn from that to expect being treated that way, not just from you, but from others - and God help you if you ever say "No" or "I can't."

I love my dentist, she is the kindest, coolest person. 

And the thing is, she cut her hours back to one day a week because her family complained, but they're never home anyway!

And as much as she loves and brags on her husband and kids, she also loves her patients and being a dentist, too, and is a GREAT one (seriously, I had a root canal and didn't feel a thing).

She shouldn't be made to feel bad or selfish about being both a mother AND a dentist!

But back to the original lady's LGBTQ granddaughter, I didn't think it was a time to explain that human sexuality has never been binary, it's along a spectrum, nor the science we've learned about gene expression - it wasn't time to push my beliefs on hers, with her already resistant. Her worry was where she had gone "wrong" and the well being of her granddaughter.

So I didn't know what to say - except point out what's good about her granddaughter, how she'd done well with her, and that if she considers being gay a character flaw - even though I do NOT - if that's the worst she can say about her, she's doing all right 

That seemed to go over well.  I think.  😊

I'm not sure what she was expecting me to say, though. Maybe she wanted me to commiserate, to help her feel okay in condemning it.

I can't do that.  Because what that granddaughter needs most now is love and acceptance and the realization that nothing has changed - she's still the same good person, despite her sexuality 😊

Pope Leo XIV's First Mass ...

Though I am not Catholic (I'm Catholic "Lite," Episcopalian), my husband is, and I have great respect for the Catholic church. 

Because IMO, Catholics are like our parents, and Jews are like our grandparents  - without them, there would be no us 😊

We may not always agree - but we do need to acknowledge that if it were not for them, the rest of us as Christians wouldn't even exist. 😊

Thus, IMO, these faiths are to be respected and revered for this exact reason -  just like we do our parents and our grandparents. 

(Notice I didn't say canonized into sainthood or that we should deify them or turn a blind eye to true wrongdoing - but there's a difference between people just interpreting scripture/believing differently and true wrongdoing.😉)

Regardless, I watched this mass out of that respect for this changing of the guard, the pomp and tradition of it all. I admit, I love the "high church" pageantry of it all - plus his first mass was at the Sistine Chapel!💓

Interestingly, he focused on Peter being considered the first Pope, the "rock" upon which the church would be built.  I find this interesting for two reasons:

The first is, for those unaware, this is one of the major aspects on which Catholics and Protestants disagree, basing their differing beliefs on this passage from Matthew 16:13-18:

13 When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am? 

14 And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets. 

15 He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? 

16 And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. 

17 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven. 

18 And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

 

So the Catholic church believes that Christ meant that Peter himself is the rock upon which the church is built.

Protestants instead believe that Christ meant Peter's answer, his stated belief that Christ was the son of God, is the rock upon which the church is built - not Peter himself.

Regardless, the Catholic church, in the end, was built on both - the first formally recognized Christian church (St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican City in 519 AD), professing Jesus as the son of God - was supposedly literally build built on Peter's remains!


Both things can be true, fellow Christians.

So often in the Christian faith -  unlike other faiths like Buddhism -  everything is so black or white, so either/or - there is no room for "the middle way," no gray areas, and there is definitely no room for both.

That is not to say that Christ himself was like that.

 Jesus definitely allowed for gray areas, as most intelligent people recognize things aren't usually that simple. 

In fact, Christ even directly defied church law over it many times, if the law wasn't based on loving thy neighbor and mercy.

However, unfortunately, Christianity itself - does not.

Regardless of what you believe, or don't believe, the result is the same - the first formal, organized Christian church recognizing Christ as the son of God was supposedly literally built on Peter's remains!😊

So does it really matter?

And what is most important is Christ's message of love, compassion, mercy , forgiveness, and giving people multiple chances managed to survive all the bible edits/translations, all the church politics, all the greed, all the grasps for power and need for control.

The second and bigger reason I found his focus on Peter interesting is because how many times the gospels told us that Peter messed up, even after being a disciple 😂

(In fact, I think this contributes to the Protestant belief that Christ could not have possibly really meant Peter as "the rock." )

For starters, he didn't write his own gospel like other disciples, just later books in the New Testament. (If he did write a gospel, it has been lost to history).

Also, when trying to protect Jesus, hot-headed Peter drew his sword and cut off a centurion's ear in the Garden of Gethsemane, trying to protect Christ from arrest. Christ not only healed the centurion (which also saved Peter's behind), but also said to him "Those who live by the sword will die by it" - another phrase modern Christians seem to forget (only it's not swords today, it's guns.)

And later, Peter famously denied Christ 3 times, as Christ predicted he would (only later to to say he loved him 3 times upon his resurrection).

Regardless, in the end, the first church was built on both Peter's belief that Christ is the son of God AND Peter himself - literally!

To his credit, Pope Leo stated that he viewed himself not as the voice of God or a rock, but as the administrator of the son of God's living words, as we continually interpret them - a very diplomatic way to state this 😊

Now - keep in mind, I'm saying this today, myself having really struggled in my faith, especially since my friend, Marian, was killed by a drunk driver.

Also because my fellow Christians today have astonishing started followed politics that seem opposite to Christ's message to me.

And this paranoid, insecure need for Christian control, Christian nationalism in my own country and others, mistaking criticism of them for greedy, selfish, controlling choices they're making in Christ's name, as "persecution" justification to take religious choice/freedom away and negate free will.

And they talk about the power of Satan, fear, anger, loss of their own elite status more than they talk about the mercy, love, and forgiveness of Christ!

It just disturbs my soul and confuses me - it's hard to hear the real Christ I learned about in any of it.

And yet ... I will still always pause to listen to a message from another human of whatever faith, these days, instead focusing on love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, and hope   🥰

So does that mean I'm a rebellious prodigal daughter?

Or does it instead mean I'm one of those sheep Christ said would always recognize their master's true voice?

Maybe both.  

Maybe neither. 

Maybe I'm a Peter, who messes up a lot, or even a doubting Thomas,; either way, the remains upon which nobody will ever build a church (thank God 😂)

I guess we'll see which I am someday 😊

"It's Belle's, B*tches"

Belle's Cocktail House, Lexington, Kentucky

It's been a minute since I've mentioned Lexington's beloved Belle Brezing, the madam with a heard of gold (the inspiration for Belle Watling in Gone With The Wind). 

I think my last post on her was here, in 2017, but my original post about her was on my first blog in 2005 (now defunct) - but we've learned so much more about her since then that I plan to write a new post on what we've learned since.

The first time I heard of Belle was walking down Upper Street in about 1996, when I noticed a small historical plaque in front of a row house, stating that it was her first "house of ill repute."

"Whaaaat?" says I.   

"This snap-judgmental, church-on-every-corner town that pretends to be perfect has an historical plaque to a madam tucked away on Transylvania University's campus?  Well, isn't that just like Lexington."

It was very much like finding out during my college years  "The Bar" - Lexington's 3-story-complex upscale gay bar, drag show, and dance floor - sitting quietly on main street for the last 40 years!

(They still have the best dance floor in town, glass ceiling on the third floor!)

Upon returning home, I asked my grandmother about Belle Brezing and she said she didn't know, but she knew who did - the Church Lady in Chief at her local Baptist Church.

"Whaatt?" again, says I. 

"The same church lady who ran two lesbians out of their Baptist church? Yeah, this'll be fun and include a  fire-and-brimstone sin lecture. "

Actually ... no.  

Surprisingly, she didn't. 

In fact, she privately revered Belle!

She possessed the only known book on her at the time, written in 1983 by Buddy Thompson, which she let me borrow.

Since then we've uncovered so much more and there are a plethora of books on her - and it would seem that some things Buddy got right, some he got wrong, and some can't be verified (like visiting St. Joseph Hospital in a hooded cloak to help the nurses or trying to donate her rare book collection to UK, only to be rejected, until she later donated anonymously).

We do know for a fact,, however, that when St. Joseph Hospital had a fire, she donated new linens for the entire hospital (and it was rumored she helped finance the rebuild, again, anonymously, so it can't be verified.

Regardless, I was completely shocked - the Church Lady in Chief at my grandmother's Southern Baptist church  had a book on/revered Belle Brezing?

I think because as women especially, I guess, you feel for her - because she was dealt a horrible hand in life and had limited options at the time, but did the best with it she could.

I was also shocked at how much Belle accomplished, though much of it anonymously,  and how she was still kept as somewhat of a secret you only talked about in private conversation still, at the time (late 90s).

The whole thing intrigued me.

Also, the fact that she was so charitable, donating much to St. Joseph Hospital (she was Catholic) and the local poor - she really was the madam with the heart of gold and known nationally for running the "most orderly of disorderly houses," because of the horse business.

So then in the late 2000s - which was after I'd written my first post on her in 2005, based on Buddy's book, mind you - interest in her exploded, to the degree that we now have a play based on her life, a regional beer named after her, a hotel room named after her, and finally, a rooftop cocktail bar named after her called "Belle's."

Genealogists and historians have now researched more about her and her life, with documents and news articles uncovered, and I plan on ordering their books soon.

I haven't yet been to Belle's, but plan to go when the weather is warmer - but if you're in Lexington and are interested, HERE is their website and some photos are below.

Let me just give you a heads up, though - the bar has a dance floor and is very LGBTQ friendly, so you'll see a mix there - love it!

This last one of the dance floor inspired the blog post title 😃

Movie Tariffs - More Hitler Sh*t

So the major rationale for the tariffs is to bring back jobs, goods and services back to the U.S., right?

(However, the price of goods and services here is astronomical now.)

But with movies, the jobs already are U.S.-based - even if filmed outside of the U.S. 

So I'm scratching my head about the justification for tariffs on movies filmed at least in part outside the U.S. or with foreign talent, if the story line includes foreign travel?

What are they supposed to do, only films stories about us?

(Zzzz boring!)

Go back to fake, painted sets and all CGI and nobody has any accents?

Welp, I guess we'll get 1,000 more Yellowstone spinoffs (and the new ripoffs), but no Helen Mirren or Jerome Flynn in them. 

His justification is not only jobs, but "national security threat" filming elsewhere but ... name one time there was ever a security threat while filming a movie elsewhere, just one ...

*crickets*

They're not stupid enough to film in unsafe countries, that's a poor investment - they film in friendly countries with similar terrain to unfriendly countries and say it's another country lol.

And why does he get to decide what's safe anyway in private business, and if he's THAT concerned about job safety, then why did he roll back safety standards at work?

This is just Trump wanting to get a piece of movie income and more  content control, just like with the Kennedy Center - period.

I swear, Republicans - everything you feared about too much government control in your business and personal lives is now happening -  but you're okay with it because it's Trump doing it?

Why would anyone want the government - and especially any one person - to have this much control?

And just where are the savings from all these cuts and income from the tariffs going, anyway?

I've not seen any reports on that at all and God knows our taxes on stuff this year hasn't reflected anything yet.

Well, we do know that Elon Musk profited enormously from government contracts after the cuts.

But otherwise, is anyone tracking where the savings/new income is  actually going?

No one cares, "Pope Trump" ordained by God gonna fix it all.

Sigh ... God help us, and by that, I mean actual God, not this fat orange-golden calf everyone is worshipping!

In fact, I'mmonna dust off my screenwriter skills and write a new American movie called "The Big, Fat Greedy Orange-Golden Calf Idol Goes to Washington" - and film it right in the White House !😂