Ken Loach's "The Old Oak"

 

In recent years, I have tended to get reflective, around New Year's, and I always like to do something inspirational on New Year's Day, I guess because I'm a cornball 😂

(Hey, considering much trauma in life, I've earned the right to be a cornball - it's better than becoming bitter,  right?) 

Now when I say inspirational, I mean a foreign film or documentary telling me a good story, often at least somewhat based on a true story, rather than some Hallmark fantasy - and not a "me against the world" story, but more a communal hope story of a group of people pulling together.

Considering New Year's fell in the middle of the work week, this year, with just the one day off, it was prime time for inspirational movie-watching - "The Old Oak" from filmmaker Ken Loach, which is actually the result of a combined filmmaking effort from Great Britain, France, and Belgium.

But before I get to that, we had previously started watching Squid Game 2, which is not only social commentary of the wealth inequity in South Korea, but of the world itself -  especially in societies where the balance between capitalism and government oversight has shifted too far one way versus the other.

In South Korea's case - and ours, in the U.S. - we are beginning to offset that delicate balance, leaning dangerously close to laissez-faire capitalism run amuck and us all becoming slaves to corporate debt with no consumer protection or labor protection.

And yet we continue to vote for it, with the false hope of the American dream or breaking the glass ceiling with our rugged American individualism, smarts and strength, and that once corporations and the rich get what they want, it's magically going to "trickle down" on us, which has never once happened at the federal or international level, people are too greedy.

And we're so easily distracted that we're actually voting for more of the same, too, with issues designed to distract, pulling at our heartstrings or motivating through fear - immigration, religion, abortion, gender issues.

Great, so ... let's imagine a place where we don't have abortion at all anymore, there are no unisex bathrooms or sports teams where transgenders can go and they can't change their gender, immigrants can't come in and "take our jobs" or "commit violent crime" ...

Meanwhile, your job has actually been replaced by either AI or cheap Chinese labor instead of immigrants.

You fear going to virtually any public place or business where  people gather, to possibly be shot by a multi-round AR-15, blown up, or run over  - by a U.S. citizen.

Babies are being left in dumpsters and unwanted-child church boxes (which is already on the rise in some states).

You can't afford to see the doctor or your medication. You're in debt up to your eyeballs and your house is foreclosed upon.  

Because the Department of Education has been done away with, you can't afford to go back to college to improve your situation, and your kids can't even attend public school anymore, only rich people can do these things.

So now you, and your family,  huddle together in vans down by nearly dried up, polluted river.

Who are you going to blame and what are you gonna say,  then?

"Well, thank God there's no abortion, transgender people, or immigrants, and that I have free speech and ma gun, B'God, Trump and God gonna bless me for that."

I don't think ya will. 

Trump is going to protect corporate interests - not you.

Also, IMO, God often does not rescue us from the consequences of our own selfish stupidity.

Regardless, both shows hung on me for different reasons?

Actually, the same reason but different outcomes - finding hope despite desperation.

I haven't finished watching the second season of Squid Game yet for lack of time (and its intensity), but the naked truth of both Season 1 and Season 2 is that human nature will often choose the dream of possible money and a better life against all odds and their own best interest, trying to work harder to please and entertain those in control, despite those in control having no concern for them, consider their lives as having less value, and even disdain for them and considering them all losers who if anything, just get lucky - enough to put them in survival games for their own entertainment.

Depressing, for sure - but there's already more of an element of trying to work together, in Season 2 -  which of course the powers that be will likely find a way to smash.

However, as the first winner in the first season tries to impart to the other players, all of it means nothing if you lose those you care about in the process and others suffered or were killed during the game, just so you could win, often by luck rather than skill or smarts - you might be left with survivor's guilt.

My husband and I had an interesting conversation about what we would do during some of the game's choices. 

His instinct is to protect himself and his immediate family first, the inner circle - then any more vulnerable people in the second circle -  but eff everyone else, including non-immediate family or friends - proof positive that still, sometimes that old Army/Republican mentality of deciding who is the most deserving among other people we deem to be like ourselves or not are the ones to be saved/protected.  

My instinct, on the other hand, is to protect the most vulnerable first, like me or not, family and not, but either way, more than myself -  I've already had my chance in life - and I do so even if they don't understand the decisions I made were actually great sacrifice for them that nearly killed me.

Now I said most vulnerable - not most valuable - and sometimes the most vulnerable ARE the most valuable, at least in my eyes, in terms of saving what is most important to be preserved in human behavior in society and humanity versus accumulation of wealth or strength (which unfortunately often means making decisions to step on other people to obtain that wealth).

This follows suit, though - when times have gotten tough for us financially before, the first thing he wants me to do is stop sharing so much with other people, rather than us make adjustments to our budget.

But I think of Victory gardens during World War 2.

I think of watching a community forget all of its political nonsense after major hurricanes and just made sure everyone was safe and fed - black, white, Latino, Republican or Democrat, rich or poor.

I think of my own "apocalypse" during the last recession, when transcription companies began to fall all around me, after our wages had been cut repeatedly already, no benefits or health insurance now, and after overseas outsourcing and voice-recognition/AI software -  and even McDonald's had a hiring freeze. 

I had nothing and there was no mercy or kindness to be had from those I thought were close to me, even people I had helped before - and I ended up at a homeless shelter for a few months, finally getting a job at a restaurant waiting tables for a while, then getting out. 

Don't you know, the ladies there shared whatever they had with me and each other - there was no hoarding.  There was no "This is mine I don't have enough to spare."

There was "Here, I don't want my beans, do you want some?" and "We got cake today, you missed lunch because you were working - do you want some cake?"

The only time that things got contentious was if somebody from another room wanted to cause trouble with somebody in your room or you -  then your "sisters" jumped into action - walking you to the bus stop for work to make sure no one jumped you, etc.

I call that experience now "The survival sorority" 😊

The most kindness and mercy I have ever experienced in life was from other broke or poor people, who also had absolutely nothing, and there was no "deserving" - it was "It doesn't matter - I only know that you're hungry and in need - I don't have much either, but let me share what I have with you."

Thus, I promised myself that when I was in a better situation, I would be that person that I didn't have around me (except for my friend Marian, who did what she could, but was killed by a drunk driver in 2023) - I would show others struggling the mercy and kindness that I should've received by those definitely in a better position than those homeless people were, but that scattered and avoided, when I was in trouble financially "I don't have enough to share" or simply making up reasons why I didn't deserve it to justify it, even when I had helped them or given them the last bit of what I had in the past.

And the truth was, I had made some very poor decisions in relationships prior, that's true - but so have many other people.  I wasn't on drugs, didn't drink, didn't commit any crimes - just broke - and broken.

And if anyone at work found out you were living in a homeless shelter, God help you - people make up what they don't know, their theories always including drugs or alcohol, mental illness, or just out of prison or something -  none of which were true. 

 In fact, half of the women there, at least at that time (during the recession) were working low-paying jobs, some with children, and some had a home, but it was foreclosed upon - and like me, they either didn't have (reliable) family or were told by these people "I can't" or won't - or - more often than not, simply didn't want to burden anyone else or even know, out of embarrassment.

And never mind the amount of predatory people that come your way because they know you're in a vulnerable spot and powerless, like sharks smelling blood in the water - that's a whole other post.. 

And yet the spirit of humanity was there in full force with my "sisters" -- the spirit of God, if you will - despite the fact that yes, SOME of the women there had been addicts, mentally ill, or just out of prison (but were going to school or working, if they could),  versus those of us who fell like a house of cards during the recession - but anyone's circumstances didn't make any difference, every was equal and everyone looked out for everyone else.

So that's where I'm coming from in life - I've already experienced my own personal zombie apocalypse and survived 😂

But believe me when I say that I've seen people go through even way worse than me, and chronically.

But as a result of this experience, as well as devastating hurricanes in Florida, I've seen people  forget all about scapegoating this group or that group for problems, and instead, pull together and help each other - white, black, Latino, legal or illegal immigrants, Christian or not, Democrat or Republican - all of that crap goes by the wayside during a real emergency.

I can also tell you that the most valuable people to me, by my definition, have unfortunately NOT been my upstanding, rich, "strong" white Christian "friends," who arrogantly and falsely claim they have been blessed because they had more faith or were smarter, stronger, or lived a more righteous life - but who also have no mercy or kindness to spare others less fortunate or with less opportunity, just trying to survive - which Christ himself repeatedly advocated for. 

When you experience something like this, you have two choices: 

1)  Wallow in sorrow and trauma too long, until it becomes bitterness.

2)  Acknowledge your sorrow and injustice, feel it - because pretending it's not there will eventually bite you in the butt - BUT - also make up your mind that you will be the person that could've made a difference for you, with other people who have it even worse.

In that spirit, I highly recommend the film we watched after starting Squid Game 2 - "The Old Oak."

It is based on a true story, but more a conglomeration of true stories, about what happened in 2016 when Syrian refugees were moved to housing available in County Durham, England  - a former coal-mining town in Northeast England.

In fact, the lead actor, Dave Turner, playing the pub owner, is actually the County Dunham fire chief, but does an extraordinary job!

Without giving away too many spoilers (though there are a few), pub owner T.J. Ballantyne is the only pub owner in a dying community after mine disasters and mine closures, who views himself as an eff-up in life, as do other people, but they still frequent his pub because it's the only one left in town.

At this point, it's important to point out the differences between a UK pub and an American bar.

In America, you visit a bar to forget your worries (or avoid them) and have fun, even drown them.  

You drink, maybe dance, maybe find a hookup for the night.

At most, when you know you can't fully erase them, you then sit alone with your thoughts over a drink to calm nerves, or perhaps you talk one-on-one with the bartender about your troubles.

In the UK, however, a pub is a local place to commune, even remember - especially for the working and middle classes.

You openly discuss current events, the day's events, and sports events (the latter being similar to sports bars), take time to remember the good old days, and sometimes talk about your troubles to feel less alone.

You celebrate sports wins and life wins together, but can also commune in your sorrow, and in some pubs, sing songs in both in celebration or sorrow and remembrance, instead of sitting along nursing a drink in isolation and pushing everyone away (that is actually frowned upon in UK pubs, not to be social). 

In this case, the pub owner allows all of this at his pub and also volunteers his time for local charity services, which include providing housing, food, clothing, and furniture for the newly arrived Syrian refugees - which is where the trouble comes in.

The locals want their people first and blame the Syrian refugees for troubles, despite trouble already finding them a long time beforehand.

Without spoiling too much for you, we discover the reason why the pub owner is charitable with everyone despite his own problems - it's because his little dog, Marra, showed up as a stray the day he almost committed suicide. 

He doesn't necessarily believe in God, at least in the traditional sense, but he believed that something or someone sent that little dog to him on the right day and that he should spend his life paying that forward.

However, his pub mates - some of whom he went to high school with - aren't too pleased with this, and actually want to use the pub's back room to organize anti-immigration events, but he tells them he can't.

The Syrian refugees he has privately helped also ask to use the pub 's back to commune together, whom he also tells no.

Unfortunately, that same little dog is killed at the hands of the new untrained pitbulls that local youth have gotten out of fear of the Syrian refugees, but it's the Syrians he was kind to that came to sit with him in his grief, not the locals.

(That is not throwing shade at pitbulls - they can be the sweetest dogs ever - and it often depends on the owners and the training.)

He decides to open up the back room to feed everyone - locals and refugees alike.

But trouble is not gone, everyone is not holding hands and singing kumbaya - because if people are looking for trouble and someone to blame, they will certainly find it, even if they make it up or create it out of self-fulfilling prophecy (like getting the untrained pitbulls) I'll spare you the end, but that's the gist.

Now before you start, with your preconceived, politically-brainwashed notions of "wokeness," watch it first, then decide.

Because the film also gives the perspective of those left in the town after the mines closed, watching refugees get housing and food, while their own children are going hungry - which is a valid point.

However, that is the point of this movie - that these problems already existed long before refugees and immigrants arrived, and that some of their own parents had been immigrants and scapegoated for problems

And the truth is, everyday people have nothing to do with corporate decisions made to exploit workers and shut down plants or unsafe working conditions that result in disaster OR labor union bosses that decide to skim off the top - NOR is it the everyday person's fault that a war is going on in their country and they're just trying to survive.

Though there will always be a few bad apples in any group, domestic or foreign, it's important to focus on the angels in the room rather than the A-holes in any group, share and empathize with trouble and trauma, focus on solutions rather than blame - if nothing else to preserve your own sanity -  remember the good and leave the rest behind.

It's about how healing and recovery from disaster and hope itself can only be found by recognizing the similarities found from prior trauma, hunger, and powerlessness against the powers that be, and to stop scapegoating this group or that one for it, which are just as downtrodden as we feel, but are likely even less powerless than we are.

Also, I watched this movie the day after a former Texas-born U.S. Army veteran drove into crowds on Bourbon Street, right in front of one of my favorite historic hotels in my beloved New Orleans, as well as a former Green Beret blowing up a Tesla cybertruck in front of the Trump hotel and Casino in New Orleans, for very different reasons.

Interestingly, I had heard a former Army veteran coworker just a few days before this say "This is not the country I sacrificed for" ... and I have heard my former Army Ranger husband say the same.

They may both be saying this for two very different reasons and political perspectives, but the sentiment is exactly the same "This is not  the America I fought and almost sacrificed my life for."

This makes me very, very sad - how bad have things become in our country when veterans on both sides of politics are THIS disillusioned with the way that things are going in our country?

I don't know, but I know this much - the solution will NOT be found through getting bogged down in blame and scapegoating games, which only slows down the process for finding solutions.

Not that I know what the solution is, but I suspect is has something more to do with finding common ground and similarities, because blaming and scapegoating based on differences is only making things worse. 

Sure, we can reject and partially blame politicians and corporations for pushing such nonsense blame rhetoric - but in the end, it's us that keeps taking the bait and voting for it, isn't it?

Plus, bathing ourselves every day in what's wrong with this country or the world is not only nonproductive, but it's unhealthy for both the mental state and the soul. 

Trust me when I say I have led a life of powerlessness - and you learn to live with it.

You recognize much more quickly to focus on what you can control and accept that which you cannot much faster. 

It doesn't matter what you deserve or don't - and focusing on that will only bring bitterness.

And trust me when I say there are better people who deserve even more than ourselves, who are suffering more.

All you can do is try to make the world a better place in your own neck of the woods - and rest assured, it will NOT come by deciding who is the most deserving and scapegoating and blame - all that does is make you angrier and more bitter yourself.

Kindness and mercy will not always be easy.

Some people will not trust your kindness, thinking that you want something.

Some people will think you're naive or stupid.

Some people will take your kindness and giving them the benefit of the doubt and run away with it or  even abuse it. 

As Mother Teresa said - do it anyway - let them.

And as I will add to Mother Teresa's sayings, do it anyway and let them - because in the end, that's on their souls, not yours - you did the right thing.

That does NOT mean to be a martyr or a doormat - Christ said "Love your neighbor AS yourself," not MORE than yourself.

This is a verse which I misunderstood previously in life, believing silent sacrifice and letting others run wild over you and fabricating or twisting things to justify themselves, but that isn't what Christ meant.  

Because don't forget, he also called people out - not so much for himself, but because of the way they affected other people - but he also refused to hold onto bitterness about it (which is what forgiveness is really about - it's about your soul, not theirs).

It also does NOT mean to enable anyone's bad behavior and call it "forgiveness," nor to not ever say "No" -  because that's not "loving thy neighbor" actually - but if they are hungry, feed them.  If they need clothes, clothe them.  If they are stressed, listen - despite what you think they "deserve." 

For me personally, this is the hardest to keep doing when others aren't nice in return, aren't giving you the same benefit of the doubt you're giving them, and aren't trying to find the same common ground you are, writing you off as _____ to keep doing this anyway. 

I already gave up the idea and motivation to change hearts and minds with kindness a long time ago, because it's unlikely - so I just do it because it's the right thing to do - and because I enjoy it!

But it does become harder to when your kindness gets twisted, used, or abused, or not reciprocated.

However, if you start letting their behavior weigh you down, then you become just like them, right? 

So that is my New Year's resolution - I've already got the kindness and mercy part down in general, but to KEEP doing it, despite not receiving the same in return - because that is the only thing that I have the  power to do to combat this country's strife, the world's strife - find common ground and express kindness and mercy.

If they don't want it, don't trust it, twist it, refuse to reciprocate, or maybe don't even remember your kindness/mercy, in favor of focusing on their own theories about who you are or who people in general are?

Again, that's on their soul, not yours - you're only responsible for your actions and your soul 😊