A New Reason To Celebrate :)

So I've been busy working and decorating, the past two weeks - believe it not, having one of the most peaceful and fun Christmas seasons I've had in years, despite COVID and all  - when I received a call that there was a finding on my mammogram, and that I needed to come in for a diagnostic mammogram.

I was surprised, because breast cancer doesn't run in my family (well, my maternal grandfather's sisters, which lowers the risk rather than direct maternal line).  

I immediately went into "think" and "stay busy" mode, rather than "feel" mode, which is what I do.  I'm told that's my PTSD "autopilot" mode, but perhaps that's just conditioning with me, considering my weird life lol.  

It's not denial, it's actually acknowledgement, acceptance - acceptance that I actually have no control over it - whatever's going to happen is going to happen - and so I just make sure everything is done and in place that needs to be, if/when it does happen.

So I got as much info as I could about the finding,  and made up my mind to let go of the rest, just live my life and not fall apart until I knew more, and keep on doing what I was doing, just making sure I was enjoying my Christmas season more than ever :) 

Besides, as I said, breast cancer doesn't run in my family, and these were calcifications in my right breast, and I learned in my research that 80% of the time they were benign.   

I suspected these were fibrocysts that had calcified while going through menopause, because I'd had little fibrocysts up until about a year ago that appeared to "stop." 

I am happy to report that this morning - after a diagnostic mammography - the results were as I suspected - benign calcified fibrocysts - with a return in 6 months to make sure there were no more changes :)

Once I got back to the car, I finally shed the first tear  - of relief. 

That's me - when facing something as serious as this, I don't feel much, I think instead - until I know more and/or it's all over - THEN I cry lol.  

Mark wasn't allowed to go in with me, of course, due to COVID, which is fine - I've kind of grown accustomed to facing scary things by myself, over the years, I almost prefer it lol.  

As a matter of fact, I've said very little about it since the call, and told no one except him and a very close friend - because quite frankly, there was nothing to tell and I knew it was likely benign.

But it was very comforting to be confirmed that it was benign :)

Mark held me close and has since, like I'd slip away or something if he didn't? lol

In fact, he got tears in his eyes and said, "I was scared.  I didn't say it, but I was." 

(That takes a lot for my former Army Ranger husband to admit, let me tell you.)

I said a prayer of gratitude for longer life, though I didn't earn or deserve it; and in fact, I know there's a lot of other women who deserve longer life more than me.  And truth be told, I was already prepared for bad news, I haven't had the luckiest life, for sure. But I was still positive, accepting of whatever I had to go through - be brave, be strong, stay positive - you gotta do what ya gotta do, right? 

Then my thoughts went to the other women in that waiting room - all races, all socioeconomic classes, all wearing masks and gowns that tied in the front that kept flying open, staring at their cell phones, avoiding eye contract with others - even though we're all in the same situation - same concerns and fears.  I'm not sure why that is - tension?  Unwarranted shame?

Then I thought about how you could figure out very easily who had a positive result versus who was negative, based on where they called you back to - if they called you back in the office doors, you had a positive result - back to the dressing room to redress, negative.  

I can't tell you the sigh of relief I breathed when I was called to the dressing room.

But then my thoughts went to the 2 women out of the 6 or 7 in the room called back in the other room - the deep breaths they must've taken, knowing what that meant :(

So I said a prayer for these women, that they wouldn't feel alone - and as alone as we all felt and acted, in that waiting room - that God's presence would be felt and with them along the way.

Then I thought about the fact that tomorrow is my birthday - and how after a very unlucky, difficult life - how very lucky I actually am, when it came to this.

So I wished myself an early Happy Birthday - that benign diagnosis was one of the best birthday gifts I've ever received, let me tell you lol :)

Thank you, Baptist Health Lexington's state-of-the-art Breast Imaging Center. 

And I'm also grateful to all the money poured into breast cancer research since the 1990s, when we knew less about breast cancer than most other cancers - which has resulted in earlier detection and better treatment, dropping breast cancer from #2 killer of women in the U.S. to #8 (debatedly), as well as being among the first cancers to identify genetic links, including both male and female carriers of the BRCA gene, which makes you more susceptible to reproductive types of cancer in both men AND women.

All in all, an extra reason to be grateful and celebrate, this birthday and Christmas :)

_________________________

PS - I just now had time to visit my dear friend Cherie's blog, in the U.K., to make sure she was doing okay - and lo and behold, she had a picture of our beloved "Prince Harry the Heron" up, along with a beautiful quote Plum Village's Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnam's famed mindfulness Buddhist monk) about the miracle of life not being walking on water, but living in the present moment and simply walking on God's green earth - which oddly enough, was exactly what I had been striving to do, these past two weeks.  Can I consider this spiritual confirmation, then? lol

Daytime Pics of Works in Progress ...

Here's a daytime close-up of the mantel thus far.  I'm going to put it as the top photo for now, but just know I'm still working on it. The lantern fell and the glass fell out, so mostly finding a way to put those back in, plus candles, and 2 giant pine cones in, perhaps in the middle, without overdoing it (even more than I already have)?  lol

PS - Just hung the wreaths ... It's actually the same ribbon as inside by looks bright outside ;)

Christmas Works in Progress ...

 So I am by no means finished - and I'll take pictures in better light during the daytime - but I just thought I'd share what I'm current working on - my mantel and the largest wreath ... :)

I just bought the greens, but added everything else - hoping I didn't overdo, because ya know, sometimes less is more?

The finished products will be coming soon - and hopefully, they'll look a little better :)

PS - Here's a daytime pic of the mantel thus far.  I'm going to put it as the top photo for now, but I'm still working on it - mostly finding a way to work in the candles and giant pine cones in, perhaps in the middle, without overdoing it (even more than I already have)?

Just the beginnings ...

In a new spot this year, so a few more ornaments for the 360 view :)  Still waiting on some garland and ribbon, though, and still working on my wreaths, so more pics to come soon :)

For Manny: SNL's Parody of the Michigan Hearings ...

I debated whether to post this, right now, considering Manny's death (see below post), but I know he would've laughed at the SNL parody hysterically, as well appreciate the fact that he had to deal with crazy conspiracy people, like this, on a regular basis.  

So this is for you, Manny - thank you for what you did for us and the FCPS kids - and I hope you're still finding a way to laugh, wherever you are :)

________________________________________

Now - for those of you who didn't see the original clown show of Michigan election hearings, this week - to include Giuliani's - erm - audible flatulence issues  - and an apparently boozy, especially belligerent Michigan-style "Karen" named Melissa Carone as Giuliani's "star witness"  - the real clip is below (the 2nd clip.)

See if you can tell the difference between an SNL parody and realty -  I nearly can't, because these things really came out of that Carone woman's mouth. 

That's the real Melissa Carone on the left, and SNL's Cecily Strong parodying her on the right  - and may I just say I laughed at both equally hard, for very different reasons - and I couldn't help myself?

For the clueless, THIS is a true Karen - an especially boozy, belligerent Michigan-style one. 

Here's the parody skit clip ...

... and here's the actual testimony ...

So can you tell the difference between parody and the real Karen - erm - I mean, Carone? 

Btw, for those unaware, the person questioning her -  whom she accused of "doing something with them (the ballots)" -  is Michigan House Representative, Steven Johnson - who is a Republican and Trump supporter!

And the fact that she doesn't even know he's her state rep from her own party questioning her, coupled with the fact that she changed her testimony from 30,000 votes to 100,000 votes, offering zero evidence to support her claims (which also kept changing)  - leads me to believe she doesn't even know what planet she's on lol.  

And she became so belligerent that even Giuliani shushed her at one point! lol. 

Thus, her ever-changing allegations without evidence were investigated and easily disproven - and I'm sure accusing fellow Republican, Trump-supporting State Representative, Steven Johnson, of "doing something with" the ballots during her hearing, didn't help - and thus, Giuliani's "star witness" was deemed "not credible" witness and Giuliani lost.  Again. 

Also, since this hearing, press is reporting that she, herself, is in the midst of an ongoing cybercrimes charge and investigation.

Sigh.  

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen - this is America has been reduced to - a complete clown show, and where undignified and crazy is the new normal -  and you can't  even tell the difference between an SNL parody and reality anymore, and any ole' boozed up Karen or militia man can walk in off the street and Giuliani makes them a star witness lol. 

Speaking of undignified,  the saddest thing is Giuliani.  He could've walked away with his handling of 9/11 under his belt, and his dignity - but no. 

His legacy is now this sad, embarrassing end of his career, in which he will forever be remember with his hand down his pants in a hotel room with a person he believed was a 15-year-old girl in Sacha Baron Cohen's latest movie, as well as for Grecian hair formula running down his face and audible flatulence issues during his hearings -  and being accompanied by a cavalcade of crazy people, who have no clue of how crazy they are, because they surround themselves with other crazy people.

Sigh again.  

You can't hear my tone, as I write this, but these things really happened and I'm not being cruel - and it actually makes me very sad, to just watch Giuliani's slow, humiliating descent into madness, actually, and I actually feel sorry for him.  And I'm curious why the people that truly care about him don't try to stop him?

Speaking of which, come on, now, Trumpers - is this really the best you've got and the legacy you want to leave us with, regarding Trump? 

Regardless, hope you're laughing, wherever you are :)

________________

P.S. - Yesterday, while walking our dog, my husband came across someone he sometimes chats with, who also walks their dog.  

Considering Manny just passed (see below post), he was, of course, in no mood for what came out of the person's mouth.

Man:  "What do you think about all this COVID nonsense?"

Mark:  "Uh, well, I think it's pretty dangerous, with the danger especially being that we don't know what phenotype we'd get, mild or severe. Why?"

Man:  "I think it's not real, it's a hoax. At most, it's the flu."

Mark:  "Oh, I see.  You're one of these conspiracists that believe all of the nonsense that comes out of Trump's mouth, still, huh?"

Man:  "Donald Trump has done more for me than any president, and I believe whatever he tells me.  "

Mark:  "For you personally, huh?  Okay. Like I really needed THIS today.   See, that's insane.  Everything you've just said is insane.  You're an insane person ...   AND we're done talking, here"  - - and just walked away.

Okay, ordinarily, I would think this was very rude of him, but under the circumstances, considering how much this country has normalized crazy to a dangerous degree  - LOL! 

BTW, people - as for that "flu" theory - 61,000 people died in 2019 from the flu, and nearly 300,000 have died in 2020 from COVID.  Even if you were correct, that would be one bad super-flu and that you should still take precautions - helllloooo?

As for my husband, no worries - we then went out and got a tree and some cedar boughs, and began decorating, which helped a little - pictures soon.

 

Fayette County Public Schools Superintendent, Dr. Emmanuel (Manny) Caulk, Has Just Died ...

 

Mark got a text from his coworker just moments before press announced it.  No cause of death was given, and all we know is that he went on emergency medical leave last week until January, and that he beat brain cancer in 2015 (actually, the tumor was removed from his sinus cavity).  Mark texted him, to ask if he was okay, but got no reply. 

We assumed the cancer had returned aggressively, but it's also curious that they didn't give cause of death, so we're not sure yet.

Manny was an extremely brilliant, savvy, tough-but-tender, passionate man, who tirelessly fought to improve the lives and education of children, particularly demarginalized and impoverished children of any race, but who also was the first one to laugh with you - he was just a remarkable, remarkable man, an inspiration.

I just heard his cheerful voice and laughter not two weeks ago, at the beginning of my husband's Zoom meeting, before he put his headphones on.  

There was no indication whatsoever that he was ill, in appearance or voice - just the same articulate, super-sharp Manny, quick to laugh. 

He was just 49 years old - and will be sorely missed:(

I initially ended this post there, but as I sat here reeling, I felt not only sadness and tears, but to be honest - a little angry.

That is because he spent the last few months of his life fighting tooth and nail to keep those kids and staff at home and safe until he was absolutely sure, resisting pressure, a petition against him to take his job over it, and even threats - he took a lot of shit from people pushing to get the kids back in school - no one knowing he was ill.

I understood parents who needed child care, but a lot of this was led by Trump Republicans and was political, believing nonsense conspiracy theories and that the virus was a Democrat "hoax" and Democrats were "just trying to control them."

In fact, and I'm not sure if this is true, but he was rumored to have said that he'd put himself in harm's way and die himself, before he'd ever send those kids and staff back in - not until he was 100% sure it was safe.

Well - it seems he meant it :(

Maybe I shouldn't say this, now, I'm still in shock, and quite emotional - but I have to admit, I AM angry - at all you Trump Republicans that gave him so much shit, the last few months of his life.

Of course, it's not your fault he died - but I can't help but wonder how you feel, now - knowing that man spent the last few months of his life battling YOU unnecessarily, based on your conspiracy nonsense, simply because he wanted to be sure it was safe for those kids and staff, and that no more staff died from COVID - over what, in the end?!?

Forgive me, God, and anyone reading, if that's wrong, but it's an honest initial reaction.

I can't help but feel both sad and angry, that this is how he spent the last months of his life - embroiled with people who believe nonsense conspiracy, who care more about money and political power than people's lives  - that poor, poor, brave man :(


I also can't help but wonder why it seems the best and most remarkable people are the ones being taken during 2020?

I'm probably wrong about that and talking out of pure emotion, but it sure seems that way, at this moment, anyway ...

This Inexplicably Popped Up in My "News" Feed Today - Hahaha!

Allow me to assure you, I literally never read the Daily Mail. For Americans not familiar with it, the Daily Mail is like the Fox News of Britain, only worse - even less factual (if you can believe that) and more obviously tabloid.

However, this popped up in my news feed - the only reason I can think of being because it's about Lexington?

Hahaha!  

Oh, wait - they were serious.

That's right -  the British rag tabloid, the Daily Mail, just called Lexington's mayor, Mayor Linda Gorton, "Woke" - then said that she personally shifted funding from CARES Act to "racial training!" 

Hahahaha!

Oh, that's right - unless you live here, you wouldn't know why that's hilariously untrue.

Erm - first of all, Mayor Linda Gorton is a Republican -  mostly a Trump-supporting one.

In fact, my husband has been in meetings with her for work, and let me tell you, she is pretty freakin' far from "woke," lol.

Now, she is a former registered nurse, so she's more compliant with Governor Beshear's social-distancing regulations than other Republicans are here, yes  - which is why the Trump-supporting/alt-right Republicans aren't happy with her.

And she did noticeably shift her attitude on racial justice - slightly - after the George Floyd video and Breonna Taylor (in Louisville)  - but note I said slightly. 

But woke?

Seriously - even if you didn't live here in Lexington, or know anything about her at all, one look at those red, circa 1980s Nancy-Reaganish, Chanel-knock-off tweedy suits that she wears tells you she's a Republican/conservative lol ...

Secondly - and most importantly - the money from the CARES Act regarding housing is going to eviction prevention, which includes public housing, and $120,000 of the $2 million was voted on and passed by city council to be set aside for implicit-bias training, not "race training" - in order ensure that public city employees who run public housing receive implicit-bias training (which includes race as a socioeconomic factor, but not exclusively) before doling out these funds first - whether Linda Gorton liked it or not. 

In other words, the city council made that budget decision -  not Linda Gorton personally - and it's not mandatory for private landlords and administration, only public-housing landlords and administration.

In fact, I'm fairly certain it wasn't even her idea - and the budget proposal was initially made by other city officials - both male AND female.  

In fact, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure she was negotiated into it before final budget approval, you see  ;)

We already have such training for cops, here, but had no such training for public city employees, and many on the council thought it was necessary before handing the money out.

Now, look, Trumpers/alt-righters - I'm sorry that you apparently still haven't read or don't understand U.S. or state constitutions, nor our county and city statutes, and thus believe our leaders (like Trump?) can and should have powers like a king, without some sort of checks and balances or oversight  -  but the truth is, they don't.

Our mayor simply doesn't have that kind of power, to single-handedly shift budget items without approval from city council, even if she wanted to (which I'm fairly certain she did NOT want to do this, at least at first)  -  there's a city council that proposes different aspects of, and approves, the budget!

As for me, I'm not sure about that amount, $120,000 - but I do think implicit bias training is necessary before public city employees just hand out eviction-avoidance funds mostly to unemployed white people, deeming them "more deserving" than people of color, which is so often the case, here in America!

Because implicit racial bias is baked into our culture, even with people who are not overtly racist, or even imagine themselves anti-racist.

For example - when money is "supposed" to be given based solely on need, right?

However, in reality, people often either semi or subconsciously make decisions based on who they consider the most deserving, rather than who has the greatest actual need - convincing themselves their decisions were made on "background history" versus what it actually is - socioeconomic/cultural ignorance and implicit bias.

A more obvious example of implicit bias is when an untrained civilian teenage boy takes takes a gun and shoots several people, we Americans tend to say "poor, ignorant, troubled young man, in need of help" if he's white - even calling the shooting "justice" or "self-defense" sometimes-  but if he's black,  he's just a "thug" and "criminal who should be in prison." 

I was educated in social work, believe me, I know about implicit bias - even among my fellow social work students, here, I'm sorry to say :(

But the truth is, none of us are immune to implicit bias, because we are all a product of this broken socioeconomic system and dysfunctional, sometimes even toxic culture, which is why we have to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves when making decisions like these.



Regardless, that woman wouldn't know "woke" from Wichita, believe me - and one can only hope that she, herself, takes the implicit-bias training the council approved.

So way to go, Daily Mail!  Thanks for publishing complete BS again, contributing to the mess created by political propaganda, paranoia, aggression and violence by that are already at maximum capacity, here, in America.

But I guess that's easy for you to sit back in the U.K. and make up stories that incite aggression,  considering you don't even live or work here, isn't it? 

Ya know, I'm all for freedom of speech and press - and even give slack for ignorance and mistakes - but I am NOT for legally protecting conscious and malicious libel as "freedom of speech." 

Seriously, enough is enough with legally protecting outright conscious libel for political gain and profit as "free speech."

And people that actually believe this crap, just because they see it printed on the internet - I can't decide if they're really that ignorant, stupid, and/or gullible, or if they know dang well it's not true and don't care, and just want to use it to manipulate fear in order to gain political power?

Considering the IQ level and dishonesty of the people I've seen that try to cite the Daily Mail as a "legitimate source" of press information, I'm going to go with a combination of both stupidity AND dishonesty lol.